Emmys 2014 Red Carpet

At the 2014 Emmy Awards, fashion took a wrong turn down a dark alley and then raided the dumpsters.

Worst red carpet ever.  Hollywood flew over the cuckoo’s nest and Nurse Ratched gave a fashion lobotomy to the stragglers.

The Emmy’s Red Carpet had way too much tulle and taffeta for grown adults.  Sarah Paulson, Lena Dunham, Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting and Melissa McCarthy (left to right or rather left to wrong) all channeled their inner fairy princesses and proved why you should never take anything Lindsay Lohan gives you, even if she swears it’s just a mint.

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Sarah Paulson, Lena Dunham, Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting and Melissa McCarthy in Fairy Princess Fails

The only one who successfully pulled off the ballerina princess look was Sarah Hyland in Christian Siriano.

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Sarah Hyland in Christian Siriano

Sadly, this is the best Melissa McCarthy has ever looked, but she seems unable to escape the bead-defecating Chico’s pigeon that usually dumps some sort of cheaply fabricated design element on her, this time the offending sparkle landed around the waist of her Marchesa skirt.  Somehow she still hasn’t explored jewelry as a shiny alternative.

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Marchesa (and I’m assuming heroin) did this to Christina Hendricks.

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Christina Hendricks in Marchesa

Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig should sit in the corner and think about what they did to one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood.

Mayim Bialik from Big Bang Theory said she wanted to look “hot and holy” at the Emmys this year.  Mayim is an Orthodox Jew and while I respect her wanting to be covered up for religious reasons, when I first saw this, I thought, “Holy crap, that’s one steaming pile of hideous electric blue lace.”

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Mayim Bialik in Oliver Tolentino

Co-star Melissa Rauch showed how to pull off brilliant blue that isn’t flaming fashion poo in her Pamella Roland gown:

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Melissa Rauch in Pamella Roland

Also in blue, Christine Baranski went for a deeper hue in this elegant caped Zac Posen dress:

Christine Baranski in ZacPosen

Christine Baranski in Zac Posen

Unfortunately Zac Posen was also responsible for Heidi Klum’s coral column creation.  Perhaps he didn’t want to be her date after all because you have to be trying to make Heidi Klum look this matronly.

Heidi Klum in Zac Posen

Heidi Klum in Zac Posen

Laura Prepon’s confusing Gustavo Cadile seemed like premeditated fashion assault, channeling one of Kim Basinger’s worst red carpet looks:

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While Kerry Washington looked like a Pinterest DIY Disaster in this ill-fitting Prada dress with sequin slip detail:

Kerry Washington in Prada

Kerry Washington in Prada

Kate Mara’s J. Mendal dress looked like a desperate tourniquet attempt to stop the crystal detailing from spreading:

Kate Mara in J. Mendal

Kate Mara in J. Mendal

The best of the embellished had to be Julia Roberts in Elie Saab.

Julia Roberts in Elie Saab

Julia Roberts in Elie Saab

Even though up close, the dress sort of looked like a negligee with Disco Viagra glued to it.

Julia Roberts Elie Saab Dress Detail

Julia Roberts Elie Saab Dress Detail

Sadly not everyone who suffered a fashion lobotomy fate even made it out of the straight jacket:

Michelle Monaghan in Giambattista Valli Couture

Michelle Monaghan in Giambattista Valli Couture

Although some of those who did just went with messy hair and apathy as their boldest accessories:

Kristen Wiig in Vera Wang

Kristen Wiig in Vera Wang

Picking the worst of the worst is not an easy feat in this year’s Suckfest of Fashion, but the break-away was probably Breaking Bad’s Betsy Brandt.  Her custom Alice and Olivia dress looked like an old Laura Ashley tablecloth with splattered Easter Egg dye and the styling was so clumsy, it was almost criminal.

Betsy Brandt in Alice and Olivia

Betsy Brandt in Alice and Olivia

Best dressed would have to go to Lizzy Caplan, totally fetch in a black Donna Karan Atelier gown with a halter top, on-trend cut-out sides and white train.  That’s right, I just made “fetch” happen.  And later I’m going to bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles.

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All in all, not a good year for Emmys fashion, though.

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7 thoughts on “Emmys 2014 Red Carpet”

  1. This is what happens when people start dressing for attention rather than the occassion.
    However, all was not lost – Christine Baranski looked good; Julia Roberts skirt needed to be a bit longer to ensure elegant lines for this event but I quite liked the fabric of her outfit. (Wondering why she’s drying her hairs out with bleach these days though.)
    Thanks for funny comments Lola. 🙂

    1. Sadly, bad clothing can be a good PR move for someone looking to up their profile. But so can a phenomenal outfit. The worst thing that ever happened to award shows was stylists because they’re looking to make a name for themselves, too.

      I agree, Julia Roberts’ skirt should have been longer. She is actually a natural blond. The lighter highlights hide the grays.

      I thought Christine Baranski looked fantastic. She is 62, recently lost her husband, I know she’s had some health issues and she blew almost everyone single starlet there out of the water. She has so much strength, grace and elegance, I have so much respect for her.

  2. Melissa Rauch basically proves the concept that petite women need to keep it simple: monochromatic and symmetrical. She could have worn a statement necklace – but she rocks the dress without it. Beautiful!
    Kate Mara could take lessons from her.

    1. Melissa was definitely one of the best dressed. If she did a statement necklace, she couldn’t have done the belt, it would have created too many visual tiers which she has to be mindful of given her height. She chose well with the earrings, they were quite beautiful without being distracting. Melissa tends to be drawn to sweetheart necklines which emphasize her bust, this dress was a perfect choice for her and complimented her overall beauty.

  3. What is it with award RC and fishtail and tulle gowns??!!!

    I personally believe Lena Durham was trolling whilst Sarah Paulson is merely clueless about fashion – a case of listening to her stylist rather than what looks good on them. Actually that goes for pretty much everyone.

    Christina wins the fashion parade for me simply because her girls weren’t jacked up and in my face as per usual. She wins on technicality alone.

    …..but I also side eye any actress who wears Marchesa. We all know what that is about….. 😉

    Heidi Klum, a self proclaimed Supermodel, should be always ashamed of her style. She dresses so badly for someone who modelled for so many years and is host of a fashion programme.

    1. My feeling is that stylists have ruined the red carpets. It’s become increasingly less about the client and more about creating a look that will get publicity. One of the major trends this year was strategically messy hair, minimal accessories, softer make-up, like you rolled out of bed, threw on a dress and came to the award shows. If you need a stylist to make you look like you don’t have a stylist, GAME OVER.

      I’m still shaking my head over Heidi Klum. She has such a phenomenal figure, that dress either is self-sabotage or Zac Posen was pulling a prank on her. Sadly, you don’t even need a background in fashion to see that dress didn’t work, I mean, her dogs probably knew that dress was a disaster.

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