British Royal Family Wants Change Back From Their 0 Fucks

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve come to conclude that the number of fucks given by the British Royal Family is precisely 0.

0 fucks about austerity measures in the UK.  0 fucks about demonstrating their value to the country they represent.  0 fucks about proving they are more than welfare recipients living in the largest most gilded trailers on the planet.

On June 15th, the most consistent of all 0 fuck-givers, Kate Middleton bagged on one of the monarchy’s most prestigious traditions, the Order of the Garter ceremony, presumably returning to the maternity leave for which she doesn’t work enough to qualify, to enjoy nannies, housekeepers and staff taking care of her stay-at-home duties so she can lounge in luxury and emerge occasionally for the warm loving embrace of LK Bennett sales.

The same day that Kate returned to her regularly scheduled pampered seclusion, Prince William gave 0 flying fucks about spending £16,000 ($25,173 in USD) on a roundtrip helicopter ride to the Magna Carta 800th Anniversary events, shaving a mere 50 minutes off each leg of the 90 minute drive.  A frequent giver of 0 fucks, Prince William is nine months into his training with East Anglian Air Ambulance and is expected to begin his new job as pilot in the spring that’s already passed. In response to outcries from the taxed masses, a Kensington Palace spokesperson indicated, “The Duke makes very careful decisions about transport plans and always seeks to travel in the most efficient and inexpensive way possible.”  Well, that makes sense, flying by helicopter is the most efficient and inexpensive travel option available these days, that’s why cars don’t exist anymore and even my flying monkeys take a Sikorsky any time they are forced to do my bidding.

On Saturday night, the Yorks gave 0 fucks about the hundred thousand or so protesting government austerity, spending cuts, and the stripping of public services and hosted a lavish belated Disney-themed birthday bash for 200 guests in honor of March baby Princess Eugenie at the Royal Lodge in Windsor where Prince Andrew enjoys royal rent-free housing benefits.  A seemingly fuck-depleted Princess Eugenie hired seven little people to be her Snow White costume accessories.  Her father, Prince Andrew, went as Prince Charming, giving 0 fucks that many women now will never again be able to refer to their beloved as their Prince Charming without throwing up a little in their mouths.  And the usually charming Prince Harry gave 0 fucks about the party’s Disney theme by showing up as Nintendo character, Super Mario.

One fuck was given on June 19th by Prince Philip who seemed unpleasantly surprised by the appearance of his ex-daughter-in-law, Sarah Ferguson at Ascot, but by virtue of the fuck being given by the unapologetic Duke of Edinburgh who gives no fucks on principal, it immediately vaporized into a noxious gas which was then blamed on the horses.

This week the Royal Household Annual Accounts was released.  As the rest of the nation faces austerity measures, Buckingham Palace is shielded from cuts to public spending under the terms of the Sovereign’s Grant which ensures that the amount the Queen receives can never be less than the year before.  In the past year, the Queen’s income from the Crown Estate rose from £36.1 million to more than £40 million.

Prince Charles’ expense report reveals he is paying £2.965 million (roughly $4.667 million in USD) in allowance to Princes William and Harry and Kate who combined undertook a mere 8 percent of the Royal Family’s official engagements for 2014 and will likely account for even less this year.  The lump sum allowance covers royal expenses such as staff, travel and wardrobe but doesn’t indicate what exactly the money was spent on and how much went to Kate and William who are attempting to live private lives while still reaping all the benefits of being royal.  It doesn’t make much sense for a woman who wants to be a stay-at-home mother and a helicopter pilot to have a full-time royal staff if they aren’t undertaking much in the way of royal duties.  Kate doesn’t need a royal wardrobe either to watch the royal nanny take care of her children, maybe she could auction off what she’s amassed to date for charity so at least those who accepted her as a royal patron could reap some benefit.  The Cambridges should also give up their royal protection which costs taxpayers undisclosed millions and their apartment in Kensington Palace which was renovated at taxpayer expense since regular housewives and helicopter pilots have no need for either.  It’s hardly “value for the money” if all William and Kate do is take.  Maybe if Kate and William had to live like everyone else in the UK, they might actually start giving a fuck and the UK might finally start seeing some change.



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40 thoughts on “British Royal Family Wants Change Back From Their 0 Fucks”

  1. Great post Lola; these folks only make changes if they are on their way out.

    And now we know why Andy and Sarah have no money – they spend it on shit like Disney parties for grown ups. Geez Eug just have a girl’s night at a strip club like everyone else! The last time I celebrated my birthday with my parents I was 11!

    1. Hi, Temi! Both Sarah and Andrew were always drawn to a lifestyle beyond their means. Eugenie technically celebrated her birthday with her parents twice. The first time was on her actual birthday, she went out to dinner with her sister and mother in NYC while her father serenaded her from London using an iPad. Eugenie was the responsible one out of the Yorks, now I see why Charles is so keen on streamlining the Yorks out of the monarchy.

    1. Boom! Lola you are right on. Tell it like it is. I really can’t believe that the BRF expects to continue this lifestyle for much longer. As Charles said once that he monarchy exists because the people allow it. So does that mean that the BRF will continue its lavish lifestyle until the people decide otherwise?
      Has any royal suggested that living less extravagantly might keep the royal family in business for a lot longer than what the current situation suggests. As it is now, many of the royals have become celebrities, sort of like Angelina and Brad (but not as good looking).

      1. Second thought…JMO, the celebrity comparison applies to the younger royals, the Yorks, the Cambridges and Harry. HM, Charles, Anne, Sophie seem to have a better understanding and commitment to service. It seems that Harry is the only younger royal who also serves his country. He seems to juggle service with celebrity quite well.

        I was dismayed to see the financial report lumped him together with Willy and Waity. Ick. They are biggest offenders due to their lack of interest in any kind of work at all. I actually can’t think of any celebrity as lazy and self serving as the Cambridges. They aren’t wise enough to limit their spending. Sure, daddy gives them money but they don’t have to spend it.

      1. It’s interesting how the UK is sandwiched in the “f” word. Kinda symbolic given the topic at hand.

  2. Loved, loved, loved this post. You’re absolutely spot on with William and Kate. If they want to be “normal” let them be “normal”. Give up your staff, your perks, your helicopters. Drive yourselves to what few engagements you actually do. Have Ma Midds move in permanently to help the helpless Kate wrangle her household. Kate probably walks around every day in her jeggings and striped tops trying to lure William into making Cambridge 3.0 while Ma feeds him cheese toast.

    I can understand a certain amount of money going into the upkeep of things like BP. It’s a national landmark for crying out loud and people do actually live there. What I don’t get is allowing two of the laziest people walking the face of this earth to spend millions renovating homes they don’t spend a lot of time in (KP) and letting them then dictate what they will and won’t do instead of kissing the backsides of the people who gave them this lifestyle and doing their freaking jobs.

    Okay, rant over. I’m beginning to wonder how long the monarchy will last. I think Charles will sit on the throne, but after that, I’m really beginning to see the end. George might want to apply for a job at Bucklebury Farms. He should know it pretty well by now from all the visits he’s made. By the time he hits his teens he could start working there and be running the place by the time he finishes school. How’s that for a “normal” life? It should make his parents proud!

    1. Buckingham Palace is a pressing issue that needs to be dealt with… I heard that part of one of the ceilings came down this past week. Of course, I take that bit of gossip with a grain of salt since word about the ceiling coincided with the release of the financial report. Buckingham Palace needs an estimated £150million worth of repairs. Last year, approximately £3.8million of the Sovereign’s Grant was spent on the backlog of work needed at the royal residences. It’s unknown where the extra funding will be coming from for the urgently needed repairs at Buckingham Palace.

      1. Considering BP isn’t owned by the Sovereign but by the people I don’t see it a major deal that taxpayers would have to upkeep the place, though I would hope the Queen would contribute–but she won’t. Were Charles king, I think he would contribute to fix things up, but he doesn’t seem as miserly as HM. Also, his idea of opening up BP year-round to raise the necessary funds is something that should be done now, not keeping it open July through September. We’re going in September, and I’m excited to see BP, but why not have it open all year lest there is some sort of official stuff going on like a state dinner, blah-blah?

        1. The Royal Family is responsible for maintaining the palaces. But it’s not really that simple, there’s a whole huge complicated backstory to do with the Sovereign’s Grant, the Household Reserve, past prime ministers and a whole lot of political finger-pointing that goes back to the days of Thatcher but ultimately, there are historic buildings which are starting to crumble and it’s going to have to be sorted out before it’s too late. The way the Sovereign’s Grant is currently structured, there isn’t enough in it to pay such a large lump sum for the work that needs to be done, taxpayers who are bristling about spending cuts and stripped publics services won’t want to allocate an extra £150,000,000 to repairs but on the reverse side, Buckingham Palace is strongly tied to the nation’s identity and no one wants to lose it. Several years ago, the British Royal Family floated the idea of maybe giving up Buckingham Palace because they knew it was a giant money pit but it didn’t go over well. It kinda makes me wonder if the 2002 Buckingham Palace fire was really an accident or if the Royal Family just misjudged the need for an accelerant.

          1. Ah, I was under the impression they weren’t. At least not for BP or Windsor, as they are in trust for the nation, basically. Thanks! I wonder if they can do work gradually. I assume the problem is HM putting her head in the sand, as usual, and ignoring things until they get so bad it’s this giant problem.

            1. Unfortunately leaking roofs, crumbling plaster and rotting wood don’t often learn the error of their ways on their own (neither do most members of her family, it’s a flawed approach). From what I’ve read, there’s immediate need for this work, they’re trying to figure out the best way to manage it, Her Majesty might need to temporarily relocate. Of course, grains of salt are needed, the parties involved are the British Royal Family, politicians and contractors, the Top Three in terms of Untrustworthiness. Buckingham Palace was reportedly about to be reduced to a pile of dust if anyone sneezed too hard a year and a half ago. This is also a huge expense, it could be exaggerated in case additional funding is needed from elsewhere.

  3. ” Kate probably walks around every day in her jeggings and striped tops trying to lure William into making Cambridge 3.0 while Ma feeds him cheese toast.”

    Thanks for the visual, Lisa. I’ll be laughing all day!

  4. This is a link to Prince Charles’s annual review for 2015. The review states that it covers the activities of Charles and Camilla and also includes financial data for William, Kate and Harry. Scanning the review, I saw several “on-the-job” photos of Charles and Camilla as well as some of the Queen, William and Harry. There is even a lovely photo of Charles with Angelina Jolie at an event. There are no photos of Kate.
    I would like to add that I believe that Charles has a strong sense of duty and that he and Camilla do give back.

    1. First, I am glad I’m not British. Second, reduction of expenditures are necessary. Third, let it begin with Willy and Waity.

      The report really is beautifully done. I wonder how much it cost. Just joking. Some things might appear frivolous like entertaining but a certain standard is necessary with heads of state, etc. I remember when Jimmy Carter served bar-b-que in the rose garden to visiting dignitaries. How embarrassing.
      However, I question the frequent use of helicopters, redecoration, clothing, vacations. Ordinary people cut these types of things all the time to make ends meet.

      I’m just a foreigner but I have to see Willy and Waity on magazines and E! tv so…I feel entitled to comment on their uselessness.

      1. We’re likely to continue to see more of Will and Kate in magazines and E! It was reported that yesterday they had tea with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at KP. In recognition of her humanitarian work, Angelina was made an Honorary Dame Commander at Buckingham Palace last October and had a private audience with the Queen – both appropriately attired in below the knee dresses for the occasion.

    2. I’ve always thought favorably of Charles and have come to appreciate Camila but I’m starting to wonder how Charles will be as head of state when he seems to struggle with being the head of his own family. The extent to which William and Kate have been permitted to act so disrespectfully towards the monarchy reflects poorly on Charles in my opinion. Charles is very aware his window is closing and his reign will be short, I feel he should be doing more to ensure the monarchy will endure for future generations.

  5. The BRF also gives 0 fucks about accountability.

    Your post is so spot on it makes me weep. The BRF gives 0 fucks about anyone but themselves. Period. The only worthy headline anytime, anywhere.


    As adored as QEII is, she simply cannot control her oversized family. It’s time for Charles to really step in and take over.
    The yorks have to go. There isn’t a place for them.

    As for bill and kate midd – they are going to normalize themselves out of the top prize. I don’t understand it. She climbed and hung on, all for what? Wallis simpson 2.0 minus the fab jewels – hasn’t figured out that there are no guarantees in life.
    They are going to be in for a rude awakening someday. Both are lazy, unprofessional, and increasingly unpopular.

    The only ones, who have any sense at all are charles, camilla, harry, anne, ed, and sophie.

    1. Loved the gif!

      Kate is normaling herself out of the future she waited over a decade for and she seems intent on doing it in the most boring manner possible, sitting around in her beige clothes on her beige couch in her beige house, bloody hell does she not realize there are other neutrals out there? My personal favorite neutral is diamonds, they go with everything. Wallis Simpson had few redeeming qualities but by God that woman had some fabulous jewels. Kate has a ring people still refer to as Diana’s engagement ring, she is merely a display stand for a sapphire representing one of the most miserable marriages in history, and other than that, she only owns some tiny over-priced semi-precious stones plus her wedding gift from Charles… oh, and the emeralds she wore once at the Met, I wouldn’t kick those out of bed. I weep for the future of Her Majesty’s jewels.

      1. Kate’s best jewels came from Charles. The Ring and her diamond bracelet/earrings were bought by Charles. William, cheap as he is, hasn’t bothered to buy her anything of significance.

        You are so right, Kate is beige, beige, beige. Boooring. If she goes, she’ll go with a whimper. At least Fergie went out with a BOOM! Kate doesn’t dare be anything but a doormat.

      2. The narcissism gene runs strong in Kate and her family, they are all so full of themselves. It’s absurd. When in reality, they aren’t spectacular and vivacious, merely plain, old, and average.
        Allegedly, ma midd and pippa are fairly arrogant when dealing with the plebs “below” them. How obnoxious!

        I doubt she’ll make it far enough for HM’s jewels. William will either divorce her or parliament will toss them off.
        (Harry needs to marry well, perhaps a lady similar to queen maxima.)

        As for Diana’s sapphire, has waity ever taken it off? I would place a serious wager on, no! (Could will have given her a copy, he is known for being cheap.)
        Still feel bad for harry that his brother stole the engagement ring and took his mother’s name.

      3. “oh, and the emeralds she wore once at the Met, I wouldn’t kick those out of bed.”

        I wouldn’t kick them out of bed, but I would redesign them. They were kind of an ugly design.

        1. If they were going to be one of my main demi-parures, I’d rework them, too. The British Royal Family has a long history of using stones from existing jewelry to create some exceptional pieces. Queen Mary, was always getting creative with gems. Unfortunately Queen Elizabeth didn’t quite inherit her grandmother’s talents as evidenced by the Burmese Ruby Tiara. Someone mentioned to me once that Camilla is skilled at reworking gems, I’ve always meant to dig a little deeper on that subject, I’m not that familiar with her pieces.

          1. Ah, thanks for the heads up, I didn’t remember reading anything about the earrings and their origin. Was a necklace given at the same time?

            1. Kate’s only worn it once, just the earrings and bracelet. I’m assuming it’s a demi-parure (a demi-parure is a set of two matching pieces) just going by the size of the chandelier earrings, but it is possible Kate was gifted a parure and there’s a necklace that still hasn’t been worn yet.

        1. I wonder why she wore that blue dress with emerald earrings. It looked SO ridiculous (in NY). /random

            1. Looked like to me she got dressed in a dark closet, but it sounds like something dumb Waity would think.

    2. Spot on, Love Lola.

      The Yorks are still relevant. Much respect for POW and DOC who work just as hard as HM DOE, but there are no guarantees POW will outlive HM (as King and the strong protector of the Monarchy) or could pass on to his younger siblings (removing lazy William middleton the Weak Line). HM heirs are Prince Andrew (and or Edward).

      I see lazy Will (waity w/carol middleton) real intention is to ruin the monarch _as lazy, lack tradition duties (0 fuck to the people), unprofessional disrespect HM RF while taking all the perks, wealth from tax payers- increasing security (x3 buckleberry), renovations, staff expense (for non working royal/ stay at home private family); for lazy WIl middleton the Weak, this will push people in favor to end the Monarchy.

      1. If Prince Charles were to pass away before the Queen, the next in line would be William. The only way to bypass William and Kate would be if William abdicated, but I doubt he would because he enjoys the royal perks too much. If William were to abdicate before Prince George turned 18, then it would be up to Parliament to decide the next successor. Most likely George. Charlotte and any future children would be removed from the line of succession and then Harry and his future children would head to the front of the line for the throne. If the Queen, Charles and William were to pass before George turned 18, then Harry would be regent. Unless of course, the British Royal Family had a situation going like on E!’s “The Royals” and the Queen and Prince Charles were gone and Princes William and Harry were proven to be illegitimate, then Prince Andrew would be next in line.

        With the state of the British Royal Family as it is now with the bulk of the work being done by those long past retirement age, Will and Kate not wanting to pull their weight and Harry in career transition, they do need Princess Beatrice to represent the younger generation. She excels at Princessing (royal engagements are pretty much the only thing she does well) but does not have a future as a representative of the Royal Family as Charles has made it clear he doesn’t envision the Yorks being part of the streamlined monarchy.

    3. Spot on, Love Lola.

      …The Yorks are still relevant. Much respect for POW and DOC who work just as hard as HM DOE, but there are no guarantees POW will outlive HM (as King and the strong protector of the Monarchy) or could pass on to his younger siblings (removing lazy William middleton the Weak Line). HM heir/s incl Prince Andrew (and or Edward).

      I see lazy Will (waity w/carol middleton) real intention is to ruin the monarch _as lazy, lack tradition duties (0 fuck to the people), unprofessional disrespect HM RF while taking all the perks, wealth from tax payers- increasing security (x3 w/Buckleberry ), renovations, staff expense (to non working / stay at home private family). To lazy WiIl middleton the Weak, this will push people in favor to end the Monarchy.

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