Kate Orders a Code Grey

On Pi  Day, Kate Middleton finally hit double digits in her annual engagement tally at the Commonwealth Day services at Westminster Abbey.


Kate decided to celebrate the union of  the Commonwealth’s 53 countries with the ugliest effing coat I’ve ever seen, disease-afflicted dove grey with a mourning veil melted to it in a nuclear fashion disaster, left dabbing its eyes at the graveside of Erdem which made the bespoke coat.  That’s right, you can’t just buy a coat this hideous, you actually have to have it custom made.  In law, that’s known as premeditation.  In fashion, that’s known as stupid.  And, like all  of Kate’s bespoke, it was poorly tailored.   The Daily Mail has all the gruesome photos.


The hat is John Boyd who was one of Princess Diana’s favorite milliners.  Grey Rupert Sanderson suede shoes and a grey Emmy London clutch were also used to execute the Code Grey.  Kate was really reaching back  into the 80s for inspiration.


Kate Middleton has not only put a hit out on fashion, she hired Buffalo Bill who now apparently works at Erdem to skin it and make her a coat out of its corpse.  It rubs the  lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

The fact that Kate hasn’t been arrested yet for ordering this Code Grey on fashion makes me think the Fashion Police might not be an actual division of law enforcement.

There’s no way Kate would hold up under sartorial cross examination.  Suri Cruise could get Kate to blurt out:

“You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me in bad bespoke, you need me in bad bespoke. We use words like wiglet, clutch, court shoes. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent desperately trying to avoid work and spend our time shopping. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a public that rises and sleeps to provide the very fashion I mock them with and then questions the manner in which I wear it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a credit card and start shopping. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.”


Kate: “I did the job I…”


Kate: “You’re Goddamn right I did!”

I rest my case.


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81 thoughts on “Kate Orders a Code Grey”

  1. Thought of you Lola when I saw this article and hoped we would get your insights YAY The word the comes to mind is “fugly” – which was a slip of the tongue of a friend many moons ago – she meant to say f*cking ugly but somehow “fugly” was the result – so I added it to my vocabulary As usual a bespoke coat that does not fit properly – and from a few seasons ago so no one can copy – WHO WOULD WANT TO

    1. Awww, thanks! The coat is certainly fugly. Erdem also made that hideous floral dress Kate wore to 100 Women in Hedge Funds. Maybe they’re trying to scare her away from the brand so it won’t face the same kind of struggles of other Kate-favored designers like Alice Temperley.

    2. As usual a hilarious and true dat post. Honestly, if she worries that the little people are going to ‘copy’ her fashion I think she can rest easy on that little issue. Not happening. And I’m thinking what size is it if it’s **tight** on her? I suspect and have for quite some time that in her mind mega bucks = haute couture. (little side note, when I googled haute couture to make at least an attempt to sound intelligent I found out that **haute couture is a protected name that may not be used except by firms that meet certain well-defined standards**) The designer of this hideous ridiculous outlandish creation I would hope is never ever allowed to use this term. It’s like the stuff that really really thin models wear on the runway, and that no real person would wear. I’ve seen some real doozies in my time but not on a live person and in public. Just on the runway shows. Suri, your expression is perfect and code grey indeed.
      Code grey indeed.

    1. Nothing redeeming about it at all – best it cost a fortune – what a waste of money – doubt this will get a second outing although Carole or Pippa may give it a go in a few years

      1. A bespoke comparison was shown on Royal Gossip that cost 3,000-odd (close to 4,000) pounds. Far out – I could buy a new lounge suite, front loader washing machine AND an automatic espresso maker for that kind of money!

        1. To me it’s such a waste because she pays for these custom coats that are ill-fitting because she can’t be bothered with the fittings. I can’t imagine spending thousands on a coat like that, it’s certainly one that’s not going to get a lot of wear.

      2. I was musing that Carole must have talked her into it so she could wear it because I can’t imagine the style appealing to anyone under 50, however it was too tight on Kate, I can’t imagine it fitting either Carole or Pippa. The hat is totally Carole though. Princess Diana had several that were similar.

        1. I’m over 50 and I wouldn’t touch it with a million foot pole. It’s a monstrosity, an aberration, an insult to the eyes, and should be a felony. The horror! The horror! It’s the Dorian Gray of outfits.

          The hat reminds me of Camilla’s but in Waity’s case it smothers her face. I’d like to smother that entire ensemble.

          Fabulously amusing post as always!

        2. Huh…if Carole is behind this I wonder if she suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. ..if she does my heart goes out to Waity and sibs…that can involve pretty miserable abuse.

        3. Lola I’m 55 and I would never wear that hideously fugly monstrosity. Maybe Kate thought maybe it was April fools day? Or Pippa told her wearing it would prove how fashion forward or daring she’d be?

          1. Maybe Our Fair Waity has a dream that one day all men and women will be dressed in upholstery fabric. I assume Erdem needle-punched it to allow sweat to escape. That coat was probably heavier than Batman’s costume.

            1. Even though I personally liked Kate’s look, I’m amazed she can function in such heavy clothing.

  2. In view of the supposed long game the BRF focus on, Is she trying to prove her thriftiness by buying these outfits because she’ll keep them for years, and wants them to suit the 50, the 60 etc year old Kate? Either that or she intends to pass them on to Carole. Why else would she constantly choose such ageing outfits?!

      1. Lola , and that is because she doesn’t work, imagine what it would cost if she did work! Double or triple that!!!

  3. Does she even look in the mirror when she’s about to leave the palace?!?!? Who in their right mind would be caught dead in this upholstery dress???

    1. Kate’s body language suggests she thought she looked hot in it. Maybe Kate has magic mirrors. I have a skinny mirror that’s almost Disney-grade magic.

  4. At first glance, I liked the hat but thought the coat looked too heavy. On reflection I now hate everything about the outfit – the shade of the hat does not match any of the grey of the coat; and the coat still looks heavy … it just looks wrong. I don’t get the ‘ill fitted’ comments people have said (particularly in the arms), but there you go. Also, she looked a little over-dressed compared to everyone else.

      1. Yes in the chest area – she is not Kim K who will never fit into a coat like that – so no excuse for it not to fit

    1. It’s an overwrought look. Heavy hat, heavy coat fabric, thick collar up to her neck. I am choking for air just by looking at her attire.

  5. You make an excellent case for her immediate arrest by the fashion police! There are no mitigating factors for that outfit whatsoever! It’s totally 50 shades of effing fugly!
    At this new low point in Kate’s alleged fashion icon status she could even up her game by hiring Heidi Klums Oscars stylist!

  6. Spectacularly ugly coat. The hat is something I want to like but find myself hating; it doesn’t help that there was one photo from behind which looked like Kate had a cheap wig clipped onto the back of the hat. I thought Kate looked truly ridiculous, and I wondered once again how she manages to select the worst items from every fashion collection. That might be a skill in itself.

  7. Also, Kate has, in the past few months, consistently worn outfits with poor tailoring/bad gapping in her rib cage area, which makes me think she’s using pre-pregnancy measurements for her bespoke tailoring. The rib cage can expand and never go back, and while it might be very close to what it was before, it can be just off enough to show in closely tailored garments.

    Just a thought.

    1. It’s possible. I’m not sure why Kate gets these coats tailored so they’re so tight, they’re like a straight jacket. We get it, she’s skinny, I am happy to sign something stipulating to that effect so she can wear a coat that isn’t so tight, the buttons will become projectiles if she sneezes.

      1. *sigh*
        At first, from a distance, Kate looked good…
        But I’m not sure what I dislike more about that coat, is it the fact it seems to be made from carpet or the terrible tailoring?
        Yes, I agree Lola, we know Kate is skinny but I’m not interested in seeing the outline of her bones as well as not interested in seeing her private parts. So stop with the tight clothing Kate! I wish Kate would turn up to her fittings when she orders bespoke clothing as the clothing would look better and therefore be more worth the high cost.
        This does look very similar to an outfit Carole wore to one of the kid’s christening, so did Carole pick this outfit or was Kate trying to channel her Mum?

  8. Hi guys – seems fugly is word of the day – 🙂 my friend Tricia will be impressed 🙂 it goes back to the 1980’s

  9. The warping of the lines over her concave breasts makes the coat look too tight across her chest and too big overall.

    This is the modest mattress – covered from head to knees with no sign of boob or ass or worse – maybe that explains why the coat looked so funny, her boob was trying to escape!!

    Beyond what she wore – she looked like she’d rather be somewhere else. Maybe William should leave the furniture at home next time?

  10. The coat reminded me of graph paper that had some random ink blots. Perhaps this is a sartorial cry for psychiatric help???

  11. First of all, I love the hat if only because I hate the ones she normally wears.

    I hate the coat. It is beyond ugly and doesn’t fit properly. I am beginning to wonder if this is a combination of old measurements and not allowing for anything under the coat. If she had a fitting, which is questionable, and the coat was fitted as a true coat dress which would mean you don’t wear anything except maybe a slip underneath it would be tailored closer to the body than a regular outerwear coat. Then Kate decides to wear a dress under the coat. There is no room for the dress and the result is the sleeves are too tight and the buttons are pulling.

    I thought it was interesting that Lola brought in the 1980’s. The more I look at the pictures, I go back a little further in time. I see big collar buttoned high, lace, long hair, dangly earrings, big hat, no neck – I see King Charles I.

  12. Oh, dear. I loved the whole look! I also liked the Erdem dress with the ruffle. I was born around the time Diana was, so I loved the 80’s!!

      1. OMG, I’d forgotten all about the shoulder pads. Yes, I loved them at the time, too. As a teen in the 70’s and a young working woman in the 80’s, I was a fashion mess. You should have seen my big hair, huge bows, shoulder pads, and beige hose. I dressed just like Marcy Darcy on “Married with Children.” LOL I guess that is why I like most of what Kate wears – it causes nostalgia.

  13. “Disease-afflicted dove grey with a mourning veil melted to it in a nuclear fashion disaster”–you nailed it, Lola! The soot grey “mourning veil” just made the whole outfit look especially grimy, like Kate is in need of a good power wash.

  14. Darling Lola! I did a double take as I thought the boyz brought Carol along and left Kate with the Nanny… do we have a side by side of mummy at the wedding and this mess?

    p.s. I got my miracle : )

  15. Is this how a Limpet signals availability, by wearing literally all Fifty Shades of Grey?

  16. Lola
    Have been ready your blog for awhile now. Love your writing. This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read! Has me laughing out loud throughout. Thanks

  17. Is it *possible* the ill fitting clothes are some sort of strategy, PR or otherwise? To communicate a frumpy image that won’t overshadow the senior royals or to make Kate seem more “normal”? I’m desperately trying to answer why anyone with their resources would wear ill fitting, schlumpy clothing! Prince Harry’s old blue suit that wasn’t tailored correctly also springs to mind. It’s never *truly* terrible, but just off enough to look bad. This could be a calculated move from the palace in order to separate them from a “celebrity” style image. But if wearing fugly clothing is a job requirement, I’d pass in a hot minute! No thanks babe.

  18. The coat is a Fail but I actually quite like the hat – it’s a vast improvement on those ditzy 1980’s fascinator things she usually plonks on her head. She has perfected the Crotch Clutch/Display The Ring pose.

  19. Oh Lola….i come to alert you to another PR blunder. Tonight on TV. The twit gave an interview that was so messy that I don’t even know where to start. He was supposed to be launching his big anti-poaching initiative, but instead refused to answer questions, spoke of George as a future bum in Africa, his manner throughout the interview was very arrogant and entitled – his body language was really off, but THEN topped off the interview by endorsing trophy hunts in Africa.

    Guess what the front pages for tomorrow morning are leading with?! You guessed it – the trophy hunting quote.

    The comment section of the DM is nuclear right now. Every news website that is carrying this story and comes with a comments section is full of angry comments. His message about poaching is completely buried under this mess of an interview, particularly the hunting.

    How dim do you have to be to endorse trophy hunting to a nation of animal lovers like the British?

    1. Yeah…I read the dm…kates coat us going to get buried by this PR wreck…I can’t imagine e why Jason was not off on the sidelines during the interview ready to step in. This tells me Jadon may be on his way out and the twit is flying solo on his own idea of PR. What -A-Ass. His premise that controlled (trophy killing old animals) funds animal preservation is crap. He also alludes to poaching funding terror groups but could not elaborate…what a prat. Like he us in on some big secret…He is so arrogant, how kate deals with him is a mystery. Negative public opinion is part of the job…no comment on lack of work done by him and Waity. Just stunning…where is Charlesssss…he appears to be in hiding..WTH. Harry seems to be keeping s low profile as well…showed up with the 2 but the press is not going after him.

      1. It was the disconnect between his explaining that old and sick animals should be trophy hunted and in the next breath William says it was wrong to hunt Cecil the lion, an animal who fell in the sick or old category that he thinks should be hunted.

        And even if he didn’t connect those dots, he should be aware that it was trophy hunters who targeted and hunted Cecil.

        As of now, the DM has toned down the inflammatory headline, but the daily beast and the guardian have written articles about this.

        1. Surely William is just baiting everyone now? The more criticism he gets, the worse his behaviour and statements. He appears more unstable and arrogant each time he steps out. Kate appears increasingly uneasy; she seems eager to please him in public, not be the subject of his ire later behind closed doors.

        2. It’s funny that they mention Cecil because I rememer when the poaching story first broke and a lot of people (myself included) really thought it could be an easy opportunity for William to actually DO something. Make a stand. Be important… and relevant. Instead, he brings it up now in what has got to be the stupidest remark to make during an anti-poaching speech. I have to believe Jason was let go prior to this blunder, it’s the only way this all makes sense.

          In any case, I think he’s become aggressively nasty in his personal life lately as a result. It shows, as you say Hera Zeus, in his demeanor and body language. And I think we are seeing his reaction to all of the recent negative press: William’s rage. Facing a storm that is the tide turning, he is having to reckon with the reality that he is no longer the Golden Prince, and further that he is going to have to change his behavior or else continue to be hounded.

          I think you’re on to something, Kitty: he’s unstable and probably taking his frustrations out on an increasingly worn out Kate. Since, for her part, I thought she looked miserable today.

          It’s sad, to be sure, but William is long overdue for a reckoning. If he is mature enough, it could be good for him.

      2. I am still very, as in verrry angry at the dentist who shot Cecil and if I didn’t loathe Bill Middleton enough before, now I think that he might look quite nice on someone’s bloody wall.(Not saying that anyone should shoot his worthless hide, just stick him on a stool, cut a hole in the wall, and oh wait, Carole already has his parts in her pocket and he is a trophy, so all that needs to be done is to get him the stool, knock the hole in the wall, and feed him cheese toast .) How dare he, oh now I’m sputtering. What an arrogant, ignorant, flat out jerk!!

  20. Lola did you catch that Ma Midd was at the ski resort..supposedly matchmaking Georges Godfather whose suddenly divorced. I also caught some press about ma and pa midd are definatly seperated, which would explain a little why she is living with Waity and Workshy…I think it’s great if Mike middleton threw the meddler out, serves her right.

    1. I heard that Carole moving in with Kate to be royal by association is the reason for the marital issues. Carole became consumed by royal life when Kate got married and thought of herself as the most royal royal who ever royaled, lapping up every aspect of her daughter’s life. Mike thought Carole just had to get it out of her system and was patient at first but started getting annoyed Carole had ditched her old life which included him. Supposedly not long after George was born, Mike started realizing what he wanted didn’t seem to matter at all with Carole and that’s when the marriage really hit the skids.

      1. I missed all this. Is it true? It wouldn’t surprise me; people have called Carole out for years. I think Carole manages to coo at the adult spoiled children, ever the enabler.

        1. At Marlborough, Kate was called a Mummy’s Girl because of what students observed felt was an unusual reliance on her mother. That’s even after Pippa was enrolled. It appears that Carole has continued to encourage Kate to be totally reliant on her, Carole even runs Kate’s household. It really doesn’t sound healthy at all. From what the woman who reached out to me said, it appears Kate identities so closely with the role of child that it effects her being a mother, she said Kate couldn’t be bothered with George (this was before Charlotte) and spends very little time with him.

          1. I’ve often thought Kate exudes a clueless detachment when it comes to her children. I guess it’s easier to hide it when hidden away in deepest Norfolk and where ongoing parental interactions are not observed. Easier too, to excuse given the twisted English aristocratic take on outsourcing the parent thing. The dumb statements about her children indicates she has little to do with their development or possesses any observational knowledge of how kids actually function. Whether Kate is unraveling, who knows, but in her head (and sometimes in her dress) she seems to be channeling her 20’s – in her case, ‘the lost years’.

            As for ‘The Mother’: eww. So many people have called Carole’s number. I am not surprised that her own marriage may be in a bad place. The whole family is pretty f**ked, despite the ‘happy families’ BS pushed at every opportunity. Should divorce ensue, I doubt the BRF will be anything but relieved. But what to do about Carole? If W+K can only be held together by her ‘mothering’, surely it’s best to call it quits sooner than later. The whole relationship was built on aspiration to status (her) and availability/mindless adoration (him).

            1. Right on, Kitty. You said what I couldn’t put into words. This is one sick family in my opinion and Carole is perfectly summed up in your word eww. I wonder what will happen when Charles is in charge?
              Interesting that Kate thought that people would buy into her wanting to spend time with her children rather than hand out shamrocks. Jason is really grasping at straws and I think that a lot of times he’s not even able to grasp a straw, just stale dead air, if that makes sense.
              Kate has been used since the beginning of her life and has not been allowed to develop confidence in herself, so it was easy for the horror to take over with her children. New mothers tend to be nervous and hormones don’t help so she was a sitting duck. Vulnerable to thinking that she wasn’t competent and allowing herself to be shoved aside by that steam rolling horrible vile nasty wicked selfish evil greedy manipulative conniving social climbing …well, you know eww.

  21. Is there any proof they have separated or even any gossip articles related to this fact? I have womdered where Michael disappeared to for some time now.

    1. Here’s Celebitchy commenting on the DM article saying the marriage was rocky which has mysteriously disappeared:

      The anonymous woman who I believe was a disgruntled staffer (she didn’t identify herself as such but it was pretty obvious) who reached out to me indicated that Carole was an ever-present fixture and made a point to note that Carole appeared to have nothing to do with Party Pieces or her home life and was unbearable ordering around the staff with no idea how a royal household was run. I regret in hindsight not making a print-out, I was so concerned she was going to get in trouble for revealing what was going on, I scrubbed all trace of her communications and held onto the info until I figured there was likely enough turn-over it would be less obvious who it was. I was picturing her drunk on wine reaching out to a blogger critical of Kate in the middle of the night needing to vent to someone. My humanity instinctively kicked in, proof I’d never make it as a journalist.

      1. Your humanity is awesome, Lola and so is your integrity. Please don’t trade that in for anything, ever 🙂 Stay true to yourself. I think I can speak for others here, we love you just the way you are!

  22. I really cannot comprehend her bespoke pieces where she turns modern fashion into something a grandmother would wear. Why bother going to a certain designer and then paying more to turn something unique into a bland ill-fitted disaster.
    On the plus side she has wasted away to the point that Liz will soon be able to replace her with a hardworking ornamental floor lamp without anyone noticing the change.

    1. I couldn’t understand either how these bespoke pieces custom-made for her fit her so poorly. A while back, KateMiddletonReview had indicated in the comment section (might have been the Remembrance Day one) that Kate doesn’t bother to do the fittings. That’s just a whole new level of lazy, she can’t even be bothered to go and try on garments being custom-constructed for her at a cost of thousands of pounds per item.

      1. The worst case of ruining a design was the green Catherine Walker number she wore in Oz. The original was young and fun although I doubt Waitherine could have gotten away with it for official duties. Instead of just finding a green coat she had it turned into a bespoke piece. I hope her McQueen clutches are freebies to match her bespoke pieces as she is an idiot if she has been paying to change the signature skull clasps when cheaper ready made options are available. Then again she is the same woman who had someone with the technical skill of Sarah Burton create that ill fitting monstrosity of a reception dress that looks like it was purchased from the prom section of Wet Seal. Charles should just buy up every auctions piece of Diana’s wadrobe and give it to Single White Kate. Not only would it save him money in the lo run but trying all the pieces on could keep Carole and James busy for ages.

        1. OMG, that’s so freaking funny. I was trying to remember “Wet Seal” a few weeks back to describe something else of Kate’s and blanked on the name so thanks for that, it was totally bugging me.

    2. Not **this** grandmother. (bespoke pieces where she turns modern fashion into something a grandmother would wear)
      Great to see you here Kiki and your humor is great. An ornamental floor lamp and no need for battery packs! Truly a money saver for the ‘firm’.

  23. You know Lola, it could be her weight so fluctuates, she is not easy to fit, may-be she really is preggers again. Personally, I thought it was the ugliest coat I have ever seen. Also, grays, greens, pale blue, they make hazel eyes pop!!

  24. That is without doubt, the ugliest coat I have ever seen – and considering some of Waity’s coats, that is saying something. I was shocked John Boyd is still around, making hats – I thought he was getting “up there” in age when designing the young Diana’s hats in the early 80’s. Needless to say, this grey monstrosity doesn’t hold a candle to the beautiful cantaloupe-colored going-away hat he created for Diana for the carriage ride to the train station on her wedding day, which was so dashing that thirty-five years later, I still recall it as one of the most gorgeous hats I have ever seen in my life. (That whole outfit was stunning – much better than her actual wedding gown, IMO.) But the coat is even worse. Erdem must have thought his name was really spelled, “merde”, cause that is exactly what this coat looks like!
    Love your writing, Lola; you are talented and a true wordsmith.

    1. Thanks, The Mitford Girl! Like Her Majesty, this is John Boyd’s 90th year on this planet, with his golden years and legacy marred by a work-shy bouncing wiglet on a stick. The hat is a 1980s style which was inspired by the hats of the 1940s. While I think Kate should back away from the fascinators and embrace hats more, this felt UFO wasn’t the best of starts in by book. But at least it mostly concealed Kate’s Sharpie brows, she went a bit black marker mad again.

    1. I would go with whichever you look best doing. I am a very ugly cryer, I look like I got hit in the face with a chair. My dog ignores me when I cry, usually he turns his head the other way, he’s all, “I don’t know who released the Kraken, but put it away, please.”

  25. I have two ( count ’em 2) Australian Shepherds in black tan and white. They also are quite demanding . Mommy needs full dress war paint maquillage avant quittant la maison! tears plus vomit equals um nope! You look no where good enough to leave this house with us

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