Day 5 – India and Bhutan Tour

The fifth day of Prince William and Kate’s Royal Tour was spent in Bhutan, a Buddhist country in the Himalayas with a national happiness index and some pretty chilled out porkers with the munchies.  Marijuana grows in such abundance there, it’s fed to pigs.  Truly the happiest place on Earth.  Your move, Disney.

The Cambridges were met by the King of Bhutan’s sister, Chhimi Yangzom, and her husband at the airport.

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Kate quickly ditched her Emilia Wickstead coat under which she was wearing her first Tory Burch dress of the day which had its debut at a 2014 Place2Be conference.  The Times of India described it as, “a subtle nod to the Indian art”.

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Kate changed into a Paul and Joe top and a skirt made in London by Kelzang Wangmo from material woven in Bhutan.

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Prince William and Kate met the King and Queen of Bhutan, 25-year-old Jetsun Pema who gave birth to a son less than two months ago.

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Once again, Kate grappled with her archnemesis, the wind.   Despite wearing very similar skirts, Kate struggled with the wind far more than the Dragon Queen who gracefully slayed it.

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Kate&Jetsun

This screenshot taken from the Daily Mail demonstrates one of the contributing factors in Kate’s long-running battle with breezes, Kate’s Godzilla strides.

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The Queen of Bhutan wore a fabulous pair of red towering Bitch, Please shoes.

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At the archery event held in Thimphu, both Kate and William struggled, missing the target by a lot.

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It was bad.  Like impressively bad.

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Archery isn’t hard.  Seriously, they make bows and arrows for little kids and there are archery summer camps.

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When even out of shape couch potatoes are hit with the realization they’ve reached an age at which it’s unlikely they’ll ever get to cross “Compete in the Olympics” off their bucket list, they shrug and go, “Eh, there’s always archery.”

While taking their turns, the Cambridges received what turns out to be some traditional trash-talking.  When Kate asked for a translation of what they had been cheering, she was informed, “You’re bald. You’re a baldy. Your nose is really big. We hope your private parts are as big.”  The same taunt was used for both but wasn’t exactly unisex.  I would have been happy to make a bespoke jeer for Kate.

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Kate’s expressions were so over-the-top, the only logical explanation was that she was suffering from some kind of altitude madness or her foundation is possessed by the spirit of the Norse god Loki.

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In the evening, Prince William and Kate had a private dinner with the King and Queen of Bhutan.

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Not my favorite dress, it was a little A Fish Lure Called Wanda.

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64 thoughts on “Day 5 – India and Bhutan Tour”

  1. Go Lola – it seems like they have been away for a month – but on a Stepford Wife meets Groundhog Day scenario – It is all crazy like a “somewhere over the rainbow” moment.

  2. You absolutely kill me, Lola! You are soo funny!!!!!!! I’m usually out of breath from laughing by the time I get to the comments section!!!!! :)))))

  3. I wonder if that mysterious wind always blowing up about her has a slight tinge of sulphur to it.

    Every time she fails at a convincingly human expression, I sort of think it does.

    1. There used to be a group (for real, no joke) called Witches against the Monarchy. Can almost imagine them doing incantations over a cauldron about mysterious dress flipping up winds on the Lazy Duo’s ‘tours’. It is very odd the during every last interantational ‘tour’ she has skirt mishaps with the wind. Mind you, this is assuming Kate intends never ever to use hem weights on the bottom of her skirts. Sometimes I wonder if Kate has a (for real, no joke) learning disability.

  4. I loved the fabric of the skirt, but if I’d been the seamstress, I would have designed the wrap for the back for a kick pleat. That way she wouldn’t have had to constantly be messing with it. This is the problem with a lot of her clothing, she has to use her hands to keep it under control. As a result, she never looks regal. Same goes with how she manages her facial expressions. She looked like she was on speed yesterday. Weird.

    I didn’t think William was particularly well turned out yesterday, either. His suit looked too small for him.

    Lola, love your blog. Your wordsmithing is great, always humorous. Keep up the good work!

    1. I had similar thoughts about him on this trip, but at least his constant air of aristocratic languor and boredom will always allow him to play the part convincingly.

    2. I believe she had the skirt on wrong. If you look at Queen Jetsun’s skirt, the slit is more to the side almost to the back. But Kate and Tash like to put their own fun twists on what they think is cultural dressing, so I’m sure they knew but didn’t care.

    3. Vava, I believe the slit is supposed to be more on side, almost to the back. If you look at the other Bhutanese women, they are not showing leg to mid thigh when they walk. I’m sure Tash and Kate were both aware of this, but they like to put their own fun twist on their perception of cultural dress. And we’ve all seen how well that’s gone over this past week.

      Meanwhile, why does William look so awkward with the bow and arrow, this guy is a big game hunter! Shouldn’t he be the boss of any weapon he takes in hand? Yet his wife looks more comfortable holding it than him. Hmmm

  5. “Kate’s Godzilla strides”
    Oh how very true!
    My Mum’s only comment I’ve ever heard her make about Kate Middleton is that Kate walks in high heels like she is wearing gumboots (Wellington boots).
    That girl sure ain’t elegant!

  6. I’m thinking a calendar with your adlib to Kate’s crazed faces, and all proceeds to charity.
    Another great post, love your description of the Dragon Queen’s shoes; they should market them like that. Thankfully this tour is almost over, but it’s been fun laughing through it.

  7. You are such a sport Lola. My eyes are glazing over and my wit flagging with this pointless junket. Well we at least got a lot of laughs at their expense with the fashion gaffes and stupidity.

  8. I’ve just seen the photos of their hike … wow, Kate looks absolutely stunning (glowing) – there’s one photo in particular where she looks incredibly radiant.

    Her boots look way too over the top for a hike (too high!), but I did like her outfit. I see Tash, the hairdresser and Sophie went with them but why not Rebecca?

    Kate obviously works out a lot because she handled the hike very well … William was apparently puffy though! Ha!! He wouldn’t like that, what with him being so competitive 🙂

    1. I thought she looked good on that hike too.

      And in her evening gown (sorry Lola, I know you haven’t posted about that yet but by the time you do so I’ll be on a plane headed for Aitutaki in the South Pacific, so won’t have a chance to comment).

      She looked absolutely stunning for these past two events (hike and dinner); I think a good few days away from her meddling mother and all the grey men has done her the world of wonders!

    2. Was Rebecca not allowed on the hike? Was she back at the hotel working while HER assistant Sophie got to walk up to the monastery?
      I can see that Kate would need the hairdresser along as she always wants her hair to look perfect and I guess Tash was along to wipe the sweat off Kate’s brow (Kate can’t do that because she is royal?) but was Sophie there to take a memo?

  9. Thank you,Lola, I’m so impressed by you keeping up with Cambridges on a daily basis! Your writing injects a massive dose of humour into my morning!
    I have learned the hard way that I must observe two basic rules before I open your post.
    1. Ensure my lap is a cat free zone.
    2. Put coffee safely on a side table.
    Once I have done that I can enjoy the show.
    The Queen of Bhutan treated us to a masterclass in how to be truly regal. She had such a strong presence, dignity and grace!
    Kate ,however,had all the grace of a superannuated pit pony put out to grass!

  10. Haa hee haa cant stop laughing at your very astute appraisal of the shop mannequin in Bhutan
    so agree with you Anne
    she is so not Royal in any way and will never come up to the mark always will be petulant and an airheaded bimbo
    who trys to speak posh and fails epic at it

  11. Lola you are so great the way you write just love reading your blog .. I respect you so much as you explain and are so witty and write with humour which makes me fall nearly off my settee laughing
    good job I didnt have my cup of tea as I would of spilt it everywhere ….
    looking forward to your next version of events…..

  12. You know with the posts we’ve been getting out of you I’m almost willing to send William and Kate on a permanent tour of sorts. No, no, I’m not. I don’t think I can take much more of this one.

    Queen Jetsun made Kate look like the sham she is. Not a regal bone in her body, no sense of protocol or decorum. The open mouth guffawing she did constantly was embarrassing. I’m sure the people of Bhutan have given her a nickname and I wouldn’t be surprised if it involved a hyena.

    You wrote of her stride. Did you see her man stomping her way down the red carpet after exiting the plane? Protocol dictated that she walk behind William with Jigme’s brother-in-law, but Kate was hell bent on staying next to William even if it meant tap dancing on the edge of that red carpet. The stride she has is just horrid. Nothing delicate or feminine, she stomps. And that is not a pretty sight in the heels she wears.

    I loved the fabric in the skirt and would kill to have it to use in a quilt (with about a hundred other bolts from Bhutan). If Kate had worn her skirt as a traditional kira instead of a wrap skirt she wouldn’t have had the issues she did. But a lot of Kate’s sense of self is wrapped up in her legs and a$$ and showing them off whenever she can.

    William…ugh…I was happy to see he had a new suit. BUT…dude we don’t need the up close and personals we’re getting every day of your junk. And I can’t wait to see your thoughts about said junk during the hike Lola. William was clearly thrilled about something.

    I wish I could hear the conversation that Jigme and Jetsun had after they had dinner with William and Kate. It’s one thing to greet them publicly with witnesses about, I’m sure it’s an entirely other thing privately.

    Heaven help us we’re coming up on the Taj visit. It’s a good thing I bought a bottle of wine home with me today, I’m going to need it.

    1. Yeah, what is up (no pun intended) with Willys wardrobe? His suit jackets all look too tight, and all his pants are tight enough to announce his religion. I’m sick of seeing little Willy.

      1. I believe he attempting to modernize his look a bit and while I appreciate the effort and do like him in the slimmer pant legs, I don’t care for the overall tightness of the pants and the jackets just look too small instead of the hip slim cut I think he was hoping for. I’m picturing a jacket like Fred of Denmark wears. One button, hipper cut. Just doesn’t work that well for William and the tailors should have convinced him of such. He could still look really good if they just took the bagginess out of his old suits. Until Harry took his trip with Charles last year he had the same baggy suit problem. I think Charles pointed him to his tailor because his suits fit much better now without saying hello to the world the way Wee Willie does.

    2. Queen jetsun is one georgeous lady, serene ,poised, never seen anything like her in any other royal woman, please keep updating us , l am fascinated with her!!!

    3. Waity is of course playing with her hair. “Look at me! I’m on the Diana bench! Wearing her ring !!!” The spectacle has crossed the line into tedium; people the world over go on trips & visit places their parents saw years before. So??? As the Lazy Duo sit preening away on that bench they don’t seem to realize that the Diana card of goodwill has long since expired due to their antics of toying in with the public in negative ways.
      http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-36060563

  13. Man, as the week winds up and I find myself in the midst of a project that has “stupid” written all over it, I can’t help but feel some real resent of these two and the way they flounce around the whole world, glibly receiving gifts along the way as if it were nothing more than their right and due.

    I have had a deep fascination with Bhutan since I was a little girl. I was entranced by the notion of the national happiness and also disappointed when I heard that they had finally bent to pressure and allowed television into the country. I’m also a huge fan of the bow and arrow (I won awards at archery camp, seriously!), deeply reverent of Buddhism even if it isn’t my own faith, and I’ve really enjoyed the one or two films I’ve seen from Bhutan about their many folk legends and traditions.

    In brief: I would give my left tit to go to Bhutan.

    But instead it’s Prince Cheesypoof and Generalissima High-heel.

    *deep sigh*

    As Stephen Fry recently said to the horror of millions, self-pity is the ugliest of human emotions. I guess I’ve earned myself a few extra Hail Marys then. So be it.

    If it weren’t for Lola miraculously making these two confoundingly uninteresting, only technically sentient beings somehow amusing, then I really think I’d be bummed out on this cold and rainy Friday afternoon.

  14. The King and Queen, The King’s Sister and her Husband. Is anyone in Bhutan unattractive. My goodness. Road Trip!!!!

  15. *Oh, I just realized something about my post. For you UK readers, “cheesypoofs” are the favorite snack food of the character Cartman on South Park. It’s not a bigoted slur of any kind!

    1. I read that the way you didn’t mean it and laughed my head off! Brilliant! We get South Park over here but I’ve never watched it so thanks for clarification!

  16. Yep chutney having fun/holiday with chopper, why not?? This is the life they want without responsibility or footing the bill, if we didnt know who chutney was we woiuldnt notice her, she always melts with the crowds reason no personality, no decorum, no gravitas, shes just there, doing whatever!!

  17. I read somewhere the King and Queen were educated in the UK, therefore (I’m assuming) they speak English very well and would probably even understand Chutney if she remembered to breath and enunciate. Now I’m getting to wondering how well catered to linguistically they have been in this trip? Did they rely on a lot of interpreters or were the hosts expected to converse in English? Because goodness knows we can’t expect them to have mastered any language other than bulls*it, years of expensive education notwithstanding!

    I’m also wondering if the scaffolding is still up in Agra. Anyone know?

      1. I don’t know, I’m ridiculously ill-educated on India and Bhutan and was rather hoping this tour might broaden my (non sartorial) horizons. Ah well, there’s always the Internet!

  18. Speaking of body language, I believe Queen Jetsun was giving Kate Middleton the “you’re a pain in my neck” sign. LOL.

  19. The only thing missing from the photos with the archery was a man in white with a large net. Her facial expressions make Jim Carrey look like a mastery of subtlety. Poor thing must have gotten her Diana and Fergie biographies mixed up again.

  20. Tory Burch, Ecccch! What’s next, Nantucket red skirt with little whales (hah…just realized…”whales”), Lily Pulitzer, Izod shirts with alligators (and collar turned up of course), Sperry top siders, LL Bean boots….ultimate preppy boring dressing for Kate.

  21. I am disgusted with Bill, what is wrong with this guy? really brown & blue together! No tie to have dinner with the Bhutan royal family! Were the ties being washed or did people steal them? Bill probably think he is going to the local restaurant. I really liked the way KM looked for the for the dinner! Kate should have left her husband at the hotel, so he could have interviewed stylists to hire for himself! Excuse my rudeness!

  22. I would so love to go to Bhutan, for both the marijuana and the monastery, but unfortunately the flights alone would cost $2,575. Thanks, Wills and Kate, for promoting an unaffordable destination and letting me see how the other half lives.

    And I am rethinking my theory that Kate has an eating disorder after she climbed the mountain without breaking a sweat. No one can say she isn’t sporty.

      1. Yep, you’re right. Also, athletes who have to worry about their weight develop eating disorders, and many look like the picture of health and perform all sorts of physical feats. Still, unpleasant to think about people hurting themselves like that.

    1. Yeah, I just think she lives on smoothies packed with minerals from fruit and vegis and eats little carbs or dairy. Probably a light meal at dinner…it’s possible.

      1. Yep I ve read somewhere she eats pure clean food plant based and kale smoothie and exercises around a pole they have installed at their home
        this is just what I read in magazine how true I dont know but she is sure very very skinny …

  23. You are doing God’s work by covering this snooze-fest of a trip, filled with ugly clothes.

    Olaf has a flurry around him, Kate has a constant wind. Who can explain it?

  24. Kate with her over the top expressions and jumping around with her floaty dresses looked tacky and unprofessional, cant ever see maxima, leti or mary behaving in this childlike odd manners UGHJ!!

  25. wait…in picture #3 is that guy marching or doing a reenactment of Waity at the soldier’s memorial the other day?!

  26. Have now seen the evening red dress photo – looks like nightwear that my mother wore in the 1970’s . . . .

    1. Yeah saw that too. Overall, no matter how fabulous a gown or dress, they wither when she wears them. Her India and Bhutan wardrobe is getting excoriated in the press for being frumpy and drab. A charmless, phony, cutout paper doll is what she is.

  27. The shot in front of the Taj is complete. All that was missing was the 2 holding hands…but given the weirdness going on with Wills swollen hands who knows…looks like Jason was flown out halfway thru the trip to control things. I think Lola had it right. They are friends, but married…no passion really. He could have been sitting with his sister if he had one. I just don’t think she holds his interest intellectually. He’s not a genius…but she us not a conversationalist either.. Other than the sports…don’t see the mutual interests.

    This trip was really a trip for her. Will mentioned the anniversary…I think he was game to go to see the place his mom sat. Beyond that I did not get that they were all that enthusiastic…they did nothing for the country…Harry at least rolled up his sleeves and pitched a hand at helping earthquake reconstruction in was it Nepal?

    Countries are already fleeing…Jamaica just announced yet again doing away with the queen as head…it’s all unraveling…people are not getting what good the India trip accomplished other than more debt for England to pay.

  28. Years ago I was on a date sitting through a dreadful movie. Unfortunately, it was long and the entire audience was restless. Finally, a woman at the front screamed, “When is this going to be over”? The audience laughed for a minute. This is exactly how I feel about this bogus tour.

    1. Yes its so interesting to read all the posts saying what we are thinking .. This India tour has all been about Waitys change of constant dresses… She got off the plane in Aggra with a White top and skirt.. Then ssy one hour later is in a blue and white short dress with heels .. Makeup and hairdresser did her up before she had her photo op with mefia on the seat at Taj
      its all about dressing up with her a total diva fashion crazy girl who is no good at meeting diplomats heads of state .. she only does smalltalk not full adult conversation as she talks like a child
      in other words she is not suitable in the role she is playing at ..

  29. The only thing that this tour did was to show how much of an actress Kate is. We had the quivery mess at the faux reception beforehand, so we would feel sorry for Kate, but really Kate is an exhibitionist who likes to flash her undies (or lack of undies, ask Chris Jackson for more information?) but Kate doesn’t want to be seen sweating. Good grief!

    1. Yep, an exhibitionist to be sure, just loving attention and always with an eye to the camera. It never ceases to amaze me how people are sucked into thinking this calculated, brittle woman is frail and anxious.

      The revolving clothes-fest of unimaginative, Disney-themed and at times frumpy, outfits was a total bore: and all Kate’s choices as was announced prior to the tour. She seemed to misunderstand Indian culture, opting for the hippy-dippy to the covered grandma look.

      Goodness knows what nonsense will be rolled out by the royal PR, touting success in order to justify this extravagant trip. All the hoopla for months prior meant it dragged on for soooo long. When they actually got to India, it was anti-climactic. Planned to the minute, no spontaneity, no warmth, rent-a-slum-crowd, all did nothing to dispel the disdain felt for William and Kate. They made fools of themselves: the Bollywood gaffe, obligatory flashing, manic expressions, lack of speeches, lack of substance overall. William and Kate should not be representing anyone.

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