Cornwall Tour Light

On Thursday, Prince William and Kate Middleton began a two day mini tour of Cornwall and the Isles of Scilly, staying at the historic 16th century Restormel Manor in Lostwithiel on Thursday night.  This Tour Light is the Cambridge’s first official visit to Cornwall which will one day give them millions of reasons to stick with the royaling.  The Duchy of Cornwall presently provides Prince Charles with approximately £20million in annual income and will pass to William when Charles gets kinged.

For Day 1, Kate wore a Lela Rose dress (initially sold for $1,295) which has the same cut as most of her dresses in the same shade of PMS pink as the McQueen pieces she debuted in Adelaide.  This isn’t Kate’s first Lela Rose dress, the US designer also made the white doily dress Kate wore to the reception hosted by Australia’s Governor General.  Kate’s accessories with this pink dress underwhelmed with her Kiki McDonough earrings getting lost in her hair and the beige Monsoon wedges receiving the brunt of the criticism.  Wedge dismay appeared in the top ten highest rated comments of the Daily Mail piece on the first day of the tour.

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Throughout the day’s events, Kate’s fingers frequently retreated into her hair sparking critical comments on social media while Kate’s rapid fire facial expression rotation left me with second-hand TMJ.  Kate appeared to be on stage  in a summer improv class with an instructor commanding her, “You’re sad.   You’re a sad tree.  You’re Howdy Doody.  You’re Howdy Doody telekinetically making soup with too much parsley.  Now you’re a spider monkey.  You’re a sexy spider monkey.  You’re a sexy tree that just ate a sad spider monkey.”  No smile was too big to fake, no sympathetic head tilt too steep to make.  Just some of the many Faces of Kate on Thursday:

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If only Kate cared as much about her posture as her exaggerated expressions.  The last person with this much of a hunched back lived in a bell tower:

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It can’t be comfortable to sit like that.  She looks like she has a turtle head poking out of a pink shell.

Arriving by helicopter on Thursday, the Cambridges started off the Cornwall tour-ette with a stop at Truro Cathedral where they signed a slate for their £3.2 new roof campaign.

Afterwards, they went on a royal walkabout.

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Kensington Palace naturally went with a photo on Twitter where the crowd was a little denser.  No wonder they want royal reporting to become an extinct profession, they aren’t drawing the same kind of crowds anymore, although there was much more of a turn-out in Cornwall than at recent events.

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Prince William and Kate hit another drop-in centre, the Zebs Youth Centre  which provides local adults-to-be with creative outlets.  After a tour, both Prince William and Kate admitted it took a long time to figure out what they wanted to be when they grow up.

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Strange remarks considering Prince William has had that future king gig on hold for him and Kate seems pretty fixed on a life of doing as much nothing as humanly possible.

Prince William and Kate headed to Healeys Cyder Farm which is celebrating its 30th Anniversary.

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Kate passed on the cider but did take a small sip of whiskey suggesting she is probably not presently pregnant despite her small B Cups looking like they got a visible boost.  I guess sometimes good bras happen to lazy duchesses.

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Kate also got hands-on with a horse, putting to rest horse allergy rumors.  The rumor traces back to Kate herself at a polo match during the Waitying Years.  When Australian writer Kathy Lette asked Kate why she didn’t play, Kate retorted that she was allergic.  Unaware that Kate was on a royal girlfriend high horse, Kathy took Kate’s cold brush-off at face value and repeated her remarks.  Horses got back at Kate during the royal wedding, though.  Reportedly several of the horses were unusually difficult to handle that day with one horse throwing its rider near the carriage and making a break for it, spooking Kate in the process.  But on Thursday when the Duchess of Cambridge met Duchess the horse, there appeared to be no hard feelings.

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They checked out development projects in Nansledan and Tregunnel Hill before wrapping the day up on Newquay’s Towan Beach.

I’m sure it was a total coincidence the royal press pack was left to wait for William and Kate’s arrival at the water’s edge with the tide rising.

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The Cambridges met with the group Young People Cornwall Wave Project which uses surfing to promote mental well-being.

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At the photo-op, the Cambridges went with I’m-not-a-regular-Mom-I’m-a-cool-Mom gnarly hand gestures.  Somewhere Prince George and Princess Charlotte instinctively shuddered and died a little inside.

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What makes it an even more cringe-worthy photo is the placement of Kate’s other hand.  She looks like she’s diddling Miss Daisy, tickling her ivories, dancing with herself…

Despite there being much to criticize, there were also moments where the Cambridges seemed to have genuine moments with people sincerely excited about seeing them.

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That’s what I find so frustrating about Prince William and Kate.  They are both capable of performing their duties and giving people wonderful memories they will carry with them throughout their lives.   How can anyone capable of providing flickers of happy or at least a little brightness in the lives of others merely by showing up resist engagements and hole up in the Fortress of Solitude?  Hopefully whatever they decided they want to be when they grow up will involve performing their duties and serving those who support the monarchy.

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60 thoughts on “Cornwall Tour Light”

  1. I feel like Kate’s clothes are so similar, we just see a rotation of photos all from one event. This could have been Australia 2014. You could have fooled me.

    1. Kate keeps buying new versions of clothing she already owns. This dress is similar to the red dress she wore at her last engagement which looks like her red Wimbledon dress which looks like a bunch of other dresses she’s worn. Kate has around a dozen pairs of nearly identical black suede court shoes. This dress is crying out for accessories but Kate doesn’t appear to know how to accessorize so she stuck with her usual.

    2. Spot on!

      Day 2 was so unroyal and even worse and undignifed with flasher Middleton with rights leggings and cutout butt jacket did a nice trick for the flasher.n Her outfit was so disrespectful even for sailing. Very unregal and should he kept in berkshire.

      1. Gosh you hve said exactly the words we said so UNROYAL and who is dressing William clothes are really dreadful ..
        so UNROYAL as well…
        they are so useless both of them

  2. One of your funniest. Your observation of William and Kate upraised gnarly hand gestures, together with the unfortunate self-placement of Kate’s other hand “diddling Miss Daisy”, had me weeping from laughter. You are one VERY sharp humorist, Ms LOLA.

    1. She puts her hands over her crotch so often I wonder if she does it deliberately. Flashing, cleavage bearing, crotch covering: she often strikes sexual poses.

  3. They are too boring with a personality of a snail,, this is just a nonsemse trip, waste of money, feel sorry for uk taxpayer,!!!!!!! zero return on their investment and council cath is the worst, she looks tacky, why does a 34 yr old duchess need babysitting from her husband, she needs to give up the innocent helpless girl act, we know she stalked, and banged wimpo for the ring!!!

  4. Lola, your descriptions of all those crazy faces causing you “second-hand TMJ” really had me rolling! It just wouldn’t be a Kate visit without that grab bag of emotional instability, would it?

    I couldn’t agree more with your concluding remarks. That little boy in the wheelchair looks so ecstatic and I shiver to think how he would have looked if Will hadn’t stopped to say hello. If it’s that easy to win hearts and minds, then do it!

    A little shout out to Cornwall too. I had a magic time there once…

  5. The public ‘diddling Miss Daisy’ makes me wonder if those clutches pressed so close vibrate. I think we’ve moved on from flashing. When both W+K said they’d taken ages to decide what they wanted to be, I was hoping one of the kids would ask whether they had decided yet. W+K invent so many porkies – horse allergies, being hands-on parents, living in a quaint Welsh cottage, being normal, the list goes on – perhaps they have begun to believe their own lies?

  6. Lola, This is was a fab post!

    Thanks for the link to the DM article! The part about the buff, selfie-taking construction worker was worth it!

    These two should be as far away from impressionable young’uns.

    One aspired to become a human mattress, the other works at giving the impression that he works. Great role models!

  7. When they were signing the slates at the cathedral, why did she have to look at Wil’s slate 4 times to see how to sign her name and date. Is she that stupid or was it a little girl lost act?

  8. I just read in The Telegraph that Kate told someone yesterday that she secretly wants to be a farmer. Say what?! Farming is hard work. Now that’s a lie if I ever heard one.

    1. Probably said in order to bolster the myth that she is a ‘country woman’. These two are always about misdirection, which is a nice way of saying that they are liars.

    2. As Kitty says, it’s misdirection.

      She lives on a farm, so nothing to stop her having her own petit Trianon farming dream.

      She lives on a farm, yet she (and Carole) takes the kids to a petting zoo type farm outside their own farm to see animals….

      She lives on a farm, yet doesn’t appear to be knowledgeable about the sheer drudgery of farming.

      1. I thought of Petite Trianon too. Instead of a painting of her in country dress, she can have formal photos taken. Oh wait, she already did that with Vogue… Maybe Kate is taking notes from Marie Antoinette.

  9. This verbing (getit?!) trend is really amusing. Right now i’m lunching. Later i will be excelling my work budgets and after that penpalling by sisters from another mother.

    Though after all that, i might GP surgery because i’m having a funny turn from trying to verb.

    1. The verb starts to function as a noun, so it becomes a gerund or maybe a present participle. It’s the curse of social media types looking for the next buzzword. Sighing.

    2. Hilarious! Ha!
      First Lola now you three and more..

      These entitled useless liars, should be banned from speaking to children ( including their own). They went to the Cathedral and come out bigger open liars to impressionable kids. Role models….NOT!

      1. Ah, the grammar sticklers are here! I share in your frustration. Social media and the Internet have destroyed the few remaining grammatical rules we had. Sigh. Oh well, I’m fixin’ to dinnerize my kids irregardless of its not uncommoness.

  10. You had me at sexy spider monkey…my day is complete and I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet. Many thanks Lola, you rock!

  11. Oh snigger! I kept thinking this couldn’t get any funnier and it just kept on getting funnier!!
    There is some speculation that she has had some work done on her face! I reckon she has been injecting steroids in to her super strong super flexible jaw area judging by the extreme smiling/ gurning/grimacing!
    The forehead area must be botoxed to hell as it looks deader than the proverbial parrot in the Monty Python sketch.
    Perhaps the Botox has frozen her brain!

  12. Interesting back to her navy blazer on Day 2 of the trip
    Photo of Melania Trump On Celebitchy looking a lot like Carole!

  13. I don’t think they did that badly, but I don’t appreciate the way their team is now framing tours as a kind of getaway for the couple. Like, “they’re here for a romantic visit, but they’ll stop by and see a few of the locals as well.” That still makes everything about them and suggests they’re doing everyone a favor by showing up. Which might be how W&K see it, but it doesn’t seem like a sustainable PR plan.

    1. KP is the ladt place on earth that still believe pushing the romance of the century circa 2011 is a winner

      Even the most ardent dans of these 2 aren’t quite that deluded. They describe them in many other wsys that don’t lead one to romance of the century.

      Very dumb too given that very obvious push should have been ‘ future D annd D of Cornwall come to visit the dichy’

      And no need to mention romance. Frankly we don’t care. Speak about the history of the manor they are spending yhe night. We don’t need to know that baby 3 might be made there.

      1. The romance angle is bizarre. They’re married; they’ve been together for years; they have kids. Who cares? Why does it even matter? It’s seems unnecessarily juvenile.

    2. It seems, to my eyes at least, that the people of Cornwall are the ones having to put on a show for these two, who in return, feign exaggerated interest. It is framed as W+K doing the locals a favour. So wrong. I really do not want to hear about their romantic getaway, which I am assuming is just a free plug for the Duchy of Cornwall’s property. I’m sure there will be a spike in weekend getaways there. Surely KP is not so out of touch that they think we believe this ‘romance of the century’ tosh? Pretty much any photo of the pair dispels any such thought.

  14. Lola that was brilliant, and you should be a fashion blogger! If you can get a post out of these drips, imagine what you could do with someone interesting!

  15. This story lightened my load a bit. Not feeling up to being snarky right now, but wow.

    Keep them coming Lola.

  16. Lola, I agree with you about Kate’s wardrobe. She is clearly lacking a stylist. She has access to designer clothes, but picks the same things and doesn’t know how to style them. A simple dress can make a statement with the right shoes & accessories. These items reflect the wearer’s personality. Her wardrobe & style choices lead me to believe she’s a dull person who’s afraid to wear a shoe that’s not beige!

    I understand she chose wedges because there was lots of walking. How about a smart ballet flat? Those wedges looked ridiculous with the Gap pants & she later changed to Sebagos! At least they were flat, but still completely wrong for her outfit.

    Your comments about her body language are telling. Her pose for most pictures is holding her clutch with both hands in front of her. This protective pose shows that she lacks confidence. Same with the slouching. She’s not confident in her duties, 5 years in! We may never know the behind the scenes reason for this. Diana complained that she received little training for her role, so she eventually figured it out on her own. In my opinion, the royal family is very siloed & there is little sharing among palaces. Besides Harry, we hardly see royals teaming up at an event, unless it’s a family event (royal ascot, etc. ). I don’t believe they share experrise. The Princess Royal is a pro at supporting her charities, but I doubt W+K have much interaction with her. In rigid organizations, just because someone needs help, doesn’t mean they get it, because the mechanism to ask for it doesn’t exist. This could be the case here. In addition to the possibility that W+K lack intelligence, desire or work ethic. I believe that if they had mentorship that also demanded accountability, their performance would improve greatly. Let me know what you think.

    1. Diana complained because she was trying to paint the royal family in as bad a light as possible and went as far as lying about these things.

      The truth is that the Queen gave her some of her own LIWs, including Lady Susan Hussey, to help her, but Diana refused to take the help saying she would do it on her own because they had nothing to teach her.

      The phase ‘going his own way’ that William lives by as far as thwarting royalling is an exact echo of Diana’s similar policy and words.

      Later when she wanted public sympathy, Diana would lie about these things to a sympathetic public and unfortunately her version of events has stuck.

      William echoes some of his mother’s policies without the instinctive native street smarts that she possessed not to mention her ability to charm her way out of a tight spot.

      When Kate first joined the family, it was suggested that she shadow Sophie to get some pointers, but William vetoed that suggestion saying he would do the honours. Given his aversion to royalling, it was a stupid move, but he was allowed to have his own way and these are the results.

        1. I think he is critical of her. I think he is not keen on media focus being on her as he is competitive and when he went out the cameras were on him…niw they chase her first, for her clothes etc. He really blends into the background. I think he does have a temper and wants what he wants. I also think he suffers depression. Right after they got married, standing on the balcony he was directing her to kiss him again . I thought that was weird in that most lovers would lean in and give the other a kiss…but he seemed very much the director. I want this, do this, give me another kiss etc…he is really running the show…but his petulance and media hatred is counter to justifying their very existence.

          1. Very true. William is not the genius he thinks he is, and because he thinks he knows best, is resistant to ideas. His advisors must despair; there is nothing they can do.

  17. how can this woman wear tight pants on an official engagements, my goodness she will never learn, doesnt she know there is nothing professional about her look,!!!

  18. I wish someone in the palace would hide all of her dreadful wedges.The cut of the jacket does nothing for the outfit.I was also noticing she either has an good padded bra or is Kate going back on maternity leave after Canada? Lola,your right she needs to tone down the crazy faces cause it looks very theatrical at times .

    1. either that or the recent holiday to france was for cosmetic treatment and a boob lift. wouldn’t surprise me given how vain she blatantly is….

  19. Interesting comments, Herazeus!

    Tracy, I personally have no problem with pants or even jeans at an event, if the conditions are right, but they should be styled appropriately!

    1. Pants would be great, but she only wears painted on jeggings or whatever that was in Cornwall. When the crotch outline is noticeable, the pants are too tight and vulgar.

      Any other woman working in a professional environment would have been pulled aside by HR for pants like that (and the jeggings ). It is not a club. How a 34 year old does not comprehend that is beyond me.

      1. Yes we feel the tight navy pants or jeggings she was wearing was vulgar and shouldnt be worn on a Royal engagement but you know this light trip which Dear Lola described so excellently it was a fab read covered everything .. we feel they are all about themselves and are so wrapped up in themselves that they come across as so childish Waity stance is so that of a child its unreal at her age that she cannot converse propetly and has such a made up accent that its made her speak so stupidly such as Bretain and should be Britain …
        oh I could go on but its futile as they do not change and the courtiers dont sort them out …

      2. Correct me if I’m wrong, but no other royal from any country dresses that inappropriately. Then again, maybe that’s the attraction for her.

  20. Well at least as the Monarchy dies a slow and painful death with the Lambridge’s as the main draw card (but amusing for the rest of us), the budget for crowd control and street barriers can be drastically reduced. Win for the British taxpayer!

    1. Not really a win, when you consider the Queen has stopped alot of corruption. I mean if you want more corruption the money will not go back to the taxpayer it will go to the replacement.

  21. To be fair, she does have fabulous legs but displaying them at every opportunity in spray-on jeans isn’t very dignified or appropriate for a royal duchess whether Dream Boat Ben is there or not.

    The blah pink dress is, well, blah and either she’s wearing a VERY padded bra or she’s given the girls a boost.

  22. I am catching up on my royal reading after all the summer fun and I must say – the post re: George and Beyoncé was brilliant! I think you would make a genius PR person.

    On to Cornwall – I think Will at least in this and his last few visits seems more relaxed hence more relatable. I hope this continues. His talk with the young man who was struggling with his Mom’s death was the sort of thing that could make one find Will to be endearing. Palmer had a video up of Will with two kids and a drawing they’d made which also showed Will in a good light. So he knows how to do this. His comments about his Mom really made him seem – human!

    I like his new clothes look – I have often said he and Harry should try sports jackets with slacks for their less formal visits. There are some pics of the two of them when younger dressing that way and they both look great. Problem though is that Will probably will wear this one jacket to death aka his blue jumper.

    Kate’s dress was nice – I liked the seaming and the color works well for her. She has never been any good at completing a look with accessories. Which makes me think she really is not that interested in fashion or being a fashion icon. Diana was a genius at completing a look – impeccably matched shoes, hat, purse clothes etc. Imaginative too. But fashion did matter to Diana – once she started getting attention for her clothes she just got better and better at it. I do not think Kate cares at all about that. So I have decided Kate is what she is re: her clothes and it is not going to change so that is that.

    The pants though – it is not even stylish to wear those skin tight jeggings anymore. It was never stylish for someone in Kate’s position and Kate’s age to wear them. I was thumbing through the Bloomindale’s LookBook and noticed not a single pair of pants were jegging tight style – they all were loose and short – above the ankle. It is as if she is stuck in what was worn when she was in her 20’s.

  23. where is Michael Middleton??? Was it only Carole that was invited up to Balmoral? Was it a case of Invite or did she push for one????

  24. Something I don’t get…Will often looks like he can’t stand Waity, yet she clearly has enough influence with him that his grandmother, Her Majesty herself, can be talked in to chauffeuring Carole…imagine Carole now…”I was chauffeured by the Queen!”

    1. A couple of reasons I can think of are:
      *William really does love (tolerate) his wife but hates the media so much that he refuses to give them a happy couple picture.
      *The Middletons know too much about the BRF due to William’s big mouth, or there is something William / BRF would not want getting out (abortion?). Keeping the Middletons happy is the only way to keep secrets.
      In any case, I have lost a lot of respect for QEII regarding how she handles these in-laws. I can understand not meddling, to a point, but she has to know their reputation and I cannot fathom why she would want to be associated with them in any way.

      1. there just placating William. Harry is the only one that has to deal with the Reign of Terror that is King William V and Queen Catherine, so they don’t care.

        1. I agree that William is being placated, but why?* Because his mother died almost 20 years ago????* William and Kate spend enough time with the Middletons as it is, no need for them to horn in on William’s time with his own family. However, I can see William making his mother-in-law’s invitation a condition of them visiting with the kids, just to be a jerk. Total a-hole move; hope these 2 never make it to the throne.

          Not sure who Carole thinks she’s impressing. It is well known that she basically pimped her daughter out for 10 years for this marriage to happen. IMO the whole Middleton family is trash.

          *Rhetorical questions 🙂

  25. This is a quote by Robert Lacey, as* kissing historian, that was posted on Celebitchy’s article on Carole’s visit to Balmoral…

    Robert Lacey, royal historian and consultant…says of having Carole in the front seat, “This clearly shows that the Queen is signaling her pleasure about the arrival in the royal family of humble origins. We have the grandest monarchy in the world embracing right into its heart a family of humble origins. Next year is the centenary of when the royal family gave up its aristocratic name for the plainer name of Windsor – and that set the tone for what’s happened ever since. It is one reason why the British monarchy thrives and flourishes. It has always been the family’s strength to adapt to changing times.”

    Ok, laugh 1… How many times does he need to state Carole is of HUMBLE origins compared to the BRF?

    Laugh 2… Is this really why the Queen allowed herself to be dragged in to this PR exercise? It’s nearly the centenary year that the BRF changed its name to a less aristo sounding one? (Read less German sounding…)

    Laugh 3…it has always been the family’s strength to adapt to changing times…umm, NO…Diana anyone? They are THIS desperate to reverse the falling popularity and cries for a republic! Interesting…

    1. Thanks for the laughs Regalcheck! While I do believe that QEII understands the concept of the BRF having to be (appear) more connected to the British populace, I will never believe that she thinks cozying up to the Middletons is the way to go about it. IMO, William the Terrible uses his children as pawns and/or the Middletons know where the bodies are buried (metaphorically), and at this point in her life / reign she wants to keep up appearances and preserve the monarchy to the best of her ability. If the new angle is for the BRF to be so humble, then let them give up the palaces, security, jewels, people bowing / curtesying to them, etc.

  26. I agree with all your comments
    its unbelievable that here again waity and her family are yet again on holiday … its all they can do live lavish lifestyle on us the stupid taxpayers …
    the trip to Canada is yet a glorified holiday yet again

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