Mental Health by Mattel

After holidaying at Balmoral with the Queen, Prince William and Kate Middleton returned to duty with an appearance at Stewards Academy in Essex which participates in the Place2Be program.

While Kate is the royal patron of Place2Be, there is unfortunately not much to discuss about the Paper Doll Duchess beyond her outfit.  The speech was given by Prince William and Kate made no comments deemed noteworthy by the press.  The conversation contributions Kate did manage were hard to hear and based on her hand gestures seemed like they were probably pamphlet parroting (she makes air circles when she regurgitates material).

At Friday’s event, Kate debuted a $2,150 (£1,728) dress by Altuzarra.


At first glance, I thought the 1930s-inspired dress had a black and white pill pattern, but alas, it was abstract dots.  Kate accessorized it into sedation with her usual LK Bennett nude court shoes and Nina box clutch combo.  Given that the cut of the dress with its yoke and button-down front has a vintage housedress feel, she really needed to take it in a different direction with the accessories.  The dress cried out for a belt on her and Kate loves to belt dresses so I’m not really sure where cinching breakdown occurred.  And if Kate really feels strongly about wearing a court shoe, I wish she would at least go with one that doesn’t look like a leather lobotomy like this Paul Andrew Ayla pump.


Even though Kate has a runway figure, she always sticks with the same fashion formula: dress + pumps + clutch =  wake me when it’s over.  I would have loved  to see something other than the same old, maybe over the knee boots and a top knot bag.  This is a glorious time for accessories from Chanel pearls to the revival of kinderwhore Mary Janes, leather bags with chains and candy-colored faux fur scarves.  Designers like Saint Laurent have left no woman behind in their fall collections.  And for all of the duchess’ McQueen,  how does she not have these gloves?  How do I not have these gloves?


Kate’s Altuzarra dress had a sexed-up high side slit that was tamed by some tailoring but she still managed to show off some of her legs with long strides upon arrival, which was really the only time I noticed she came with bendable joints.


Otherwise Kate’s body language seemed rigid throughout the two hour engagement  suggesting she was even more  uncomfortable than usual.  In candid pics, Kate looked like she had been bent into  poses meant to mimic animation during the product shoot and was in danger of tipping over.


With her doll hair, Kate basically looked like Mental Health Midge, a member of Barbie’s squad who, according to the box, cares how you feel, leather couch, framed diploma and prescription pad sold separately.

While William and Kate were doing their greetings, the Vice Lord Lieutenant, Jonathan Douglas-Hughes, took a tumble.  The Daily Mail has a video.  Compassionate Kate was so worried about the welfare of the 72-year-old man, her reaction was to turn her back to him and attempt to resume her conversation with her hand on her chest to convey surprise by the disruption and possibly concern.  Once Kate realized all of the attention was on the man sprawled out on the pavement, she then turned back again and took a couple of awkward steps towards him and stopped as Prince William and others helped him up.  Fortunately, the man was just embarrassed and did not appear to be injured beyond needing an ice pack for his wrist, although hopefully he was looked at by a medical professional.


Prince William and Kate attended an assembly at which selected students highlighted some of the issues they face with changes in their lives.  Despite Place2Be being Kate’s charity, Prince William was the voice at the event, providing sound bites and a speech during which he admitted to having the jitters which had a humanizing effect and seemed to put everyone at ease.

Based on how uncomfortable Kate appears at events focusing on mental health, I’m not sure this is the cause for her.  It doesn’t exactly help destigmatize mental health issues when the charity’s patron doesn’t look like she wants to be there and decides to pass along speaking responsibilities to her husband.  I mean, Prince William doesn’t ask her to pretend to be a pilot, she should be able to step up to the podium.  Allegedly at the launch of the Heads Together campaign, Kate was the only one slated to speak but she decided last minute she couldn’t do it so the speech was divided up with Princes William and Harry delivering the bulk of the content.  A forum comment I randomly stumbled across mentions organizers were left scrambling two hours before the event to find additional podiums and microphones:


While Kate has always struggled with public speaking, she seems either less willing or less able to perform one of her major job requirements when it comes to the Heads Together campaign.  If mental health doesn’t interest her or makes her feel uncomfortable, it is too important a cause to have its Palace-professed champion attempt to convey the message that mental health issues are something everyone should feel comfortable talking about while remaining silent.



57 thoughts on “Mental Health by Mattel”

  1. In all seriousness, have we seen Kate comfortable at any engagement for any cause? That is, anything beyond those that coincide with her personal interests, sailing and tennis? We’ve seen her endless shopping, holidays, and renovations so we know she’s ace at pampering herself, but there’s been precious little improvement of Kate’s skills in the actual job after five years. Being merely a +1 at engagements she is super-duper keen on, speaking in tongues while the head bobs, all while flashing a body part at anyone passing by seems not the best return to the taxpayer.

    1. Without Ben Ainslie, Andy Murry or Andy Murray’s mother, Kate’s interest usually wanes and often she doesn’t even bother taking off her coat. Unless of course there are celebrities. She had a decent appearance at the Fostering Network in January 2015, but that might have been pregnancy hormones.

    2. I feel she is worse with each passing year than the last.

      Sadly, as appalled as we were in year 1 by various things, we will become increasingly numb with horror as the years roll by because Kate is getting worse and isn’t bothered to hide it anymore.

      1. I wonder if she’s “that person” in the office, who’s so bad at the job that everyone just feels sorry and overcompensates. Another comparison might be that Seinfeld episode in which the incompetent character kept getting promoted, because no one wanted to deal with him and just said, “Whatever, send him up to someone else.”

  2. We should get Sir Ben to accompany her to these events. It’s the only way she’ll sparkle at these events. Perhaps even try her hand at her actual job of speaking and showing some knowledge of the subject in hand.

  3. It’s truly cringeworthy watching Kate at these events. So obvious that she has done absolutely no preparation. She can’t even find the appropriate clothing, much less open her mouth and say something meaningful. I’m sorry to say this, but the UK is in for a real doosie when she becomes Queen Consort. I have really come to loathe her.

    The dress. That much money and it isn’t even silk. What an idiot. Although I like the fabric pattern and color, I do not like that ruched mess in the bodice. The slit was too high for someone in her position, but you know Kate, she needs to give us a glimpse of those legs!

    Lola, your choice of shoes was good! I doubt we’ll ever see Kate wearing anything remotely interesting on her feet, though. The beige shoes and minaudiere do NOT work with that dress at all! UGH

    1. I thought the print was cute, but I agree about silk. Or maybe a vintage rayon style. In its current state, it just looks heavy and cheap. Who buys that dress? For that price? I can’t imagine seeing it and thinking I must have it. And from what I’ve seen, it looks bad on everyone. Once again, Kate’s demonstrated her ability to select the worst piece of every collection.

  4. We can count on what Kate is NOT:
    Not a fashion ICON
    Not a charitable person
    Not a confident person
    Not a public person
    Not a funny person
    Not a generous person
    What’s left? Dress hanger, mattress and zombie bride

    1. +1 and it’s pathetic. No sense of self, and without that she can’t know her interests and where she can give back. I wasn’t exposed to wealth so maybe that’s part of her problem, but I feel an absolute moral obligation to help where I can. A kind word, an encouraging word, a coat, a curling iron, small things that can make a huge difference. She doesn’t even do well as a clothes hanger since she makes the clothes she wears look ‘off’, and the jewelry at times looks like something you could pick up as a souvenir on the Vegas strip. She isn’t bringing anything to the table with her charities in my opinion, they’re doing quite well w/o her. She is no longer a teen aged girl but acts like one, and her choices have been made. Flirting with men is highly unbecoming for a mother of two, and the little girl ‘oooh, I can’t get this helmet on properly’ is hardly the harbinger of a future queen consort however ‘ornamental’ she will be.

  5. Thanks,Lola.I needed a good chuckle this morning.Your right Kate just goes through the motions unless Ben is around.I don’t think Kate care’s enough to take her royal duties seriously.As long as the press continues to praise her for doing the bare minimum she will continue to do as little as possible.William helping the gentleman out was really nice .Kate was more focused on getting the attention back on her.

  6. I barely understand why William accompanies her to HER OWN patronages, let alone why he completely takes over and does the speech delivery (unless she is just unwilling to do it herself). What is going on? It’s like she can’t (won’t??) go anywhere without him anymore. Doesn’t Will get infuriated with her incompetence?!

    1. It actually seems like she has some kind of mental illness that prevents her from speaking coherently in public. She is 34, time to grow up and deal with the problem. Just standing around or sitting there like a decoration is not acceptable for a woman since the late 19th century.

      While not a huge fan of William, he at least can give speeches when called upon to do so. His off the cuff comments are often not the greatest but he can generally interact with people whereas Kate just parrots what he says.

    2. I think William is going along with Kate because he now knows she is not capable of carrying of the engagement. That’s why he’s doing the speeches now too.

  7. Another spot on post Lola! I really like your last line, how can she continue to stay silent while encouraging others to speak up about their struggles? All these duo engagements of late have me thinking that BP and KP have finally realized that Kate simply can’t do engagements on her own, so William is needed to actually give the speeches and some type of sound bite or quote. It’s interesting that this happened considering William was the one who was supposed to guide and advise Kate on how to “do” this type of work. In the beginning it was suggested that Kate follow Sophie around to learn the royal ropes but William put a stop to that and said that he would teach her, great job William.

  8. What confounds me is that the professionals she meets always say she’s so knowledgeable about whatever topic she is visiting but she never says anything publicly to prove it.

    And when she does say something it’s in her quiet posh girl voice with the manic hand circling.

    You know after five years you either get it or you need to find another job. Nearly everyone on the face of this earth doesn’t get the break in period this woman child has been given. The hammer needs to come down on these two. It’s time to put up or shut up.

    1. The sycophants need to stop praising her for doing nothing. They are part of the problem. There is being polite and then just lying to make her look good when she does absolutely nothing. If she actually did any work on this issue she would be able to speak coherently about it.

  9. I am not a shoe person, but I’d kill for those black pumps. You are totally correct Lola, the shoes would have made that dress rock (with a different woman inside, you need curves for that kind of dress).

  10. I am beginning to think there is something terribly wrong with km? If km does not want professional assistance, then she should get a divorce! I am not trying to be cruel.

    1. Hear hear I fell over laughing ..
      Great well executed article once again Dear Lola
      its so true everything said ..
      we thought here we go again showing off the inside of her legs split dress such inappropriate behaviour
      definitely something is wrong with her mentality

  11. I wish they would stop talking about mental health. They aren’t qualified to talk about such a serious subject. I think they took up the cause because it is trendy. (I don’t think mental health is trendy, it is very real, but it’s media coverage and celebrity adoption seems trendy to me.) Unless you are a mental health professional or a mental health sufferer, I don’t want to hear you talking about it.

  12. “Leather lobotomy”
    “accessorized into sedation”
    So clever!! And spot on!
    When I saw photos of this event I just groaned. Ughh. This whole show is just too boring for words.

    1. I kinda disagree, isn’t that just what anyone would have done and not wanted to be praised for it? So many on DM praising him for it…why? Not knocking what you’re saying Cathy, I just think William is lauded for things we all wouldn’t even think twice about doing as a matter of course. A little respect for a 70+ year old man who took a bad fall, at his age he could have broken something, the least an able bodied person could have done was help him.

      1. Agreed, that seems to me natural behavior to come over and help especially if you are one of the people closest. I can understand Kate staying back because there were a good amount of people helping him, but her blank expression–from someone who’s going to an event professing to be caring and supporting, demonstrating no look of concern on her face when she’s just seen the poor man go down hard. This is from the Queen of Faces. She has upteen over-the-top expressions in all of kinds of situations, and when something really happens, she’s blank.

      2. To be honest Regalcheck, before seeing this I would have thought that William would not have helped out. So I was glad to be proved wrong!

        And people don’t help someone who has fallen! I was rushing to cross a road in the city when I tripped on some loose stones that had fallen off a truck. No one round me stopped to help me up! Then I was saved by a homeless man who picked me up off the road and took me to the footpath. He also brushed the stones off my hands too. I was bleeding so looked into my bag for a tissue, when I looked up he was gone. I never did find him to say thank you. But I think that proves that not everyone does help when someone falls.

        1. Im glad for you, Cathy. There are selfish people everywhere, my comment was a generalisation about the majority of people who would find it only natural to help an elderly man should they fall. William has been given so very much in life and keeps taking more, I don’t think what he did was special especially considering how well he is pampered in life.

        2. Wow, Cathy that’s awful. I would think that it would be a natural instinct and hopefully your experience is the exception. I still can’t give Billy all the praise and kudos for helping an elderly man to his feet, given the venue. Just too much ‘oh look, a prince helped an elderly man to his feet, and the man wouldn’t have been there if the prince hadn’t and gee how awesome that a prince would deign to act like a human being, just like the rest of us’. I just can’t go there, but I respect your point of view as well.
          I also can’t really blame Kate for her reaction since it all happened so fast that no one really had a chance to be anything but shocked. Now, that’s different from the time when she saw a biker fall off of his bike and made sure that she stayed in ‘horrified’ mode long enough to be caught on camera.
          In any case, I’m really sorry for what happened to you, and happy that this gentleman wasn’t injured and that you are here posting 🙂

        3. It also proves that staggering injustice never takes a day off. A man with a kind heart living on the streets, a woman made of stone pampered beyond belief.

  13. The only reason William goes and does the speech is because no one cares about him. No one follows him solo, so he goes with Kate and does the speech so he will get some press.

    1. Yes,I was thinking this too. He’s using her ‘popularity’ to draw attention to himself, desperate measures by BRF, he is the heir apparent after all and so many are wanting Harry for King

  14. I’m sure she’ll sparkle when in the same space as Canadian PM – definitely a hunk from central casting – just the thing for her

  15. Public speaking can be a daunting experience for any public figure, even if it’s a major part of “the job”. But it’s not as though she doesn’t have almost limitless access to any number of expert coaches and other professionals ( and family members) to guide and advise on how it’s done. But most of all it’s a skill that requires “practice, practice, practice” which she will never get if she spends nearly all her time ensconced in her ivory tower with her enabling, p*ssy whipped husband. I think she has a mental health issue herself, ironic, non?

  16. I shouldn’t be surprised, really I shouldn’t but all the gushing fawning comments over William’s helping this old man to his feet are unreal. ***Rushes to the aid***, what rush, he was standing right there and who wouldn’t help another human being get back on his or her feet. I have been both helper and helpee many many times. They all but canonize William. I’m glad he did help of course but not quite ready to pin a Purple Heart on his chest for it.
    Kate’s dress. Or nightgown. Or whatever it’s supposed to be is outrageously priced and that slit up the side is in my opinion utterly inappropriate for a visit to a school. It can’t seem to make up it’s mind, the slit says ‘wear me to a party at night’, and the pattern and material say, ‘get a good night’s sleep in me’. I am utterly unsophisticated so I might be missing the point but in any case I can’t see anything about that dress to like. Kate is bound and determined to get in a flash and this was bordering on rather vulgar, hardly becoming.
    Lola this post is so full of humor and to tell the truth in such a humorous and yet very real way takes talent. A lot of talent.
    I suspect that both those who think that Billy goes with Cathy so much because she’s a loose cannon, incapable of handling an engagement herself, and those who think that Billy needs Cathy’s fans to pay attention to him are both right. Kate should realize or at least consider the fact that people are there to see and hear her, and that no matter how stupid and inane she sounds maybe just the ‘princess/duchess/royal’ thingee will absolve her from any absurdity that comes out of her mouth. I won’t say any more on the public speaking thing because I don’t want to slam someone for not doing something if they’re outright terrified, and I don’t know Kate’s reasons.

  17. Brilliant and witty post Lola! It jolted me out of the stupor of following the eternal boringness and dumbness of Waity.

  18. Does anyone know why they’re suddenly getting less press coverage? Did they piss off the press or are they just deemed not interesting anymore?

  19. Ahahahah, great post again Lola!!!
    Is it possible that Kate always need show her body whenever she shows up? Do we always have to see how long ( and manly) her legs are? Why does she need to sexualise whatever she wears?

    After 5 years and half she learnt nothing.
    I also expected a speech by her but no way, nothing at all.

  20. “Mental Health by Mattell…..” *snorts into water glass*

    Ah, Lola, another ringer! I knew we were in for a good one just starting with the title alone. I haven’t got anything new to add except: please don’t ever stop writing.

  21. I’m afraid the solution is quite clear. They need to fire poor Maria and fill Anmer with a bunch of Ainslie clone nannies. That way, Kate will always leave the house with a big stupid smile on her face, ready to face the great wide world! It will also make her look like Mama of the Year when the press starts quoting her saying things like, “I’m afraid I couldn’t possibly spend an entire twenty minutes at this engagement. I simply MUST hurry back to my darling Be…loveds!”

  22. I can’t wait to see the Canada tour!!!! The First Nations are waiting to see if this visit will be them addressing serious issues or just another photo op and then bye! The royal family has a lot to answer for the mistreatment of First Nation people. They had best be prepared. This will make or break them.

    1. As usual with these two, this tour is going to be more vacation than anything else, so I would not expect anything of substance. QE II can send Charles & Camilla or Harry later to tend to important issues.

    2. There is no way they will do anything of significance for the First Nations people and Inuit. They will leave that to Trudeau, who at least is making some efforts in that area.
      I hope there are some protests because royalty shouldn’t exist in this day and age. No one is above anyone else, much less by virtue of birth or marriage.

  23. Yeah, the itinerary looked pretty fluffy from what I’ve read so far. I’m afraid nothing is really going to “make or break” Willnot and Cannot, as they seem to be immune from that little fact of life (for us, the little people) called consequences.

    First Nations, I hope you’re really good at holding your breath if you’re expecting a meaningful visit from the BRF.

    The Great Bear Rainforest is on my bucket list. I hope the spirit bears all turn their backs to the camera and take a big crap in their general direction.

  24. The leg looks like Skeletor’s.

    On another note, surely Pippa would realise that her icloud would get hacked sooner or later?

    More exhibitionist traits emerging from a Middleton ?

  25. I am speechless – finally after 5 and a half years she has figured what to wear when getting off a plane – no fanny on show this time…..

  26. Ah just what we expected … waity talking to children getting off plane instead of the hosts waiting to speak to her… She looks as though she doesnt want to be there
    the nanny should of been looking after them whilst she spoke to dignitaries. .. then children could of been introduced they simply have no idea at what is correct …when arriving on a Royal Tour they are useless ..

  27. Chutney needs to ditch the ruffles, but seriously 6000 dollars for a cotton day dress, okay I’m nauseous !!!

  28. I love love love the title of this one!! Except for the fact Barbie is a ‘blonde’ Waity could actually BE Barbie.
    I do wonder, once in a great while like when I’m on the toilet and bored, why Waity can’t just act for an hour or so like she is interested in the subject and not be thinking about her next flashing moment.

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