Cambridge to Nowhere

Once again, Prince William and Kate Middleton begin a new year being criticized for their lackluster performance and putting in far less work than other members of the Royal Family, including the Queen and Prince Philip who are in their 90s.  Prince William only managed 188 engagements in 2016 while Kate only showed up for 140.  The Cambridge’s numbers for 2016 are impressively low considering they undertook two tours which are big numbers-boosters because all of those airport greetings and “private” touristy experiences from which the press was banned counted as official engagements.

Since joining the British Royal Family in April of 2011, Kate has only undertaken a grand total of 484 engagements to date.  In 2016 alone, Prince Charles handled 530 engagements while Princess Anne had 509 so Kate still hasn’t cumulatively pulled off in almost six years what other members of the family manage in one.

The Daily Mail ran an article detailing how Prince William and Kate only do half the work Prince Charles and Princess Diana did at a comparable stage in their married lives when they were raising young children.

Not surprisingly, the public was reminded on Friday Prince William has another job he pretends to do sometimes with a series of photos taken by the same photographer who managed to track down the future king on the job last year when the press and public were grumbling loudly about Work-shy William.

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Prince William’s contract with East Anglian Air Ambulance  ends in March, the fact that he’s still in the co-pilot seat shows he puts in as much effort there as he does with his royal role.  It’s not that big of a deal, though.  Most air ambulances just have the one pilot, the government had to purchase a special helicopter for EAAA so Prince William could play co-pilot because he was unqualified for the job.  Once William decides he wants to be a cowboy or open a fake psychic detective agency, the EAAA just has to make a minor software adjustment to switch their air ambulance freebie back to a one pilot helicopter.  Or Prince William may decide to extend his contract, after all he’s able to dictate his EAAA schedule claiming royal duty while using the job as an excuse as to why he can’t do more royal engagements.

Something seems off about these photos in the Daily Mail piece.  Maybe it’s just Prince William’s stiff posture as he tries to emulate someone who does stuff or his getting the EAAA photo op out of the way so early in January that’s throwing me off, but there are two side by side pictures where the foliage doesn’t seem consistent at the same portion of the tail boom.

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Of course it could just be the angle.  Just like the strange violet hue at the top of William’s head could be explained by lighting conditions.

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But it got me thinking.  It’s hard to juggle both holidays and PR photo ops.  I mean, those poor Cambridges have to fit in both sandy beaches and snowy slopes not long after their time off at Christmas.  Instead of going through all the trouble of having to go work and try to remember what it is he supposedly does so it can be captured by a photographer like Geoff Robinson, why don’t they just shoot Prince William in various poses against a green screen?  That way he can easily be dropped into heroic scenes while he’s working on his tan or hitting the slopes or playing video games in the Fortress of Solitude.  Then whenever there’s word of a taxpayer torch and pitchfork mob forming, the Palace Press Office can release photos of Prince William in various heart-warming scenes like rescuing a box of kittens…

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Saving the Earth from an asteroid…

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Defeating the Kraken…

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Or even diverting attention away from any of his wife’s future flashing with a Marilyn moment of his own.

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Since Kate rarely speaks and when she does, she’s difficult to understand, they can try to beef up her numbers by having her assistant carry around a life-size cardboard cutout of her to her various patronages and see if anyone even notices.

Of course, the Cambridges might just opt to send everyone in the UK a photo from their next holiday with the message “We’re just not that into you.” especially since Prince William (the future Head of the Church of England) and Kate skipped sending out a Christmas card this year. (Instead they mailed out a photo from the Canada tour thanking those who sent them warm holiday wishes.  Other royals adhered to tradition with Prince Harry’s holiday card featuring children of an Invictus Games veteran while Prince Charles’ and Camilla’s holiday card included a photo from their Croatia tour).

Prince William and Kate deciding to spend Christmas at Bucklebury for the second time, a year after they skipped the Queen’s Christmas lunch in order to host the Middletons at Anmer Hall, suggests they don’t really feel strongly bound to the Royal Family or its traditions.  While there have been no repercussions, even the Royal Family must be wondering about the future of the monarchy under William the Reluctant.

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59 thoughts on “Cambridge to Nowhere”

      1. Thank you for clarifying that. In the states (US) all members of the flight team wear the orange jumpsuit. BTW: Great article as always 🙂

      1. Absolutely Maureen! Waity did not spend 10 years as William’s beck-and-call girl to not stick it out for the top prize, and William will not defy Carole by even suggesting it. IIRC, HM basically ordered Charles & Diana to separate, so I think that is what it would take if things got so bad that even the sugars couldn’t be fooled any longer. Or if William were to fall madly in love with someone else, Middletons be damned.

        1. I don’t think that waity katie has a clue as to real happiness, since she was for all practical purposes nothing but an itch scratcher for Billy until he tossed her Diana’s ring and married her, so it’s just the degree of misery that she suffers now, more? Less? In any case I am with those who are firmly convinced that if there were a separation or divorce it would never ever be waity’s idea. She has no life skills, and her mother would have another nervous breakdown. No, wasteofspace is in it for the long haul, miserable or not. She’ll survive on whatever crumbs of life the ‘royal’ status throws her. To the public she isn’t a person, she’s a title, an image. Starting out with being the ‘official’ gf to the producer of heirs, and now the tag along prop of a boor, is the reality and it’s all she has. Or is. No pity or sympathy from this side of the pond, and if such a thing were to happen, the ‘firm’ would close ranks around Billy, and waity and the rest of the sleazy clan would be ignored if they tried to defend her. She is not Diana, and would be an absolute fool to count on the public’s sympathy and support.
          Love your popping Billy into pictures, Lola, and it’s something that his PR people might seriously give some thought to. Get the smile less grimacy and voila, work done for year. Update the picture, use photoshop and this could work until Billy becomes king.

  1. William must be working around the clock because otherwise surely EAAA would have advertised for a second co-pilot to cover when William needs some much needed family time and cheese on toast. Admittedly, I can’t remember a co-pilot vacancy being advertised before William took his job but that’s surely me suffering the same temporary blindness and short-term amnesia that affects people who see Kate on her many secret charity visits.

    Similarly after announcing William announcing his salary from this job going to charity, I just can’t for the life of me ever remember it being announced which charity it would be going to. Possibly the Party Pieces Conservation Fund to upgrade historic Berkshire properties occupied by members of the Middleton Family (charitable status pending).

    1. Hi Future Crayon!
      The irony is the EAAA IS a charity. He could have said I am foregoing my salary. Instead he said I am getting paid by this charity and giving it to…another charity??? If its the Duke of Cambridge Charity then isn’t there a word for that??

    2. It was never announced what charity it would be going to.

      I assume it means William’s Coutts bank account.

  2. Does anyone know when these pics of Super Hero were actually taken. Perhaps there are a stash of pics to be published when the critics of his work shy ways are in full flow.

  3. Great post Lola! Bill photoshopped into those pictures was hilarious. Defeating the Kraken..lol!

    A cardboard cut-out of Kate is a great idea! Surely it would exude more personality and warmth than the real deal.

    How far up your butt do you have to be to send out a thank you to those who sent you a Christmas card, when you did not send any yourself? This is not a birthday, wedding, baby birth/christening – it is Christmas and not all about you! I can see that if they make it to the throne they will be the monarchs in their ivory towers who are seen only when absolutely required, or when there is “fun stuff” to do. Their motto: Let them eat cake!

    BTW – HM & DoE attended church this morning, so that is good news. Unfortunately, the entire Middleton family was there also (I am including Bill & Kate as Middletons), and according to the DM, they all walked from Sandringham House to the church. I guess they are in Norfolk celebrating Duchess Dolittle’s birthday, but no way they would have gone to the services if HM were not attending.

    1. I am so annoyed with that. The Middletons could not be bothered to be in Sandringham for the holidays, but somehow end up there when the Queen’s first appearance in a month is big news. Total famewhores.

      Why the hell did Carole and Mike and Pippa travel back to Anmer anyway? I know they don’t work, but most people have been back to work by now. They are the travelling clingons. It’s just pathetic.

      And great photoshop job Lola! Your posts are always worth the wait!

      1. People are speculating they are there for Kate’s bday and probably right. The constant need to push themselves out is repugnant. HM continual acceptance of it is headshaking. She’s a fantastic worker but lousy with seeing a glaring problem.

  4. Thank you for that post,Lola!
    Here I am on the sofa with my cats feeling like shite- on -a -stick due to post holiday super vile virus and desperately in need of a good snigger!
    Willie W⚓️ Cunningly disguised as Miss Munroe has provided not a snigger, not a chuckle but the best bloody laugh I have had in 4 days!!!!

  5. I saw a magazine with the Work Shies on the cover yesterday. The article dealt with their upcoming coronation and how they are busy planning it. This is obviously why they have no time for Christmas cards or work.

  6. That suggestion that they should start carry around with them a cut out cardboard picture of Kate is hilarious! Spot on!

    Darling Lola, I missed you so much! I dont have your email so I could not write to you!

  7. After looking at the DM photos it really looks like they were nothing more than a photo op. He is not doing anything in any of the photos except holding on to the foot of the stretcher. Oh and standing around checking his cell phone

    1. Why the hell William would get out of the helo… other than for PR pictures… They stay in the helo to GTFO and to take off as soon as the casualty is in the helo! Ugh.

  8. The comments on the DM articles about this lot shows the tide is turning.

    I think Wills thought because he was more popular than Charles he could ‘coast’ – but you can’t fool all the people all of the time!

    Happy New Year Lola! I predict a third pregnancy, with the predictable HG and a new baby in 2018. Cathy knows what works.

    1. But there is a top comment that compared Bill to POTUS. POTUS! President Barack Obama. One is a over inflated, born on 3rd welfare recipient and the other is THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. A position he was voted into. TWICE.

      And I am not sure what pisses me off more. The comparison or the cavalier comparison.

  9. You said it! I love when you cut right to the quick of the matter.

    W&K are like…getting a huge deliciously wrapped box for Christmas. Taking your time with it, savouring the surprise inside, digging through a mile of polystyrene packing peanuts. Digging, searching, knowing something amazing is going to be in there because it’s so preciously packed and finally dumping everything out all over the floor to see (as you had an inkling halfway through your search) that the box is empty. So much anticipation and promise resulting in so much nothing. Now the giver is expecting effusive thanks and where the hell do you go from here??

    Thank you for keeping it real always , Lola. All the best to you and your closest in 2017

    1. Brilliant metaphor! Describes it perfectly. I really gave them both an open hearted chance and it’s been a massive disappointment.

  10. Thank you for this post Lola. A much needed laugh!

    Those helicopter photos are weird. Even if it was a different angle you’d still see those bushes, whatever there. Something hinky going on.

    I think the cardboard cutouts and photoshopping is ideal. They can really up their numbers that way and Kate won’t have to worry about clutching her handbag so tightly that is breaks the seams to avoid shaking anyone’s hands. It really could be a win-win situation. PC could save money on her clothing budget, we’d be less traumatized by the OTT crazy faces, William’s jaw would get a break from the constant clenching. Everyone would benefit.

  11. Another great article, Lola!

    Just wanted to point out that the foliage is consistent between the two photos with the tail boom. The two photos are from slightly different angles, but in the first photo you can see the bush that’s so clear in the second photo — it’s in front of the girl with the pink scarf.

  12. Hats off to you Lola. You’re clever, witty, have a sense of humour that makes drinking coffee challenging to consume, amongst many other adjectives that are too numerous to list. Thanks for the New Year giggles. Great way to spend a late evening!
    Happy New Year to you and all your readers xx

  13. Once again I checked the site thinking there wouldn’t be an article and yet there is another brilliant one and soda through my nose all over the screen!!! I am your absolutely biggest fan and I needed it. I explained why I read and reread your articles and what a huge help they were. Well my 2nd husband passed away on Monday and you are the absolute best medicine. I know it’s a lot of pressure, but please keep writing because you never know who’s life you will bless with just the right amount of laughter! 🙂

    1. So sad to hear this, SpringsMom. I hope you are coping somehow and trust there are people around for support. Sending you all the best.

    2. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, SpringsMom. I’m so humbled my silly little musings have given you some lighter moments in your time of sorrow. Sending you much love.

    3. SpringsMom, so sorry for your loss. You have already given so much as a military spouse, and this on top of it. I’m glad Lola’s witty articles can take your mind off the day-to-day.

    4. I am sorry to hear of your loss SpringsMom. Please stay strong and my prayers are with you and your family.

  14. Sending our condolences to Springs Mom too so sorry
    Just seen article in DM pictures of the Middlebums fashion parade marching from church at Sandringham. .. Our poor Queen having to put up with them… they could be there for photos but didnt have the manners or courtesy to be there at Christmas which is traditional.. they seem to want everything their own way always not doing anything regal but want all the money and priviliges and are so up themselves they need to be told by authority that they must buckle down or leave simple as that.

  15. The Lamebridges at Anmer when they went to the church Waity was wearing 350 pounds alpaca hat … she constantly just spends thousands of pounds of P CHARLES money on her wardrobe for glimpses of photo opportunity doing nothing of merit ..
    Marshmallow brother borrowed 100,000 pounds from pipps fiance you ask why did he do it in a useless enterprise of copious amounts of sugar laden mallows .. he has already had millions from the guy who owns the card company thats on t.v ..and he is still borrowing for these mallows with faces on

  16. Hi Daisy! I am pretty sure that Pippa wore that same hat at last year’s March of the Middletons. So while I agree that Waity spends Charles’ money like it is going out of style, and that Charles no doubt bought the hat so Pippa had no business wearing it, “thrifty Kate” (gross!) recycled it. And now that I have defended those horrid people, I need a drink!

    Poor Pippa’s fiance’ is going to be broke in no time.

    1. Last year Pippa wore a brown hat that looked like Kate’s old brown fur hat. http://lovelolaheart.com/?p=2674 The grey hat is new and is made from ethically sourced alpaca (according to a DM article on it, dead baby alpacas are plucked off the mountain for this particular hat). Personally, I think this grey hat looks like a rat curled up on Kate’s head, got impaled on her extensions bonds and died.

      1. Oh no! I defended these a-holes for nothing! Now I need 2 drinks and a Silkwood hazmat bath.

        How is Mr Conservation Bill OK with his wife wearing fur? I realize that we’re told that the baby alpacas were already dead, but to me that is a huge conflict. Or maybe I am just pre-disposed to think the worst of these idiots. At least I can convince myself that the game caught during their Boxing Day hunt is eaten.

  17. So good to see another post from you, Lola! Oh, did I laugh. And I always love your post titles. “Cambridge to Nowhere” is particularly inspired!!

  18. Instead of chasing dead baby alpacas, may-be she could provide shelter for them or something to actually try to save them !!!

    1. Yeah, and like we really believe that these animals died a natural death. Such a good little “conservationist’s” wife. Baby animals. How come so many babies are dead when there have to be enough adults to create the babies?

      1. Honestly the whole baby alpaca thing creeps me out. Even if they are as ethically sourced as claimed, it’s basically the same as wearing roadkill. Any kind of skinned animal pieces gross me out. And yes, I try to avoid purchasing leather. Although I find a black leather jacket on a man extremely sexy. I’ve got issues.

  19. Kate is visiting a centre for parents and children. In keeping with the jabs by DM this month, what about this for shade?
    ” …at a centre that helps parents with personality disorders bond more closely with their offspring.”
    Hahaha!

  20. Echoing others Lola, I thank you for sharing your absolute gift of telling the truth with humor, for telling it like it is and bringing laughter into some dreary times. Very dreary times.

      1. Dear Lola your site brings a lot of joy and at times laughter but most of all you are truthful and say it like it is
        hope you are feeling better soon xx

  21. I want to thank everyone on this site and especially Lola for the sense of camaraderie and kindness among everyone. I, like many, am going through a really hard time and I have laughed for the first time in days, reading the posts and all the comments. This is truly a refuge of light and laughter for me and I’m so grateful!

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