The Return of Mental Health Midge

On Sunday and Monday, Kate Middleton managed to carry out three mental health-related events, bringing her yearly engagement tally up to seven.

While it’s important for mental health issues to be destigmatized in society, it’s hard for me to believe that this is a cause Kate and Prince William genuinely care about.  Kate looks stiff and posed at these engagements while Prince William’s default compassionate expression looks like he’s trying to suppress a belch.  In stark contrast, Prince Harry’s interest in mental health is unquestionably sincere, his mother’s compassionate light burns within him, at these events he communicates with ease and appears in touch with his own humanity.

At the January 17th Heads Together event at which Kate, Prince William, and Prince Harry gave one of their three-fer speeches, royal correspondent Richard Palmer noted after Prince William brusquely ignored the media two feet away on the way in and bolted for the waiting car on the way out:

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While I rarely comment directly on Kensington’s Palace’s Twitter posts, I felt it necessary to point out that Kate’s oratorical contribution at that event was difficult to understand.

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With the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge at these engagements, I am reminded of jesters and minstrels of yore who performed for royalty, but in this case, it’s struggling individuals reaching into their souls to pull out the most painful, raw and darkest parts of their being for examination by the royal family’s two laziest royals so there’s an illusion that they care, despite their consistently low yearly engagement totals suggesting otherwise.

On Sunday February 5th, Kate Middleton, Prince William and Prince Harry attended a Heads Together event, joining a London marathon training session at the Olympic park.

Kate, William and Harry participated in a relay race with Prince Harry winning the royal leg.

To be fair, Kate was wearing her tightest jeans to date.  Every stride must have felt like getting a Pap smear on a bouncy castle and her starting position suggested she’s still struggling with keeping within the lines in her colouring books.

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Prince William’s trousers weren’t exactly the most event-friendly either.  If anyone was wondering, the second-in-line to the throne went left with his penis on Sunday.

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Prince Harry looked like he inched his starting position slightly ahead to gain an advantage over his brother but he needn’t have bothered.  The man who beat Usain Bolt with some creativity easily bested his brother who looked like he either really wanted to win or was passing a kidney stone.

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On Monday, Kate Middleton and Prince William got an unusually early start and attended a Place2Be engagement at the Mitchell Brook Primary School.  The Kindness Assembly marked the beginning of Children’s Mental Health Week.

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Kate wore a repeat red Luisa Spagnoli suit and once again sported her Muppet Madness bared-teeth grin which I imagine haunts the nightmares of children and the monsters living underneath their beds.

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Kate presented a Kindness Award to a student.  Videos from the event looked like a commercial for Mattel’s Mental Health Midge doll which comes with a bathing suit under her official engagement attire for a quick holiday get-away.

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In the photo @KensingtonRoyal posted, Kate looked posed and awkward but she didn’t give them a lot with which to work.  She totally has Mattel arm in this photo.

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Kate also delivered a speech which sucked less than usual but still was difficult to follow at times and uninspired.  Rebecca English’s Daily Mail article included its contents if anyone is interested.

On Monday night, Prince William and Kate attended a Guild of Health Writers conference at which William delivered a speech.

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Kate wore an Oscar de la Renta suit out of which she styled the life with her same-old black suede court shoes, black clutch and black tights.  Seriously, why aren’t the Fashion Police a legitimate branch of law enforcement?  Kate should be arrested for suffocating this gorgeous Oscar de la Renta suit to death with bland accessories and forced to attend a workshop on styling and maybe do some community service since she is a repeat offender.

Monday also marked Queen Elizabeth II’s Sapphire Jubilee, making the Queen the first British Monarch to reach a 65 year reign.  Long live the Queen!

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65 thoughts on “The Return of Mental Health Midge”

      1. I disagree Lola, Cheryl is not too kind!! Love love love this site, and your humor is unique. And I don’t believe for a minute that either Billy or Cathy give a rat’s patooki about Mental Health, for one thing with as low wattage a bulb as Kate has I think her grasp on things is loose. Billy? Yeah riiiiiiiiiiight. That’s why he’s still using the ‘mummy’ card after all these years. This is just a ‘popular’ cause. One thing I am grateful for is that these nimrods are hardly taken seriously, or at least I hope not. With Cathy’s ‘I was so fortunate to have a wonderful childhood’, I become very very angry. That’s a load of guilt to put on a family and really, even though of course a good childhood is a good foundation for anyone, it’s hardly the defining factor in good mental health. And coming from a serial flasher, a woman who sold out for wealth and prestige, not to mention having a mother whose cell phone background was her daughter’s boyfriend, and who can’t live w/o mummy it hardly rings true. I truly wish she’d just shut up, even though I think she’s a few sandwiches shy of a picnic others may not. That translates in horrendous, unnecessary guilt for people who are already wondering what they did wrong. I know this from very first hand and very painful personal experience. In my humble opinion her blabbering on about childhood and how great hers was is doing far more harm than good. Billy, go play with your whirlybirds, and Cathy go make some more Chutney, or feed those eyebrows whatever it is that caterpillars eat. I suppose that in this comment I am contradicting myself, on one hand who listens to a vapid woman, or a whiny ‘my mummy’s boy’, but still even the thought of one person listening makes me want to scream.

  1. The mandatory hauling out of the peasants to confess their mental health issues in front of the royal duo/trio Who- Have-No-Mental-Health-Issues, Never-Have, Never-Will, no sirree Bob, gives me the shits. Surely there is a less invasive way for the trio to pretend they are relevant, get their photo ops and up their CC numbers so that they can go on holiday again? The manufactured compassion has gotten as mouldy as the ‘changing the conversation’ patter.

    And is it in the best mental health interests of the peasants to have to sort fact from fantasy when Kate tells porkies about her perfect family life? We know mummy Carole is as mad as a cut snake, if only for bringing up three kids to be little more than sniffer dogs for anything with money and a title.

    1. It bothers me with William and Kate because the message is supposed to be that mental health is something everyone should feel comfortable talking about and yet two of the campaign’s “champions” seem to struggle with talking about it. Prince William has had a few moments where he seemed to genuinely connect and let down his guard, but they were isolated situations he could directly relate to, brief flickers in what is becoming an increasingly greater focus of their overall “work”. Prince Harry, however, is engaged at these events, I’ve noticed he’ll put his hand on someone’s arm to comfort them, give them a hug in some instances, his interactions don’t seem forced. I can’t comprehend Kate’s approach with speeches that seem to be saying my life has been so amazing, I can’t possibly relate to what you are feeling because my parents are awesome so your parents obviously aren’t which is of course why I’m here, ignore the fact that my body language is telling you I am closed off and uncomfortable and I am speaking to you with an affection I adopted in hopes people will think I’m someone I am not.

      1. William and Kate have difficulty speaking about mental health because it hits just a little too close to home; let’s face it, both are pretty fucked up. Not wanting to work or even occasionally volunteer, unable to speak, or empathise with others doesn’t sound like the product of a fabulous upbringing.

        Why Kate persists with ‘my family is amazing’ narrative is beyond understanding. Too lazy to find another one? Did no-one tell her how smugly it played last time? Stopped reading all the ‘scientific papers’? Too insulated from reality to know that her family are dismissed as grifters? Or is it a part of a rehabilitate the Middleton’s campaign? We have been witnessing more Carole as wonder-mum articles, Pipster claiming she’s no socialite etc. They’re after something, they always are.

        On another not, Lola, I hope you under good medical care, have friends to keep an eye on you and generally help out, as needed. I am worried about these seizures. Can someone pick up prescriptions for you? Food? If not for the pesky inconvenience of being a continent away, I’d gladly do it for you. So pleased Nightwing is a comfort; I hope a friend can walk him, or accompany you both if you’re up to it. Have no fear about the quality of your posts; you’ve got the goods, girl, sick or not. Take care.

    2. Kitty, I commented before I read your comments. Sounds like we’re pretty much on the same page and it appears that others here are not ‘impressed’ either. To use people and their pain for PR is despicable. Jason, you’re one desperate jerk to allow this to happen. These are human emotions and pain you’re playing with, and yes I said playing. The most vulnerable members of society and you send two indifferent *at best* blithering idiots in their direction. Now I’m getting all worked up again so better get off this site for now.

  2. Kate once again pushing her “perfect family”. And why can’t she find a suit and accessories that makes her look like a 35 year old woman living in 2017 instead of some weird morph of a woman/child with the cutesy collars. Nearly six years now and she’s still scraping the barrel.

    1. Kate is a mental case herself. She needs to drop this “cause” because it only shows how abnormal and maladjusted she is as a 35 year old woman. Her perfect family messed her up real good and no one needs to hear platitudes from someone who can barely speak properly and has yet to make it through an event without weird grimaces and crotch clutches. And that doesn’t even include the fact she never volunteered or worked in her adult life. Go play sports Kate and leave the serious issues to serious people.

    2. On Twitter Jennifer commented “I always find it a really odd mix of matronly & juvenile, often at same time.”, to which I replied, “She sort of dresses like a grandmother after the alcohol-related dementia sets in.” Right now we are living in a golden age of accessories and Kate actually has the money to be able to afford to feast on designer confections but instead she buys expensive duplicates of items she already owns. When Kate first got married, she had some great outfits because the designers helped her style them but she grew bored of the novelty and having to leave her home and decided to stick with a formula. How lazy do you have to be to lack follow-through with something as frivolously fun as fashion?

      1. Maybe Kate doesn’t really care as much about fashion as people think she does. I can totally see why the appeal would wear off after a couple years. The first couple years would be fun, but after a while it would become a chore to have to constantly deal with all the fashion crap if you’re not someone who really likes fashion. A formula, a la the Queen, would become appealing after a while.

        1. She cares enough to endlessly shop. Is it necessary to have a new outfit for almost every outing? She cares enough to have clothes butchered to minimize her long torso. She cares enough to always accentuate her body’s thinness through clothes altered to hang on her body as tightly as possible, though I guess that’s just vanity. She cares enough to have all manner of cosmetic beauty treatments, including teeth, as well as pretending to having lots of hair. She may not be interested in fashion but if so, she sure wastes a lot of money on it.

          1. Agree with you 100 percent, Kitty. How can you not see it that she doesn’t love clothes KMR? Why does she spend 200k in ONE year on it? Don’t buy the analysis. Sorry.

            1. I’m torn on this loving clothes/shopping connection. Kate for sure loves to shop, and what else could she shop for besides clothes? I think she might be shopping out of sheer boredom and since it’s not her money just buys whatever suits her fancy. I think that both views are right, no interest in fashion but for sure a whole lot of interest in showing off that body, and the fact that she can have all kinds of new clothes whenever she wants to. As in, ‘suck it up peasants’. I don’t know. Probably a mix of all kinds of things, just like her clothes.

              1. I’m sure boredom and habit figures into this. Plus it’s pretty easy to be online constantly shopping, especially when a no-limit credit card is available. There seems to be no plan to her wardrobe development, just buying more because, credit card. Personal vanity in appearing as thin as possible seems to be the significant driver.

    3. I think she is trying to regain her carefree 20’s look – a little bit preppy. It looks inappropriate now given her lifestyle has caught up with her. If Kate is hailed as a fashion icon by all media when she steps out the door, why would she change? Why would she think she needs advice?

    1. Matty, did you see video of her presenting the award to the little girl? It was pretty awkward, Kate didn’t seem to know what to do, should she touch the little girl, applaud, turn facing forward for the cameras… it was a What Would Barbie Do kinda moment.

      1. No, I didn’t notice that either. I’ll have to have another look at the video. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not as observant as other people !!

  3. Welcome back Lola! I hope all is well. You were missed!

    Love Richard Palmer’s tweet, and your tweet to KP. Spot on with a touch of snark.

    Cannot’s orating on her perfect childhood is a slap in the face to anyone suffering from mental illness. I realize she does not do anything as taxing as writing her own speeches, but just the fact that she thinks repeating that in each speech is OK, shows how woefully unqualified she is to speak on the subject. Just show up in your insanely expensive, ill-fitting, inappropriate for the occasion outfits (sky high heels to meet small children, guaranteeing she will have to bend over while wearing a skirt), flash your snarl, er, smile, clutch your purse to your crotch for dear life, flash the ring, and go away. No need to talk.

    From other pictures I’ve seen of the race, looks like her hair was back only for the run itself. Perhaps security blankets and hiding behind inanimate objects should be the topic of her next brilliant mental health lecture.

    I weep for the Oscar de la Renta suit. It deserves so much more.

    1. Thanks, GingerMini. The perfect childhood approach came up the first time she gave roughly the same speech and it was no more palpable this time around. Mental health is such an important cause, people all over the world are struggling, suicide rates have been steadily climbing, in the US they are at the highest they’ve been in 30 years, in the UK they are the highest they’ve been in 20 years for women… There are people who feel they can’t endure the pain of living anymore and death is the only way out. I don’t see how Kate saying, “When I was growing up I was very lucky. My family was the most important thing to me. They provided me with somewhere safe to grow and learn, and I know I was fortunate not to have been confronted by serious adversity at a young age.” really helps. Yes, children need to feel supported but that’s ignoring other factors. A cheerleading squad and perfect family won’t help a chemical imbalance for instance. I’m not even sure kindness can be taught any more than any other character trait, but I guess children can be trained to be more mindful with their words and actions. Kate is visibly nervous when she delivers speeches so we know she has human emotions, I don’t understand why she wants to hard-sell the fairy-tale so badly she doesn’t draw on them. But maybe she’s spent so much time trying to be someone others wanted her to be she never thought to try to figure out who she is. That Oscar de la Renta suit is fabulous, it pains me that she sucked the life out of it.

      1. Its great to have you back dear Lola so on point again yep we think Williams trousers ouch soo tight
        the suit waity wore is a lovely suit but she does as you say suck the life out of it
        hope you feeling better and Nightwing is being adorable whilst you poorly

    2. The fake accent has got to go. I wish Kate would engage a speech coach and blame it on the speech training. Then she could emerge with her real voice, claim it is her newly trained voice and all the while keep up the pretense the fake voice is her real voice.

  4. I’m still laughing at “Pap smear on a bouncy castle” lol. Lola, you are quite the wordsmith! Another great post, though the closeup of Willie’s willy actually made me say “yuck” out loud.

    1. Thanks, Lori! Yes, I was a bit grossed out posting that photo of William’s willy but since I talk about Kate’s inappropriate attire, I feel like I have to bring up the increasing tightness of William’s trousers. It’s like getting a one-eyed side-eye.

  5. I wonder sometimes if Waity has a mouth full of gum as it certainly sounds like it.

    I pity any designer whose clothes Waity tries to wear. I was thrilled to see her hair tied back when she was running,

    1. Oscar de la Renta when done right can be breathtaking. I’ve got a serious crush on this gown:

      http://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/Oscar-de-la-Renta-Strapless-Silk-Faille-Gown-w-Ruffled-Train-Red/prod122110214_cat203005__/p.prod?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat203005%2526pageSize%253D30%2526Nao%253D30%2526refinements%253D4294917532&eItemId=prod122110214&cmCat=product

      You would have to try very hard to detract from it’s beauty. It might even be Kate-proof. Wait, I take that back. The two times Kate went strapless, she wore her hair down and it looked like dolly-curl clavicle drapery.

      I’d love to see Kate draw inspiration from the women in the Swedish Royal Family. Their updo game is strong, they wear broaches and diamond riviere in their hair, it’s fabulous.

  6. I wonder if her mangled speech is caused by desperately trying to hide her underbite which is there in all it’s glory in her rictus grin.

    1. Kate’s speaking voice is an affection she adopted at Marlborough because she was self-conscious about sounding middle class and wanted people to think she was posh. Pippa retained her regular speaking voice so it’s interesting to compare the two. When Kate juts her lower jaw forward, she reminds me of Thurston Howell III from Gilligan’s Island, I keep waiting for her to say, “Yes, Lovey.” But she never does.

  7. “His brother who looked like he either really wanted to win or was passing a kidney stone.”

    Hahahaha! perfect – that one actually made me hoot!

    1. I’m a little bit better than I was last week but have been experiencing some worrisome issues which might be neurological or might just be related to the level of pain I’ve been in. For instance I went to pick up some prescriptions close to my apartment and got banged up twice in attempts to sit down and catch my breath. The second time I went to sit down on some steps, I just got dizzy, everything went black and I would up falling onto the steps in a very ungraceful heap. My left shoulder got the worst of it with my knees not far behind. But at least the seizures have calmed down.

      1. Wow. I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through with your health.

        Today was a total laugh from start to finish. To find out how horrible you have been feeling makes the incredible writing all the more…incredible.

        I hope Nightwing is doing his part to help you feel better.

        1. Thanks. I’m glad there was some funny in there. Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell, I’ve felt like the last few weren’t my best so I appreciate that everyone has stuck around. Yes, Nightwing is doing his part. When I’m too sick to move, he won’t leave my side. For an entire week, he didn’t play with a single toy. He takes his self-appointed medical role very seriously.

          1. I am so glad to hear Nightwing is taking his responsibilities seriously. What is it with rescue dogs? From my experience their hearts are twice as big.

            To think Nightwing is incredibly famous, but remains loving and humble. I like that in a well known celebrity.

      2. Sorry to hear that, I used to suffer from Grand Mal epileptic seizures for many years so I know how awful they are. I hope you’re recovering well and how lovely that Nightwing is being so protective of you! Are your doctors getting closer to finding out what’s causing the disorientation?

      3. Prayers headed Heavenward for your complete recovery, Lola. We need you!! I guess I’m only repeating what others have said but truly your gift of humor isn’t in the least diminished by what you’re going through. Hang in there, and get well soon. Nightwing, you’re **truly** a hero, unlike. Well, I just can’t put your name in with his right now, I just ate. Our mini Schnauzers send their admiration your way. Your posts are well worth waiting for Lola, so you take care and count on prayers.

  8. Truly sorry to hear about the health problems you’ve been experiencing, Lola, and as G. said, it makes your humorous and insightful posts all the more impressive! Any post from you is a gift that I savor – even the ones you consider not your best. Here’s hoping you get some significant relief soon!

    “There are people who feel they can’t endure the pain of living anymore and death is the only way out.” That has actually been me, more than ever the last few months, and judging by increasing suicide rates, numerous others as well. So many people are suffering.

    Which makes their Royal Glibnesses all the more offensive, in their ivory-tower privilege and lack of interest in or caring about the world around them. Although, having just double-checked the definition of “glib,” they’re even worse than that. Because in addition to being insincere, superficial, and shallow, glibness involves “ease and fluency in speaking or writing” which these two obviously lack.

    I have found a bit of comfort recently in calling the toll-free prayer line at Silent Unity (1-800-669-7729). They are a “spiritual community that honors all paths to God” and “a positive alternative to negative religion.” They have had a healing ministry since 1889, and have a prayer chapel which has been in around-the-clock operation since that time. You can call any hour of the day or night, and someone will pray with and for you, and then they will add your name (and the names of anyone you request) to their prayer list for the next thirty days. Some of the prayers I’ve received have been absolutely *sublime*. Just want to mention this in case it’s of help to you or others, but if this is not appropriate for your blog, please delete this paragraph!

  9. Lola, I am so sorry to hear about your heath challenges. I will keep you in my prayers, and I know that if anyone can get through this with grace and humor it is you. Take care!

  10. Hi Lola,

    Oh no! I am sorry about your health, and I can sort of relate with hemiplegic migraines (stroke like migraines), TMJ and fibro for the past 10 years. I can’t imagine the seizures. If you want to PM me directly anytime, please do. I am here for you.

    I write too. I was an attorney for awhile and then worked from home, but the stress was too much. I am amazed at your wit given what you are going through, but sometimes pain can make you write stronger. Just know you aren’t alone in the world.

    Take care friend!

  11. Please Lola, for the health and safety of your followers, kindly include a disclaimer that food and or drinks while reading may be a danger to the health of your reader(s). I nearly choked on my tea while reading, surely I’m not the only one 🙂 xx

  12. A www Lola. I’m very worried about you. I hope you are under the care of a good doctor that knows what they are doing. I’m happy Nightwing is with you. He is your angel dog now.

    Thanks for all the wonderful posts. You never fail to give me a laugh!

  13. Gosh Dear Lola sending all good wishes didnt realize you are having seizures you poor darling so pleased you have Nightwing as they are the best company when ill they have an inner sense when something is not right when I had a fall my dog went to get help and brought people to me it was amazing. ..
    Your writing is incredible especially when you are not at your best we send all our best wishes as just love this site as you write so fantasticly ….

  14. Lola so very sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. I do hope you get everything sorted out as your blog is a bright spot in mine and a lot of people’s lives.

    Happy that you have Nightwing by your side. Please take good care of yourself and know that all of us are here for you.

  15. Why does Kate’s BAFTA dress look like it has either upside down Christmas trees or green ice creams on it?

  16. Yep there she goes again wearing designer outfit making her look like an anerexic. .. she is so thin and the dress is made to make her look even thinner
    dont like the dress with upside down bunches of flowers and on acold night to be in bare shoulders ugh… its so cold tonight but she gets out of car and into a hot palace …..
    They are both hugely disappointing …. as all they can do is go to glittery events

    1. But, but, but… That’s what she wants that you go ahead and say: “Oh, you are so thin” because that is one of the few things that gives her some self-esteem.

      Lola, please take care. We love u!

  17. Lola,

    Good to hear from you, sad all is not well. Your whole community stands with you as you battle this, cheering you on and supporting you through our words, thoughts, and prayers.

    Sending love,
    FKF

  18. She really isn’t small boned is she, string bean thin but those are swimmers shoulders and a smile like Shalene Woodley’s !!

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