Wow, Prince William and Kate Middleton’s royal tour may be a more powerful sleep aid than Ambien. I’m not sure if I’m even typing this or if it’s all just a dream but the goat in a scuba suit doing a Christopher Walken impression is really starting to freak me out.
Here’s a cut and paste of Day 4’s itinerary from the Daily Mail just in case there’s someone still out there who cares about this tour:
German Cancer Research Institute
William and Kate will meet Nobel Prize winner prof. Dr. Harald zur Hausen, and visit the stem cell research lab.
Traditional German market, Heidlberg
The pair will be given a tour of the traditional market by the Mayor of Heidlberg
Each will cox a boat each in a competitive race between the twinned town of Cambridge and Heidelberg.
Reception at Clärchens Ballhaus
A reception will be held at the last original dancehall in Berlin for some of the most exciting new names in the world of art, culture, style, fashion and technology.
Kate’s first dress was Jenny Packham, a rotten egg brocade that looks like the upholstery from a couch my parents got rid of before I was born. Some were commenting that Kate’s wedges didn’t go with the dress but other than some old fondue stains, not much would.
Kate changed out of her house frau frock and into her standard sporty look of a striped top and jeggings for the rowing competition. But, hang onto your hats, royal watchers, the blue of this Hugo Boss top was a lighter blue than she normally wears. I know. Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!
Kate’s jeggings were so tight, I’d be surprised if she was still able to have more children after wearing them. Yikes. Do they even make Monistat with morphine?
Prince William somehow won the rowing race. I don’t know much about rowing but I do question his contribution given that he’s just sitting there in this photo like Whistler’s Mother.
Did they not have any needlepoint William could do? Maybe some socks he could darn or buttons to sew back on?
Kate’s final wardrobe change was into a dress by German designer Markus Lupfer. It was either some kind of botanical print or decapitated zebra heads and paper bag ghosts.
We haven’t seen any major shiny this trip but it does look like Prince William gave Kate one of his mother’s bracelets.
Royal watchers were swooning over this admittedly cute picture in which Kate looks at Prince William with crazy stalker eyes.
Call me a romantic, but I think it’s sweet she’s looking at him like, ‘I want to weave a hammock out of your chest hair and drink your bath water’ and he’s looking at her like, ‘I’d love for you to meet my friends in security. Security!’