Day 4 of the Poland/Germany Royal Snore

Wow, Prince William and Kate Middleton’s royal tour may be a more powerful sleep aid than Ambien.  I’m not sure if I’m even typing this or if it’s all just a dream but the goat in a scuba suit doing a Christopher Walken impression is really starting to freak me out.

Here’s a cut and paste of Day 4’s itinerary from the Daily Mail just in case there’s someone still out there who cares about this tour:

German Cancer Research Institute

William and Kate will meet Nobel Prize winner prof. Dr. Harald zur Hausen, and visit the stem cell research lab.

Traditional German market, Heidlberg

The pair will be given a tour of the traditional market by the Mayor of Heidlberg

Rowing race

Each will cox a boat each in a competitive race between the twinned town of Cambridge and Heidelberg.

Reception at Clärchens Ballhaus

A reception will be held at the last original dancehall in Berlin for some of the most exciting new names in the world of art, culture, style, fashion and technology.



Kate’s first dress was Jenny Packham, a rotten egg brocade that looks like the upholstery from a couch my parents got rid of before I was born.  Some were commenting that Kate’s wedges didn’t go with the dress but other than some old fondue stains, not much would.


Kate changed out of her house frau frock and into her standard sporty look of a striped top and jeggings for the rowing competition.  But, hang onto your hats, royal watchers, the blue of this Hugo Boss top was a lighter blue than she normally wears.  I know.  Dogs and cats living together!  Mass hysteria!


Kate’s jeggings were so tight, I’d be surprised if she was still able to have more children after wearing them.  Yikes.  Do they even make Monistat with morphine?

Prince William somehow won the rowing race.  I don’t know much about rowing but I do question his contribution given that he’s just sitting there in this photo like Whistler’s Mother.



Did they not have any needlepoint William could do?  Maybe some socks he could darn or buttons to sew back on?

Kate’s final wardrobe change was into a dress by German designer Markus Lupfer.  It was either some kind of botanical print or decapitated zebra heads and paper bag ghosts.


We haven’t seen any major shiny this trip but it does look like Prince William gave Kate one of his mother’s bracelets.


Royal watchers were swooning over this admittedly cute picture in which Kate looks at Prince William with crazy stalker eyes.


Call me a romantic, but I think it’s sweet she’s looking at him like, ‘I want to weave a hammock out of your chest hair and drink your bath water’ and he’s looking at her like, ‘I’d love for you to meet my friends in security.  Security!’






69 thoughts on “Day 4 of the Poland/Germany Royal Snore”

  1. I’ve been reading your blog for a while and have never commented, but this last post made me laugh. Especially this:
    “Call me a romantic, but I think it’s sweet she’s looking at him like, ‘I want to weave a hammock out of your chest hair and drink your bath water’ and he’s looking at her like, ‘I’d love for you to meet my friends in security. Security!’

    It is nice to know that there are others who perceive those two nuts and their crazed relationship like I do. Especially when so many praise them in a way that makes a person feel as if they are crazy. Otherwise known as gas lighting.

    1. Welcome to the comments section, Brielle! I’m happy I could make you laugh. You’re among friends, here. Since I started following the Cambridges, I’ve definitely noticed a shift in how the Cambridges are perceived. There are still the die-hard fans, but royal watchers are becoming more openly critical, it’s really just a matter of time before those who praise become faint barely audible echoes of what once was.

      1. Thank you Lola you’re a gem. Congrats on writing so beautifully and establishing a wonderful blog where people can meet and experience a sense of community.

        1. Please, a book Lola.

          Have you seen the DM cost of cheap skeleton look wear for this trip- sych a waste -£27k in 5 days for grannie looking red bed ruffle skeleton, flashing flare airport stoop coat dress- grave Camp autrocities FLORAL skiet and ‘waste’ high flashing blouse – bright blue flashing open coat dress over lingerie short dress – £4500 kiki cheap costume look jewelry ..on and on with the classless entitled waity middleton, boring matchy matchy.

        2. I couldn’t agree more, Lola is the best. This ridiculously expensive pointless tour (seriously, making pretzels is going to help with international relations?) has shown a slight turn in the tide of ‘oooh, she’s so pretty and oooh a real live princess/duchess whatever is within camera range.’ Yeah right, like she’s ever not in camera range. I love the comment that Lola, and only Lola could say it so well about her puppy eyes toward her prize, and his unspoken thoughts regarding that. This is a place where you don’t have to tread lightly, if we respect each other and the blog Lola allows us to say what we really think. I like that.
          I’m also enjoying the ‘pr machine’s having to go into overdrive to make this couple look so very in love and caring, the crapola about waity’s solemn look being because she was thinking about poor little Billy’s mummy was an absolutely pathetic attempt to make waity look sensitive and thoughtful’. It bordered on insulting the intelligence of anyone with a working brain cell, better they should have just said nothing in my opinion.

      1. Since Phillip, Andrew, Anne, Diana and Charles have all dallied in extra-marital affairs (how does Queenie explain that away as head of a religion I wonder?), William will follow suit if he isn’t doing so already. Hence the desperation. Harry has been known to go after women he knew were already in a relationship, the little turd, because what princeling wants, princeling must get. They are all disgusting.

        1. I have lost pretty much any regard for Harry, he’s cool and all and certainly a whole lot more interesting than his brother, but: I wonder if he doesn’t intentionally seek out women who are in a relationship to avoid having to actually work at one on his own, and take his chances that being a princeling (love that word) isn’t all that impressive and awe inspiring. Just a thought. Yeah, the standards of morality and commitment to anyone or anything is quite low in the ‘firm’. Queenie is a very petty person as far as I’m concerned. End of. (I know, I know, the woman is 91 years old, but with all the birthday celebrations even that might be questionable, still she wasn’t **always** an elderly woman).

  2. I wanted to mention one other comment someone had made that had me lol. Back story is: the DM article the comment was of had to do with Kate’s statement regarding having another child with William.
    Someone said ” if no.3 is ginger haired questions will be asked” or something to that effect.
    I wish I knew how to send a link so that you all could laugh as much as I did. I really do hope the comment brightens someone’s day.

  3. Good thing I am working from home today.. cause after reading the line about the hammock… I went to my jewelry box, put on my pearls, so I could clutch them. That was way to good !!

    1. If Willie thought she looked like a banana in her yellow Wimbledon dress, and now she looks like Big Bird, caught in a fisherman’s lace trap, what is the combined answer? Willie’s shotten bird, served up with mustard and bananas? Big Bird’s little Willie, all dressed in yellow and tights? Yes, we have no bananas, cause Big Bird ate them all last night?

  4. OMG Lola – so funny!!!

    Whistler’s Mother, Monistat with morphine – dying!

    I really want to go to KP, Middleton Manor (whatever it’s called), and Amner Hall & confiscate all 135 pairs of the jeggings I will surely find there. I know she wants to show off her skeletal frame, but does she realize how stubby they make her supposed long legs look? Also, Hugo Boss is my 2nd favorite splurge designer, and she needs to keep away!

    *That* was the lovey-dovey look all the sugars were going gaga over? She definitely looks like a crazed stalker, and William looks like he is trying to not scare the crazy lady before security arrives. But the fact that his face shows something other than the usual contempt means they are soooo in looove Also, her latest nose job is very noticeable, and is there a new chin implant as well?

    1. Thanks, GingerMini. I never truly grasped how short Kate’s legs were until this latest jeggings outing. Her arms look longer than her legs. I’m not sure how many jeggings Kate has but I stumbled over this fun fact posted on Twitter by @ufonomore. “Kate has 95 bags, 119 pairs of shoes, 205 dresses, 37 gowns and 75 tops that are identified.” That’s just what’s been identified.

      1. Those were just her purchases for this Holitour Lola – none of which I would wear even if you paid me.

    2. Dumb question. Are “jeggings” the same idea as Lu La Roe leggings on this side of the pond? Because, honestly, the only places I wear those are the gym and yoga.

          1. I agree, they are vulgar and especially on a supposed ‘tour where she represents the UK’. I wonder if she has to lay on a bed to zip them up and peel them off at the end of the day. I don’t slam body types, nor do I see anyone here doing that so don’t hurt me, but no body looks good in anything that tight, and again she’s on ”the job”. That puppy eyed look? Think cameras. Look at my prize all ye who are jealous of my life. She’s a bit too old to act like a ‘groupie’, but then again her mummy has a ‘crush’ on a guy young enough to be her son. I wouldn’t want that in the papers if it were me.
            Kate seems to be drawn towards clothing that is too small for her, that lavender dress was pulling at the sleeve seams while she was ‘playing with the baton’ directing the orchestra. She appears to be desperately clinging to the idea that she’s but a slip of a girl, young and pretty and ever so cute. Kate is a naturally pretty woman/child, but she certainly isn’t any sort of ambassador for Britain, she’s a flirty giggly emotionally stunted Disney brained loose cannon. That’s my view. And I wonder if Billy boy isn’t a nervous wreck wondering what she’ll do or say next.

  5. So funny,Lola. I just love your blog.
    Is a chin implant the reason her face looks different?

      1. I have trawled through the millions of pics on DM wesite today.There are 2 pics of her and William seated in the car waving.Either the sunlight or the camera flashes caught her cheeks,complete with blusher. I thought that these pics really showed implants. I can’t remember which dress she was wearing so I can’t say which event they were at,or leaving and waving goodbye.I don’t feel like going through all the pics again to check. Maybe someone else noticed.

          1. Thank you Lola, the top 2 are the ones I meant. Does anyone else think these pics show cheek implants?

            1. Maybe not implants but fillers. She has had jowls in the past which have recently disappeared and that would be the work of fillers.

              1. Thank you Nic919
                Do fillers lift the cheeks as well as implants?
                don’t really know much about such things !

                1. I thought she had emergency surgery on her eyes, as they suddenly looked narrow, reminding me of Melania Trump and Gwyneth Paltrow, in the photos while wearing her fleeing bird dress. Her face looked more square, and cheeks fuller, too. Her arms do not look as toned as a few weeks ago, too. Maybe she was so unrelateable to not only the average person; she and her sister were morphing into Madonna?

                  1. I never really noticed her eyes. It was the cheeks I was looking at.
                    Ha Ha to Madonna arms…you are so right.

          2. Satsuki, I was curious but not about to scroll thru pictures, so thank you!!! In some of those pictures waity looks strange, odd and to me it’s obvious that she has done something. Or maybe it’s just the angle. I don’t get why such a relatively young woman would think that she has to change her very face. I am concerned that waity is all about her looks, her body, and no matter how much ‘work’ is done we all inevitably succumb to gravity and age. If this and ***the*** ring is the extent of her identity? Not going to end well for her, and it also indicates to this short fat little person that Billy isn’t one bit supportive of the real Kate, and Kate knows it and keeps trying to please him. Not possible.

        1. Well, if the cheeks don’t deflate as they usually do when the fillers wear off, we’ll have our answer.

  6. And as this tour comes to an end, I as a Londoner am still confused as to how they could coin this to be a ‘Brexit Charm Offensive’! Even the daily fail are struggling to write as much sycophantic crud as they normally do for this pair. No longer do they garner the top post online, nor on the media channels here in London – last night they were nth down the line on the 10pm news……

  7. So much ugly, expensive new clothing. Wonder how much she’ll spend for the just-announced Belgium trip?

    Their daughter pitched a small fit today while leaving. Nanny Maria has been well-hidden for most of this tour, no? Wonder if we’ll get another set of mummy-taken photos for their son’s birthday tomorrow.

    1. She squats down to talk to the child, and i’m sure manages to flash us. To think we’d gone a tour without a flashing incident……

    2. Whiny entitled the lazy throne idle, gave a cheap recycle – so secretive and private that he claim is regular – value for millions from tax payers Duchy funding – his and middleton ILs residence – multiple renovations, tennis court etc. He recycle from helicopter departure.

  8. Oh my! This is the best one yet, Lola!! I haven’t laughed this hard in weeks! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  9. Are you sure that’s a loving look being cast at William in that picture? That’s the look my parents give each other when dad crop dusts my mom in public and she catches onto his game (not that he ever gets away with it).

  10. I nearly stopped when I read “in case there’s someone still out there who cares about this tour” because I don’t.

    Who knew Royalty could be so boring?

    1. Temi! Always lovely to see you in the comments! It shouldn’t be possible for any two people to be this dull, but William and Kate somehow manage time after time.

    2. Me – what did you expect Temi with Willnot and Kannot ? This is the numpty who played at home with Mummy and Daddy for 10 years waiting for Willnot to finally realise that no-one else would have him – no wonder my kitchen sink looks exciting in comparison.

      1. +1

        Waste of status- royal standards and goodwill work for the people of GB CW and the world!

        1. Now now people. She made a pretzel. What more could anyone ask for in terms of creating world peace and harmony.

  11. I wrote that I will not come back, until I could laugh again. Well, Lola, you and everyone else on your fabulous, too-good-to-be-true-blog made me laughed until I cried, these past moments. Please, please, please, write as often as possible? And as to gaslighting – Ingrid Bergman was in the kindergarten (I know at least one word of German, stupid Katie) class compared to a true story of gaslighting. No, it is not a match lit while my husband is passing wind. Farting.

  12. My immediate thought was the old song “The look of love, is in your heart, dear….”. Then, I guessed they stumbled onto this site, by Big Bird Mistake, and read the astonishing news that People Magazine is not the Bible of American masses, or Hello! Is really saying Goodbye! My final thought, maybe, is Katie-Klown thinking “Mummy told me when a hun beds you, to think of England! But I think of the King Suite at Pippa’s Place at St. Bart. Caribbean island. Is that a foreign language? Where is Henry?”

  13. Making pretzels, conducting symphonies … They’ve become a traveling reality challenge show.

  14. Are they really going to Belgium? Why? To increase their work numbers? I thought that I could catch a break from hearing of them in the news.

    1. Hi Brielle,

      I found this on the official Facebook page of “Majestic magazine”:


      Sunday 30th July – Monday 31st July 2017

      On behalf of Her Majesty The Queen, the Prince of Wales will attend commemorations marking the centenary of the first day of Passchendaele, the third Battle of Ypres. His Royal Highness will be accompanied by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

      On Sunday 30th July, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will attend the Last Post ceremony at the Commonwealth War Graves Commission Ypres (Menin Gate) Memorial. Two hundred descendants whose ancestors are named on the gate will attend alongside representatives from nations who fought on the Salient. The King and Queen of the Belgians will be present.

      Later that evening, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will visit the Market Square in Ypres for an event that will tell the story of the four years of war on the Salient with performances and music set to a backdrop of light projections onto the historic Cloth Hall.

      On Monday 31st July, the Prince of Wales will be accompanied by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge for commemorations at the Commonwealth War Graves Commission’s Tyne Cot Cemetery to mark the centenary of the first day of Passchendaele, the third Battle of Ypres. The King and Queen of the Belgians will be present.

      The Prince of Wales will then officially open the Zonnebeke Church Dugout, a preserved First World War dugout which forms part of the Memorial Museum Passchendaele.

      Following the opening of the dugout, the Prince of Wales will open the nearby British Memorial Poppy Garden in Passchendaele Memorial Park. His Royal Highness and Their Majesties will be able to meet some of the designers and gardeners who look after the memorial gardens.

      The Prince of Wales will then join hundreds of guests at the Exhibition Field at Passchendaele Memorial Park to meet families and descendants of those who fought and fell at Passchendaele, the third Battle of Ypres, as well as school children learning about the history of the battle.

      His Royal Highness will then go on to the Welsh National Service of Remembrance at the Welsh National Memorial Park to mark the centenary of Passchendaele and the Welsh soldiers who lost their lives in the battle.

      Following the service, The Prince of Wales will visit Artillery Wood Cemetery. His Royal Highness will tour the cemetery, which includes the graves of poets Hedd Wyn and Francis Ledwidge, both killed during the Battle of Passchendaele.

      The third Battle of Ypres, known as Passchendaele, began in the early hours of 31st July 1917. Its primary objective was to dislodge German forces from the high ground around the city of Ypres (now Ieper) and then advance to Belgian coastal ports from where German U-boats threatened Allied shipping. Men from virtually every corner of Britain’s then Empire took part.

      They faced well-established enemy defences and heavy rain that turned the battlefields into a muddy quagmire. The conditions at Passchendaele are among the most enduring images of the First World War. The offensive ended after the capture of Passchendaele village by Canadian forces on 10th November. By the battle’s end, the Allied forces had advanced a mere eight kilometres. The human cost was appalling – an estimated 500,000 men on both sides had been killed, wounded, were captured or missing.”

    2. +1

      Esoecially theur trips are a waste of tax funding and Duchy. THE FO could use those funds for more meaniful results. Why do the laziest entitled royals earn these vacations!? Wasteful May government!

  15. Thanks for a good laugh Lola – I can’t believe (well I can I guess) that such a boing bunch of “fashion” was trotted out . . . so much of it drab in style as well as fabric choice. As for the floral number at the Concentration Camp in Poland . . . . . if Kate seriously had no idea of appropriate attire why didn’t she get one of the staff to Google what Royals have worn in the past ??? Poor Charles – he gets saddled with this pair in Belgium

  16. Thank you for covering this tour Lola! It’s much more fun reading your thoughts on the tour than a media outlet and cringing at the thousands of photos (like squatting down with Charlotte. Ugh, Herazeus I can’t believe she’s still doing that in shorter dresses)

    I’m still trying to figure out why the kids were there. We saw them get on and off of planes in clothing coordinated with their parents. Is there something I’m missing? Did George and Charlotte engage in secret Brexit unification talks while mom and dad diverted the masses with their visit to the pretzel factory?

    Next up, Belgium. Sounds like someone is going shopping!

  17. As am suffering with inflamed tooth after hving filling out then root canal and was feeling off.. Dear Lolas post has made me laugh so much ..Thankyou ..
    Made me forget ab painfultooth..
    It’s refreshing on here reading truth as sycophants abt Lamebridges and they are useless pair ..

  18. For a small sum of £26k, Chutney is apparently a wise investment according to some UK media outlets? I personally am not sure how some think this so…. the red off the should dress made her look like a relic from the 70’s, the floral get-up and open-toed sandals at the concentration camp – a complete disrespect to anyone whom passed there years ago, I am flabbergasted we didn’t manage to see ‘builders crack’ when she bent over to get into the boat…..

      1. Wouldn’t it be great if a newspaper outlet actually gave the dreary Cambridge’s an unvarnished opinion of their worth? But most of these articles are palace plants aren’t they? Just endless propaganda to keep the Windsor’s in luxury?

      2. After visiting a Concentration Camp, 2 Holocaust Memorials perhaps it wasn’t a good idea in the art of diplomatic dressing to wear Hugo Boss a few days later. Hugo Boss started out making uniforms for the Nazis.

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