Tag Archives: Kate Middleton Criticism

Cambridge to Nowhere

Once again, Prince William and Kate Middleton begin a new year being criticized for their lackluster performance and putting in far less work than other members of the Royal Family, including the Queen and Prince Philip who are in their 90s.  Prince William only managed 188 engagements in 2016 while Kate only showed up for 140.  The Cambridge’s numbers for 2016 are impressively low considering they undertook two tours which are big numbers-boosters because all of those airport greetings and “private” touristy experiences from which the press was banned counted as official engagements.

Since joining the British Royal Family in April of 2011, Kate has only undertaken a grand total of 484 engagements to date.  In 2016 alone, Prince Charles handled 530 engagements while Princess Anne had 509 so Kate still hasn’t cumulatively pulled off in almost six years what other members of the family manage in one.

The Daily Mail ran an article detailing how Prince William and Kate only do half the work Prince Charles and Princess Diana did at a comparable stage in their married lives when they were raising young children.

Not surprisingly, the public was reminded on Friday Prince William has another job he pretends to do sometimes with a series of photos taken by the same photographer who managed to track down the future king on the job last year when the press and public were grumbling loudly about Work-shy William.

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Prince William’s contract with East Anglian Air Ambulance  ends in March, the fact that he’s still in the co-pilot seat shows he puts in as much effort there as he does with his royal role.  It’s not that big of a deal, though.  Most air ambulances just have the one pilot, the government had to purchase a special helicopter for EAAA so Prince William could play co-pilot because he was unqualified for the job.  Once William decides he wants to be a cowboy or open a fake psychic detective agency, the EAAA just has to make a minor software adjustment to switch their air ambulance freebie back to a one pilot helicopter.  Or Prince William may decide to extend his contract, after all he’s able to dictate his EAAA schedule claiming royal duty while using the job as an excuse as to why he can’t do more royal engagements.

Something seems off about these photos in the Daily Mail piece.  Maybe it’s just Prince William’s stiff posture as he tries to emulate someone who does stuff or his getting the EAAA photo op out of the way so early in January that’s throwing me off, but there are two side by side pictures where the foliage doesn’t seem consistent at the same portion of the tail boom.

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Of course it could just be the angle.  Just like the strange violet hue at the top of William’s head could be explained by lighting conditions.

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But it got me thinking.  It’s hard to juggle both holidays and PR photo ops.  I mean, those poor Cambridges have to fit in both sandy beaches and snowy slopes not long after their time off at Christmas.  Instead of going through all the trouble of having to go work and try to remember what it is he supposedly does so it can be captured by a photographer like Geoff Robinson, why don’t they just shoot Prince William in various poses against a green screen?  That way he can easily be dropped into heroic scenes while he’s working on his tan or hitting the slopes or playing video games in the Fortress of Solitude.  Then whenever there’s word of a taxpayer torch and pitchfork mob forming, the Palace Press Office can release photos of Prince William in various heart-warming scenes like rescuing a box of kittens…

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Saving the Earth from an asteroid…

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Defeating the Kraken…

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Or even diverting attention away from any of his wife’s future flashing with a Marilyn moment of his own.

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Since Kate rarely speaks and when she does, she’s difficult to understand, they can try to beef up her numbers by having her assistant carry around a life-size cardboard cutout of her to her various patronages and see if anyone even notices.

Of course, the Cambridges might just opt to send everyone in the UK a photo from their next holiday with the message “We’re just not that into you.” especially since Prince William (the future Head of the Church of England) and Kate skipped sending out a Christmas card this year. (Instead they mailed out a photo from the Canada tour thanking those who sent them warm holiday wishes.  Other royals adhered to tradition with Prince Harry’s holiday card featuring children of an Invictus Games veteran while Prince Charles’ and Camilla’s holiday card included a photo from their Croatia tour).

Prince William and Kate deciding to spend Christmas at Bucklebury for the second time, a year after they skipped the Queen’s Christmas lunch in order to host the Middletons at Anmer Hall, suggests they don’t really feel strongly bound to the Royal Family or its traditions.  While there have been no repercussions, even the Royal Family must be wondering about the future of the monarchy under William the Reluctant.

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The Yarn Doll Duchess

On Thursday, Kate Middleton had two events.  During the first, Kate met with former drug and alcohol addicts and screened three of the three minute short films from the Recovery Street Film Festival.  The second event was the screening of the film A Street Cat Named Bob about the journey of a homeless recovering addict and an injured stray cat as they rescue each other.

Kate wore a white dress by Self-Portrait, deep red Gianvito Rossi court shoes, a Mulberry Clutch and a poppy pin.

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Basically, Kate looked like she stood in front of a mirror, said “Bloody Mary” three times and then stole summoned ghost bitch’s look.

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The wind appeared to be even more over Kate’s growing doily dress collection than the rest of us because it attempted to physically rip the dress off her body.  This still is screen grabbed from the video Emily Nash posted on Instagram.

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According to one weather source, November weather happens every November in London.

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The dress didn’t look much better indoors.  Kate looked like one of those yarn dolls.

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It’s surprising the film’s star, Bob, didn’t take to Kate more, cats are supposed to like playing with yarn.

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Bob flicked his tail back and forth while Kate stroked the top of his head.  As anyone who speaks cat knows, that’s a feline warning sign that kitty is not in his happy place, cease and desist all activity or it’s about to go down.  Reportedly Kate asked Bob’s human if the feline film star was purring or growling.  To Bob’s credit, he resisted shredding the doily dress but he’ll have to work on throwing a proper diva tantrum if he hopes to make it in Hollywood.

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The Duchess of Cambridge’s Deadly Poppy Field

Remember the scene from The Wizard of Oz when the Wicked Witch of the West nearly succeeds in offing Dorothy with the Deadly Field of Poppies?

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Well, McQueen has managed to capture that feeling of nearly dying in your sleep in a custom dress for Kate Middleton.  She wore it at a Buckingham Palace reception honoring Olympic and Paralympic athletes.

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The print is from the 2017 Pre-Spring/Summer Collection.  Its original dress form is this:

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It also comes in a blouse.

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Sarah Burton likely realized the overdose potential of this poppy print and Kate should have just said no to it in this much fabric.  It’s so grandmotherly, it is possible the cut died of natural causes, but the toxicology report suggests foul play.  The Daily Mail article has lots of photos of the fashion crime scene.

An opium overdose at least seems like it would be a more peaceful way to go than the death-by-boredom the Cambridges are inflicting on royal-watchers.  I couldn’t even make it all the way through the Canada tour which was as exciting as looking at a neighbor’s vacation pics.  In Tom Sykes’ article What’s Wrong With William and Kate’s Tour of Canada? he discusses the global disinterest in a tour that fizzled before it even started.  Once again the Cambridge’s insisted on having their private events, shutting out a shrunken press pack for a wine tasting, a sail, and whatever else happened while I had nodded off.

As interest in the future king and queen consort wanes, the question remains, could Prince William and Kate possibly be this dull, or are they attempting to have the private lives with public figure perks they crave by boring the masses into a deep slumber?  Kate’s dress and hair so amped up with add-ons she looked like her own bobblehead doll suggest she wanted to stand out in a crowd of dark hues and normal-headed people, but maybe the Paper Doll Duchess just wants to be noticed on her own terms, when she’s packing poppies.

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Fortunately for the Olympic and Paralympic Athletes at the Buckingham  Palace, Prince Harry followed behind Kate’s poppy field, so if anyone felt themselves glazing over from Kate’s small talk about George liking swimming, fencing and hockey and Charlotte already being an accomplished equestrian at 17 months, he could Glinda them right out of permanent sleep.  Not sure why gingers seem to get stuck with revival duties for the poppy-pickled, but long live Good King Harry because this whole Synchronized Head Tilt wouldn’t even qualify the Cambridges for the Feigned Interest competition at the Royal Olympics.

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La Vie En Bleu

On Saturday just shy of 4pm, the Cambridge’s plane landed in Victoria, kicking off their eight day Canadian tour, the cost of which is born by the host company.  Prince William and Kate’s 2011 Canada Tour came in around $1.2 million for taxpayers.

Even before the Cambridges touched down, Twitter revealed that no matter where the new royal tours go, the same old frustrations still exist.

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Really, that’s how the Palace want to kick off the tour?  Ticking off the skilled professionals who use their talents to paint the Cambridges in a more interesting hue in the global media?  This group who climbed into shuttles to meet the Cambridge Quartet at the airport?

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The littlest royals were spotted peaking out of the craft ahead of the official arrival.  I imagine Prince George turned to the staff and said, “Nope.  Shut it down.”

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Weather at the time of the landing was overcast and in the upper 50s.

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The Cambridges wore blue because no other colors exist for them anymore, they have adopted the hue as their official  team color.  Kate was in Jenny Packham, a Lock & Co hat and wore the Maple Leaf Brooch, on loan from the Queen.

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It was Kate’s best arrival look to date and was fitted which avoided flashing.  Kate’s Jenny Packham shade was slightly more sophisticated than the Smurf Blue she’s been favoring during her Blue Period.  She managed to make it down the stairs in nude heels, carrying Charlotte and holding George’s hand when the steps proved a bit steep for his little legs.

Kate tried to create cute kid moments but looked like the socially awkward adult at parties who targets the family cat and winds up clutching poor Fluffy like Lennie from Of Mice and Men. Kate’s attentions were focused on trying to get Charlotte to wave and squatting down in front of George in a rather unregal manner instead of interacting with the adults who waited around on a tarmac to greet them such as the Prime Minister and the Governor General.

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It appears the Windsor is already coming out in Charlotte who looks to me like she will resemble Princess Eugenie.

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George managed to get off a royal wave but was more interested in a Sea King that was landing nearby so no paternity test is needed.

The royal convoy then made a quick trip to the Government House.

According to the royal correspondents on Twitter, approximately 10,000 people gathered to welcome the Cambridges to Victoria.  Unfortunately for those who were waiting, Prince William and Kate were running late so staff gathered up the bouquets instead.

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Prince William and Kate laid a wreath in honor of Canada’s fallen soldiers and shook hands with select military personnel.

As part of the welcome ceremony, Prime Minister Trudeau and Prince William gave speeches. The reception Prime Minister Trudeau received suggests he was a large part of the event’s draw, he received louder cheers than the Cambridges.

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William attempted a line in French, sheepishly admitting his French was “rusty”.  As someone who hasn’t had a chance to speak French often over the last few years, I would describe mine as rusty, Prince William’s French was a linguistic massacre.  I died a little inside.  In lieu of flowers or donations, please send Chanel.

At the end of the welcome ceremony, Kate accepted flowers and the couple headed to the Government House for a photo op with the Trudeaus.  While Sophie Trudeau is touted as a fashion icon, I can’t be supportive of the Duchess of York style shoulder bows on her Edition de Robe dress, discordant eggplant Saucy milliner hat (which  I love on its own) and plastic and suede court shoes.

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But at least it wasn’t blue.  Picasso’s infamous Blue Period marked a time of severe depression and despair in his life between the years of 1901 and 1904.  Kate’s been hitting the blue hard lately.  Hopefully she is okay and the observation that if she loses those pesky last 20 grams of spinal cord, she’ll finally obtain her goal of being just a floating head isn’t in poor taste.  Normally it would be irregardless, but given her pre-wedding comment about her concerning weight loss being “all part of the plan”, I suspect Kate would find it the nicest compliment I’ve ever paid her.

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Mental Health by Mattel

After holidaying at Balmoral with the Queen, Prince William and Kate Middleton returned to duty with an appearance at Stewards Academy in Essex which participates in the Place2Be program.

While Kate is the royal patron of Place2Be, there is unfortunately not much to discuss about the Paper Doll Duchess beyond her outfit.  The speech was given by Prince William and Kate made no comments deemed noteworthy by the press.  The conversation contributions Kate did manage were hard to hear and based on her hand gestures seemed like they were probably pamphlet parroting (she makes air circles when she regurgitates material).

At Friday’s event, Kate debuted a $2,150 (£1,728) dress by Altuzarra.

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At first glance, I thought the 1930s-inspired dress had a black and white pill pattern, but alas, it was abstract dots.  Kate accessorized it into sedation with her usual LK Bennett nude court shoes and Nina box clutch combo.  Given that the cut of the dress with its yoke and button-down front has a vintage housedress feel, she really needed to take it in a different direction with the accessories.  The dress cried out for a belt on her and Kate loves to belt dresses so I’m not really sure where cinching breakdown occurred.  And if Kate really feels strongly about wearing a court shoe, I wish she would at least go with one that doesn’t look like a leather lobotomy like this Paul Andrew Ayla pump.

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Even though Kate has a runway figure, she always sticks with the same fashion formula: dress + pumps + clutch =  wake me when it’s over.  I would have loved  to see something other than the same old, maybe over the knee boots and a top knot bag.  This is a glorious time for accessories from Chanel pearls to the revival of kinderwhore Mary Janes, leather bags with chains and candy-colored faux fur scarves.  Designers like Saint Laurent have left no woman behind in their fall collections.  And for all of the duchess’ McQueen,  how does she not have these gloves?  How do I not have these gloves?

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Kate’s Altuzarra dress had a sexed-up high side slit that was tamed by some tailoring but she still managed to show off some of her legs with long strides upon arrival, which was really the only time I noticed she came with bendable joints.

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Otherwise Kate’s body language seemed rigid throughout the two hour engagement  suggesting she was even more  uncomfortable than usual.  In candid pics, Kate looked like she had been bent into  poses meant to mimic animation during the product shoot and was in danger of tipping over.

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With her doll hair, Kate basically looked like Mental Health Midge, a member of Barbie’s squad who, according to the box, cares how you feel, leather couch, framed diploma and prescription pad sold separately.

While William and Kate were doing their greetings, the Vice Lord Lieutenant, Jonathan Douglas-Hughes, took a tumble.  The Daily Mail has a video.  Compassionate Kate was so worried about the welfare of the 72-year-old man, her reaction was to turn her back to him and attempt to resume her conversation with her hand on her chest to convey surprise by the disruption and possibly concern.  Once Kate realized all of the attention was on the man sprawled out on the pavement, she then turned back again and took a couple of awkward steps towards him and stopped as Prince William and others helped him up.  Fortunately, the man was just embarrassed and did not appear to be injured beyond needing an ice pack for his wrist, although hopefully he was looked at by a medical professional.

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Prince William and Kate attended an assembly at which selected students highlighted some of the issues they face with changes in their lives.  Despite Place2Be being Kate’s charity, Prince William was the voice at the event, providing sound bites and a speech during which he admitted to having the jitters which had a humanizing effect and seemed to put everyone at ease.

Based on how uncomfortable Kate appears at events focusing on mental health, I’m not sure this is the cause for her.  It doesn’t exactly help destigmatize mental health issues when the charity’s patron doesn’t look like she wants to be there and decides to pass along speaking responsibilities to her husband.  I mean, Prince William doesn’t ask her to pretend to be a pilot, she should be able to step up to the podium.  Allegedly at the launch of the Heads Together campaign, Kate was the only one slated to speak but she decided last minute she couldn’t do it so the speech was divided up with Princes William and Harry delivering the bulk of the content.  A forum comment I randomly stumbled across mentions organizers were left scrambling two hours before the event to find additional podiums and microphones:

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While Kate has always struggled with public speaking, she seems either less willing or less able to perform one of her major job requirements when it comes to the Heads Together campaign.  If mental health doesn’t interest her or makes her feel uncomfortable, it is too important a cause to have its Palace-professed champion attempt to convey the message that mental health issues are something everyone should feel comfortable talking about while remaining silent.

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Cornwall Tour Light

On Thursday, Prince William and Kate Middleton began a two day mini tour of Cornwall and the Isles of Scilly, staying at the historic 16th century Restormel Manor in Lostwithiel on Thursday night.  This Tour Light is the Cambridge’s first official visit to Cornwall which will one day give them millions of reasons to stick with the royaling.  The Duchy of Cornwall presently provides Prince Charles with approximately £20million in annual income and will pass to William when Charles gets kinged.

For Day 1, Kate wore a Lela Rose dress (initially sold for $1,295) which has the same cut as most of her dresses in the same shade of PMS pink as the McQueen pieces she debuted in Adelaide.  This isn’t Kate’s first Lela Rose dress, the US designer also made the white doily dress Kate wore to the reception hosted by Australia’s Governor General.  Kate’s accessories with this pink dress underwhelmed with her Kiki McDonough earrings getting lost in her hair and the beige Monsoon wedges receiving the brunt of the criticism.  Wedge dismay appeared in the top ten highest rated comments of the Daily Mail piece on the first day of the tour.

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Throughout the day’s events, Kate’s fingers frequently retreated into her hair sparking critical comments on social media while Kate’s rapid fire facial expression rotation left me with second-hand TMJ.  Kate appeared to be on stage  in a summer improv class with an instructor commanding her, “You’re sad.   You’re a sad tree.  You’re Howdy Doody.  You’re Howdy Doody telekinetically making soup with too much parsley.  Now you’re a spider monkey.  You’re a sexy spider monkey.  You’re a sexy tree that just ate a sad spider monkey.”  No smile was too big to fake, no sympathetic head tilt too steep to make.  Just some of the many Faces of Kate on Thursday:

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If only Kate cared as much about her posture as her exaggerated expressions.  The last person with this much of a hunched back lived in a bell tower:

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It can’t be comfortable to sit like that.  She looks like she has a turtle head poking out of a pink shell.

Arriving by helicopter on Thursday, the Cambridges started off the Cornwall tour-ette with a stop at Truro Cathedral where they signed a slate for their £3.2 new roof campaign.

Afterwards, they went on a royal walkabout.

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Kensington Palace naturally went with a photo on Twitter where the crowd was a little denser.  No wonder they want royal reporting to become an extinct profession, they aren’t drawing the same kind of crowds anymore, although there was much more of a turn-out in Cornwall than at recent events.

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Prince William and Kate hit another drop-in centre, the Zebs Youth Centre  which provides local adults-to-be with creative outlets.  After a tour, both Prince William and Kate admitted it took a long time to figure out what they wanted to be when they grow up.

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Strange remarks considering Prince William has had that future king gig on hold for him and Kate seems pretty fixed on a life of doing as much nothing as humanly possible.

Prince William and Kate headed to Healeys Cyder Farm which is celebrating its 30th Anniversary.

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Kate passed on the cider but did take a small sip of whiskey suggesting she is probably not presently pregnant despite her small B Cups looking like they got a visible boost.  I guess sometimes good bras happen to lazy duchesses.

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Kate also got hands-on with a horse, putting to rest horse allergy rumors.  The rumor traces back to Kate herself at a polo match during the Waitying Years.  When Australian writer Kathy Lette asked Kate why she didn’t play, Kate retorted that she was allergic.  Unaware that Kate was on a royal girlfriend high horse, Kathy took Kate’s cold brush-off at face value and repeated her remarks.  Horses got back at Kate during the royal wedding, though.  Reportedly several of the horses were unusually difficult to handle that day with one horse throwing its rider near the carriage and making a break for it, spooking Kate in the process.  But on Thursday when the Duchess of Cambridge met Duchess the horse, there appeared to be no hard feelings.

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They checked out development projects in Nansledan and Tregunnel Hill before wrapping the day up on Newquay’s Towan Beach.

I’m sure it was a total coincidence the royal press pack was left to wait for William and Kate’s arrival at the water’s edge with the tide rising.

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The Cambridges met with the group Young People Cornwall Wave Project which uses surfing to promote mental well-being.

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At the photo-op, the Cambridges went with I’m-not-a-regular-Mom-I’m-a-cool-Mom gnarly hand gestures.  Somewhere Prince George and Princess Charlotte instinctively shuddered and died a little inside.

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What makes it an even more cringe-worthy photo is the placement of Kate’s other hand.  She looks like she’s diddling Miss Daisy, tickling her ivories, dancing with herself…

Despite there being much to criticize, there were also moments where the Cambridges seemed to have genuine moments with people sincerely excited about seeing them.

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That’s what I find so frustrating about Prince William and Kate.  They are both capable of performing their duties and giving people wonderful memories they will carry with them throughout their lives.   How can anyone capable of providing flickers of happy or at least a little brightness in the lives of others merely by showing up resist engagements and hole up in the Fortress of Solitude?  Hopefully whatever they decided they want to be when they grow up will involve performing their duties and serving those who support the monarchy.

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The Prince and Queen Bey

On Friday, Prince George accompanied Prince William and Kate Middleton to the Royal International Air Tattoo in Gloucestershire,  his first official royal engagement in the UK.  In December, Kate became Patron of the Air Cadet Organization which is celebrating its 75th Anniversary.

Daily Mail article has a slew of pics from the event, some of which I’ve screen grabbed for illustrative purposes.

Kate wore her blue Ridley Stretch Cady Dress by Stella McCartney which seems to be a favorite of hers for public appearances that require crouching down.  Queen Letizia does pants to perfection, I wish Kate would take some style inspiration from her.   The press would credit Kate for inventing pants anyway, so it’s not like Kate would risk being accused of fashion poaching from another royal.

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I could dedicate an entire post to Kate’s dress which she’s worn a few times before, like how Kate’s unusually long strides make her look like she’s been wearing the same pair of Depends for the past week, but I’m not going to go there.

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Okay, I did go there.  But just once for this post.  Mainly because the Daily Mail’s pictorial feast revealed something far more glorious.    Prince George is Prince Grumpy Cat no more.

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The UK’s tiniest maybe future king has graduated to, just shy of his third birthday, Prince Beyoncé-in-Training.

At the air show, wind and Sasha Fierceness were both cued.

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The wave to acknowledge all who aren’t royal or Beyoncé was nailed.

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George even delivered a “Because you’re worth it” pout…

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… with some fish face silliness thrown in.

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But alas, there was an inner peace in pieces moment.

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Even adults have those moments where they feel overwhelmed.  Some thought headphones were put on Prince George to muffle the crowd and aircraft noise but he probably just wanted to listen to his Best of Beyoncé playlist.

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Adam Levine might aspire to move like Jagger, but Beyoncé appears to be Prince George’s musical muse.

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George is so Beyoncé in fact, he appears to have reached a state of Ultimate Beyoncé and became his own backup dancers.

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Even Beyoncé hasn’t reached Ultimate Beyoncé yet.

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While Prince William and Kate might not have much in the way of personalities, at least we know they are personality carriers by virtue of their offspring.

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Long live the Queen Bey in all of us.

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Back to the Future Heir & Hair

Lately I’ve  been a little  quiet on the topic of Prince William and Kate, there are only so many ways you can describe beige paint drying.  The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge seem far less into the whole being royal thing than the ninety-year-old  monarch who endlessly shows up in my Twitter feed at various engagements.   But here’s a  little catch-up.

Queen Elizabeth II has said, “I have to be seen to be believed.”  According to an April 20th Telegraph article, the only color “she avoids is beige, which does not allow her to stand out in a crowd”.   In contrast, Kate appears to go to great lengths not to even stand out on her own beige couch.  Except of course when it counts.

On Saturday June 11 at Trooping the Colour, Kate managed to make her way  to the front of all the royals waiting to join the Queen and Prince Philip on the balcony.

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When  Kate stepped out on the balcony, she wound up causing a pile-up as she vied for a  prime spot.  Prince Charles had to take Camilla by the hand and gently ease her to the side.

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Because what’s the point of going to Trooping the Colour if you can’t be seen  on the balcony?

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Kate’s efforts not to be obscured because of royal protocol paid off for her.

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For the Trooping  the Colour celebrating her 90th birthday, Her Majesty wore  a nuclear  green coat and dress by Stewart Parvin and matching Rachel Trevor Morgan hat.

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It was the hue equivalent of the toon-killing Dip in Who Framed Roger Rabbit and the vat of chemicals  that turned Red Hood/Jack Napier into Batman’s nemesis The Joker.

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That’s kinda badass.  And the Queen did go a little Her Royal Honey Badger on William on the Trooping the Colour balcony, reminding William that taxpayers do expect to see members of the Royal Family.

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At the Order of the Garter on June 13th, royal-watcher Jennifer @Chic_Happens_ noted that after five years, Kate was finally taking standard royal precautions  against  the elements.

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Given how long it’s taken, did perhaps the Queen have a stern word  with the Serial Flasher?

Her Majesty is known to take a laissez-faire approach to running her family.  With the revelation this week that scandal-prone Andrew took a £5,000  helicopter ride to play a round of golf with the World Bank president (added to the Court  Circular the day after the press inquired about it), the Queen really needs to go full-on honey badger with certain members of her family.

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One of the Queen’s black patent leather loafers should be aimed at the heir to the heir. At a June 22nd EACH charity gala, Prince William could barely hide his boredom.

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EACH-2While Kate still can’t hold a wine glass properly, at least she didn’t look like she deeply resented children with life-threatening illnesses for making gala attendance necessary.

The event was part of the efforts to raise £10million for a new hospice in Norfolk launched in November 2014.  To date, only a quarter of the goal has been reached.  In contrast, a May 27th CNN article indicated Ben Ainslie had already reached £50 million of the £80 million target for his bid to win the America’s Cup.

Both William and Kate looked like a lifetime has passed since Kate  last wore the blush pink Jenny Packham gown she had on at the EACH gala back in 2011.

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How hard  is it being royal?  It’s not like the Cambridges do a whole lot of royaling  anyway.   At the Battle of Somme tribute, they looked like a couple that sits on porch rockers with blankets tucked  around them as they forecast the weather by the aches  in their joints.

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They are 34  years  old, the same age as Anne Hathaway and Eddie Redmayne, William’s Eton classmate.

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In this screen grab side-by-side, the picture of Anne was taken one month  after she gave birth.

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Kate is a fashion pendulum swinging in between sexy and elderly.  At the Battle of Somme tribute, Kate sported a hair net which have only been worn by cafeteria workers and fast food employees in the last 80 years.

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On Wednesday Kate glammed it up at the National History Museum, presenting the Art Fund of the Year award.  She wore a  stretch jersey dress with mesh insets by Barbara Casasola.

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I love this dress and thought it looked gorgeous on Kate.  Not sure what the two buttons are, maybe Kate had panic buttons installed on her bum.

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This level of cling on me would provide the kind of visual horror that would forever haunt anyone who happened  to see me in it.  This dress is not cellulite-friendly but on Kate it looks great.

The off-the-shoulder dress had a  front zip which added both an element of  sexiness and sportiness to it.

FrontZip

According to Rebecca English’s Daily Mail piece, Kate accessorized with a pair of pink heels that were so high, she wobbled in them.

pinksuedeheels

And  these were some of the expressions Kate wore in the pics from the same article.

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I would take this entire blog down in exchange for whatever pharmacological grab bag Kate’s got her hands on.  I mean drugs are bad, kids, stay in school.

Kate was back to what she does best on Thursday, sitting in the Royal Box at Wimbledon and meeting celebs.  The Sun has a photo from her Venus Williams Snapchat video, pics of some of the celebs with whom she rubbed shoulders as well as an amusing comparison between Kate and Sansa, listing Kate’s occupation as “Mum of Two”.   It’s always refreshing when the media doesn’t try to pretend she does much in the way of duchessing.

Hope all of you are having the loveliest of summers! Thanks to all who have inquired about me.

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Kate Middleton Hosts SportsAid Banquet

On Thursday evening, Kate Middleton hosted a SportsAid banquet in the King’s Gallery at Kensington Palace as part of the charity’s 40th anniversary celebrations.

EmilyAndrewsSportsAid

Since becoming patron of SportsAid in 2013, the banquet was Kate’s sixth event for the charity which helps support young British athletes.

KateSportsAid

Kate went with electric blue for the event.  It’s a smurfy color…

lazysmurf

It just feels Kate’s overdone it in an unsmurfy way.  And almost always with black court shoes and a black clutch.

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The Roland Mouret gown which retails for just under $3,000  (£2,095) also comes in midnight navy which I think would have been a more sophisticated color option.  Not a fan of the exposed zipper, though.

RolandMouretMidnightNavy

The royal blue version feels too casual, although the hue can’t shoulder the blame for the dress’ lackluster styling and Kate’s posture, evoking one of Kate’s 2012 London Olympics looks.

KateBluePants

Kate’s $42,750 (£30,000) Diamond Tricolour Cartier Earrings were barely visible beneath her hair which was likely hungry without its usual follicular feast of extensions and wiglets.

Kate'sCartierEarrings

But they did make sporadic appearances, as can be seen in this screen grab from the Daily Mail.

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The earrings seem to be part of the same design collection as the Cartier Trinity necklace  which Kate debuted in 2012 at London’s National Portrait Gallery at an exhibit of athlete portraits.

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Kate’s  Roland Mouret dress was also accessorized with a singular hair strand.  Hopefully it wasn’t a jumper from Prince William’s head, he has so few to spare.

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Kate stepped up the duchessing at Thursday’s SportsAid banquet and actually delivered a speech.

Emily Andrews of The Sun noted it was Kate’s best to date and while I think she was right, the bar is still very low.

EmilyAndrewsSpeech

After five years, Kate should be able to deliver far better than she did.  The speech in its entirety can be watched on YouTube.

Kate was obviously nervous, as evidenced by the deep breaths she took to calm herself.

(DeepNervousBreath)

Kate’s accent affectation continued to be an issue, in fact for a few words her Received Pronunciation started to drift a bit in an American direction (she didn’t make it all the way, dashing my hopes of an international accent patchwork speech). Kate’s attention was mostly fixed down on her speech instead of out on her audience, her delivery was flat with very little inflection, her phrasing was still unnatural and she seemed palpably uncomfortable.  I have pasted below a transcript of the speech from an Express article by Richard Palmer and did a screen-grab of Kate’s face as she was articulating specific words which I have bolded with the corresponding photos below.

Some of you may know that I love sport.  

"love"

“love”

I love cheering on teams and athletes that I am passionate about.  

"passionate"

“passionate”

I love the physical challenge sport presents and the mental strength it gives us all.  And I love the way it so often brings people together to work as part of a team.  

I suspect many of you in this room may feel the same. The brilliance of SportsAid is in really understanding just how much athletic competition gives to our country as a whole.  By investing in young sporting talent, they ensure that there is a strong pipeline of inspirational heroes.

"inspirational"

“inspirational”

"heroes"

“heroes”

These athletes then serve as motivators to everyone in the UK to get involved, get active, and embrace the power of sport to make us happier and healthier.

"happier"

“happier”

"healthier"

“healthier”

With little over 50 days to go until the Games begin in Rio; the next Olympiad is almost here.  As we did in London in 2012, we will see a new generation of sporting stars emerge into the spotlight.

We cannot wait to meet the next SportsAid champions

"champions"

“champions”

…the next Chris Hoys and Katherine Graingers who will remind us all of the magic and the power of sport.

"magic"

“magic”

"power"

“power”

"sport"

“sport”

So thank you all for supporting the incredible work of SportsAid.  I am immensely proud to be their patron and I can’t wait to cheer on our team competing in Rio.

"proud"

“proud”

I do hope you enjoy tonight’s very special occasion.

"enjoy"

“enjoy”

"very"

“very”

"special"

“special”

"occasion"

“occasion”

Thank you.

"Thank"

“Thank”

"you"

“you”

Most of us can empathize with the nervousness that comes with public speaking.  But many professions and passions require frequent speech giving and Kate chose a profession that requires more speeches than most.  After five years with The Firm, Kate still lacks the skill set for a job she spent almost a decade pursuing.

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Cambridge Catch-Up

Greetings, All.  My apologies for my absence.  I have a new post on Kate Middleton ready to go but wanted to play a little Cambridge Catch-Up before hitting publish on Thursday’s SportsAid event.

Prince William has had two royal firsts since my last post.  After 33 years of princing, Prince William finally went to the The Royal  Horticultural Society’s Chelsea Flower Show on May 23rd.

RebeccaEnglishFlowerShow

The flower show was a first for Kate, too.  When Kensington Palace’s Press Office suggested on social media that Prince Harry was a Chelsea Flower Show tag-along newbie, royal watchers quickly corrected them and reminded them of Prince Harry’s previous appearances.

FlowerShowCorrection

Even though Prince Harry may come in third in the Palace Press Office hierarchy, royal watchers are getting frustrated with how much Jason Knauf’s PR team keeps dropping the ball when it comes to Harry’s work.  I think Prince Harry’s supporters need a nickname like Beyoncé’s BeyHive.  We could be… the Ginger Rooters?  We’ll work on the name.

At the flower show, Prince William looked just as miserable as one would expect a Reluctant Prince who allegedly thinks flower shows and ribbon cuttings are ridiculous royal duties.

CambridgesFlowerShow

The above Daily Mail screen grab is now one of my very favorite royal photos, mainly because Prince William has never looked more like Bert from Sesame Street than at that moment.

BertSesameStreet

The Daily Mail provided a bevy of snaps for Keeping up With the Kambridges screen grabbing.  Kate was almost all of the Seven Dwarfs in them.

Sneezy:

Sneezy

Sleepy:

Sleepy

Dopey:

Dopey

And Happy:

Happy

One  Daily Mail commenter thought Kate looked more like a garden gnome than a Disney dwarf, though.

GardenGnomeComment

The Chelsea Flower Show also had an incredible installation in honor of The Royal  Horticultural Society’s Patron’s 90th Birthday.

QueenRHSPatron

Among the flowers on display were two that had been named after the Cambridge’s children.

Charlotte&GeorgeFlowers

Before the show, there was a Kate sighting by a Twitter user.

KateSighting

On the 24th, Kate was papped with Prince George and Princess Charlotte.  Prince George was sitting on a Met Police motorbike with the assistance of four police officers, holding on to the handlebars as he pretended to drive it.  The Cambridge privacy line became even blurrier when media outlets in the UK were permitted to print the photos.

PrinceGeorgeMotorbike

The photos of Prince George were reminiscent of ones taken of Prince William and Prince Harry when they were young.

PrinceWilliamPrinceHarryMotorbike

Perhaps the Cambridge’s objections to having their photos taken “off-duty” has more to do with the story the pictures  tell.  The photos of Prince George on a police motorbike with his mother and  sister nearby are image-friendly, photos of him with his nanny are not.

While the Cambridges seem to be on a campaign to ultimately control  their image using social media, social media itself is uncontrollable.  The motorbike photos which many initially assumed would only appear in overseas publications were Retweeted with Kate’s dress identified in less time than it takes to find Waldo.

KateCezanneDress

Later that day, Kate slipped into the same cream Alexander McQueen coat dress and Jane Taylor fascinator she wore to Prince George’s christening to go with Prince William to his very first Buckingham Palace Garden Party.

WilliamFirstGardenParty

Even Kate has gone to those and yet somehow her 33-year-old  blood royal future king husband remained a Buckingham Palace Garden Party virgin until May 24th of this year.

Jennifer @Chic_Happens_ Tweeted a photo of Princess Diana wearing an outfit very similar to Kate’s Buckingham Palace Garden Party attire.  I inserted a photo of Kate next to it for the sake  of easy comparison.  Soooooo, yeah, that happened.

PrincessDianaComparison

Kate also had her glam squad with her at the Garden Party: PA/stylist  Natasha Archer and her hair stylist Amanda Cook Tucker.   Natasha’s boyfriend, royal photographer Chris Jackson, also managed to score an invite.  According to royal.uk, invites to the royal garden parties are a “way of recognising and rewarding public service”.

KateGlamSquad&Photog

Did Amanda Cook Tucker have to swallow a balloon full of wiglets to smuggle them into India or something for this most recent tour?  Nothing about Kate’s garden party hair suggested a need  for an  emergency stylist to be standing by.

Then on May 28th,  the Daily Mail ran a piece on Prince William and Kate taking a private chartered helicopter back to Anmer Hall after Tuesday’s Buckingham Palace Garden Party at a  cost of approximately £5,000.  And the response of DM readers was pretty much what you’d expect.

DMHeliComment

DMHeliComment2

What I find interesting is that this helicopter had been chartered at all, considering The Queen has a Sikorsky S-76++ registration number G-XXEB which is primarily used by Prince Charles and in July 2014, the Queen leased an AgustaWestland A109S to be used by William, Kate and other members of the Royal Family.  So why the need to charter a third helicopter?  Who was using the other two?  Hopefully Prince  Andrew didn’t swap them in some kind of shady business deal for magic beans.

But then photos of a Cambridge family outing at the Houghton Hall International Horse Trials with blue bows and matching stripes were published by various outlets such as The Mirror bringing a little peace to the land and a bit more haziness to the Cambridge’s privacy expectations.

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