Tag Archives: The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge

Back to the Future Heir & Hair

Lately I’ve  been a little  quiet on the topic of Prince William and Kate, there are only so many ways you can describe beige paint drying.  The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge seem far less into the whole being royal thing than the ninety-year-old  monarch who endlessly shows up in my Twitter feed at various engagements.   But here’s a  little catch-up.

Queen Elizabeth II has said, “I have to be seen to be believed.”  According to an April 20th Telegraph article, the only color “she avoids is beige, which does not allow her to stand out in a crowd”.   In contrast, Kate appears to go to great lengths not to even stand out on her own beige couch.  Except of course when it counts.

On Saturday June 11 at Trooping the Colour, Kate managed to make her way  to the front of all the royals waiting to join the Queen and Prince Philip on the balcony.

vyingforposition1

When  Kate stepped out on the balcony, she wound up causing a pile-up as she vied for a  prime spot.  Prince Charles had to take Camilla by the hand and gently ease her to the side.

vyingforposition2

Because what’s the point of going to Trooping the Colour if you can’t be seen  on the balcony?

TroopingtheColour2015

Kate’s efforts not to be obscured because of royal protocol paid off for her.

KateHelloCover

For the Trooping  the Colour celebrating her 90th birthday, Her Majesty wore  a nuclear  green coat and dress by Stewart Parvin and matching Rachel Trevor Morgan hat.

QueenTroopingtheColour

It was the hue equivalent of the toon-killing Dip in Who Framed Roger Rabbit and the vat of chemicals  that turned Red Hood/Jack Napier into Batman’s nemesis The Joker.

TheDip

That’s kinda badass.  And the Queen did go a little Her Royal Honey Badger on William on the Trooping the Colour balcony, reminding William that taxpayers do expect to see members of the Royal Family.

StandUpWilliam

At the Order of the Garter on June 13th, royal-watcher Jennifer @Chic_Happens_ noted that after five years, Kate was finally taking standard royal precautions  against  the elements.

KateWeightedHems

Given how long it’s taken, did perhaps the Queen have a stern word  with the Serial Flasher?

Her Majesty is known to take a laissez-faire approach to running her family.  With the revelation this week that scandal-prone Andrew took a £5,000  helicopter ride to play a round of golf with the World Bank president (added to the Court  Circular the day after the press inquired about it), the Queen really needs to go full-on honey badger with certain members of her family.

ass-kicking

One of the Queen’s black patent leather loafers should be aimed at the heir to the heir. At a June 22nd EACH charity gala, Prince William could barely hide his boredom.

EACH-1

EACH-2While Kate still can’t hold a wine glass properly, at least she didn’t look like she deeply resented children with life-threatening illnesses for making gala attendance necessary.

The event was part of the efforts to raise £10million for a new hospice in Norfolk launched in November 2014.  To date, only a quarter of the goal has been reached.  In contrast, a May 27th CNN article indicated Ben Ainslie had already reached £50 million of the £80 million target for his bid to win the America’s Cup.

Both William and Kate looked like a lifetime has passed since Kate  last wore the blush pink Jenny Packham gown she had on at the EACH gala back in 2011.

William&Kate2011

How hard  is it being royal?  It’s not like the Cambridges do a whole lot of royaling  anyway.   At the Battle of Somme tribute, they looked like a couple that sits on porch rockers with blankets tucked  around them as they forecast the weather by the aches  in their joints.

Kate&WilliamSomme

They are 34  years  old, the same age as Anne Hathaway and Eddie Redmayne, William’s Eton classmate.

william&eddie

In this screen grab side-by-side, the picture of Anne was taken one month  after she gave birth.

Kate&Anne

Kate is a fashion pendulum swinging in between sexy and elderly.  At the Battle of Somme tribute, Kate sported a hair net which have only been worn by cafeteria workers and fast food employees in the last 80 years.

KateHairNet

On Wednesday Kate glammed it up at the National History Museum, presenting the Art Fund of the Year award.  She wore a  stretch jersey dress with mesh insets by Barbara Casasola.

CreamDress

I love this dress and thought it looked gorgeous on Kate.  Not sure what the two buttons are, maybe Kate had panic buttons installed on her bum.

BumButtons

This level of cling on me would provide the kind of visual horror that would forever haunt anyone who happened  to see me in it.  This dress is not cellulite-friendly but on Kate it looks great.

The off-the-shoulder dress had a  front zip which added both an element of  sexiness and sportiness to it.

FrontZip

According to Rebecca English’s Daily Mail piece, Kate accessorized with a pair of pink heels that were so high, she wobbled in them.

pinksuedeheels

And  these were some of the expressions Kate wore in the pics from the same article.

kateexpressions

I would take this entire blog down in exchange for whatever pharmacological grab bag Kate’s got her hands on.  I mean drugs are bad, kids, stay in school.

Kate was back to what she does best on Thursday, sitting in the Royal Box at Wimbledon and meeting celebs.  The Sun has a photo from her Venus Williams Snapchat video, pics of some of the celebs with whom she rubbed shoulders as well as an amusing comparison between Kate and Sansa, listing Kate’s occupation as “Mum of Two”.   It’s always refreshing when the media doesn’t try to pretend she does much in the way of duchessing.

Hope all of you are having the loveliest of summers! Thanks to all who have inquired about me.

redheart

signature-copy

 

Days 6 & 7 – India and Bhutan Tour

The royal bore tour is finally over.  After the plane landed, Prince William and Kate were either headed to Bucklebury as the press reported or the far more likely Anmer Hall where Carole Middleton, who had been taking care of the Half-Blood Prince and Princess, is most at home.  Here’s how the last two pointless days of the India and Bhutan tour and the Dull Duo’s fifth anniversary jolly went down.

On the sixth day of the royal tour, Prince William and Kate Middleton gave the world a reminder they are royal and everything is about them always.  While royal tours are ostensibly to help boost tourism, Prince William and Kate weren’t about to let media access ruin their visit to the Tiger’s Nest monastery, permitting the press only to go half way on the hike, leaving the public to imagine what the rest of the scenery and monastery might like.  I’m picturing Kate with a wine bottle in one hand and cigarette in the other while Prince William sits side-saddle on a tiger, his pants around his ankles while he drools over a centerfold in Douchebag Digest.

This is what the Tiger’s Nest monastery looks like for anyone who wants a DIY mental image of the private official engagement:

Tiger'sNest

This is what Kate wore:

KateHikingOutfit

No one really knows why.

Perhaps Kate dressed like a character from Robin Hood: Men in Tights for the hike in homage to Bhutan’s national sport, archery.

MenInTights

Some royal watchers saw other characters.

WhoWoreItBetter

Like most of Kate’s clothing this tour, many were left scratching their heads with Janet Street-Porter from the Independent dubbing Kate The Duchess of Drab.

Prince William was flushed and sweaty and even the press pack struggled with their part of the hike.

EA-hike

RPhike

On Kate, however, there wasn’t even a whisper of glistening which is surprising because her hair was down and she was wearing a Really Wild leather vest and her Penelope Chilvers boots.  Shiver me Chilvers.

CT-Katevest

Various theories were floated as to how Kate appeared to be unaffected by a two and a half hour hike each way, with some attributing her lack of hike glow to sweat-preventing Botox while others suggested she’s in great shape because of her exercise regimen.

Of course, Kate bringing along a glam squad trio on the hike probably helped.

KateGlamSquad

Not all were impressed with their efforts, though.  Kate’s add-on hair looked like it was made by Mattel.

Zara&AlmostARoyal

A row ensued between the Palace and the press which had gone to great efforts to be there to cover the hike and monastery visit, only to be told the duke and duchess wanted part of the event to be private.  According to an excellent article written by Richard Palmer, “The Cambridges have excluded media from several parts of their tour, prompting tension with journalists who believe the palace has an agenda to try to take control of the message and diminish the role of a media trying to hold them to account.”

Television news crews were the most peeved due to equipment-hauling crankiness.  The Palace tried to smooth things over by allowing a brief interview of Prince William and Kate about what they thought of the hike and monastery.  According to Richard Palmer’s piece, “Palace officials relented after the broadcasters began running pieces a suggesting the  couple were enjoying a taxpayer-funded sightseeing trip without letting the people who paid for it see the results.”  The handful of answers provided by the Cambridges weren’t even akin to tossed crumbs, it was like taking the last piece of cake and then deigning to briefly describe it to the person who didn’t get a piece.

Kate opted to not give a speech on this tour and uttered very few words in public during the engagements so the press had to take whatever it could get, dutifully reporting that Kate said, “I feel very lucky and fortunate to see such beautiful scenery,” and also indicated that the hike was, “a great way to burn off the curry.”

While Prince William has never made a secret of his disdain for the media since he was a boy, he may soon get his wish of them all disappearing, and with them, the monarchy.  At first, it didn’t look like the Express was even going to send royal correspondent, Richard Palmer, because  decreased interest in the couple prior to the tour made the cost a questionable allocation of is resources.  In a piece Camilla Tominey wrote, she indicated, “last week journalists who had travelled thousands of miles at great expense found themselves able to cover just one job a day in Delhi. On several occasions, parts of the tour were deemed “private”.”

In the wake of criticism of being work-shy, Prince William and Kate couldn’t even make it through a week-long tour without asserting their perceived right to also be on a taxpayer-funded holiday.  How much of a break do they need from going on a safari, playing cricket, meeting Bollywood stars and watching people dance?

Like many tourists on holiday, after the Tiger’s Nest monastery hike, the Cambridge’s stopped to pick up some souvenir trinkets.  Prince William got a small bronze tiger and Kate picked out a pair of earrings, borrowing the money from their foreign affairs advisor, Sir David Manning, because carrying cash is for peasants.

Later in the day, Prince William and Kate attended a reception for people from Bhutan who have lived or worked in the UK.

BhutanReception

Hopefully the hosts put out a more substantial spread than just cheesy snacks and a bowl of nuts like the Cambridges did at the reception’s Kensington Palace counterpart.

Kate wore a red Beulah London dress with a poppy print.  Bhutan’s national flower is the rare blue poppy.

Bealah

On the seventh day of the royal tour, Prince William and Kate flew from Bhutan to Agra for their Taj Mahal photo op and private tour.  Perhaps all that private holiday time on the taxpayer dime left William feeling a little frisky because Rebecca English made an amusing observation:

KatePre-Loved

With scorching temps in Agra, royal correspondents and photographers waited around for the photo op.  The Cambridge’s tour of the Taj Mahal also deemed private time.

RE-Agra

VMAgra

1,000 rupees sure doesn’t buy a lot these days.

RP-PressPosition

Kate wore a dress by Indian designer, Naeem Khan.

RP-Kate&WillTaj

To no one’s surprise, they recreated the iconic Princess Diana Taj Mahal photo.

ArthurEdwards-Tajphoto

Kate’s hair showed that the second biggest con job in the UK is being pulled off by her traveling hair stylist, Amanda Cook Tucker.

TajCloseup

It looks like Amanda Cook Tucker has been using the hair and styling tools from Barbie’s Cut and Style Princess on Kate.

BarbieCut&StylePrincess

 

Before the trip, the Palace released a statement that “The Duke and the Duchess are looking forward to seeing this beautiful place for themselves and creating some new memories as they say thank you to the people of India at the conclusion of this tour.”  Seriously, why does no one in this family send food hampers or flowers or one of those Edible Arrangements where they cut fruit into the shape of flowers? Their pineapple is delicious.  Also, thanks yous don’t usually wind up costing the recipient.

BenefitClaimantsonBench

 

A spokesperson quoted in a BBC article changed the official tune to, “They made the decision because it is what all visitors to the Taj Mahal do – they sit on the bench with the perfect symmetry of the building behind them.”  Oh, so now they are just tourists like everyone else, that does make everything much clearer then.  The BBC article also supplied a quote from their tour guide which offered a glimpse into Kate’s perspective on this trip: “She said this is the perfect thing to do before their wedding anniversary.”

While the Palace is eager to respin the small crowds in India and a bore of a royal tour into something that looks a little less pointless, the media is less keen on joining in their reindeer games.

PeppersmintMoS

India’s press failed to fall under the fairytale spell the British media has been selling.

Rp-India'sPress

Unfortunately for the British Monarchy, very few buy into the fairytale version anymore.  No matter how hard anyone tries to spin William and Kate, there’s nothing of interest to shake loose.  The Mirror ran an opinion piece by Carole Malone which described the couple as “boring. They couldn’t cobble together a personality between them.”  No matter how great the set, the characters make or break a story and neither Prince William or Kate have much appeal to any audience.

redheart

signature copy

Day 5 – India and Bhutan Tour

The fifth day of Prince William and Kate’s Royal Tour was spent in Bhutan, a Buddhist country in the Himalayas with a national happiness index and some pretty chilled out porkers with the munchies.  Marijuana grows in such abundance there, it’s fed to pigs.  Truly the happiest place on Earth.  Your move, Disney.

The Cambridges were met by the King of Bhutan’s sister, Chhimi Yangzom, and her husband at the airport.

VMBhutanArrival

Kate quickly ditched her Emilia Wickstead coat under which she was wearing her first Tory Burch dress of the day which had its debut at a 2014 Place2Be conference.  The Times of India described it as, “a subtle nod to the Indian art”.

KateToryBurchdress

 

Kate changed into a Paul and Joe top and a skirt made in London by Kelzang Wangmo from material woven in Bhutan.

CeremonialWelcome

Prince William and Kate met the King and Queen of Bhutan, 25-year-old Jetsun Pema who gave birth to a son less than two months ago.

RPFourRoysls

Once again, Kate grappled with her archnemesis, the wind.   Despite wearing very similar skirts, Kate struggled with the wind far more than the Dragon Queen who gracefully slayed it.

REKateWind

Kate&Jetsun

This screenshot taken from the Daily Mail demonstrates one of the contributing factors in Kate’s long-running battle with breezes, Kate’s Godzilla strides.

KateGodzillaStride

The Queen of Bhutan wore a fabulous pair of red towering Bitch, Please shoes.

QueenofBhutan

At the archery event held in Thimphu, both Kate and William struggled, missing the target by a lot.

PrinceWilliamArchery

KateArchery

It was bad.  Like impressively bad.

WilliamStrayArrow

Archery isn’t hard.  Seriously, they make bows and arrows for little kids and there are archery summer camps.

Child'sArchery

When even out of shape couch potatoes are hit with the realization they’ve reached an age at which it’s unlikely they’ll ever get to cross “Compete in the Olympics” off their bucket list, they shrug and go, “Eh, there’s always archery.”

While taking their turns, the Cambridges received what turns out to be some traditional trash-talking.  When Kate asked for a translation of what they had been cheering, she was informed, “You’re bald. You’re a baldy. Your nose is really big. We hope your private parts are as big.”  The same taunt was used for both but wasn’t exactly unisex.  I would have been happy to make a bespoke jeer for Kate.

KateTranslation

Kate’s expressions were so over-the-top, the only logical explanation was that she was suffering from some kind of altitude madness or her foundation is possessed by the spirit of the Norse god Loki.

TheMask

In the evening, Prince William and Kate had a private dinner with the King and Queen of Bhutan.

KateToryBurchEvening

Not my favorite dress, it was a little A Fish Lure Called Wanda.

FishLure

redheartsignature copy

 

Day 2 – India and Bhutan Tour

On Monday, Kate Middleton wore white.  It is a traditional mourning color in India and appropriate because it is a day for mourning, my royal watching friends.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

There’s no coffin to bring out because the monarchy remains on life support, but the message nonetheless is that the monarchy is dead.  All that’s left to do is pull the plug.

The Petulant Prince and PR Rasputin both have blood on their hands, but as it turns out, the most evil adversary the British Monarchy has ever faced wears Prada. I mean, technically she carried it Monday in clutch form pressed up to her nether regions, but she didn’t dress for my metaphor because Kate doesn’t roll like that. Waity does it her way.

In this traveling royal show, Kate is the archetypical Trickster. The Clown. The catalyst for change. She is the Joker.

KateStaresIntoFlames

Someduchesses

The day should have gone smoothly.  This was the itinerary:

MondayItinerary

But Kate had other plans.

Okay, first of all, this was her day outfit:

KateEmiliaWickstead

Kate chose a floaty white boob-flapped Emilia Wickstead dress.  Because somehow visiting the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, walking in Gandhi’s last steps and honoring his memory translates to boob sock puppets.

sockpuppetboobs

I can’t unsee it.  They look so hungry.  Maybe Kate should have consulted her boob sock puppets before refusing that offered pancake William made.

While laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Kate went five tours for five with flashing. And the timing was perfect, just as they were honoring the fallen.

KateIndiaFlash1

KateIndiaFlash2

I don’t know how Kate timed that, like if Natasha Archer was off to the side with a walkie talkie headset commanding, “Cue the wind,” but that could not have been executed at a better worse time.

Ironically, the duchess who blew off the Irish Guards on St. Patrick’s Day and broke tradition because she didn’t want to create an expectation she could be bothered handing out shamrocks once a year was thwarted by a soldier who held down her skirt to keep the embarrassing snaps at such a sacred spot to a minimum.

SoldierStepIn

This isn’t an oops moment.  Kate’s had so many of these, she knows she has to dress for the elements, she knows the issue is easily avoidable with a different silhouette, if she wants to wear something floaty, she can have dress weights added or a chain sewn in like Chanel does with their jackets.

While this may be frustrating for royal watchers trying to find a reason for Kate’s behavior, logic can’t be applied because these are illogical acts.  They are acts of anarchy.

JokerMadness

As described in a Hero’s Journey article I happened to stumble across at  gordonranier.com when I was looking for the above The Dark Knight quote:

“The key to the Trickster is that he can be clever and mischievous or a foolish clown or an entertainer but at his core he likes to upset, use reversals and surprises to ply his trade.”

Kate is staging her own anarchy because some duchesses just want to watch the monarchy burn.  Is she rebelling against the stifling protocol of an antiquated role she spent a decade pursuing?  Does it even matter?  The end result is the same regardless of motive.  And unless Her Majesty finally decides to suit up and launch a caped crusade within her own family, the British Monarchy is toast.  The Queen has done nothing to suggest she’s going to ask Angela Kelly to make her something in leather and badass.

And really, any action at this point is just postponing the inevitable.  Because as it turns out, very few people in the tour’s host country India are even interested in the Lazy Duo.

JenniferWKIgnored

Various articles like this one on newslaundry.com discuss India just not being that into William and Kate.

And William and Kate don’t seem to be all that into being royal,  Earlier in the day on Monday, William and Kate yet again had to be persuaded to pose for pictures.

Screen Shot 2016-04-11 at 6.54.49 AM

At the Garden Party celebrating Her Majesty’s 90th Birthday later in the day, they went through the motions, but didn’t look totally present:

Kate&WilliamGardenParty

The duke and duchess are basically this:

AmericanGothic

 

redheart

signature copy

 

 

 

Day 1 of India/Bhutan Tour

With the time difference, Day 2 of Prince William and Kate’s India/Bhutan is already underway so I’m already behind.  I was awake and a little excited for the tour so I watched the first day unfold on Twitter.  It was more boring than waiting for a YouTube video of someone describing paint drying to buffer.  I randomly asked two royal correspondents to Tweet photos of their shoes but no takers.

Victoria Murphy wrote an excellent article on the importance of this tour for William and Kate.  When I noted in ReTweeting the article that I wasn’t sure if William and Kate even had enough momentum going in to turn around public opinion, Victoria responded, “I think the setting has really helped boost things for them.”

And she is right.  New set, new wardrobe, new guest stars, and the hope that somehow the show’s quality is going to improve.

William and Kate aren’t merely players strutting and fretting upon India’s stage, they also have producing and writing credits.  Not only do they have this fabulous new set, these scheduled events tell their vision of their host country and it’s surprisingly stereotypical: cricket, slums, Bollywood… presumably the snake charmer called out sick.  And I’m not the only one who noticed, this is a comment from a reader in India:

Slums-poverty-bollywood-cricket the stereotypist guide to India. Out of curiosity- doesn’t Kate have a stylist or Google or a mirror? The red dress looked like it was made out of the Taj hotel’s bedsheet collection and the blue dress looked like the nightgowns worn here. What is noteworthy is the negligible coverage of the visit in local press. Not even cricket god Sachin Tendulkar could make these two interesting or newsworthy. I don’t think anyone here is interested in having them back unless they are bringing back the Koh-i-noor with them or at least Coldplay.

So here’s how the first day unfolded:

Kate looked a little Elizabeth Taylor emerging after the flight.

BobbyJoelStearnsTweet

Flight fatigue and what I assume was a handful of tranquilizers became apparent in later photos, but it was an impressive “Bitch I’m Madonna” moment.  After nine hours on a plane, I spark fear that the Zombie Apocalypse has begun.

Kate arrived in bespoke McQueen and LK Bennett “Fern” shoes.  I like the original McQueen and how it was styled, I think it was a missed opportunity for Kate although I think I have to accept that she just can’t accessorize.  Or not suck the life out of clothing… I wonder how much of her diet consists of fashion’s soul.

DuchessVersusMcQueen

When the Cambridges arrived at the Taj Palace Hotel, they layed a wreath in memory of victims of its 2008 terror attack and met with staff whose heroic efforts helped save guest lives.

The Cambridges’ lunch was vegetarian.

NirajVegetarianTweet

After a wardrobe change, the Cambridges headed to the Oval Maidan cricket ground.  Kate wore a bespoke tunic dress from Mumbai designer Anita Dongre and Mint Velvet wedges.

KateCricket

Three charities: Magic Bus, Door Step School and India’s Childline, participated in the event.

There were no wardrobe malfunctions, but the wind at one point made Kate look like she was wearing clown pants.

ClownPants

The teased special surprise was a bus ride.

You can't sit with us!

You can’t sit with us!

At the Banganga Water Tank, Prince William and Kate scattered petals in the water.

CambridgePetals

Prince William and Kate then met with the charity SMILE.

RichardPalmerSlums

The Cambridges played football in the streets of the slum and there was almost a dance-off instigated by William who then backed out of it.  I noticed Kate got hit in the calf with a soccer ball, I’m not sure if it was an accident or if the kicker in question got to do something that has popped into the minds of many royal watchers at some point  or another.  Impoverished children then asked the Cambridges all sorts of questions about their big house, like how do they like their giant house and how do they call each other and their children in it which for some reason appeared to make William and Kate uncomfortable.

In the evening, William and Kate attended a Bollywood dinner and reception which benefited the charities: Magic Bus, Door Step School and India’s Childline.  Kate wore bespoke Jenny Packham that was beaded in India and earrings by Amrapali.

KateJennyPackham

In a dress that would have looked smurfy on Papa Smurf’s nana, Kate sort of looked like the spinster lovechild of Margaret Thatcher and The Joker.

thatcherjoker

In a speech, Prince William revealed, “When Catherine and I were married, India was the 1st place on Catherine’s list that she told me that she wanted to visit.”  So after almost a decade of Waitying, Kate suddenly puts together her dream destination list once she could go on these trips on the taxpayer’s dime?

According to actress Madhuri Dixit, “The Duke said he hadn’t watched any Bollywood movies but he represents the British film industry was and interested in collaboration.”

WTF?  Prince William, President of BAFTA and resident of planet Earth has never seen a Bollywood film?  How is that even possible?

Granted, I’m probably a bigger film lover than most, I’ve even taken multiple subways to go see an obscure French vampire film I don’t even think some of its cast had ever heard of, but the BAFTA president couldn’t have watched one or two movies on the nine hour flight in preparation for the event?  Or maybe on one of his many days off from both royal and air ambulance duties?

I guess it shouldn’t be that surprising considering Prince William vetoed Skyfall on the staff’s special Christmas film night and insisted on fucking Twilight and then blew it off.  Seriously, he can’t even make it through one film, how is he going to handle being Head of State?

At least Prince William appeared to have an inkling of what he’s been missing out on in the presence of one of the most beautiful women in the history of the world, actress Aishwarya Rai.

William&AishwaryaRai

redheart

signature copy

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is Jason Knauf Fur Real?

This is Jason Knauf, Communications Secretary for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry.

JasonKnauf

He looks like the kind of well-groomed, non-threatening generic American model that J. Crew uses to sell cardigans.  While it’s true that pr reps can only be as effective as their clients are cooperative, in recent weeks Jason has started looking like he is either a complete idiot or the most deliciously evil adversary the British Monarchy has ever faced, the kind that from a historical perspective could ultimately make Rasputin look like Funshine Bear.

The Cambridge’s spin doctor has a background in crisis management and started his royal gig in the beginning of 2015.  Jason Knauf replaced former BBC producer, Ed Perkins, who had joined the Palace in 2007 working for the Duke of York, managing his scandals and overseeing the Diamond Jubilee before being assigned to Princes William and Harry and the Duchess of Cambridge where he lasted two and a half years before deciding on a new career path.  The search for Perkins’ replacement lasted six months, reportedly Prince William wanted someone whose loyalties weren’t divided by connections to other members of the British Royal Family.  So basically, William’s criteria was finding someone who couldn’t be influenced by the guiding wisdom of his father or grandmother.  And really, Her Majesty has only built one of the most globally recognized brands in the world, what could she possibly know about public relations.

Recent pr mistakes by Jason Knauf’s office have led to even more media backlash towards the  Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.  The latest likely made both Jesus and Darth Vader facepalm.

jesusdarthvaderfacepalm

The force of Captain Picard’s facepalm probably blew the Enterprise off course.

picardfacepalm

I didn’t even catch this latest goof, but the press sure did.  The Daily Mail ran an article on the mittens Kate wore in the photos released this week  by Kensington Palace on Twitter showing the Cambridges on a ski getaway from all that work they’re not doing.  Kate’s Alexski gloves are lined with possum fur.

Cambridge3

Alexski

While it’s not surprising a woman who has been photographed wearing a fur hat while hunting pheasant bred for the royally lazy version of the bloodsport would wear fur-lined gloves, it’s shocking that the Palace would release photos of Kate wearing them to the world.  Could they not find a clubbed baby seal for Kate to put a cigarette out on?

The ski glove’s possum fur comes from New Zealand where the marsupial is widely considered a pest because it is a non-indigenous species that was introduced in the 19th century by the fur industry and having no natural predator, possums have wreacked considerable havoc on New Zealand’s flora and fauna.  One land’s pest is another’s protected species, there are even people who (mostly illegally and definitely ill-advisedly) keep possum as pets.  Usually what separates aww from ugh is how much destruction a species causes, in Australia where possums are indigenous, sometimes foxes are regarded as pests even though they bring the internet this kind of snuggle buddy cuteness.

DogCat&FoxNapping

In NYC, our pests are rats and mice.  Given their plague-spreading history, most wouldn’t put them on their most cuddly list but still wouldn’t stick their hands in the skinned remains of one.

Because of the exposed cruelties of the fur industry and the increased trendiness of its condemnation, spin doctors go to extraordinary lengths to shield their clients from the barrage of criticism that comes from being photographed in fur.  Even celebrities who unabashedly wear fur like Kim Kardashian are aware it’s a controversial topic many feel passionately about.  North West has gotten some serious shade for being papped in it and she’s only two.  Based on the fact that in this photo she’s dressed like her first word was “Nevermore”, I think it’s safe to assume most of North’s fashion isn’t self-selected and we should give the kid a pass.

NorthWest

For a small child to even be unfairly called a “fur hag” by some illustrates why most in the public eye steer clear of the fur debate, regardless of their personal feelings, it is a hotly debated topic.

Bella Thorne recently posted a photo of herself on Instagram in a fur jacket and in response to the enormous backlash, claimed it was faux fur.  When Instagram fashionistas identified it as an alice + olivia rabbit and fox jacket, the actress quickly deleted her faux fur claim and her reps dealt with the fall-out, releasing the statement Thorne “was told it was faux fur” with the promise she would never wear it again.

The Queen also provoked widespread criticism with her fur-clad Christmas appearance prompting many to take to social media to express their disappointment Her Majesty would even wear her vintage fur, especially since she is a representative of the UK which passed laws over a decade ago prohibiting “the keeping of animals solely or primarily for slaughter for the value of their fur”.

When public figures are already the subject of negative focus, it’s generally not a good idea to serve up more to find fault with on a gilded platter.  Really the only thing the Palace has as a selling-point for Kate is the so-called Kate Effect when people who want to dress like Kate snatch up whatever inventory is left on items Kate waits to wear so people can’t Copy-Kate her.    Every single outfit Kate wears is broken down and written about because she offers such little substance with which to work.  Considering how contrived and manipulated these snaps are, how did no one even think to make sure the Paper Doll Duchess wasn’t committing a pr fur pas?

While I find these pr goofs highly amusing, the British Royal Family might want to check Jason Knauf’s bank account for large deposits coming from the Republican Party because it’s hard to believe anyone with pr experience could screw up this royally.  Especially an American, we invented pr.  Technically, the founding father of spin was Austrian-American Edward Bernays but we staked the claim convincingly enough that the rest of the world bought it.  Quite frankly, the way the pr is being handled for the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge is utterly un-American.

redheart

signature copy

Prince William Blows Off BAFTA Awards Again

For the forth time in the six years since becoming President of the British Academy of Film and Television Academy, Prince William was a no-show at the British Academy Film Award Show at the Royal Opera House, skipping the nominee reception held at Kensington Palace as well for the second  consecutive year.  The only  British Academy Film Awards Prince William has bothered showing up to was in 2010 when he was named BAFTA  President and in 2014 when William went Kate-less.

In 2011, the post-wedding Canadian Tour was extended to America at Kate’s request so she could meet celebrities at the BAFTA Brits to Watch Event in LA.  Given how seduced Kate appeared to be by Hollywood celebs at the LA event, it’s possible William has been skipping  these award shows so he can ensure that nominees don’t have  their legs dry-humped by his star-struck wife on the red carpet.

Kate&Nicole

The only other BAFTA events Prince William has attended in his capacity as President was the Give Something Back Launch and the official opening of Warner Bros. Studios Leavesden in 2013 and the Sean the Sheep event he attended with Kate and Prince Harry in October.

The part-time pilot and part-time prince had sent his regrets he would be unable to attend.  According to the Court Circular, Prince William has only undertaken one official  engagement to date this year, attending the February 11th private funeral  of explorer Henry Worsley who passed away on an expedition raising money for the Endeavor Fund which is managed by the Royal Foundation.

Six events in six years is underwhelming for an organization’s president but missing BAFTA’s big night is ridiculous even for William.  What’s the point of his even being the BAFTA President if he can’t be bothered putting on a tux once a year and briefly talking with some celebs who are masters of small talk and maestros of schmooze?   To this day, I have no idea what James Marsden and I chatted about at a Vanity Fair party, I think he started off with a comment about  waiting for drinks but beyond that, the  conversation was so insignificant it left no memory of its contents whatsoever but  still interesting enough to have been engaging for an extended period of time.  Dame Judi Dench is such a lovely woman and conversational delight, you forget you’re speaking with  someone who has been knighted.  If Prince William  can’t  even manage  a little small talk with individuals whose professions make them highly skilled at performing all the conversational heavy lifting, how is he going to fare as king?  The  BAFTA awards are a cake-walk event, William blowing them off doesn’t bode well for this year’s engagement total.  It’s mid-February and thus far,  the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have undertaken two whole engagements  COMBINED.

redheart

signature copy