On Monday, Kate Middleton wore white. It is a traditional mourning color in India and appropriate because it is a day for mourning, my royal watching friends.
The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
There’s no coffin to bring out because the monarchy remains on life support, but the message nonetheless is that the monarchy is dead. All that’s left to do is pull the plug.
The Petulant Prince and PR Rasputin both have blood on their hands, but as it turns out, the most evil adversary the British Monarchy has ever faced wears Prada. I mean, technically she carried it Monday in clutch form pressed up to her nether regions, but she didn’t dress for my metaphor because Kate doesn’t roll like that. Waity does it her way.
In this traveling royal show, Kate is the archetypical Trickster. The Clown. The catalyst for change. She is the Joker.
The day should have gone smoothly. This was the itinerary:
But Kate had other plans.
Okay, first of all, this was her day outfit:
Kate chose a floaty white boob-flapped Emilia Wickstead dress. Because somehow visiting the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, walking in Gandhi’s last steps and honoring his memory translates to boob sock puppets.
I can’t unsee it. They look so hungry. Maybe Kate should have consulted her boob sock puppets before refusing that offered pancake William made.
While laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, Kate went five tours for five with flashing. And the timing was perfect, just as they were honoring the fallen.
I don’t know how Kate timed that, like if Natasha Archer was off to the side with a walkie talkie headset commanding, “Cue the wind,” but that could not have been executed at a better worse time.
Ironically, the duchess who blew off the Irish Guards on St. Patrick’s Day and broke tradition because she didn’t want to create an expectation she could be bothered handing out shamrocks once a year was thwarted by a soldier who held down her skirt to keep the embarrassing snaps at such a sacred spot to a minimum.
This isn’t an oops moment. Kate’s had so many of these, she knows she has to dress for the elements, she knows the issue is easily avoidable with a different silhouette, if she wants to wear something floaty, she can have dress weights added or a chain sewn in like Chanel does with their jackets.
While this may be frustrating for royal watchers trying to find a reason for Kate’s behavior, logic can’t be applied because these are illogical acts. They are acts of anarchy.
As described in a Hero’s Journey article I happened to stumble across at gordonranier.com when I was looking for the above The Dark Knight quote:
“The key to the Trickster is that he can be clever and mischievous or a foolish clown or an entertainer but at his core he likes to upset, use reversals and surprises to ply his trade.”
Kate is staging her own anarchy because some duchesses just want to watch the monarchy burn. Is she rebelling against the stifling protocol of an antiquated role she spent a decade pursuing? Does it even matter? The end result is the same regardless of motive. And unless Her Majesty finally decides to suit up and launch a caped crusade within her own family, the British Monarchy is toast. The Queen has done nothing to suggest she’s going to ask Angela Kelly to make her something in leather and badass.
And really, any action at this point is just postponing the inevitable. Because as it turns out, very few people in the tour’s host country India are even interested in the Lazy Duo.
Various articles like this one on newslaundry.com discuss India just not being that into William and Kate.
And William and Kate don’t seem to be all that into being royal, Earlier in the day on Monday, William and Kate yet again had to be persuaded to pose for pictures.
At the Garden Party celebrating Her Majesty’s 90th Birthday later in the day, they went through the motions, but didn’t look totally present:
The duke and duchess are basically this: