With the time difference, Day 2 of Prince William and Kate’s India/Bhutan is already underway so I’m already behind. I was awake and a little excited for the tour so I watched the first day unfold on Twitter. It was more boring than waiting for a YouTube video of someone describing paint drying to buffer. I randomly asked two royal correspondents to Tweet photos of their shoes but no takers.
Victoria Murphy wrote an excellent article on the importance of this tour for William and Kate. When I noted in ReTweeting the article that I wasn’t sure if William and Kate even had enough momentum going in to turn around public opinion, Victoria responded, “I think the setting has really helped boost things for them.”
And she is right. New set, new wardrobe, new guest stars, and the hope that somehow the show’s quality is going to improve.
William and Kate aren’t merely players strutting and fretting upon India’s stage, they also have producing and writing credits. Not only do they have this fabulous new set, these scheduled events tell their vision of their host country and it’s surprisingly stereotypical: cricket, slums, Bollywood… presumably the snake charmer called out sick. And I’m not the only one who noticed, this is a comment from a reader in India:
Slums-poverty-bollywood-cricket the stereotypist guide to India. Out of curiosity- doesn’t Kate have a stylist or Google or a mirror? The red dress looked like it was made out of the Taj hotel’s bedsheet collection and the blue dress looked like the nightgowns worn here. What is noteworthy is the negligible coverage of the visit in local press. Not even cricket god Sachin Tendulkar could make these two interesting or newsworthy. I don’t think anyone here is interested in having them back unless they are bringing back the Koh-i-noor with them or at least Coldplay.
So here’s how the first day unfolded:
Kate looked a little Elizabeth Taylor emerging after the flight.
Flight fatigue and what I assume was a handful of tranquilizers became apparent in later photos, but it was an impressive “Bitch I’m Madonna” moment. After nine hours on a plane, I spark fear that the Zombie Apocalypse has begun.
Kate arrived in bespoke McQueen and LK Bennett “Fern” shoes. I like the original McQueen and how it was styled, I think it was a missed opportunity for Kate although I think I have to accept that she just can’t accessorize. Or not suck the life out of clothing… I wonder how much of her diet consists of fashion’s soul.
When the Cambridges arrived at the Taj Palace Hotel, they layed a wreath in memory of victims of its 2008 terror attack and met with staff whose heroic efforts helped save guest lives.
The Cambridges’ lunch was vegetarian.
After a wardrobe change, the Cambridges headed to the Oval Maidan cricket ground. Kate wore a bespoke tunic dress from Mumbai designer Anita Dongre and Mint Velvet wedges.
Three charities: Magic Bus, Door Step School and India’s Childline, participated in the event.
There were no wardrobe malfunctions, but the wind at one point made Kate look like she was wearing clown pants.
The teased special surprise was a bus ride.
You can’t sit with us!
At the Banganga Water Tank, Prince William and Kate scattered petals in the water.
Prince William and Kate then met with the charity SMILE.
The Cambridges played football in the streets of the slum and there was almost a dance-off instigated by William who then backed out of it. I noticed Kate got hit in the calf with a soccer ball, I’m not sure if it was an accident or if the kicker in question got to do something that has popped into the minds of many royal watchers at some point or another. Impoverished children then asked the Cambridges all sorts of questions about their big house, like how do they like their giant house and how do they call each other and their children in it which for some reason appeared to make William and Kate uncomfortable.
In the evening, William and Kate attended a Bollywood dinner and reception which benefited the charities: Magic Bus, Door Step School and India’s Childline. Kate wore bespoke Jenny Packham that was beaded in India and earrings by Amrapali.
In a dress that would have looked smurfy on Papa Smurf’s nana, Kate sort of looked like the spinster lovechild of Margaret Thatcher and The Joker.
In a speech, Prince William revealed, “When Catherine and I were married, India was the 1st place on Catherine’s list that she told me that she wanted to visit.” So after almost a decade of Waitying, Kate suddenly puts together her dream destination list once she could go on these trips on the taxpayer’s dime?
According to actress Madhuri Dixit, “The Duke said he hadn’t watched any Bollywood movies but he represents the British film industry was and interested in collaboration.”
WTF? Prince William, President of BAFTA and resident of planet Earth has never seen a Bollywood film? How is that even possible?
Granted, I’m probably a bigger film lover than most, I’ve even taken multiple subways to go see an obscure French vampire film I don’t even think some of its cast had ever heard of, but the BAFTA president couldn’t have watched one or two movies on the nine hour flight in preparation for the event? Or maybe on one of his many days off from both royal and air ambulance duties?
I guess it shouldn’t be that surprising considering Prince William vetoed Skyfall on the staff’s special Christmas film night and insisted on fucking Twilight and then blew it off. Seriously, he can’t even make it through one film, how is he going to handle being Head of State?
At least Prince William appeared to have an inkling of what he’s been missing out on in the presence of one of the most beautiful women in the history of the world, actress Aishwarya Rai.