Tag Archives: Angela Kelly

Princess Charlotte’s Christening

On Sunday July 5th, Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana was christened at St. Mary Magdalene church where her grandmother, the late Princess Diana, was baptized in 1961.

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Dressed in the traditional royal christening gown, the 2008 replica made by Angela Kelly of the 1841 christening gown which had been worn by approximately sixty royal babies until it started disintegrating into lace dust, Princess Charlotte was brought to the church in a vintage pram borrowed from the Queen.  The pram had been used to bring Charles to his christening in 1948.

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Baptismal water was obtained from the Jordan River while the Lily Font which also dates back to the 1841 baptism of Victoria, Princess Royal, and the silver ewer from the 1735 christening of George III were brought to the Sandringham church from the Tower of London for Princess Charlotte’s christening.  Special cases had to be designed to transport the ewer and font because they had never left London before.  It was one of the few firsts for the second-born princess.  In fact, other than a selection of five non-royal godparents and a guest list pared down to a mere twenty-two attendees at the private ceremony, the kind of affront to royal etiquette the Cambridges have made the hallmark of their vision of a modern monarchy, the christening of Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana was otherwise frozen in time. The christening, intended to honor the late Princess Diana, also appeared to be an attempt to summon her ghost.

Replicating a moment from Princess Diana’s life, Prince George was dressed as the sartorial doppelgänger of his father, Prince William, when visiting his mother and brand new brother Harry at the hospital.

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This isn’t the first time in recent weeks that Kate has dressed George in clothing identical to outfits the late Princess Diana selected for her own son.  Even if this started off as Kate wanting to please William by paying homage to his late mother, Kate appears to have veered off course and taken up residency in Creepytown which she is probably already redecorating.  Not only is the call coming from inside the house, it’s being made with a Ouija board.

While Kate has on many occasions referenced her late mother-in-law through fashion, the royal whose clothing she copied at Princess Charlotte’s christening was herself circa George’s christening.  At George’s christening, Kate and her sister Pippa appeared to match their cream-colored outfits to George’s christening gown in an attempt to reinforce their status within the British Royal Family.  At Charlotte’s christening, Kate once again went with a monochromatic christening combo of Alexander McQueen and a Jane Taylor hat, this time accessorizing with two matching Middletons.  Dressed in haunting ivory, the Middleton women formed a ghostly trio, spectral incarnations of MacBeth’s Weird Sisters with clutch bag cauldrons, ready to call forth the apparition of Diana.

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The Royal Mint coin commemorating Charlotte’s christening, the design for which William and Kate oversaw, included both her middle names and two of the flowers Diana loved most, roses and lilies.

charlotte&georgechristeningcoinsFrom the hiring of Princess Diana’s favorite photographer, Mario Testino, who took the last portraits that Diana ever sat for as the christening’s official photographer, to the selection of Diana’s niece as one of Charlotte’s five godparents, the christening celebration felt more like it drew inspiration from Tobin’s Spirit Guide and the Handbook for the Recently Deceased than it did from little sister Pippa’s Celebrate: A Year of Festivities for Families and Friends.  Even Nanny Maria in her Norland uniform had the unsettling appearance of an old sepia-toned photograph come to life using one of the spells in the arsenal of the Weird Sisters.

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It’s natural to want to make a gesture that honors the memory of a loved one who has passed in an important milestone event, it’s a way of including them.  It’s a delicate balance, though, paying homage to a lost loved one should always be done in a way that is also respectful to the living.  We have memorial services and funerals for the dead, christenings are celebrations of new life.  Lost loved ones are already a part of our joyous celebration because those who we love become a part of us, that bond can not be broken by death.

Many of those who believe in life after death have had moments where they feel as if someone they lost was with them somehow, often this happens around the holidays or other important times in their lives.   Spirits are just people without earthly shells, they are drawn to milestone celebrations like marriages and christenings to spend tie with their families as they would have in life, no engraved invitation or breadcrumb trail of mementos required.

Two and a half years ago at a christening held at St Martin’s Church in Canterbury, Kent, an unexpected guest was spotted in one of the baptism photos the Sewell family posted on Facebook, a ghostly apparition who bore a striking resemblance to the baptized baby’s grandfather who had committed suicide seventeen years earlier.  Terry Sewell’s widow, Heather, told the press, “It looks very much like Terry. I know there has been no photo trickery so it is all very spooky and perhaps not what you want to see at a Christening.”

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While maybe not everyone is thrilled to have their departed loved ones show up in the christening photos, I kind of think that if Princess Diana appears in any of the pics taken by Mario Testino, the Middletons would be cool with it.  In fact, I’m pretty sure Carole would make it her Christmas card.

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Royal Hemline Decree

Kate Middleton just wrapped up her vacation in Mustique where she rested up from those exhausting zero official engagements to date this year and the mere thirty-five in 2013 that cemented her status as The UK’s Laziest Royal.  The Duchess of Doolittle returned from the Caribbean and discovered she had landed in a bit of a fashion bummer.  According to Time’s Newsfeed, the Queen thinks Kate dresses like a “harlot” and has appointed her own personal dresser, Angela Kelly, to make sure Kate wears more Duchess-appropriate attire for her upcoming tour of Australia.

Perhaps the Queen is seeking to avoid another wardrobe malfunction like the one Kate already had in Australia at the Brisbane Airport.

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These “Marilyn Moments” as they are labeled by the press show more than the Queen feels is appropriate.

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Perhaps the Queen objects because she actually met Marilyn Monroe in 1956 while she was in England filming The Prince and the Showgirl and everyone’s skirt stayed where it was supposed to.

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I think the real issue here is less about the hem length and more about Kate needing dress weights like the ones the Queen has sewn into her garments.  And Kate should rethink going commando in dresses, a wardrobe malfunction is way less slutty if you’re wearing underwear.

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In addition to panties, I would also recommend Kate always wear a bra.  Most women’s breasts are slightly uneven, however when Kate goes without a bra, the height of her right nipple makes the set look even more mismatched.

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Kate does show more leg than one would expect of a possible future Queen consort but she keeps it tight, she’s got great gams, a fantastic bum and really, we’ve all seen the whole show already.  It’s common knowledge that Kate doesn’t wax or shave her bikini area, there are photos all over the internet like the white bikini pics that show the circumference of her areolae, she nabbed her prince by stalking him, I think we’ve already sailed way past her being able to pull off demure.

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If a more royal look is being imposed on Kate, her publicly playing with her hair really needs to stop.  Of course, there was the Hair Twirl Heard Round the World on Remembrance Day.

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Whether straight or curled, up or down, Kate’s hair has a five-fingered entourage.

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The constant hair touching conveys boredom as she gets lost in her own locks, with all of the etiquette training she’s had, she should know that it’s inappropriate.

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In many cultures a woman playing with her hair is considered to be flirtatious.  I can’t think of a single country in which a woman playing with her hair doesn’t have some culturally-specific meaning.  As a representative of the UK and the wife of a future king, she needs to be mindful of the message she is conveying.

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In Thailand, there is a spiritual association with hair because the head is considered so sacred.  Kate’s constant fussing with her tresses could be interpreted as the actions of someone who is spiritually deficient.  To a Jordanian, however, Kate pulling her hair back revealing her neck could be interpreted as a sexual advance because in Jordan, the neck is considered especially erotic, she appears to be offering it by sweeping her hair away from it.

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Even with the backlash against her Remembrance Day hair twirl still fresh, she couldn’t keep her hands out of her hair when her husband was commenting on the sad passing of the great Nelson Mandela.  Playing with her ponytail, she forgot she was supposed to look somber and her expression switched over to her default setting of looking like she’s daydreaming of doodling “I Love Unicorns” in her notebook.

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The Queen’s announcement about hemlines comes less than two weeks after Prince Charles revealed that he will be taking control of the press office of Prince William and Kate and absorbing them into his own at Buckingham Palace.  The elimination of the Kensington Palace press office is believed to be Prince Charles’ attempt to remold The Royal Family’s public image and refocus attention away from Kate’s hair and clothing onto more serious topics.

As frustrating as Lazy Katie’s lack of effort when it comes to charitable work can be, frumping her up isn’t the answer.  The fate of tigers is in no way tied into Kate’s hemline and the Firm isn’t going to turn her into Margaret Thatcher by making her wear boxy suits.  And if they did somehow manage to get their hands on magical fabric that enabled such a transformation, they probably shouldn’t, the Queen looked positively beaming at the funeral of the former Prime Minister.

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I think the way to handle the whole Kate Middleton’s wardrobe issue is just make sure she’s wearing knickers and sew in some dress weights.  People aren’t going to stop focusing on her appearance simply if her wardrobe is toned done, instead the media will start digging through the archives and the conversation will be about how much they preferred Above-the-Knee Kate.

The Firm seems reticent about letting Kate speak publicly in recent months following a string of vapid responses which caused eye rolls, smirks and out-right mockery in the global media.  Kate doesn’t have the passion for charity work and natural charm Princess Diana had, she doesn’t appear to have any terribly interesting hobbies of her own like Sarah Ferguson’s extramarital toe-sucking, she doesn’t have the stoic strength of Queen Elizabeth II because let’s face it, no one in the world has that, but she is good at putting cute little outfits together.  Personally, I think the Royal Family needs to be careful about shaking up Kate, when the candy falls out, the party is pretty much over.

The one bonus of having your hemlines royally decreed is the Queen lets you borrow jewels from her private collection, not to be confused with the Crown Jewels which are kept in the Tower of London.  No one actually knows how much the Queen’s Jewels are worth because no gemologist has ever been permitted to examine the collection.  For her upcoming scheduled trip to Australia, Kate will be allowed to borrow some of the Queen’s pieces most of which have been handed down to her by past monarchs. This isn’t like rooting around in your Grandma’s jewelry box, this is some serious badass bling.  My first round draft pick would be the Collet Necklace which is also referred to it as the Coronation Necklace.

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Despite its 160 carats, Queen Alexandra and Queen Mary piled even more diamonds on top of it.  Queen Elizabeth II wears it as I would, on its own, it is the ultimate statement necklace and that statement is “Suck it, Commoners.”  That kind of ice would definitely take the sting out of being told by the Queen that you dress like a tramp.

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Love,

Lola