Prince William stepped in for Kate Middleton on St. Patrick’s Day distributing shamrocks to the Irish Guards. This was basically Kate’s one tradition that was hers since joining the British Royal Family and she decided to stay at home with her kids, nannies, staff and likely her Mum Carole. Because reasons.
At this point, I think we can all safely assume that the Cambridge’s Communications Secretary, Jason Knauf, is dead. Like crossed-over-into-the-light dead because any earth-bound spin doctor spirit would have found a way to make the walls bleed, “Do not disrespect the military.” If Jason is still alive, he’s sitting aboard a superyacht purchased for him by the Republican party, melting Lego Prince William and Lego Kate Middleton with an Acme evil death ray, texting Dr. No, “Told Kate it’s ok to blow off Irish Guards, LOL” and creating fake Twitter accounts to screw with royal photographers.
There is no other logical explanation.
The public outrage over Kate breaking with 115 years of royal tradition was as to be expected.
As these screen grabs from the Daily Mail show, Prince William did his best Kate Middleton impression. He did the teeth.
He did the weird over-the-top expressions that likely psychologically scarred small children (although that might just be his face).
Crikey, that’s terrifying.
But he just couldn’t master Kate’s bouncing wiglet-on-a-stick gait. And I don’t think anyone cared what shoes he was wearing.
Domhnall, the Irish Wolfhound, appeared to be relieved to be spared Kate’s clumsy attempts to attach the shamrocks. William simply handed Domhnall’s bunch to his handler to avoid a situation like last year when Domhnall appeared to be desperately scanning the crowds for someone to call PETA. There was a marked difference between Domhnall’s body language this year with William and last year with Kate.
Even for a pathologically lazy duchess, skipping this engagement is baffling. Proving to the public she is unwilling to participate in tradition which is the whole reason the monarchy still exists is a poor strategy. Slighting those who serve their country is unforgivable. Voluntarily dropping out of an event with attractive men in uniform is just stupid and against almost everything I personally hold sacred. I think Kate has a scheduled engagement today maybe, opening some shop for EACH or burning down a children’s cancer ward. It’s kind of hard to pretend to care about a public figure who can’t be bothered pretending to care about the public.