Tag Archives: Domhnall

Prince William Does Disappointing Kate Middleton Impression

Prince William stepped in for Kate Middleton on St. Patrick’s Day distributing shamrocks to the Irish Guards.  This was basically Kate’s one tradition that was hers since joining the British Royal Family and she decided to stay at home with her kids, nannies, staff and likely her Mum Carole.  Because reasons.

At this point, I think we can all safely assume that the Cambridge’s Communications Secretary, Jason Knauf, is dead.  Like crossed-over-into-the-light dead because any earth-bound  spin doctor spirit would  have  found a way to make the walls bleed, “Do not disrespect the military.”  If Jason is still alive, he’s sitting aboard a superyacht purchased for him by the Republican party,  melting Lego Prince William and Lego Kate Middleton with an Acme evil death ray, texting Dr. No, “Told Kate it’s ok to blow off Irish Guards, LOL” and creating fake Twitter accounts to screw with royal photographers.

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There is no other logical explanation.

The public outrage over Kate breaking with 115 years of royal tradition was as to be expected.

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As these screen grabs from the Daily Mail show, Prince William did his best Kate Middleton impression.  He did the teeth.

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He did the weird over-the-top expressions that likely psychologically scarred small children (although that might just be his face).

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Crikey, that’s terrifying.

But he just couldn’t master Kate’s bouncing wiglet-on-a-stick gait.  And I don’t think anyone cared what shoes he was wearing.

Domhnall, the Irish Wolfhound, appeared to be relieved to be spared Kate’s clumsy attempts to attach the shamrocks.  William simply handed Domhnall’s bunch to his handler to avoid a situation like last year when Domhnall appeared to be desperately scanning the crowds for someone to call PETA.   There was a marked difference between Domhnall’s body language this year with William and last year with Kate.

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Even for a pathologically lazy duchess, skipping this engagement is baffling.  Proving to the public she is unwilling to participate in tradition which is the whole reason the monarchy still exists is a poor strategy.  Slighting those who serve their country is unforgivable.  Voluntarily dropping out of an event with attractive men in uniform is just stupid and against almost everything I personally hold sacred.  I think Kate  has a scheduled engagement today maybe, opening some shop for EACH or burning down a children’s cancer ward.  It’s kind of hard to pretend to care about a public figure who can’t be bothered pretending to care about the public.

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Katie O’Middleton Tries to Shamrock a Rolo

Many in the royal fandom were disappointed Kate Middleton didn’t wear green to hand out shamrocks to the Irish Guard for St. Patrick’s Day.  Instead she wore brown.  All brown with the exception of the shamrock sprig below the traditional gold shamrock pin once worn by the Queen Mum, making Kate look like a dying houseplant with that one little still-active branch that makes you reluctant to toss it because at least the plant is trying.

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Alas, green is no more historically accurate for St. Patrick’s Day than brown for the occasion.  St. Patrick’s color is this blue:

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Kate would have looked lovely in that color but she decided to go with mismatched browns.

The coat was bespoke Catherine Walker.  Bespoke as in so expensive, the price should never be spoken of.  Kate paired the new chestnut coat with her Lock and Company Betty Boop hat which is one of my least favorite of all Kate’s cranium toppers, to me it looks like a giant Rolo.

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Kate’s shoes were Emmy Shoes Valerie in chocolate brown, perhaps the closest Kate appears to get to indulging in pregnancy cravings.

At first glance, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge appear to be less stressed around each other than they usually do in joint appearances and almost playful with each other at times.  However, proximity to Kate triggered several royal clenched fists, the kind Prince William makes when frustrated by Kate.  In this video still-shot, he clenches his fist after motioning for his wife to go down the steps first, shaking out the tension when walking by himself and repeating the fist once he reaches her.

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Now, to be fair, he wasn’t the only male not totally thrilled with Katie O’Middleton.  The Irish Guard’s mascot, an Irish Wolfhound named Domhnall flinched when Kate approached, scanning the crowd as if to say “help me” as she fumbled with trying to attach his shamrocks which eventually his handler took from Kate to attach.

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Kate’s spirits remained relatively high throughout the engagement, delighting in presenting shamrocks to the guards.  Perhaps those eighth month estrogen surges sent her libido into overdrive because her facial expressions seemed to belie a game she was playing inside her head of “I’d do him.  Not him.  Definitely him.  Twice.”

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Kate seemed quite taken with one officer, even baring her teeth which is how Duchess Limpets signal sexual availability when indoor conditions don’t permit for a commando wind flashing.

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Kate seems to have a thing for men in uniform.  I wonder how many Royal Protection Officers it took to keep her away from Prince William’s trouser leprechaun  on the ride home.

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