Tag Archives: Duchess of Cambridge

Pippa Middleton’s Wedding

On Saturday, one of the most famous bridesmaids of the last decade got to be the bride.  Pippa Middleton, also known as the other Wisteria Sister, married hedge-fund manager James Matthews in lavish royal-adjacent fashion.

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Pippa looked beautiful and blissfully happy, reminding us why we all love weddings, even ones we think we don’t particular care about until the media gently reminds us that apathy is not an option.

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I wasn’t particularly a fan of Pippa’s custom guipure lace gown by Giles Deacon and the Maidenhair Fern tiara.  With the lace, high collar, and molded feel of the bodice, it was a little too Victorian Wonder Woman as interpreted by Zack Snyder for my taste.

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But of course, after seeing how jacked Pippa’s arms are now, I wouldn’t say that to her face.

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The Daily Mail has a multitude of articles with a vast amount of photos of the wedding, including one in which you can sort of see Meghan Markle being driven to the reception by Prince Harry.  Her absence from the church ceremony almost overshadowed the bride on social media as royal watchers wondered if there would be a royal wedding in the not-so-distant future.

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Kate served as an unofficial bridesmaid to her sister, doing some flower girl and page boy wrangling. There’s a great photo of Kate shushing the kids that made the cover of the Sunday Express.

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Kate also helped with straightening her sister’s veil and dress.

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In quite a few photos, Kate appears to be looming behind Pippa like acid reflux.

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After the ceremony, Prince George had a little mini meltdown.  Reportedly, it was in response to Kate scolding him for stepping on Pippa’s train, but who knows.  He could have been cranky because he’s three and at a wedding.  Princess Charlotte had a couple of moments of being two at a wedding but she was two like a pro and quickly recovered.

The Duchess of Cambridge’s style is always soooo mother-of-the-bride and this dusty peach Alexander McQueen dress which she paired with a Jane Taylor hat and Kiki McDonough earrings was no exception.

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It’s totally WKRP in Cincinnati and not in a good way.

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I mean, come on, the actual mother-of-the-bride, Carole Middleton, looked more youthful.

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Although Carole and Kate both went so heavy on the blush, I couldn’t get Judy Collins’ version of “Send in the Clowns” out of my head.

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Send in the clowns
Don’t bother, they’re here

Seriously, the ladies of the Moulin Rouge didn’t wear that much rouge.

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Hey sistas, soul sistas, betta get that dough sistas

I noticed Kate’s rings were doing an awful lot of slipping.  She was wearing her eternity band so they shouldn’t have slipped that far up towards her knuckle.  Hopefully she’s okay.

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While the wedding wasn’t a royal union, the taxpayers still have to pick up the tab for security because of the attendance of the second, third, fourth and fifth in line to the throne.  St. Mark’s church was closed on Friday evening for security sweeps, as were various roads, including the one taken by James and Pippa to the reception in a Jaguar, doing a royal-adjacent wave to those who had gathered to wish the newlyweds well.

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Congratulations to the happy couple!

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Kate Visits Luxembourg

On Thursday, Kate Middleton embarked on a Kate-sized solo tour of Luxembourg in celebration of the 1867 Treaty of London which consisted of five events in four and a half hours.  It was jam-packed with all of the hair touching, veneer flashing, and crotch clutching one would expect of an official visit from the UK’s so-called diplomatic secret weapon for strengthening international relations in the wake of Brexit.

I think even the media is having a hard time keeping a straight face with that claim.  I noticed the sentence referencing the “diplomatic importance of the visit” in Richard Palmer’s piece had a typo.  Poor chap was probably laughing so hard, it made it difficult to type.

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This screenshot from the first photo in his article pretty much sums up why it’s hard to take Kate seriously as an official representative of the British Royal Family and the UK.

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Kate doesn’t come across as capable of managing her own hair, let alone something as complex as the UK’s withdrawal from the European Union.

Kate wore bespoke Emilia Wickstead, an ice blue version of the St. Patrick’s Day coatdress she debuted in 2012 as well as new blue topaz and diamond Kiki McDonough earrings retailing for £3,500 (around $4,510 USD).  Kate ditched a lot of the outsourced hair she usually wears and her skin looked positively aglow with fresh injections.

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At one of the events, three-year-old Teo Schleck presented Kate with a bouquet of flowers, then burst into tears and buried his face in his mother’s shoulder.  Reportedly Kate reassured his mother that it is “totally normal” at that age.  I’m way older than three, but if I saw that much clown blush and veneers coming at me, I’d probably want my Mommy, too.

When the twin sons of Luxembourg cyclist Kim Kirchen presented Kate with a jersey, Kate reportedly said that she has no excuse now not to get on a bike.  Maybe the Queen should hook Kate up with a duchess jersey, that way she will have no excuse not to duchess.

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Btw, I’m not going to have a lot of time over the next few days to moderate but expect to start posting more regularly again within a week.

Wittering Heights

While many of us spent Valentine’s Day mainlining sugary treats and snuggling up with loved ones or casting curses on exes, Kate Middleton waged war on fashion and decorum at an engagement with air cadets at RAF Wittering.  There was also the classic battle of Kate’s hair versus the wind which resulted in a ponytail of defeat, captured by photographer Mark Stewart. (Correction by KateMiddletonReview: Kate actually started the day off with a ponytail then released the mane prior to the cadet exercises which adds a whole new level of mystery to Kate’s hair-making decisions.)  It’s as if an advisor instructed Kate to look “engaged” at the event but she mistakenly heard “deranged”.

At the RAF Wittering event, Kate participated in a team building exercise with the cadets and tried out a flight simulator.  Kate wore a festive red Philosophy di Lorenzo Serafini jacket which is a beautiful color on her.  However, because it is a pea coat which does have a tendency to visually add a teeny bit of width, Kate had to prove she’s still the skinniest in the land by pairing it with a pair of jeggings that were so tight, likely they came out of a spray can.

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The physics of these pants baffle me.  How can something be so tight that every muscle movement is visible beneath them and yet require constant tugging up?  Is this some sort of denim equivalent of cheap drugstore hosiery that keeps trying to snap back to the original 6″ length it was when you pulled it out of the package to the point you consider stapling the band to your underwear but despite your hellish struggle you still manage not to grab your own ass in public?

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Even more distracting than the pants were Kate’s exaggerated random facial expressions that had some on social media wondering what meds Kate’s on.

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But seriously, there’s no medication or pharmaceutical combination of which I’m aware that turns a thirty-five year-old mother of two and a future queen consort into a less dignified version of a howler monkey.  If Kate’s on anything at all, it was probably developed in a secret military research facility.

My mother would have been mortified if I behaved this way in public when I was six-years-old, Kate is almost six years into being a duchess and not only is there no evidence of those purported “princess lessons”, there’s little to suggest she has much experience interacting with other human beings.

At some point, I’m probably going to have to switch this blog into a Jennifer @Chic_Happens_ fan page.  She’s far more engaging and represents the UK better than Kate.

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BAFTAs Barf-ta

After spending most of his seven year tenure as President of the British Academy of Film and Television Academy missing in action, Prince William showed up to Sunday’s award show at the Royal Opera House with Kate Middleton.

This was the third BAFTA Award Show for Prince William and Kate’s first.  For Kate’s BAFTA Awards debut, she arrived in custom Alexander McQueen looking like Laura Ingalls dressed up as Harriet Oleson for Halloween.

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The original Long Tier Violet Jacquard dress from Alexander McQueen’s 2016 resort collection that Kate had modified cost $7,765 (£6,218).

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Kate’s McQueen box clutch retailed for $2,242 (£1,795).

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Kate’s Prada Wavy-Cut Suede Pumps which were visible when Kate lifted her hem to climb the red-carpeted steps cost $750.

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So that’s over $10,500 to look like a shrunken hunched-backed Harriet, not including the earrings which Kate first debuted in 2011.

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Not much is known about the drop earrings, although Rebecca English confirmed on Twitter they are not a loaner pair from the Queen.

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There was an amusing rumor floating before the BAFTAs that some actresses were concerned Kate would “out-shine” them at the award show.

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If there really was any concern at all, it was probably that Kate would go full-on fan-girl.

Kate has a history of becoming star-struck at events with celebrities and was so giddy meeting Jackie Chan at a Creative Collaboration: UK & China event that a Hong  Kong journalist covering it wrote, “Most unexpectedly, Princess Kate, who should be used to meeting and greeting dignitaries and upper echelons of society, suddenly lightened up with great delight and was very girlish when meeting Jackie Chan.”

It was actually nice to see Kate looking happy upon arrival at an event.  Too often she appears groggy and trepidatious, like she’s just coming to after being hit with a tranquilizer dart.

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I like happy Kate.  I just wish she brought even a fraction of this enthusiasm to other events.

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Unfortunately, the Duchess of Cambridge only appears genuinely engaged and interested in the presence of celebrities and Ben Ainslie.  When it comes to her charities, Kate sometimes looks like she can barely keep her eyes open.

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The Night Before Christmas


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‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro’ Sandringham House,

Not a Middleton was stirring, not one single louse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

But none for Meghan Markle who wouldn’t be there;

The royals were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of taxpayer funding danc’d in their heads,

And the Queen in her crown, and Philip in his cap,

Probably muttered, “I’m too old for this crap”-

When all through the tabloids there arose such a clatter,

Prince Harry’s romance hardly a private matter.

Away to the press Meghan’s relatives flew like a flash,

Selling old photos and videos for quick easy cash.

The American actress on a scarcely watched show,

Was attacked on social media as a fame-hungry hoe;

When what on Blind Gossip should appear,

But a hinted campaign to portray Meghan as saint of the year,

With pr reps at the ready to lay it on thick,

That whole demure duchess candidate shtick.

Little had been known about Prince Harry’s new flame,

And rapidly she became 2016’s most Googled actress name,

A porn site had a 1430% increase in searches for the vixen,

Who has been called by some a modern Wallis Simpson:

“Divorced, American, sex scenes, not suitable at all!”

Critics proclaimed her social media posts took gall.

Instagram bracelets and the initials necklace really don’t fly,

For romantically involved adults in the public eye.

But at least Harry will be at Sandringham, unlike William and Kate, too,

Who will be spending Christmas at Bucklebury, breaking tradition anew.

But even as the Cambridges disappear out of sight,

It still won’t be as bad as when William made the staff watch Twilight.

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Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

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2016 Diplomatic Reception

Tonight was the Diplomatic Reception held at Buckingham Palace and while normally royal watchers just get the backseat Bentley shots, this year a formal portrait was taken of the three generations of the British Monarchy.

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The Queen is wearing the Royal Family Orders of King George VI and King George V, Prince Philip, Prince Charles and Prince William are in the Order of the Garter, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall is wearing the Royal Family Order of Queen Elizabeth II and Kate looks like a little kid who wandered into the shot, still with no royal order and her crotch clutching preserved for posterity.  Poor Kate, always in some state of disorder.

The Royal Family Order of Queen Elizabeth II is an honor bestowed on female members of the British Royal Family at the Queen’s discretion.

Royal Family Order of Queen Elizabeth II

Royal Family Order of Queen Elizabeth II

Being born royal or marrying into the family doesn’t guarantee the Royal Family Order of Queen Elizabeth II, it is an honor that is earned.  Princess Diana and Katharine, Duchess of Kent received theirs during their first year of marriage.  Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall and Birgitte, Duchess of Gloucester received theirs during their second year of marriage.  Sophie, Countess of Wessex received hers in her fifth year of marriage.  And after 5 1/2 years of marriage, giving birth to an heir and a spare, Kate, a future Queen Consort, is still playing the Waitying Game.  I guess Kate’s Christmas chutney wasn’t impressive enough to nab that Royal Family Order from the Queen, but maybe McQueen can bedazzle her an Order of Bad Bespoke so she can have something shiny to wear at the Anmer Hall Fortress of Solitude while filling in all that duty-ducking time with her Secret Garden coloring book.

Of course, Kate has had very few occasions to even wear a royal order.  This is only Kate’s fifth time in a tiara.  She wore the Cartier Halo tiara on her wedding day, the Papyrus Lotus Flower tiara at the 2013  Diplomatic Reception and 2015 State Banquet honoring Chinese President Xi Jinping, and the Cambridge Lover’s Knot tiara to the 2015 Diplomatic Reception which was repeated again tonight.

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The Jenny Packham gown Kate wore tonight was also a repeat from the State Banquet honoring Chinese President Xi Jinping last year.

So while the Palace gave the public an unprecedented Diplomatic Reception portrait, once again we get nothing from Kate that we haven’t seen before.

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The Yarn Doll Duchess

On Thursday, Kate Middleton had two events.  During the first, Kate met with former drug and alcohol addicts and screened three of the three minute short films from the Recovery Street Film Festival.  The second event was the screening of the film A Street Cat Named Bob about the journey of a homeless recovering addict and an injured stray cat as they rescue each other.

Kate wore a white dress by Self-Portrait, deep red Gianvito Rossi court shoes, a Mulberry Clutch and a poppy pin.

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Basically, Kate looked like she stood in front of a mirror, said “Bloody Mary” three times and then stole summoned ghost bitch’s look.

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The wind appeared to be even more over Kate’s growing doily dress collection than the rest of us because it attempted to physically rip the dress off her body.  This still is screen grabbed from the video Emily Nash posted on Instagram.

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According to one weather source, November weather happens every November in London.

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The dress didn’t look much better indoors.  Kate looked like one of those yarn dolls.

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It’s surprising the film’s star, Bob, didn’t take to Kate more, cats are supposed to like playing with yarn.

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Bob flicked his tail back and forth while Kate stroked the top of his head.  As anyone who speaks cat knows, that’s a feline warning sign that kitty is not in his happy place, cease and desist all activity or it’s about to go down.  Reportedly Kate asked Bob’s human if the feline film star was purring or growling.  To Bob’s credit, he resisted shredding the doily dress but he’ll have to work on throwing a proper diva tantrum if he hopes to make it in Hollywood.

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The Duchess of Cambridge’s Deadly Poppy Field

Remember the scene from The Wizard of Oz when the Wicked Witch of the West nearly succeeds in offing Dorothy with the Deadly Field of Poppies?

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Well, McQueen has managed to capture that feeling of nearly dying in your sleep in a custom dress for Kate Middleton.  She wore it at a Buckingham Palace reception honoring Olympic and Paralympic athletes.

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The print is from the 2017 Pre-Spring/Summer Collection.  Its original dress form is this:

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It also comes in a blouse.

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Sarah Burton likely realized the overdose potential of this poppy print and Kate should have just said no to it in this much fabric.  It’s so grandmotherly, it is possible the cut died of natural causes, but the toxicology report suggests foul play.  The Daily Mail article has lots of photos of the fashion crime scene.

An opium overdose at least seems like it would be a more peaceful way to go than the death-by-boredom the Cambridges are inflicting on royal-watchers.  I couldn’t even make it all the way through the Canada tour which was as exciting as looking at a neighbor’s vacation pics.  In Tom Sykes’ article What’s Wrong With William and Kate’s Tour of Canada? he discusses the global disinterest in a tour that fizzled before it even started.  Once again the Cambridge’s insisted on having their private events, shutting out a shrunken press pack for a wine tasting, a sail, and whatever else happened while I had nodded off.

As interest in the future king and queen consort wanes, the question remains, could Prince William and Kate possibly be this dull, or are they attempting to have the private lives with public figure perks they crave by boring the masses into a deep slumber?  Kate’s dress and hair so amped up with add-ons she looked like her own bobblehead doll suggest she wanted to stand out in a crowd of dark hues and normal-headed people, but maybe the Paper Doll Duchess just wants to be noticed on her own terms, when she’s packing poppies.

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Fortunately for the Olympic and Paralympic Athletes at the Buckingham  Palace, Prince Harry followed behind Kate’s poppy field, so if anyone felt themselves glazing over from Kate’s small talk about George liking swimming, fencing and hockey and Charlotte already being an accomplished equestrian at 17 months, he could Glinda them right out of permanent sleep.  Not sure why gingers seem to get stuck with revival duties for the poppy-pickled, but long live Good King Harry because this whole Synchronized Head Tilt wouldn’t even qualify the Cambridges for the Feigned Interest competition at the Royal Olympics.

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Kate Middleton, Serial Tour Flasher

Prince William and Kate Middleton will be departing on Saturday night for their royal tour of India and Bhutan and will arrive on Sunday Morning, a little before 11am.

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There was a handy little guide on Twitter with the time differences broken down:

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This will be Kate’s fourth official royal tour since joining the Firm five years ago.  Kate’s first foreign solo tour to Malta was canceled in September 2014 because of Kate’s special brand of Hyperemesis Gravidarum and the brief December 2014 trip to New York City wasn’t considered an official tour.  To date, Kate has yet to officially represent the UK on tour without having a major wardrobe malfunction.

This post will be dedicated to Kate’s biggest international flashing incidents.  For all who do not want to see Kate exposed, please abandon blog.  Even if you think you can get through this without hearing the lambs scream, you might want to get a set of pearls to clutch just in case.

Kate’s long history of premarital flashing has been well-established.  At Marlborough, Kate was known as Kate Middlebum for pulling down her pants to moon boys in a bid to become more popular.  During the Waitying Years, she continued to hone her exhibitionist streak to the point it was common knowledge that she did not wax or shave her bikini area.

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Since marriage, Kate has been protected as a member of the royal family by the UK press.  Some of Kate’s lesser so-called Marilyn Moments have been published with the far more revealing snaps never seeing the light of day in accordance with the gentleman’s agreement the press has with the British Royal Family.  Abroad, there is no such deal which is why when Kate leaves the UK, the public gets to see a side of Kinky Kate that gets buried by the antiquated practices of her own country.

Canada & US Tour- June-July 2011

Newly duchessed, Kate arrived on July 7th at the Calgary airport with her hubby of two and a half months, Prince William.   Kate’s lightweight primrose yellow Jenny Packham dress was no match for the strong gusts typically found around aircraft.  With her hem lifting, Kate reached instinctively to save her extensions and not her modesty.

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Kate met with a child, Diamond Marshall,  who had cancer and wanted to meet a “a real princess”.  To be fair to Diamond, her first choice was actually Aurora at Disneyland but Kate was going to be in the neighborhood so proximity played a factor there.  But Diamond did get to give Kate presents.

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Kate didn’t seem to mind who she flashed at the Calgary airport.

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Just as long as they were there to see it and they were men.  Oh, and that kid with cancer.

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South East Asia & South Pacific Tour – September 2012

The tour had some eyebrow raising fashion moments, like the golden embroidered Alexander McQueen dress  that showed a bit too much décolletage at the Malaysia State Dinner.

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Then there was the culturally insensitive knee-length Beulah London dress Kate wore to the Assyakirin Mosque which should have covered her legs in their entirety.

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To be fair, Kate seemed to be copying Princess Diana who wore a longer dress than Kate but also didn’t get it right.

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Minor points,though, since earlier that morning at breakfast William and Kate were informed that Kate had been photographed sunbathing topless during their pre-tour secret getaway to France for which they ditched the closing ceremonies of the Paralympics.

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Laurence Pieau’s defense of publishing the photos can be seen in a video contained in this Daily Mail article.  The editor notes, “I won’t hide the fact that there are far more intimate pictures that exist that we haven’t published and we won’t publish.”

On the way home from the nine day South East Asia & South Pacific Tour on September 19th, the Cambridges passed through Brisbane where Kate struggled with the lightweight floaty Project D Penelope dress.  The wind introduced itself to Kate as soon as she got off the plane to politely let her know it was there.

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The ensuing dress mayhem wasn’t a sudden windjacking, Kate was aware of the gusts, this wasn’t her first airport in a flimsy dress,  and yet not until the wind had already lifted her skirt to the sound of the approving shutter clicks from the photographers behind her that she attempted to make any real effort to keep her dress down.

At this point,  the back of the dress is up and yet her arms are still forward.

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Then Kate finally grabs the back of skirt to try to keep it down.

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That bit of white beneath the hem of the highest lifted part of her dress is the white thong Kate was wearing.  Strangely, after surviving one wave of the mothereffing Wind Apocalypse trying to tear her flimsy dress off her body while photographers snapped away, she started smiling and playing with the tie of her dress while the wind continued whip her dress around her legs like she was eight-years-old.

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Afterwards, Kate changed into jeans and a white top to continue the trip home.

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The damage, however, was done.  Several media outlets went with the headline “Royal Tour Ends on a Bum Note”.

Nine days later even more revealing topless and bottomless photos from France came out.  Rumors suggest that most intimate of photos were not published.  Nothing erases memories of a tour like seeing someone naked, even if it’s a bit blurry. and the tantalizing prospect of some true royal naughtiness emerging some day.

New Zealand & Australia Tour – April 2014

With articles proclaiming Kate’s wardrobe would be more duchessy, with longer hemlines and weighted skirts, mere seconds into the tour, Kate managed to flash the press while winds lifted up her red Catherine Walker coat and revealed a small pair of bunched up white knickers.  Royal watchers noted she still didn’t wax or shave.

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While at the Blue Mountains engagement, another flimsy floaty dress around a helicopter gave Kate a bum flash almost identical to the one she had at the Calgary Airport.   Local and amateur photographer, Diane Morel, took the photo which wound up in Bild and other outlets around the world.  But not in the UK because of the antiquated gentleman’s agreement that prohibits them from publishing embarrassing photos of their own royal family.

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Kate wasn’t done yet.  A few days later she hit the trifecta at Adelaide and gave the disadvantaged youth of Adelaide an eyeful of duchess boob.

Kate wore a low-cut Alexander McQueen peplum top with a light nude plunging padded push-up bra, the bottom of which can be seen in this photo.

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Kate did a lot of leaning over that day to talk to children and as part of the events.

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And apparently, Kate’s plunging padded push-up bra shifted around on her a bit.

But the crowd seemed enthusiastic.  Everyone thought it was going well.

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Well, a lot of the excitement was over the boys getting an eyeful of duchess boob.  At one point when she was seated, the boys were peaking down Kate’s plunging top, one kid there got a particularly sneaky shot of Kate’s bits with his camera phone and posted it on Facebook.  His Mom made him take it down and a local new station that wrote about it also quickly took their story down as well.  I guess they wanted to spare her the embarrassment not realizing Kate is a repeat offender.

Despite the time, money and great care that goes into planning these tours, each to date has been marred by at least one Kate wardrobe scandal, undoing in one snap all of the laborious logistical planning executed by the Cambridge’s extensive staff.  The last tour the public was promised a more regal modest duchess but even the best laid plans are no match for the flashing tendencies of Kate Middlebum.  She seems to be growing more prolific in her exhibitionist ways, so there’s no telling what the upcoming tour of India and Bhutan will hold.

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The Hair Menagerie

“She lives in a world of her own – a world of – little glass ornaments…”
― Tennessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie

A somewhat belated Happy Easter or a more timely Happy Monday!  My funny bunny, Nightwing, sends his love.

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I’m a little behind on royal news due to technical difficulties.  But Apple has reunited me with my resurrected laptop, so time for a little catch-up.

To no one’s surprise, Prince William wound up jetting off to attend the wedding of rumored first love Jecca Craig in Kenya, leaving a fairly impressive amount of pissed off people in his cloud of cartoon smoke.  At least one of William’s co-worker spouses was displeased her husband had to spend yet another holiday away from his family when William got to take both Easter and all of December off.  Many taxpayers were peeved about having to pick up the pricy tab for Prince William’s security detail and private secretary for another international jolly.  And it’s assumed Kate isn’t too happy either that Wills missed out on their daughter’s first Easter to attend the wedding of his ex, although having watched Kate being interviewed for the Queen at 90 documentary, I suspect it’s possible Kate is being kept so heavily sedated, someone probably just stuffed a pillow into that blue sweater William always wears and Kate thinks she and her hubby just had the best Easter ever together.

The bulk of Kate’s contribution to the documentary on the Queen had already been released and discussed by the press: George calls Her Majesty Gan-Gan, the Queen leaves little gifts for her great-grandchildren in their room when they visit and Kate made the Queen chutney for her first royal Christmas.  Not terribly riveting stuff, this is more the sort of information that might be exchanged during small talk at an official engagement, if Kate actually bothered with small talk or engagements.  The Shetland pony featured in the documentary probably offered more insight on Her Majesty than the future Queen Consort did.  The documentary can be viewed in its entirety here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD7dAsNxmrQ

While the Countess of Wessex and the Duchess of Cornwall provided glimpses into the Queen as a woman, most of what Kate had to offer was more on Kate.  In one clip, Kate noted:

“I think she’s so… so engaging.
And I think she’s got the most fantastic smile.
I think even if the Queen says nothing at all but just smiles, she gives people an enormous amount of pleasure.”

Notice a pattern?  I, I, I.  There was an abundance of Is all throughout Kate’s segments.  “I was worried…”, “I thought back…”, “I noticed…”, “I think…”.  I, I, I.

Contrary to popular belief, over-usage of the pronoun I in speech isn’t a mark of narcissism, it’s one of insecurity.  In the documentary, Our Fair Waity sounded like Eliza Doolittle raided Paula Abdul’s medicine cabinet and then tried to leave a trail of pronoun breadcrumbs to help her find her way back to her own thought process.  Kate’s affected posh accent somehow managed to get even plummier and she appeared to be somewhat disoriented trying to maintain its consistency, with words lost in her own nervous laugh or in a rush to make sentences be over.

In one segment, Kate noted, “There’s a real art to walkabouts, everybody teases me in the family that I spend far too long chatting.”  Yeah, I don’t think the walkabouts which Kate rarely does are the problem.  Supposedly, the Royal Family finds Kate’s affected accent to be frustrating because she has to think about how each word should sound and it can take her a while to stammer through a complete thought.  They’re known not be fans of people putting on airs so a middle class girl constantly being a conversational speed bump in an attempt to sound like the poshest one of all naturally wouldn’t go over well.

In two clips, Kate made reference to the Queen taking care of her in a maternal nurturing way, by making sure she was okay at the Leicester engagement when she was without William and by putting out the chutney Kate made her for Christmas which Kate felt, “shows her thoughtfulness, really, and her care in looking after everybody.”

Why does a woman in her thirties and a future Queen Consort need the Queen to look after her as if she’s a child?  If someone as busy as a Head of State needs to stop what she’s doing like the Queen did at Leicester and ask if you’re okay, in all likelihood you are very far from okay.  Maybe the reason Kate usually doesn’t take her coat off at official engagements is because Kate’s Mum has to pin a note inside of them reading, “If found, please return to Carole Middleton’s umbilical cord.”

If there was any doubt before, Queen at 90 solidifies my suspicion that Kate is a walking Tennessee Williams play.  Kate ticks a lot of the same boxes as Laura, the mentally fragile daughter from the Glass Menagerie.  Both need to be taken care of, live in seclusion, become nervous speaking, drop out of commitments, have social circles limited to siblings, have mothers overly intent on making strong matrimonial matches for their daughters, and judging by Kate’s bad tailoring, it’s likely she puts her elongated torso on the same exaggerated level of physical deformity as Laura views her limp.  Substitute glass animal figurines with a wiglet collection and you’ve got a play… just not a woman suited to a role she aggressively pursued for over a decade.  The most striking difference is that Laura is a far more sympathetic character than Kate, Laura was trapped by circumstance whereas Kate built hers brick by boring brick.

The Daily Mail ran an article over the weekend indicating that it’s likely Kate and William will be ditching Anmer life and returning to London so Prince George can attend Wetherby next year.  Maybe the suggestion that the Cambridges will be returning to both London and duty is merely a PR ploy so the masses will think their seemingly endless gap year will be drawing to a close soon, but if they are moving back to London, how exactly is that going to work?  They can’t keep their criticism-provoking actions from the public’s awareness with Anmer Hall’s seclusion acting as a cloaking device and London affords far fewer places to hide the more unflattering aspects of a fairytale that’s looking increasingly Grimm.

redheart

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