Okay, I’m a bit confused. Which admittedly happens quite a bit, but usually not with basic math. When Kate Middleton and Prince William moved into Kensington Palace, Apartment 1A had three kitchens, two of which were staff kitchens, with a family kitchen on the ground floor. Kate added a second private kitchen for Cambridge-use-only, which means they’ve now got four kitchens. Three plus one equals four. So why is the press taking jabs at Kate by referring to her as Two Kitchens Kate?
Maybe the press doesn’t count the two staff kitchens, used by their staff of over twenty? The twenty-plus staff who were moved into newly refurbished offices at Kensington Palace, the cost of which remains undisclosed but still paid for by the taxpayer. The twenty-plus staff that the press conveniently glosses over because Kate is just so much like us. I keep my staff of twenty plus in the castle I had been using for sweater storage because my flying monkeys kept getting tangled up in their hair.
So really Kensington Palace has four kitchens unless of course Kate sealed off the two staff kitchens, perhaps thinking that commoners are like cats, once you feed them, they keep coming back. Let them eat cake, just elsewhere please.
There are also two staff kitchens at Anmer Hall, one for the guards and another in the nanny’s quarters in addition to the existing $65,000 family kitchen there they are ripping up. The new kitchen will have an air purifying refrigerator with NASA-designed technology which runs $25,000 a pop, an oven that costs a cool $13,600, a $6,800 sink and tons of pricy gadgets like the Tubie which is a hands-free machine that dries and irons clothing in minutes and will undoubtedly freak out Lupo.
Snow White had seven dwarfs, Waity has seven kitchens. This modern fairytale sucks, I don’t think even Disney could make it endearing, there are just far too many characters walking around with poisoned produce.
Despite Kate having a kitchen for every day of the week, the press is sticking with the moniker Two Kitchens Kate. And as Waity Katie knows, once the media latches on to a nickname it sticks. With all the public grumblings and turning tides, Kate should be working her ass off. There was a flicker of hope there for a second a couple of weeks ago but Kate probably spied an LK Bennett sale happening on the path of least resistance, decided the whole effort thing blows and had her assistant call for one of the Bentleys.
Instead of proving herself to be more than a pampered pet, Kate’s July calendar has remained clear following her July 1st engagement, save for the awkward unofficial Wimbledon appearances where her clapping looked like a PSA for helmet safety and the exhausting Tour de France ribbon cutting on July 5th shown in this screen grab:
Ribbon cutting isn’t neurosurgery so I’m not sure why she required a two-prince-assist. It is kind of cool though that there are photos for the history books of the precise moment the British Royal Family jumped the shark.
Kate will be attending the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow on July 28th and 29th, so until then Kate will be doing whatever it is Kate does while the nanny and various taxpayer-funded household staff take care of Kate’s so-called hands-on duties as mother and homemaker. My theory has been that Prince William has a laser pointer and Kate runs around trying to catch the red dot but I’m sure she watches television too and probably plays with balls of yarn.
In order to restore Kate’s image following the recent unflattering press, there appears to be an attempt to refocus attention on Kate as a mother complete with golden halo and harp music. There are quite a few stories about how Prince George cried through his breastfeeding stage, not sleeping through the night until the beginning of this year when solid food was introduced into his diet. If the story was intended to garner sympathy, I admit I do feel bad that seventy-one year old Nanny Webb had to go through all that. I’m not so sure the story did much to bolster Kate’s reputation. The problem with obvious PR moves is people aren’t a fan of the obvious. Deception is far more palpable if it has at least some entertainment value. I will forgive a lie much more easily if it involves a dance number, train hoppin’ hobos and a monkey.
Babies are a PR goldmine, normally the public will forgive even the most egregious behavior with just a hint of a new bundle of joy. In previous posts, I predicted Kate would try to line up getting pregnant with the spare to coincide with the Royal Household Annual Accounts reports released at the end of June. Well, it’s being reported that Jessica Hay, a former school friend of Kate’s, has confirmed Kate is pregnant. Pregnancy rumors are nothing new for the Duchess of Doolittle except this is the same former friend who accurately reported Kate was pregnant the first time around so it has some credibility. While it could just be a planted rumor Kate tried to make seem more believable by giving her stomach what appeared to be a pregnancy pat at the Tour de France event, Kate’s face does seem like it’s either retaining fluids or dermal fillers.
Regardless, the spare is inevitable. A second will give Kate a nice nine month break before a year of maternity leave, plus however many years she can pull off saying that her family is her first priority and the reason she can’t do more engagements. I have the highest respect for mothers but when Kate married Prince William, she took a duchess title that came with duties. She said, “I do”, not only to a man, but to a commonwealth as well. Kate is provided with an extensive staff to be able to perform the duties expected of her, funded by taxpayers. If Kate wishes to live the lifestyle of a private citizen, she should do so without the allocated resources of a fulltime working royal.
The more Kate and Prince William try to live as private public figures, the more they alienate those who fund their lifestyles. Why should taxpayers pay an undisclosed sum somewhere in the millions of dollars for their annual security protection when the UK’s Laziest Royals put in so few official engagements, then complain about their lack of privacy as they wait to live in the secluded luxury of Anmer Hall, away from photographers and cell phone cameras? In a curious move some speculated was part of Prince William’s broader campaign to control the media, the United for Wildlife charity cricket match on Monday was declared a private event, shutting out freelance photographers and attaching copyright terms to the released photos. The couple is also reported to be asking for the airspace above Anmer Hall to be declared a no-fly zone, filing a claim that photos taken at the end of May were below the legally required 500 feet. The CAA is still trying to determine if there’s enough evidence to even launch an investigation into their claim but have indicated that the rules were the same for royal residences as they were non-royal ones. With all their privacy complaints and scheduled move to seclusion, it kind of sound like they are on their way towards writing a 35,000 word manifesto about technology and freedom. Hopefully the next Kate Effect doesn’t involve hoodies and aviator sunglasses.
Normally babies are a jackpot in terms of public perception but I doubt Kate’s second pregnancy will have a tremendous restorative impact on her image. July could have marked a turning point on how Kate would be historically remembered, but she has instead chosen inaction as her course. I really don’t think it matters what Kate Middleton does past this point or how many cute Prince Grumpy Cats she gives birth to, if she is called Waity Katie, Lazy Katie or Two Kitchens Kate, historically she is likely to be referred to as the woman who sank the British Monarchy. I always hope for the best from people but I fear Kate truly may be hopeless.