If Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are the #worldsmosttalkedaboutcouple, then the world has come down with a case of laryngitis. Crowds of teens gathered outside the wedding venue weren’t there to catch a glimpse of the bride and groom, they were holding up Justin Bieber signs in the hope that the singer would show up as a wedding guest. The bride and groom haven’t been trending on Yahoo, but among those who have been are Lisa Niemi, Patrick Swayze’s widow who married jeweler Albert DePrisco, Harry Potter who is fictional and actress Juliette Binoche who is at Cannes. In fact, the closest thing I saw to Kimye in the Trending Top Ten is Finnish race car driver Kimi Raikkonen.
Kim’s third trip down the aisle was decidedly less star-studded than the wedding her last groom declared was all a sham. Beyonce and Jay Z opted to not be part of Cirque de so Overplayed. Vogue editor Anna Wintour was unable to attend because of a family obligation. Brother Brody Jenner offered the excuse that he was going to be DJing in Chicago at the time. And brother Rob Kardashian flew to Paris only to turn around and come home after the bride-to-be reportedly chastised him for not losing weight for her wedding, thus making Rob Kardashian the only member of his family who appears to have any self respect.
While America has answered this self-hyping couple with the sound of crickets, I think we need to go one step further and lock up the US while the Kardashian clan is still in Europe, chains, padlocks, whatever it takes. Rob Kardashian can stay since he appears to only be an asymptomatic carrier of Kardashian Famewhoreitis although he will need to be quarantined if he’s responsible for any Typhoid Mary-type Twitter Selfie Outbreaks.
Kim Kardashian’s Givenchy wedding dress was a “sexy” version of the Kate Middleton wedding dress, proving that even boring can be turned trashy in the skilled hands of a former sex tape star. Rebecca Potzner posted a pic of the wedding dress on Instagram, I took a screen grab of it to show Kim Kardashian’s Kate Middleton-inspired wedding dress and veil. Still not a fan of the cocoon effect the veil has, especially since we know what’s going to hatch from it.
In case you missed the starpulse.com article about Kate Middleton and Prince William, it’s a must-read account of the growing animosity both inside and outside palace gates towards the Duke and Duchess of Doolittle’s disregard for duty. The article a well-articulated overview of mounting tension within the family that also highlights how Kate lies to get out of events, claiming the Queen told her not to worry about duties and just enjoy her family. Lazy Kate has been spinning a yarn to get out of work even before she was duchess, the paparazzi, deceased mother-in-law, Prince William, pregnancy and Prince George have all been her offered excuses. Now Kate’s pinning her lazy ways on someone who no one would dare question, the Queen. No wonder Kate never wears pants, the liar liar would perpetually find them on fire.
Kate’s love of full skirts in windy conditions has sparked a new privacy debate about a photo being auctioned of Kate’s bare bum which was exposed at the Blue Mountains event. Kim Kardashian isn’t the only one with a famous ass, the backside of Kate, Duchess of Kambridge can get some attention, too. Here’s a look behind the bum scandal scenes, Wills does not look happy: http://lookagiraffe.tumblr.com.
This isn’t the first time Kate has flashed her bare bum, and I’m not talking about the bottomless bikini balcony pics from France or her exposed backside at Calgary or all of the so-called wardrobe malfunctions. Kate was a serial mooner in her younger days, earning her the nickname Kate Middlebum in Marlborough College for her frequently dropping trou to expose her bare behind to boys to improve her popularity.
Kate already had one wardrobe malfunction on the New Zealand/Australia Royal Vacation Tour, she’s aware of both underwear and the extra-windy conditions related to air travel, she might be dim-witted but she’s certainly not headless. Given that in her younger days, she exposed herself to make boys like her, it seems not much has really changed, except she’s not a teenager anymore, she’s a duchess, wife and mother with a history of using exhibitionism to help fuel her feelings of self-worth.
What’s interesting about this reported photo auction is that there is one at all. Usually the public hears about Kate’s “Marilyn Moments” and thinks the duchess flashed a bit of thigh when in reality, she showed much more at these events. As much as the paparazzi is reviled, there is an ethical code most adhere to when it comes to embarrassing wardrobe malfunction photos of First Ladies, Royals and other respected female public figures. Photographers might show a copy to a family member or friend but the embarrassing images of respected public figures are never sold, e-mailed or posted on the internet, they remain in the possession of the photographers who took them. Despite Queen Elizabeth’s use of hem weights and careful clothing selections, there have been a couple of slight wardrobe malfunction photos taken during her sixty-two year reign that will never ever see the light of day out of respect to the monarch. Kate never earned that same kind of respect because of her pre-Duchess days as Waity Katie and The Mattress.
For those who don’t know the history of The Mattress moniker, Prince William’s security detail is credited for coming up with it because of how poorly Prince William treated Kate while they were dating. No matter how cruelly or coldly Prince William was to her, she would always run to answer his late-night booty calls so she could have the perceived honor of sexually pleasuring the Petulant Prince she called Big Willie. Kate was his sex doormat.
It’s hard to respect someone who doesn’t respect herself and few really believed Prince William would actually marry The Limpet, as Prince Harry referred to Kate. When Prince William did say I do, Kate benefited from a reserve cache of respect she got through marriage, the press kept the more embarrassing wardrobe malfunction photos out of the mainstream media and photographers would e-mail them to friends or anonymously post them online.
This Blue Mountains photo auction would suggest Kate’s used up the last of the press protection she received through marriage. If Buckingham Palace does manage some legal maneuver to get the sale squashed or attempts to procure it using other means, I suspect some of the more embarrassing Kate photos from the past will surface as a gentle reminder to the Palace that they have been benefiting from photographer restraint. In addition to Kate’s potential pre-Duchess indiscretions and official engagement wardrobe malfunctions, it’s been strongly hinted that far more intimate photos from the French balcony series exist, one set is rumored to show Kate kneeling before her prince en plein air.
The Lazy Duo’s reputation as a couple isn’t helped by Prince William deciding he wants to take another transitional year as an air ambulance helicopter pilot. With only a few months to go on his transitional year between RAF pilot and full-time royal, Prince William wants to further stall the inevitable full-time duties of his birthright. He’s thirty-one, a father, a husband and… what’s that other thing… ah, yes a Prince, it’s a little late in the game to be scrambling to think of other things he’d rather be. If his birthright is so loathsome, he should remove himself and his son from succession instead of engaging in never-ending attempts to have the perks of royalty without any of the responsibilities.
Of course, the real appeal of the new pilot job might be the regular hours he will be spending away from Kate. The new gig means Kate will receive her favorite gift of all, more possible excuses not to work, like taking care of Prince George all by her lonesome, with only a nanny, a housekeeper who serves as back-up nanny, a personal assistant and a whole support team of staff to help out when Prince William is away.
Prince George is revealing that he’s kind of a badass as far as babies go. He rocks a bit of a punk mohawk, dives right into baby mosh pits, swiped a little girl’s doll and made her cry, his teething style is pure Ozzy Osbourne, and he drools and craps in his pants just like Hugh Hefner.
Prince George racked up a ton of cool stuff while on the New Zealand/Australia Royal Vacation Tour like a surfboard and skateboard, but he didn’t have to budge an inch to score the latest gift, an aviator jacket that was given to Prince Charles on his Canada tour. So now Prince George is like Top Gun cool.
The latest on Prince George’s antics reveals that when met his second cousin, Mia, who is the daughter of Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall, he started a food fight, described by Mia’s Dad as “carnage”.
Prince George can’t even talk yet and the tiny terror already has far more personality than both of his parents combined.