Tag Archives: East Anglian Air Ambulance

Cambridge to Nowhere

Once again, Prince William and Kate Middleton begin a new year being criticized for their lackluster performance and putting in far less work than other members of the Royal Family, including the Queen and Prince Philip who are in their 90s.  Prince William only managed 188 engagements in 2016 while Kate only showed up for 140.  The Cambridge’s numbers for 2016 are impressively low considering they undertook two tours which are big numbers-boosters because all of those airport greetings and “private” touristy experiences from which the press was banned counted as official engagements.

Since joining the British Royal Family in April of 2011, Kate has only undertaken a grand total of 484 engagements to date.  In 2016 alone, Prince Charles handled 530 engagements while Princess Anne had 509 so Kate still hasn’t cumulatively pulled off in almost six years what other members of the family manage in one.

The Daily Mail ran an article detailing how Prince William and Kate only do half the work Prince Charles and Princess Diana did at a comparable stage in their married lives when they were raising young children.

Not surprisingly, the public was reminded on Friday Prince William has another job he pretends to do sometimes with a series of photos taken by the same photographer who managed to track down the future king on the job last year when the press and public were grumbling loudly about Work-shy William.


Prince William’s contract with East Anglian Air Ambulance  ends in March, the fact that he’s still in the co-pilot seat shows he puts in as much effort there as he does with his royal role.  It’s not that big of a deal, though.  Most air ambulances just have the one pilot, the government had to purchase a special helicopter for EAAA so Prince William could play co-pilot because he was unqualified for the job.  Once William decides he wants to be a cowboy or open a fake psychic detective agency, the EAAA just has to make a minor software adjustment to switch their air ambulance freebie back to a one pilot helicopter.  Or Prince William may decide to extend his contract, after all he’s able to dictate his EAAA schedule claiming royal duty while using the job as an excuse as to why he can’t do more royal engagements.

Something seems off about these photos in the Daily Mail piece.  Maybe it’s just Prince William’s stiff posture as he tries to emulate someone who does stuff or his getting the EAAA photo op out of the way so early in January that’s throwing me off, but there are two side by side pictures where the foliage doesn’t seem consistent at the same portion of the tail boom.

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Of course it could just be the angle.  Just like the strange violet hue at the top of William’s head could be explained by lighting conditions.


But it got me thinking.  It’s hard to juggle both holidays and PR photo ops.  I mean, those poor Cambridges have to fit in both sandy beaches and snowy slopes not long after their time off at Christmas.  Instead of going through all the trouble of having to go work and try to remember what it is he supposedly does so it can be captured by a photographer like Geoff Robinson, why don’t they just shoot Prince William in various poses against a green screen?  That way he can easily be dropped into heroic scenes while he’s working on his tan or hitting the slopes or playing video games in the Fortress of Solitude.  Then whenever there’s word of a taxpayer torch and pitchfork mob forming, the Palace Press Office can release photos of Prince William in various heart-warming scenes like rescuing a box of kittens…


Saving the Earth from an asteroid…


Defeating the Kraken…


Or even diverting attention away from any of his wife’s future flashing with a Marilyn moment of his own.


Since Kate rarely speaks and when she does, she’s difficult to understand, they can try to beef up her numbers by having her assistant carry around a life-size cardboard cutout of her to her various patronages and see if anyone even notices.

Of course, the Cambridges might just opt to send everyone in the UK a photo from their next holiday with the message “We’re just not that into you.” especially since Prince William (the future Head of the Church of England) and Kate skipped sending out a Christmas card this year. (Instead they mailed out a photo from the Canada tour thanking those who sent them warm holiday wishes.  Other royals adhered to tradition with Prince Harry’s holiday card featuring children of an Invictus Games veteran while Prince Charles’ and Camilla’s holiday card included a photo from their Croatia tour).

Prince William and Kate deciding to spend Christmas at Bucklebury for the second time, a year after they skipped the Queen’s Christmas lunch in order to host the Middletons at Anmer Hall, suggests they don’t really feel strongly bound to the Royal Family or its traditions.  While there have been no repercussions, even the Royal Family must be wondering about the future of the monarchy under William the Reluctant.



Shock and Guffaw

Remember those hallucinogenic mushrooms discovered growing on the grounds at Buckingham Palace back in December, the ones a Palace spokesperson claimed were “naturally growing” and “beneficial to trees”?  Well, now I’m convinced that Buckingham Palace has its own version of High Tea because the possibility they are partaking in mind-altering substances is the only thing I can think of that would explain the massive security whoopsie that the Daily Mail revealed this weekend.  According to the Daily Mail article, there is an app called flightradar24 which allows the EC145 T2 Prince William is currently co-piloting at East Anglian Air Ambulance to be tracked.  The Daily Mail explains that the app, “gives away precise details of his helicopter’s position, direction of travel, speed and altitude.”  The article also indicated that, “subscribers can even opt to receive alerts every time the Prince’s East Anglian Air Ambulance takes off from its base at Cambridge Airport on a 999 rescue mission, relaying real-time flight data from the helicopter’s on-board transponder.  The app also reveals where the air ambulance lands.”  For terrorists not willing to spring for a £2.99 app, the data can also be viewed on the company’s website for free.  Lazy nutjobs willing to spend an extra £3.99 can have custom alerts for Prince William’s helicopter sent directly to their phones.

As I’ve mentioned before, Prince William’s decision to play helicopter pilot is a logistical security nightmare.  Because he lacked the qualifications and training necessary to be an air ambulance pilot, the government gave East Anglian Air Ambulance an EC145 T2 so Prince William could start off as a co-pilot.  So right away, that narrows the possibility of which helicopter he’ll be flying down to one.

The EC145 T2 is a lightweight utility helicopter with a glass cockpit.  The helicopter can accommodate 2 pilots, 3 HEMS crew (one of which is presumably Prince William’s Royal Protection Officer) and a patient.  Because bulletproof and bullet resistant glass is prohibitively heavy, Prince William, the second in line to the throne, is afforded less protection than gift shop display cases at Dollywood provide the souvenirs.  Prince William is most vulnerable to an attack when taking off and landing. The longest confirmed sniper kill has been from a distance of 1.54 miles, the record is held by Craig Harrison of the UK’s Household Calvary.  That’s three times farther than the photographer who took the topless photos of Kate was standing from the French chateau.  A glass cockpit will offer little protection from a sniper, Marine Corps sniper Steve Reichert took out three insurgents by firing through a brick wall from a mile away.  Emerging from the cockpit to assist with a patient will provide even less.

Crazed lunatics with poor marksmanship or without access to a rocket launcher can bring down a helicopter with a $3 laser.  According to Air Ambulance Weekly, “laser attacks have been on an increase, specifically targeting medical air transport.”  Lasers directed at a cockpit can seriously compromise the vision of a pilot and even cause permanent retinal damage to pilots wearing night vision goggles.  As the Irish Air Corps explained on its Facebook page: “A laser beam can be refracted through tiny abrasions on the exterior of the cockpit windscreen and thereby illuminate the entire flight deck so… a normal laze strike can be extremely dangerous and disorienting to flight crews… The effect of these strikes can lead from a loss of situational awareness due to the startle or temporary ‘flash’ blindness to stinging and tearing.”  Wiltshire Air Ambulance has experienced numerous laser attacks over the last few years.  In 2012, two men using a laser pen stopped one of their pilots from being able to reach a critically ill heart patient.

Given how dangerous this position is for a future king, it’s mind-boggling that no one petitioned flightradar24 to have Prince William’s East Anglian Air Ambulance removed.  Here’s the kicker: even the Queen’s helicopter shows up on flightradar24 and several other similar apps.  Government planes, diplomat planes and private planes don’t show up on these tracking apps for security reasons, but planes for the British Royal Family do?  No wonder the British Royal Family needs to spend the estimated $300,000,000 each year on security, they make their whereabouts conveniently easy.

We live in a world where the FBI is investigating Chris Roberts because of his claims he was able to hack into the controls of United flights using their entertainment system, where mass transit systems are in danger of being cyber hijacked, and no one bothered to check the Apple Store?  The paparazzi are having a good laugh about this on Twitter.  The Royal Family’s security team comes off looking incompetent which makes the royals look like easy targets, this is the exact opposite of Shock and Awe, it’s Shock and Guffaw.

Additionally, Prince William was photographed in the helicopter using his cell phone during his first week on the job.


Assuming Prince William isn’t uploading rescue selfies because he knows all about geotagging and how some soldiers in Iraq inadvertently gave away the exact location of the compound by uploading pics of the new AH-64 Apaches to social media, any cell phone can still be used as a tracking device. There’s a device called a Stingray manufactured in the UK which tricks phones into sending it signals every 7 to 15 seconds whether it’s in use or not which has been employed to track criminals partial to burner phones.  A cellphone that is turned off can still be used to pinpoint location, the technology has existed since 2004. There’s even spy software available to the average consumer like mSpy which tracks location and provides communication transcripts.  There is no such thing as anonymity anymore, if you use a phone or a computer, you can be found.

Because Prince William is a high profile figure, he is unfortunately a target.  Flying an air ambulance helicopter is a dangerous enough job, those responsible for Prince William’s security need to do better at keeping the future king safer.

I’m not sure which outlet referenced this quote in an article about the security lapse of the flight tracker, but the quote itself is memorable: “Today we were unlucky. But remember, we only have to be lucky once – you will have to be lucky always.” IRA statement on the Brighton Hotel bombing



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British Royal Family Wants Change Back From Their 0 Fucks

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve come to conclude that the number of fucks given by the British Royal Family is precisely 0.

0 fucks about austerity measures in the UK.  0 fucks about demonstrating their value to the country they represent.  0 fucks about proving they are more than welfare recipients living in the largest most gilded trailers on the planet.

On June 15th, the most consistent of all 0 fuck-givers, Kate Middleton bagged on one of the monarchy’s most prestigious traditions, the Order of the Garter ceremony, presumably returning to the maternity leave for which she doesn’t work enough to qualify, to enjoy nannies, housekeepers and staff taking care of her stay-at-home duties so she can lounge in luxury and emerge occasionally for the warm loving embrace of LK Bennett sales.

The same day that Kate returned to her regularly scheduled pampered seclusion, Prince William gave 0 flying fucks about spending £16,000 ($25,173 in USD) on a roundtrip helicopter ride to the Magna Carta 800th Anniversary events, shaving a mere 50 minutes off each leg of the 90 minute drive.  A frequent giver of 0 fucks, Prince William is nine months into his training with East Anglian Air Ambulance and is expected to begin his new job as pilot in the spring that’s already passed. In response to outcries from the taxed masses, a Kensington Palace spokesperson indicated, “The Duke makes very careful decisions about transport plans and always seeks to travel in the most efficient and inexpensive way possible.”  Well, that makes sense, flying by helicopter is the most efficient and inexpensive travel option available these days, that’s why cars don’t exist anymore and even my flying monkeys take a Sikorsky any time they are forced to do my bidding.

On Saturday night, the Yorks gave 0 fucks about the hundred thousand or so protesting government austerity, spending cuts, and the stripping of public services and hosted a lavish belated Disney-themed birthday bash for 200 guests in honor of March baby Princess Eugenie at the Royal Lodge in Windsor where Prince Andrew enjoys royal rent-free housing benefits.  A seemingly fuck-depleted Princess Eugenie hired seven little people to be her Snow White costume accessories.  Her father, Prince Andrew, went as Prince Charming, giving 0 fucks that many women now will never again be able to refer to their beloved as their Prince Charming without throwing up a little in their mouths.  And the usually charming Prince Harry gave 0 fucks about the party’s Disney theme by showing up as Nintendo character, Super Mario.

One fuck was given on June 19th by Prince Philip who seemed unpleasantly surprised by the appearance of his ex-daughter-in-law, Sarah Ferguson at Ascot, but by virtue of the fuck being given by the unapologetic Duke of Edinburgh who gives no fucks on principal, it immediately vaporized into a noxious gas which was then blamed on the horses.

This week the Royal Household Annual Accounts was released.  As the rest of the nation faces austerity measures, Buckingham Palace is shielded from cuts to public spending under the terms of the Sovereign’s Grant which ensures that the amount the Queen receives can never be less than the year before.  In the past year, the Queen’s income from the Crown Estate rose from £36.1 million to more than £40 million.

Prince Charles’ expense report reveals he is paying £2.965 million (roughly $4.667 million in USD) in allowance to Princes William and Harry and Kate who combined undertook a mere 8 percent of the Royal Family’s official engagements for 2014 and will likely account for even less this year.  The lump sum allowance covers royal expenses such as staff, travel and wardrobe but doesn’t indicate what exactly the money was spent on and how much went to Kate and William who are attempting to live private lives while still reaping all the benefits of being royal.  It doesn’t make much sense for a woman who wants to be a stay-at-home mother and a helicopter pilot to have a full-time royal staff if they aren’t undertaking much in the way of royal duties.  Kate doesn’t need a royal wardrobe either to watch the royal nanny take care of her children, maybe she could auction off what she’s amassed to date for charity so at least those who accepted her as a royal patron could reap some benefit.  The Cambridges should also give up their royal protection which costs taxpayers undisclosed millions and their apartment in Kensington Palace which was renovated at taxpayer expense since regular housewives and helicopter pilots have no need for either.  It’s hardly “value for the money” if all William and Kate do is take.  Maybe if Kate and William had to live like everyone else in the UK, they might actually start giving a fuck and the UK might finally start seeing some change.



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Prince William To Play Pilot

Well, it’s official.  Prince William will be flying rescue helicopters for the East Anglian Air Ambulance beginning in the spring of 2015.

The announcement comes during the month-long holiday William the Reluctant is taking from his year off.  Instead of assuming full-time royal duties in the fall as originally intended when the “transition year” was announced, Prince William will instead begin training for his new position as an air ambulance pilot.  It’s estimated a minimum of five months of training will be required before he can get his pilot’s license.

This new civilian job means the burden of royal engagements for the next couple of years will fall on older members of the royal family who battle health issues.  According to a Telegraph article, in 2013, the Royal Family carried out 1,061 fewer official engagements than in 2012.  In 2013, the Queen, 88, had to cancel engagements while hospitalized for gastroenteritis, her husband, Prince Philip, 93, logged 141 fewer appearances because of abdominal surgery and Princess Alexandra, 77, had to cut her appearances back by 82 because of polymyalgia rheumatic.  As the article noted, “The illnesses of older members of the Royal family will inevitable increase the pressure on the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry to help shoulder more of the workload.”  Well, at least there’s still Prince Harry.  Assuming he doesn’t do something crazy on his thirtieth birthday and wind up in a body cast because he was dropped while crowd-surfing naked hookers.

It’s been reported that Kate Middleton and Prince William will average approximately 40-50 engagements each annually for however many years Prince William wants to play pilot.  The press has been indicating that Prince William’s decision to delay royal duty has the full support of both the Queen and Prince Charles.  You know a decision is bad when a statement has to be made through a source that the Royal Family doesn’t think it’s the worst idea ever.  Methinks the source doth protest too much.

In addition to portraying the petulant prince as being unwilling to accept his birthright, security-wise, this position will be a nightmare for Scotland Yard.  Prince William will be working four days on, four days off, most likely taking the day shift that starts at 7am and gets off at 4:30pm.  Given that the East Anglian presently only has two EC135 T2 aircrafts, it won’t be too difficult to figure out the probability of when the prince will be answering emergency 999 calls.  For various whack-job individuals and groups plotting to do the second-in-line harm, summoning their target would take roughly the same amount of response time as the average Chinese take-out delivery order.


The EC135 T2 is a light utility helicopter with a glass cockpit and a maximum takeoff weight of 6,415lbs.  Empty, the craft weighs 3,208 pounds which leaves 3,207 pounds for the pilot, medical crew, patient, and medical equipment.  Unfortunately, the cockpit glass of the EC135 is not bullet proof or bullet resistant, such glass would be prohibitively heavy, leaving the security team with few additional protective measures to ensure the Prince’s safety.

The EC135’s at East Anglian Air Ambulance can accommodate one pilot, 2 HEMS crew and one patient.  So where will Prince William’s security detail sit?  One theory is that his bodyguards are being trained as paramedics so the lifesaving crew that arrives on scene will be Prince William’s protection detail.  The problem with that is his protection detail needs to be focused on the prince and not on the patient, plus I’m assuming people in bad enough shape to require the dispatching of a helicopter will want medical professionals whose certification wasn’t expedited for the pilot’s sake.  I guess they could always strap the patient to one of the rotor blades to leave space inside the craft for Prince William’s security team.

Or perhaps Prince William’s security needs are why East Anglian Air Ambulance will be acquiring a new EC145 T2 helicopter which is very similar to the EC135, just slightly larger.  The new EC145 will accommodate two pilots, three HEMS crew and a patient.  That way Prince William can be trained as a co-pilot first given his insufficient credentials for the job and it’s possible one member of the medical team could be assigned to his personal safety.  Because all normal people have their fantasy jobs magically open up for them in highly skilled professions that require an abundance of training at companies that just happen to be getting multi-million dollar aircrafts that will better accommodate their needs so they can be near their newly renovated country homes they want to escape to because they feel too “watched” in their lavish apartments renovated for millions of taxpayer dollars.

I mean, aren’t we all that lucky?  I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before I’m offered my dream jobs of Secret Agent, the Sorceress of Castle Grayskull, a Muse and Queen of the Universe (hopefully that will happen soon, this whole world domination plot is taking forever).

Of course, Prince William is graciously donating his £40,000 yearly salary to a yet-to-be-named charity.  Maybe he should give it to the taxpayers to whom he still owes £400,000 in RAF training costs by not completing the required six years of service for pilots accepted into the program.  The RAF decided not to bill Prince William for the payback with a source at the Ministry of Defense quoted in the Mirror last year as saying, “If it is somebody using the RAF training to go into a commercial flying career that is very different to somebody transferring to other public duties.”

Wait, so does that mean Prince William will have to repay the £400,000 he owes for bailing early on his RAF duties?

He wants to be normal, after all, so he should be required to pay back the £400,000 to experience one of the joys of being just like everyone else.


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William the Reluctant

Prince William turned 32 on Saturday.  The father, husband and second in line to the throne of England is still no closer to figuring out what he wants to be when he grows up despite the birthright he still views as a birthwrong.  Today he wants to be a helicopter pilot, perhaps tomorrow he’ll want to be a cowboy.  Prince William is a man of many interests, none of which appear to be his role as a future king.

As a child, Prince William would notoriously stomp his feet and scream, “I don’t want to be king.”  As a teenager his outbursts against his inherited role were chalked up to teenage rebellion.  He resented both the media and his protection detail, shouting at both, “Why won’t you just let me be a normal person?”  When Wills aged past the age of hormonally-explained dissent, Prince Charles attempted to instill in him a sense of duty, resorting to getting third parties like protection officers to convince the petulant prince to embrace his destiny as king.  Now thirty-two, Prince William’s defiance involves less kicking, but he still appears just as reluctant to accept his destiny, a destiny for which his own mother believed that his brother Harry was better suited.

It’s anticipated that Prince William will soon announce that he’s accepted a position as a pilot for East Anglian Air Ambulance and that he, Kate and Prince George will ditch their digs in Kensington Palace which just cost taxpayers $6.8 million to renovate in order to take up residence at Anmer Hall, a hundred and twenty miles north of London.  So much for Kensington Palace being their primary residence.  So much for assuming more royal responsibilities.  So much for a lot of things.

The helicopter pilot gig has been maybe happening since April.  The timing of the announcement coinciding with the release of the Kensington Palace renovation report makes me even more suspicious that William the Reluctant is becoming William the Destroyer, blasting as many holes in the monarchy as he can before he attempts to sink it.  Perhaps the Republican Movement simply isn’t moving fast enough for his taste so Prince William is trying to annihilate the monarchy from the inside.

Throughout his life, Prince William has approached his role as future king with contempt that’s worn many veils, but the underlying issue has always remained the same, Prince William despises being watched.  Realistically, there will always be some level of interest in Prince William either for who he will be or who he could have been.  Whether historically remembered as William the Reluctant or William the Destroyer, the only privilege Wills wasn’t born with was the option to be irrelevant.

This past year was labeled a transitional year by the Palace to explain why Prince William, now in his thirties, is still balking over becoming a full-time royal.  Perhaps like his wife, Kate, Prince William is allergic to things he doesn’t want to do.  Prince William couldn’t even make it through a ten-week agriculture course at Cambridge without taking two vacations.  The royal tour of Australia and New Zealand was laughably light on scheduled events, his calendar of official engagements has been as sparse as the hair on top of the heir’s head and now he’s taking another giant step away from the throne with this decision to play pilot.  He can’t have the perks without the responsibilities, he’s either in or he’s out.  So why is he still being considered for the job of king when he so clearly doesn’t want the only part of it that’s beneficial to the people of the UK?

There are those who believe that if Prince William removes himself from the line of succession, the British Monarchy wouldn’t survive, an opinion rumored to be shared by the Queen.  It’s also been suggested that William only presently endures his loathsome role out of deference to his grandmother.  Wait, so Wills has actually been on his best behavior?  I shudder to think what his worst behavior looks like but I imagine it involves plushy orgies, paintball tournaments in Buckingham Palace and Wills riding around on an armored tiger with his robe open and a butter knife raised above his head proclaiming, “I have the power.”

Whether he leaves or stays, it appears more and more likely that the end of the British monarchy will come at the hands of Mr. Kate Middleton.  Prince William’s decision to postpone his destiny by at least another year undermines the future of the British monarchy as taxpayers struggle to see the value in a prince who is more interested in leading a private life than becoming king.  Money from the Sovereign’s Grant that should be spent on upkeep of the palaces is instead being allocated to appease the petulant prince and his lazy wife to the outrage of many taxpayers.  The new helicopter that will be used to shuttle the Duke and Duchess of Doolittle to official engagements from Anmer Hall comes out of the Sovereign’s Grant despite Windsor Castle and Buckingham Palace being in urgent need of repairs.  Priceless art and artifacts are in danger of being destroyed by leaky roofs while the whims of Prince William and Kate are being catered to.  If the Firm is unable to adequately manage itself, how effectively can it serve the people of the United Kingdom?  Should the future of the monarchy really be in the hands of someone who is so disinterested in it?  Perhaps it’s better to take their chances with a King Harry who genuinely has a sense of duty rather than a man who is woefully unprepared to be first in line to the throne and take over the Duchy of Cornwall.

I just want to say a quick thanks to gingerboy24 of Royal Gossip for posting the link to my blog.  I’ve tried to join Royal Gossip in the past to thank individuals for their support, but the forum wisely wouldn’t have me as a member.  And of course, thank you to temi for always being wonderful amazing you!



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