Tag Archives: Emilia Wickstead

Kate Visits Luxembourg

On Thursday, Kate Middleton embarked on a Kate-sized solo tour of Luxembourg in celebration of the 1867 Treaty of London which consisted of five events in four and a half hours.  It was jam-packed with all of the hair touching, veneer flashing, and crotch clutching one would expect of an official visit from the UK’s so-called diplomatic secret weapon for strengthening international relations in the wake of Brexit.

I think even the media is having a hard time keeping a straight face with that claim.  I noticed the sentence referencing the “diplomatic importance of the visit” in Richard Palmer’s piece had a typo.  Poor chap was probably laughing so hard, it made it difficult to type.

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This screenshot from the first photo in his article pretty much sums up why it’s hard to take Kate seriously as an official representative of the British Royal Family and the UK.

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Kate doesn’t come across as capable of managing her own hair, let alone something as complex as the UK’s withdrawal from the European Union.

Kate wore bespoke Emilia Wickstead, an ice blue version of the St. Patrick’s Day coatdress she debuted in 2012 as well as new blue topaz and diamond Kiki McDonough earrings retailing for £3,500 (around $4,510 USD).  Kate ditched a lot of the outsourced hair she usually wears and her skin looked positively aglow with fresh injections.

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At one of the events, three-year-old Teo Schleck presented Kate with a bouquet of flowers, then burst into tears and buried his face in his mother’s shoulder.  Reportedly Kate reassured his mother that it is “totally normal” at that age.  I’m way older than three, but if I saw that much clown blush and veneers coming at me, I’d probably want my Mommy, too.

When the twin sons of Luxembourg cyclist Kim Kirchen presented Kate with a jersey, Kate reportedly said that she has no excuse now not to get on a bike.  Maybe the Queen should hook Kate up with a duchess jersey, that way she will have no excuse not to duchess.

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Btw, I’m not going to have a lot of time over the next few days to moderate but expect to start posting more regularly again within a week.

Day 5 – India and Bhutan Tour

The fifth day of Prince William and Kate’s Royal Tour was spent in Bhutan, a Buddhist country in the Himalayas with a national happiness index and some pretty chilled out porkers with the munchies.  Marijuana grows in such abundance there, it’s fed to pigs.  Truly the happiest place on Earth.  Your move, Disney.

The Cambridges were met by the King of Bhutan’s sister, Chhimi Yangzom, and her husband at the airport.

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Kate quickly ditched her Emilia Wickstead coat under which she was wearing her first Tory Burch dress of the day which had its debut at a 2014 Place2Be conference.  The Times of India described it as, “a subtle nod to the Indian art”.

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Kate changed into a Paul and Joe top and a skirt made in London by Kelzang Wangmo from material woven in Bhutan.

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Prince William and Kate met the King and Queen of Bhutan, 25-year-old Jetsun Pema who gave birth to a son less than two months ago.

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Once again, Kate grappled with her archnemesis, the wind.   Despite wearing very similar skirts, Kate struggled with the wind far more than the Dragon Queen who gracefully slayed it.

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This screenshot taken from the Daily Mail demonstrates one of the contributing factors in Kate’s long-running battle with breezes, Kate’s Godzilla strides.

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The Queen of Bhutan wore a fabulous pair of red towering Bitch, Please shoes.

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At the archery event held in Thimphu, both Kate and William struggled, missing the target by a lot.

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It was bad.  Like impressively bad.

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Archery isn’t hard.  Seriously, they make bows and arrows for little kids and there are archery summer camps.

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When even out of shape couch potatoes are hit with the realization they’ve reached an age at which it’s unlikely they’ll ever get to cross “Compete in the Olympics” off their bucket list, they shrug and go, “Eh, there’s always archery.”

While taking their turns, the Cambridges received what turns out to be some traditional trash-talking.  When Kate asked for a translation of what they had been cheering, she was informed, “You’re bald. You’re a baldy. Your nose is really big. We hope your private parts are as big.”  The same taunt was used for both but wasn’t exactly unisex.  I would have been happy to make a bespoke jeer for Kate.

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Kate’s expressions were so over-the-top, the only logical explanation was that she was suffering from some kind of altitude madness or her foundation is possessed by the spirit of the Norse god Loki.

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In the evening, Prince William and Kate had a private dinner with the King and Queen of Bhutan.

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Not my favorite dress, it was a little A Fish Lure Called Wanda.

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