Tag Archives: Irish Guards

Another Quickie for Kate

Kate Middleton’s annual engagement numbers have recently gotten a boost to thirteen where royal rumors suggest she is going to hold until next month’s royal tour of Bhutan  and India.  In addition to the opening of a charity shop on Friday the 18th, the Court Circular wound up counting the “private engagement” at MayTree on March 10th and broke down suicide awareness events at Kensington Palace into two, the latter of which was also private.

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We’re 81 days into 2016 so 13 engagements is a disappointing total, especially considering how brief the most recent photo ops have been.  Royal-watchers RoyalObsessedinU.S. and Jennifer on Twitter commenting on the quick engagements noted that Friday’s event was just a hair above the 30 minute mark while the teen suicide awareness talk on the 10th lasted 20 minutes.

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Apparently Kate being keenly keen on keenness roughly translates to about a half hour of work these days.

After snubbing the Irish Guards on Thursday, Kate attended the opening of an East Anglia Children’s Hospices shop in Holt on Friday, just a short drive from Anmer Hall to which the Cambridges returned via helicopter on the 15th.  Kate’s appearance caused many to speculate that the real reason for Kate not handing out the shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day was a scheduling conflict with her hair.

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The fresh new color of Kate’s beefed-up bouffant even led to some musing that the grey John Boyd UFO hat Kate wore on Commonwealth Day was really all about hiding her roots.  Hopefully that’s it and Kate’s UFO hat wasn’t looking for intelligent life on Kate, its millenary overlords would be displeased by what it returned with.

Despite an obviously recent salon trip, Kate’s hair looked like it was involved in some kind of civil war tress distress with the add-on hair gaining combat advantage by seizing the high ground at her crown.

As this screen shot from the Daily Mail shows, to the wiglet go the spoils.

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Royal Correspondent, Richard Palmer, from the Express, posted a snap to Twitter from the engagement.

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For those distracted by the wheel-chair bound woman being used as a photo prop in the rain, this is a cropped version of the above depicting the tell-tale line.

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Reporter Ben Kendall’s pic post on Twitter afforded a different vantage point.

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One Daily Mail commenter noted that she felt bad for the woman in the photo op orchestrated to show how Kate “suddenly has compassion”.

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An atypically large crowd was gathered for the event, many of whom were children pulled from school and made to wait in the rain.  Several Daily Mail readers complained about this practice employed to beef up crowds in order to make royals look more popular, while one afforded insight into how children are made to stand for hours outside and told when to cheer.

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But I’m sure standing for hours outside for a woman who waited around nearly a decade to marry a prince and who rarely bothers to even wave to waiting crowds has great educational value.

If Kate has any lesson at all to teach children, it’s that what’s on the outside is what truly matters.  Kate’s arrival smirk shown in this Daily Mail screen grab suggests that even she bought the whole ruse.  I have no idea what exactly she’s doing with her crotch clutch hand, but kids, don’t try this in public.

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But skipping out on the St. Patrick’s Day’s day event did appear to leave at least some kind of indelible impression on Kate.  Or on her kneecap more specifically which the face of a leprechaun appears to now be inhabiting.

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Seriously, what’s up with that thing?  It looks like Kate’s knee now has extra pieces.  Her knees didn’t used to look like that.

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Just one of the many mysteries of Kate.

And as an aside, please follow me on Twitter @LoveLolaHeart.  I’m finally now using it, despite it being challenging for me to say anything in 140 characters or less.

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Prince William Does Disappointing Kate Middleton Impression

Prince William stepped in for Kate Middleton on St. Patrick’s Day distributing shamrocks to the Irish Guards.  This was basically Kate’s one tradition that was hers since joining the British Royal Family and she decided to stay at home with her kids, nannies, staff and likely her Mum Carole.  Because reasons.

At this point, I think we can all safely assume that the Cambridge’s Communications Secretary, Jason Knauf, is dead.  Like crossed-over-into-the-light dead because any earth-bound  spin doctor spirit would  have  found a way to make the walls bleed, “Do not disrespect the military.”  If Jason is still alive, he’s sitting aboard a superyacht purchased for him by the Republican party,  melting Lego Prince William and Lego Kate Middleton with an Acme evil death ray, texting Dr. No, “Told Kate it’s ok to blow off Irish Guards, LOL” and creating fake Twitter accounts to screw with royal photographers.

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There is no other logical explanation.

The public outrage over Kate breaking with 115 years of royal tradition was as to be expected.

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As these screen grabs from the Daily Mail show, Prince William did his best Kate Middleton impression.  He did the teeth.

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He did the weird over-the-top expressions that likely psychologically scarred small children (although that might just be his face).

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Crikey, that’s terrifying.

But he just couldn’t master Kate’s bouncing wiglet-on-a-stick gait.  And I don’t think anyone cared what shoes he was wearing.

Domhnall, the Irish Wolfhound, appeared to be relieved to be spared Kate’s clumsy attempts to attach the shamrocks.  William simply handed Domhnall’s bunch to his handler to avoid a situation like last year when Domhnall appeared to be desperately scanning the crowds for someone to call PETA.   There was a marked difference between Domhnall’s body language this year with William and last year with Kate.

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Even for a pathologically lazy duchess, skipping this engagement is baffling.  Proving to the public she is unwilling to participate in tradition which is the whole reason the monarchy still exists is a poor strategy.  Slighting those who serve their country is unforgivable.  Voluntarily dropping out of an event with attractive men in uniform is just stupid and against almost everything I personally hold sacred.  I think Kate  has a scheduled engagement today maybe, opening some shop for EACH or burning down a children’s cancer ward.  It’s kind of hard to pretend to care about a public figure who can’t be bothered pretending to care about the public.

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