At the 2014 Emmy Awards, fashion took a wrong turn down a dark alley and then raided the dumpsters.
Worst red carpet ever. Hollywood flew over the cuckoo’s nest and Nurse Ratched gave a fashion lobotomy to the stragglers.
The Emmy’s Red Carpet had way too much tulle and taffeta for grown adults. Sarah Paulson, Lena Dunham, Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting and Melissa McCarthy (left to right or rather left to wrong) all channeled their inner fairy princesses and proved why you should never take anything Lindsay Lohan gives you, even if she swears it’s just a mint.
The only one who successfully pulled off the ballerina princess look was Sarah Hyland in Christian Siriano.
Sadly, this is the best Melissa McCarthy has ever looked, but she seems unable to escape the bead-defecating Chico’s pigeon that usually dumps some sort of cheaply fabricated design element on her, this time the offending sparkle landed around the waist of her Marchesa skirt. Somehow she still hasn’t explored jewelry as a shiny alternative.
Marchesa (and I’m assuming heroin) did this to Christina Hendricks.
Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig should sit in the corner and think about what they did to one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood.
Mayim Bialik from Big Bang Theory said she wanted to look “hot and holy” at the Emmys this year. Mayim is an Orthodox Jew and while I respect her wanting to be covered up for religious reasons, when I first saw this, I thought, “Holy crap, that’s one steaming pile of hideous electric blue lace.”
Co-star Melissa Rauch showed how to pull off brilliant blue that isn’t flaming fashion poo in her Pamella Roland gown:
Also in blue, Christine Baranski went for a deeper hue in this elegant caped Zac Posen dress:
Unfortunately Zac Posen was also responsible for Heidi Klum’s coral column creation. Perhaps he didn’t want to be her date after all because you have to be trying to make Heidi Klum look this matronly.
Laura Prepon’s confusing Gustavo Cadile seemed like premeditated fashion assault, channeling one of Kim Basinger’s worst red carpet looks:
While Kerry Washington looked like a Pinterest DIY Disaster in this ill-fitting Prada dress with sequin slip detail:
Kate Mara’s J. Mendal dress looked like a desperate tourniquet attempt to stop the crystal detailing from spreading:
The best of the embellished had to be Julia Roberts in Elie Saab.
Even though up close, the dress sort of looked like a negligee with Disco Viagra glued to it.
Sadly not everyone who suffered a fashion lobotomy fate even made it out of the straight jacket:
Although some of those who did just went with messy hair and apathy as their boldest accessories:
Picking the worst of the worst is not an easy feat in this year’s Suckfest of Fashion, but the break-away was probably Breaking Bad’s Betsy Brandt. Her custom Alice and Olivia dress looked like an old Laura Ashley tablecloth with splattered Easter Egg dye and the styling was so clumsy, it was almost criminal.
Best dressed would have to go to Lizzy Caplan, totally fetch in a black Donna Karan Atelier gown with a halter top, on-trend cut-out sides and white train. That’s right, I just made “fetch” happen. And later I’m going to bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles.
All in all, not a good year for Emmys fashion, though.