Tag Archives: Kate Middeton

The RMS Windsor

The ocean liner The Titanic was thought to be unsinkable, until of course it sank, the iceberg it hit compromising five of its sixteen watertight compartments, one more than the ship could withstand.

The British Monarchy may no longer be viewed as unsinkable, but it survived the annus horribilis, Diana’s death and Hurricane Fergie, albeit with damage to the hull, so what exactly did it hit for it to be taking on so much water recently?  Or did someone release the Kraken?  I hope not, I love a good Kraken release party.

Currently Compromised Compartments:

The Queen – Her Majesty is rarely publicly criticized, most respect her dedication to duty. The woman is 91 and still keeps an impressive schedule.  But the revelation of the Paradise Papers that the Duchy of Lancaster was tied to the offshore tax haven scandal hasn’t cast the Queen in the best of lights.

rp-queencontroversy

The Queen voluntarily pays an undisclosed sum in taxes but the scandal reminded people how cheesed off they are about their taxes going to pay for the massive Buckingham Palace repair and renovation money pit project and not truly knowing how much the Royal Family costs them because of a lack of transparency.

EA-DuchyofLancaster

And of course this week the chairman of the Duchy of Lancaster was knighted by the Queen.  But no photos of that knighting were allowed so it’s almost like it didn’t happen, except it did.

VM-ChairmanKnighted

But at least we sort of know what it would look like… if the chairman were Julie Walters.

Queen&JulieWalters

Prince Philip – There’s not much anyone would begrudge the recently retired royal, but really, the first thing he does with his freedom from duty is have a new kitchen put in?  What is it with this family and new kitchens?  Couldn’t he just borrow one from Seven Kitchens Kate?  After all, she’s been helping herself to some of Buckingham Palace’s kitchen staff, allegedly causing some to quit due to being over-worked.  The Palace claimed there’s nothing unusual at all about the amount of employees jumping ship, just regular turn-over, nothing to see here.

Prince Charles – Whoopsie, those pesky Paradise Papers again, this time a bit shadier.

EA-PCParadisePapers

I doubt there was any intentional impropriety, but Charles gets so focused on achieving his objective, he develops tunnel vision.  Because of this revelation, there is a call for greater transparency with the finances of the Royal Family which they try to keep shrouded in mystery.

Prince William – The avid hunter and supporter of trophy hunts gave a speech for Tusk warning of the dangers of over-population while his wife is pregnant with their third child.  I hope his speech writer, presumably still Jason,  just hates him and he really isn’t that oblivious.

vm-williampopulationgrowth

Kate Middleton – Okay, I don’t think I have a clear grasp of how this life-threatening Hyperemesis Gravidarum works because for Kate’s first solo event back after the September 4th announcement of her pregnancy, Kate showed up in workout gear and participated in a tennis workshop on Halloween.  Did Kate have the 24 hour kind of Hyperemesis Gravidarum?  Either call it what it is, regular morning sickness which is still terrible or do a better job committing to the con, that’s all we ask.

MS-KateHalloween

Kate has done two engagements recently, a gala at Kensington Palace for The Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families on Tuesday night and a Place2Be forum on Wednesday where she gave a speech.

vm-kateannafreud

PARoyal-Place2be

Tuesday’s black lace dress we’ve seen before, Wednesday’s was new.  And ugly.

Kate’s Place2Be speech included this line, “As a mother just getting used to leaving my own child at the school gates, it is clear to me that it takes a whole community to help raise a child.”  For fuck’s sake, the entire staff she has helping to raise her children didn’t clue her in?  The brief speech ended with “And I’m looking forward to learning even more today.”  Um, as patron should she really be highlighting her eternal pupil approach to charity work where it’s all just a learning experience for her or is she finally acknowledging that she does nothing behind the scenes to prepare for her engagements?  But she did give a speech which happens just about as often as Bigfoot is spotted riding The Loch Ness Monster.

bigfoot&lochnessmonster

But back to the Duchess Who Cried Keen.  Royal correspondent Richard Palmer ran some numbers on Tuesday and out of Kate’s 33 engagements in the UK, only 3 were outside of London (in a separate Tweet, Palmer estimated Kate’s done 40 events on tours, not counting take-offs and landings).

rp-kate3engagements

Considering Kate’s only got about five weeks until her winter holidays, it looks like she might have some difficulty breaking double digits again for her annual event totals, despite the padding for official engagements she’s already received.  That would make it five years out of seven Kate failed to do even 100 annual events.  The Palace better figure out a way to boost her numbers by year’s end, after all, Kate and William were both supposed to be stepping up to reduce the burden on the 91-year-old monarch and her retired 96-year-old consort.

Kate finally received her first honour since joining the Royal Family, the Tuvalu Order of Merit which was created to commemorate the Cambridge’s visit to the sinking island in 2012 and for helping to raise awareness for climate change which was approved by the Queen.  Does Kate even know what climate change is?  Does she think the climate is now wearing nude court shoes and jeggings because of her?  Or did Kate and William promise to try to squeeze everyone into one private jet on their next ski holiday?  The medal, created by Major David Rankin-Hunt and made by the British company Gladman & Norman is kind of the Fisher Price of medals, as can be seen in this Daily Mail article, the design is very simple and looks like it’s made of stainless steel.  Perhaps the Queen wants to make sure Kate doesn’t swallow any of the pieces before even considering giving her The Royal Family Order of Queen Elizabeth II, which every other working female member of the Royal Family has except Kate.

Prince Harry/Meghan Markle – There is still a lot of public opposition to this potential union.  I suspect the imminent engagement idea is being pushed by the media because Kate’s about as exciting as watching someone watch paint dry and just isn’t selling magazines and generating clicks anymore.  While Prince Harry and Meghan have been dating for a year, they’ve been calling different continents home, they’ll probably want to live together for a year or so before making any decisions about marriage.  Unfortunately for Meghan, public perception was always going to be an uphill battle because of statements made by her half-sister Samantha at the beginning of their relationship which she recently denied making on Good Morning Britain and others in Meghan’s life.  I saved this since the summer, I think CanadianGoose may be a reader.

MeettheMarkles

All families are dysfunctional, however those of royal girlfriends are expected to stay out of the news, just like the Middletons didn’t manage to do.

Being an actress is a tough road to travel, it requires qualities some dislike about Meghan.  Those same qualities would translate well into the role she would be expected to play, however.  As an actress, Meghan isn’t exactly Meryl Streep so to have made it as far as she has takes tenacity which means she actually might survive joining that family.  As much as I criticize Kate, I also feel badly for her, it’s as if all the life has been sucked out of her (someone who knew her prior to marriage described her personality to me as a “negative void”, but even so, at least she looked like she had a pulse).  Meghan might actually have a shot at self-preservation.

The problem with Meghan is the same question that was raised when Kate married Prince William: if anyone can be royal, what makes the Royal Family special enough to justify being funded by taxpayers?  The days of marrying cousins to preserve the blood line are over.  The Confession Sessions of Princes William and Harry have left some taxpayers yearning for the days of the stiff upper lip and the second in line to the throne and his possible future queen consort Kate have marketed themselves as “just like everyone else”.

Prince Harry seems to have received all the royal magic which is the problem with hereditary monarchies.  Here he is from Thursday’s Field of Remembrance event.

KP-PrinceHarryThursday

Ultimately does it matter with whom Harry jumps into the water as The RMS Windsor sinks?  It’s going down anyway, but at least with Prince William and Kate Middleton suddenly honoured champions of climate change, the water won’t be so bad.

titanicmeme

redheart-1

signature-copy-1

The Parable of the Perturbed Press

“To whomever much is given, of him will much be required; and to whom much was entrusted, of him more will be asked.” – Luke 12:48

After years of reaping royal benefits, this week the media reminded the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge of their enormous growing bar tab of expectation.

On February 17th, Kate Middleton did her guest stint with the Huffington Post UK. The photos Tweeted by @KensingtonRoyal of the “newsroom” confirmed to me that they were using stuffed animals instead of real dogs and ponies for the Kate is Keen Show.

HuffingtonPostEvent

While the event was geared towards bringing awareness to children’s mental health issues, the inherent flaw in selecting one outlet is representative of the greater issue that the Cambridges mistakenly believe they don’t need the media.  Kate’s second event of the year lacked the traditional media fanfare even though she wore a brand new outfit and everything.  Above all else, the press is a business so they naturally wouldn’t want to waste a lot of column space plugging their competition.

Many wondered if there would be a complete media black-out.

JW-DMCompetition

Daily Mail article on Kate being papped shopping in pricy designer clothing referenced the Huffington Post event as Kate guest-editing “a website”.   While celebrity guest editing isn’t new which Jezebel’s “Kate Middleton Joins the Long, Goofy, Controversial Line of Celebrity Guest Editors” explores, the very fact that Kate is being classified as a celebrity reveals just how royally Kate is missing the mark.  Taxpayers don’t fund celebrities’ lives and more is expected of royals than being famous for being famous.  As representatives of the UK, royals are supposed to remain politically neutral and avoid the appearance of impropriety by refusing freebies  by companies seeking royal product placement…a  future Queen Consort aligning herself with one media outlet is tantamount to brand endorsement.

Prince William’s first scheduled engagement of the year on the 16th at the Foreign Office’s Diplomatic Academy seemed to even more blatantly break with the royal neutrality policy when a speech he delivered was widely interpreted as thinly veiled support of remaining within the European Union.  As the Daily Mail noted, “he all but named the EU as he referenced international organisations such as the United Nations, Nato and ‘elsewhere’ as institutions that help Britain affirm its ‘commitment to working in partnership with others’. ”  The Palace denied any political agenda and pointed out that never once in the speech did Prince William specifically mention the European Union.  Sure, and when I refer to the Petulant Prince, I really am talking about any spoiled arrogant balding 33-year-old British heir to the throne with a pathologically lazy wife, two kids and a Cocker Spaniel named Lupo.

On February 17th, The Sun fired a shot at William the Reluctant heard round the world’s media with “Throne Idle: Prince on 1st job of the year… and it’s a disaster”.  While many of the points it makes have been discussed here and on other sites like Kate Middleton Review, Kate Middleton: Duchess or Diva, Celebitchy, and Sarah Whalen’s posts on Bayou Buzz, it’s refreshing to see the UK mainstream media dispense with the royal candy coating for a change and exercise some journalistic candor.

The Sun’s journalistic bitch-slap was such a departure from the white glove treatment Prince William normally receives, The Guardian dedicated an article to the article in “The Sun gives both barrels to Prince William”.

On February 18th, Richard Palmer Tweeted that for the RAF Disbandment Parade attended by Prince William and Kate, media access was limited under the guise of space restrictions.

RP1 RP2 RP3

Perhaps the Cambridges were trying to keep out members of the media who might question the “value for the money” of Prince William and Kate who do so few official engagements to begin with taking a helicopter ride from London to Anglesey, Wales to attend the disbandment parade of the now-privatized branch of the Royal Air Force William left in 2013 without meeting his training commitment.

The Daily Mail continued the media pummeling with two new articles questioning the Petulant Prince’s dedication to his royal role with “William the Unwilling: A no-show at the Baftas, only two engagements all year and now even Royal eyebrows are being raised at a Prince who’s gone missing in action” as well as “Patell’s People: Work-shy William has to make a royal choice”.

The quote “to whom much is given, much is expected” comes from The Parable of the Faithful Servant, an eschatological warning in the Gospel of Luke to be prepared for the day of reckoning.  How long the monarchy will last remains to be seen, but with the press’ trumpeted judgment of William the Reluctant and the Duchess of Doolittle reaping the royal perks without commensurate return, the British Royal Family might want to figure out the whole Cambridge situation before the last three trumpets ring out.  The polo  ponies of petulant princes are no match against the apocalyptic horses of a republic.

redheart

signature copy