Tag Archives: Kate Middlebum

Kate Middleton, Serial Tour Flasher

Prince William and Kate Middleton will be departing on Saturday night for their royal tour of India and Bhutan and will arrive on Sunday Morning, a little before 11am.

ArrivalTimeIndia

There was a handy little guide on Twitter with the time differences broken down:

RoyalTourTimeDifference

This will be Kate’s fourth official royal tour since joining the Firm five years ago.  Kate’s first foreign solo tour to Malta was canceled in September 2014 because of Kate’s special brand of Hyperemesis Gravidarum and the brief December 2014 trip to New York City wasn’t considered an official tour.  To date, Kate has yet to officially represent the UK on tour without having a major wardrobe malfunction.

This post will be dedicated to Kate’s biggest international flashing incidents.  For all who do not want to see Kate exposed, please abandon blog.  Even if you think you can get through this without hearing the lambs scream, you might want to get a set of pearls to clutch just in case.

Kate’s long history of premarital flashing has been well-established.  At Marlborough, Kate was known as Kate Middlebum for pulling down her pants to moon boys in a bid to become more popular.  During the Waitying Years, she continued to hone her exhibitionist streak to the point it was common knowledge that she did not wax or shave her bikini area.

KatePreMaritalFlashes

Since marriage, Kate has been protected as a member of the royal family by the UK press.  Some of Kate’s lesser so-called Marilyn Moments have been published with the far more revealing snaps never seeing the light of day in accordance with the gentleman’s agreement the press has with the British Royal Family.  Abroad, there is no such deal which is why when Kate leaves the UK, the public gets to see a side of Kinky Kate that gets buried by the antiquated practices of her own country.

Canada & US Tour- June-July 2011

Newly duchessed, Kate arrived on July 7th at the Calgary airport with her hubby of two and a half months, Prince William.   Kate’s lightweight primrose yellow Jenny Packham dress was no match for the strong gusts typically found around aircraft.  With her hem lifting, Kate reached instinctively to save her extensions and not her modesty.

KateCalgaryHair

Kate met with a child, Diamond Marshall,  who had cancer and wanted to meet a “a real princess”.  To be fair to Diamond, her first choice was actually Aurora at Disneyland but Kate was going to be in the neighborhood so proximity played a factor there.  But Diamond did get to give Kate presents.

KateChildWithCancer

Kate didn’t seem to mind who she flashed at the Calgary airport.

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Just as long as they were there to see it and they were men.  Oh, and that kid with cancer.

KateCalgaryComp

South East Asia & South Pacific Tour – September 2012

The tour had some eyebrow raising fashion moments, like the golden embroidered Alexander McQueen dress  that showed a bit too much décolletage at the Malaysia State Dinner.

KateMalaysiaStateDinner

Then there was the culturally insensitive knee-length Beulah London dress Kate wore to the Assyakirin Mosque which should have covered her legs in their entirety.

KateMosqueDress

To be fair, Kate seemed to be copying Princess Diana who wore a longer dress than Kate but also didn’t get it right.

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Minor points,though, since earlier that morning at breakfast William and Kate were informed that Kate had been photographed sunbathing topless during their pre-tour secret getaway to France for which they ditched the closing ceremonies of the Paralympics.

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Laurence Pieau’s defense of publishing the photos can be seen in a video contained in this Daily Mail article.  The editor notes, “I won’t hide the fact that there are far more intimate pictures that exist that we haven’t published and we won’t publish.”

On the way home from the nine day South East Asia & South Pacific Tour on September 19th, the Cambridges passed through Brisbane where Kate struggled with the lightweight floaty Project D Penelope dress.  The wind introduced itself to Kate as soon as she got off the plane to politely let her know it was there.

KateBrisbanePlaneExit

The ensuing dress mayhem wasn’t a sudden windjacking, Kate was aware of the gusts, this wasn’t her first airport in a flimsy dress,  and yet not until the wind had already lifted her skirt to the sound of the approving shutter clicks from the photographers behind her that she attempted to make any real effort to keep her dress down.

At this point,  the back of the dress is up and yet her arms are still forward.

KateBrisbaneDressUpArmsForward

Then Kate finally grabs the back of skirt to try to keep it down.

KateBrisbaneFlash

That bit of white beneath the hem of the highest lifted part of her dress is the white thong Kate was wearing.  Strangely, after surviving one wave of the mothereffing Wind Apocalypse trying to tear her flimsy dress off her body while photographers snapped away, she started smiling and playing with the tie of her dress while the wind continued whip her dress around her legs like she was eight-years-old.

KateDressTieBrisbane

Afterwards, Kate changed into jeans and a white top to continue the trip home.

KateBrisbaneJeans

The damage, however, was done.  Several media outlets went with the headline “Royal Tour Ends on a Bum Note”.

Nine days later even more revealing topless and bottomless photos from France came out.  Rumors suggest that most intimate of photos were not published.  Nothing erases memories of a tour like seeing someone naked, even if it’s a bit blurry. and the tantalizing prospect of some true royal naughtiness emerging some day.

New Zealand & Australia Tour – April 2014

With articles proclaiming Kate’s wardrobe would be more duchessy, with longer hemlines and weighted skirts, mere seconds into the tour, Kate managed to flash the press while winds lifted up her red Catherine Walker coat and revealed a small pair of bunched up white knickers.  Royal watchers noted she still didn’t wax or shave.

KateNewZealandAirportFlash

While at the Blue Mountains engagement, another flimsy floaty dress around a helicopter gave Kate a bum flash almost identical to the one she had at the Calgary Airport.   Local and amateur photographer, Diane Morel, took the photo which wound up in Bild and other outlets around the world.  But not in the UK because of the antiquated gentleman’s agreement that prohibits them from publishing embarrassing photos of their own royal family.

KateBareBumFlash

Kate wasn’t done yet.  A few days later she hit the trifecta at Adelaide and gave the disadvantaged youth of Adelaide an eyeful of duchess boob.

Kate wore a low-cut Alexander McQueen peplum top with a light nude plunging padded push-up bra, the bottom of which can be seen in this photo.

KateCleavageFlash

Kate did a lot of leaning over that day to talk to children and as part of the events.

KateDJAdelaide

And apparently, Kate’s plunging padded push-up bra shifted around on her a bit.

But the crowd seemed enthusiastic.  Everyone thought it was going well.

KateAdelaideThumbsUp

Well, a lot of the excitement was over the boys getting an eyeful of duchess boob.  At one point when she was seated, the boys were peaking down Kate’s plunging top, one kid there got a particularly sneaky shot of Kate’s bits with his camera phone and posted it on Facebook.  His Mom made him take it down and a local new station that wrote about it also quickly took their story down as well.  I guess they wanted to spare her the embarrassment not realizing Kate is a repeat offender.

Despite the time, money and great care that goes into planning these tours, each to date has been marred by at least one Kate wardrobe scandal, undoing in one snap all of the laborious logistical planning executed by the Cambridge’s extensive staff.  The last tour the public was promised a more regal modest duchess but even the best laid plans are no match for the flashing tendencies of Kate Middlebum.  She seems to be growing more prolific in her exhibitionist ways, so there’s no telling what the upcoming tour of India and Bhutan will hold.

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Impressions Of Kate

Before Kate Middleton was Kate Middleton, she was Kate Middleton, a young woman described by CG editor Dylan Jones in March 2007 as “probably the most intriguing woman in Britain right now, principally because we know so little about her.”

Really all the world knew about Kate at that time was that she was Prince William’s girlfriend.  She had graduated from St. Andrews in 2005 with a degree in Art History, lived in London in a flat purchased for her by her parents, spent most  of her time with her mother, shopping, was often spotted out with William, she didn’t work and her career aspiration was to become Mrs. Prince William.  The press quoted a friend source as saying, “Kate seems at a loss over her future and just seems to be waiting for Wills to pop the question. She has not settled on a career path.”

After waiting for eight years for William to propose and finally getting the Precious, no one even knew which name she preferred to go, and a Kate versus Catherine debate ensued.  In March 2011, a woman outside of Belfast City Hall finally asked Kate which she preferred to put the matter to rest.  Kate replied, “I’m still very much Kate.”

I guess she forgot to tell William because he started referring to his new wife as Catherine.  Maybe William decided he preferred Catherine to Kate.  I’m sure that  happens all the time with newlyweds.  If I ever get married, I think I’m going to rename my future husband Matthew Gray Gubler.  Or Wolverine.

There were no scandalous stories about the royal bride, Kate, suggesting she was the perfect candidate as a future Queen Consort.  A generation earlier, Lady Diana Spencer had been deemed a perfect royal bride because she was a woman with “a history, but not a past”.  The nineteen year old Diana came from a well-known noble family, had spent time with the royal family  growing up, shared an apartment with friends, had held a few jobs including working as a kindergarten teacher, despite having a pedigree and trust fund, she also did odd jobs cleaning friends’ apartments, working as a baby-sitter and mother’s helper, loved children dearly and was known to be hard-working, kind and a bit  shy.  At 19, Diana had a pristine but promising story for the press to tell and had already worked more than the 29-year-old woman who would marry her son.  Oddly Kate had scarcely left any kind of indication at all she had existed for nearly three decades.

There just weren’t many stories to tell or friends to extoll her virtues to the press.  After university, Kate’s work history consisted of one part-time job infrequently attended and quickly abandoned.  To many classmates, she was entirely forgettable. But, at a reader’s request, I have gathered up the impressions of Kate from those who remembered her before her story was rewritten in order to sell a woman who had been referred to in the press as Waity Katie, The Mattress, Her Royal Thighness  and The Royal Doormat, as a perfect fairytale princess.

In September 1995, thirteen year old Kate enrolled in the all-girls boarding school Downe House.  After only two semesters Kate transferred  out because she wasn’t well liked.  The press later ran stories suggesting Kate left because of bullying, the claims were all disproven because they were fabricated with the assumption she had been a boarder, which she never was.  The school’s headmistresses, Miss Cameron, confirmed that Kate was never bullied, describing her as awkward, unhappy, unable to adapt and fit in.

One of the classmates who remembered Kate noted, “You never saw her smile.  I didn’t envy her short brown bob, her boyish figure, nor her eczema, but when it came to height and sportiness she was lucky. I still find it hard to understand that in her year-group of more than 100 girls she did not find a single kindred spirit, not even on the lacrosse pitch, where she was at home.”

Another classmate who was able  to recall Kate scoffed at the idea that Kate had even been teased or given a dirty look, indicated Kate was “regarded as a nonentity” and the other girls “thought she was not worth bothering with.”

Other than an echoed recollection of Kate being a girl with bad skin and sullen look, Kate left no other impression on her classmates.

Kate transferred to Marlborough which was co-ed, thought to be a better match for her because as Miss Cameron explained, “Kate was happier around boys.”  Unfortunately Kate wasn’t at first, her gloom persisted even with boys around because she  wasn’t popular.  According to Gemma Williamson,  “One day they decided to rate each of the girls out of 10. Kate scored badly.  She turned to her mother and on returning from the summer holiday had undergone a transformation.”

After Carole’s summer project of making Kate more appealing to boys by helping her acquire what Williamson described as “a  perfect  body”, a more “confident” Kate discovered she could become more popular with boys by pulling down her pants and show them her bare bum.  “Sometimes jokingly we called her Middlebum, ” Williamson explained. “At 14 she joined other girls mooning boys from their dorm window,” another classmate indicated.  Jessica Hayes recalled that Kate became addicted to mooning and estimated she did it about 80 times before the school intervened.  I’m not really sure how one becomes addicted to mooning, but as someone who was starting to develop a pretty serious Twizzler addiction, perhaps I’m not one to judge.

Marlborough’s staff  has been directed not to speak with anyone about anything Kate did while at Marlborough that would reflect poorly on her image and were specifically instructed to  say no comment about her serial mooning, but some have dished off the record because let’s face it, all teachers are under-paid and under-appreciated for all that they have to put up with.   One of the teachers finally had to pull Kate aside and explain to her that while exposing herself to boys may appear to be an easy way now to become more popular, it wasn’t smart and urged her to consider how constantly exposing herself could come back to haunt her.  Another teacher spoke to a reporter on the condition his identity not be revealed because of the school-imposed gag order on staff.  He described Kate as, “unexceptional.  Anyone who remembers differently is probably talking with the benefit of hindsight.”

Kate was nicknamed “Princess-in-Waiting” at Marlborough because of her fixation with Prince William.  Jessica Hayes recalled Kate spending hours pouring over magazine, learning everything she could about the man she vowed to marry.

When Kate’s sister Pippa started Marlborough, Kate became more confident.  Despite being the younger sister, classmates referred to Pippa as the “alpha sister” and Kate as the “beta sister”.  Pippa was more popular, smarter, better at sports and became the captain of Kate’s hockey team.  One classmate noted, “Pippa was slightly tough and, back then, the one with the charisma. No one would ever think of bullying her.”  Despite the age difference, the Wisteria Sisters managed to be together almost all of the time.  In addition to being socially dependent on her sister, Kate was also known as a “Mummy’s girl”.

But that wasn’t the only impression Kate was making.  In the 2000 Leavers’ Yearbook, a classmate wrote, “Catherine’s perfect  looks are renowned but her obsession with her tits are not.  She is often found squinting down her top and screaming, “They’re growing!”

Kate intended on attending Edinburgh when it was announced Prince William was taking a gap year and would be enrolled at St. Andrews the following year, Kate ripped up her acceptance letter and applied to St. Andrews, taking a gap year so she would be in his class.  Part of 19-year-old Kate’s gap year was spent as a deckhand on corporate hospitality boats, mainly serving drinks on yachts for wealthy clients.  The girls wore a polo shirt, navy blazer and their own shorts in black or navy.  Kate was remembered for wearing the shortest of short shorts.  Several male crew members provided pretty much identical quotes as one of the captains: “The thing about her that stood out was her legs and those shorts.”  While the male crew enjoyed asking her to scrub the deck, the captain admitted needing to tell her,  “Kate, would you mind not standing by that hatch when you are serving because it’s a bit revealing for anyone below deck.”   Despite the show she put on, one member described her as “rather prudish”.  Several noted it was obvious Kate had her sights set on a higher class of man than would be working as part of a ship’s crew.

Contrary to the fairytale myth, Kate had already met William prior to St. Andrews.  Paul Horsford reflected on talking about William with Kate in 2001 during her brief gap year stint doing corporate hospitality.  When he commented that maybe Kate would get to meet William at one of the events, she replied, “I’ve already met him once or twice.”

The “once” was during the summer of 1999.  Emilia d’Erlanger, a long-time friend of William’s, brought Kate to “Club H”, Prince’s William and Harry’s den in the cellars of Highgrove.  The “or twice”  was a fleeting encounter at a school event.  Kate failed to make an impression, though, on William.

William and Kate started shacking up during their second year at St. Andrews.  They tried to keep a low profile by dining out early so they wouldn’t be spotted, although given how notoriously cheap William is, it’s possible he was trying to take advantage of Early Bird Specials.  One of their favorite haunts was The Oak Rooms where a quoted observer (it sounds like he was either the manager or owner) noted, “They’re always very affectionate and smoochy.  And, just like ordinary college kids, they always go dutch on the check.”

Once Kate finally got William, her focus shifted to keeping him. She dropped the few female friends she had made who have been very gracious in the press about being frozen out of her life.  One noted, “I don’t even think she dropped us deliberately. But she has to be so careful about where she goes now and all the arrangements that it became more trouble than it was worth.”  A few females did survive the cut: her mother, her sister and a couple of girls who weren’t a perceived threat.

People who encountered Kate at the clubs described her as “rude”, “dour” and “plain”.  One girl dubbed  her Cerberus after the three-headed dog that guards the gates of Hades in Greek mythology for her body-blocking of any girl who tried to approach William.

While the press has printed stories about William’s friends making “doors to manuals” sneers, suggesting they didn’t approve of Kate because of her middle class roots, individuals I’ve spoken have denied such claims.  William’s friends disliked Kate because of her unpleasant personality, flakiness and her off-putting behavior towards them.

During the Waiting Years, Kate had a habit of agreeing to be involved in charity work but then not bothering to respond when contacted and was a no-show at some events she indicated she was keen on attending.  William’s circle felt she acted as if she was above extending common courtesy.

According to one of Kate’s friends, “She has quite a bad reputation for being rude when it comes to responding to letters.  She often fails to RSVP when she is asked to attend events. She once failed to reply to a wedding invitation from one of William’s friends and it didn’t go down very well.”

The characterization of Kate as a “cold, dull, serious girl” by William’s friends in Penny Juror’s book Prince William: The Man Who Will Be King  is one of the most succinct descriptions of Kate’s personality that I’ve heard to date.

Prince  William gave the okay for Penny Junor to speak with friends, classmates and teachers for her book, Prince William: The Man Who Will Be King.  Other quotes from the book offered further insight into The Woman Who Will Be Queen Consort.  One of Kate’s tutors from St. Andrews noted, “She was another girl in a pashmina. When I read about her charismatic personality — well, maybe it’s developed, but it wasn’t that obvious then.”

The experiences of those who have met Kate have differed so drastically from the carefully crafted image that has been packaged for public consumption, some who have not been interviewed for books or articles have come forward on public platforms to share their impressions of Kate.

The comment section of a Jezebel article on Celebrity Encounters contained a contribution from St. Andrews alumni who had been in Kate’s class.  I’ve done some editing due to length, but it can be viewed in its entirety at http://jezebel.com/the-be…-a-dick-to-you-1704797468

The contributor was a student at St. Andrews and tells the story of a close  friend she refers to as Tina who had a class with Prince William (referred to as P-Dubya) and a weekly tutorial with Kate (referred to as the  skinny brunette), which was ten students in the professor’s office once a week.

“…The professor was always late letting students in, and there were no chairs in the hallway, so people would chat and be friendly as they waited.

EXCEPT for this one, very thin, brunette. My friend (let’s call her Tina) recognized her as one of the ‘followers’ of P-Dubya. But my friend was from a country far far away and couldn’t have given a shit (her country had given up the monarchy long ago).

So, Tina has a few tutorials, and she notices that the thin brunette always sits int eh chair next to her. But she never talked to anyone. Tina noticed, however, that the skinny brunette would always look over at her paper, and copy down her answers to the weekly assignments. Tina is super smart and always has all the answers, and is also an arty, anti-establishment person, so she didn’t care. In fact, one week, she went up to the skinny brunette and flat out offered her her assignment, because they had 10 minutes to kill before the professor opened the door, and why not? Skinny brunette looked down her nose at her, said, “I don’t know what you mean” and returned to texting smugly.

Well, no one fucks with Tina. So, the next week, Tina wrote 2 separate assignments. The first one, the actual one, had the answers. The second one was fake. I mean, really fake. She told me she was doing this, and we came up with the most ridiculous bullshit.

Q: When was Pearl Harbor?

A: 1492

I mean, really stupid. Like, NO ONE would believe those answers were real. So class time rolls around, and Tina waits in the hallway with the others. Skinny brunette comes, doesn’t talk to anyone. Door opens, Tina sits. Skinny sits next to her. Tina puts her fake assignment on top, to the corner of her desk. Skinny looks over, obviously copies word by word. Not even blinking.

The assignments were handed in. Tina told me she didn’t know what grade skinny got, and that was one of the last tutorials of the year, so she didn’t have much interaction after that.

TL/DR- Cate is rude, plagiarizes assignments, and dumber than a box of hair.”

Another commenter responded with:
“Can confirm. I chatted with a prof at St. Andrews who had Kate as a student and he told me, “she wrote one good paper. I suspected plagiarism, but could never prove it.a’ He didn’t think much of her.”

Kate being dumber than a box of hair does explain the growing mess of extensions and hair pieces she’s been sporting.  Clearly whatever is happening there, she has been out-witted.

A while back, I was anonymously contacted by a woman I believe was a member of Kate’s staff who shared her own impressions of Kate who she described as being not very bright.  Basically, she  seemed to share the opinion that a box of hair could beat Kate at a game of checkers.  What I found most interesting about what she told me is how Kate perceives herself, as a great mind and puppet-master controlling those around her.

Maybe Kate’s impression of herself is closer to reality than those who have been snickering behind her back at her lack of mental acuity.  Because if you think about it, this woman has managed to spend four and a half years reaping the full benefits of a job she very rarely shows up for, last year accounting for a mere 2.23% of the British Royal Family’s workload.  She has the largest apartment at Kensington Palace, fully renovated at taxpayer expense, a ten bedroom country estate to beige out to her heart’s content, and is supplied with a full staff so she can relax in pampered luxury.  She spends tens of thousands of dollars of her father-in-law’s duchy money annually on clothing and accessories for galas and movie premieres that count as work.  And the most stressful thing she has to deal with is how to fit a lightweight tour in between her luxury holidays.  This might be the most impressive con job in history.  And it’s being pulled off by Kate Middleton.  Or her hair.

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Kate Courts More Controversy

I feel bad, Kate Middleton has created two huge shiny new controversies for me to blog about and I didn’t get her anything.  But what do you get the girl who does next to nothing?  In honor of Kate’s new ass bodyguard, perhaps I should send the Duchmess a bag of M&Ms printed with a rendering of her bare ass?  I played around on the mymms site with a rendition of the Bild image ***Bare Bum Warning*** and Kate’s exposed rear on the candy that melts in your mouth and not on your hands would look something like this:

kate'sassm&ms

Of course, mymms probably has some rule against making ass candy.  Maybe her brother’s custom marshmallow company, Boomf, would do it, though.  Never hurts to ask.

Pretty much every media outlet is running the story that Kate Middleton will now have a “female minder” to stop her bared bum from being photographed.  There are so many things wrong with this story that I’ve been curious if this is some elaborate news prank because if it’s actually true, then the Royal Advisors have been secretly replaced with Androids by the Republican movement.  I can only assume Pippa was the prototype for these Androids.

Some media outlets are calling this female minder Kate’s butt bodyguard which is terribly inelegant.  I prefer bootyguard.  The bootyguard’s job will be to keep new photos of Kate’s bare ass out of newspapers, magazines and online.  So basically this bootyguard’s function will be to cover Kate’s ass.

Already I’m picturing some slow-motion movie sequence where this poor bootyguard sees Kate’s hemline lift with a breeze, turns and sees cameras poised, there’s a POV close-up of a photographer’s finger slowly bending as it starts to press the shutter release and the bootyguard yells, “Noooooooooooooooo” as she dives in front of Kate’s bared bum to take the photographic bullet.

Stories have been quoting The Star’s source, “Kate will now be watched all the time.  We can’t afford any more embarrassing photos like this.”

Kate, known as Kate Middlebum at Marlborough College because she would moon boys to become more popular, had an identical bare bum flash at the Calgary airport right after her wedding and several other embarrassing exposures in the three years she’s been a duchess.  By hiring a bootyguard, Buckingham Palace is admitting Kate is incapable of keeping herself covered.  So either she’s so incompetent, she’s unable to crack the correlation between windy conditions and lifted hemlines and/or incapable of putting on her own underwear or she’s an exhibitionist who gets perverse pleasure in exposing herself to strangers.  Whether the cause of the issue is incompetence or exhibitionism, apparently it’s so deeply ingrained that the recourse was a bodyguard for her ass.  The hiring of the professional ass minder of course means that when Kate exposes herself next time, there will be an appropriate scapegoat to blame since the wind has repeatedly refused to surrender itself to the proper authorities.

Most of us had already gotten all the bare ass puns out of our system so what Buckingham Palace has done is refocus our attention firmly back on Kate’s bum by creating this position.  There’s a whole new wave of internet ridicule, plus the occasional cheeky response from men who wouldn’t mind watching Kate’s ass all day like this one that appeared after a Jezebel story:

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Another commenter remarked:

jezebelbuttbodyguard

The bootyguard will also reportedly be employed for private and public outings.  Most of Kate’s outings are private ones, she logged only four official events this year before the New Zealand/Australia Royal Vacation Tour marred by two separate flashing incidents and only one following her disappearance for five weeks out of the public eye.  The British media has restrictions with private photographs so really this around-the-clock butt watch seems a bit asinine.

Buckingham Palace is said to have given the response it doesn’t comment on security.  The classification of the bootyguard as security means that the position would be funded by the taxpayer, not the Royal Family.  So not only are Kate’s continuous indecent exposures the fault of what the Palace would like us to believe is a paparazzi/wind conspiracy, but now taxpayers have to pay the salary of an ass minder?  Seriously, did underwear even get batted around as an answer to the Commando Kate Dilemma?  Taxpayers also funded the nine person security team that protected the duchess when she broke an international boycott by attending her cousin’s wedding at the Dorchester, one of the properties owned by the Sultan of Brunei.

The Sultan of Brunei has recently enacted law to increase the punishment for homosexuality from ten years of imprisonment to death by stoning, amputation penalties for theft and the death penalty for adultery.  Outraged celebrities have been calling for a boycott of the luxury properties owned by the Sultan, including the Dorchester Hotel in London, The Beverly Hills Hotel (including the famed Hollywood hotspot The Polo Lounge) in Beverly Hills, The Hotel Bel-Air in Los Angeles, Le Meurice in Paris and Coworth Park in Ascot where Princes William and Harry played polo this weekend.  Those who are boycotting properties owned by the Sultan include Jay Leno, Ellen Degeneres, Richard Branson, Ryan Seacrest, Stephen Fry, Clive Davis, Jackie Collins, Paul McCartney, Stella McCartney, Sharon Osbourne, Anna Wintour, Vogue’s editors and numerous others, including Kate’s soul sister Kim Kardashian.

The Duchess arrived to the wedding in a blacked-out SUV which drove into an underground parking lot where she snuck through a side entrance to avoid the press, perhaps hoping she’d get away with this without media catching on, after all she’s pulled off secret ski vacations.  Her security being upped from her usual four to nine shows how aware the Royal Family was about the effect of her presence would have at a hotel in the press because of its links to human rights violations and the added security concerns of being in a venue that has sparked so much outrage.  A Daily Mail source revealed, “The wedding was a big boost for the hotel.  It shows that the royals will not let the Brunei business keep them away.”

Her attendance was seen as giving her royal support to the Sultan’s hotel.  And taxpayers paid for five additional Scotland Yard protection officers, the price of Kate courting controversy.

Kate went to the Dorchester for her cousin’s wedding.  On the one hand, it’s family, but on the other hand it’s family and family understands.  My family knows I’m passionate about animal rights, education and gay rights and I stand by my convictions.  There are stores where I won’t shop and products I won’t buy if I’m uncomfortable with how the company does business or I’m bothered by how the product is manufactured.  Of all my boycotts, Barilla was the hardest.  The chairman made some anti-gay comments in September 2013 which they have since had to back-pedal on because of the consumer backlash.  It was hard to go cold-turkey on Barilla, there’s probably still grocery store security footage of me standing in front of the pasta section wailing, “Whhhyyyyyy????  Why do you have to be so closed-minded, delicious pasta makers?  Whhhyyyyyy?”  But I just couldn’t support Barilla, especially given that the few recipes I actually know how to make were taught to me by a gay friend.  The reason why people boycott products and services is because boycotting works.

As much as I disagree with Kate’s support of the hotel through her attendance, I find Prince William’s and Prince Harry’s attendance at the Audi Polo Challenge at Coworth Park even more reprehensible.  At least Kate had the courtesy to try to avoid being detected, the Princes openly engaged in the match.  At least I think sneaking in is better, honestly it’s really hard to tell anymore which is the worst of the worst, it’s like 50 Shades of Unconscionable with that family.  This isn’t the first time Wills and Kate have been linked to countries accused of heinous human rights violations, the Maldives where the couple vacationed earlier this year has been criticized for its punishing rape victims for the crime of pre-marital sex, its harsh religious restrictions and laws making homosexuality punishable by death.  In May Prince Harry also broke the ban on the Dorchester hotel by hosting the 10th anniversary of his Sentebale Charity there recently.  In March it was announced that lithographs of twenty of Prince Charles’ watercolor landscapes are earmarked to be displayed at the Dorchester Hotel as part of the revamp slated to be completed at the end of the year.  Really human rights violations don’t seem to be a big deal for the British Royal Family.

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Memorial Day Kardashian/Cambridge Mashup

If Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are the #worldsmosttalkedaboutcouple, then the world has come down with a case of laryngitis.  Crowds of teens gathered outside the wedding venue weren’t there to catch a glimpse of the bride and groom, they were holding up Justin Bieber signs in the hope that the singer would show up as a wedding guest.  The bride and groom haven’t been trending on Yahoo, but among those who have been are Lisa Niemi, Patrick Swayze’s widow who married jeweler Albert DePrisco, Harry Potter who is fictional and actress Juliette Binoche who is at Cannes.  In fact, the closest thing I saw to Kimye in the Trending Top Ten is Finnish race car driver Kimi Raikkonen.

Kim’s third trip down the aisle was decidedly less star-studded than the wedding her last groom declared was all a sham.  Beyonce and Jay Z opted to not be part of Cirque de so Overplayed.  Vogue editor Anna Wintour was unable to attend because of a family obligation.  Brother Brody Jenner offered the excuse that he was going to be DJing in Chicago at the time.  And brother Rob Kardashian flew to Paris only to turn around and come home after the bride-to-be reportedly chastised him for not losing weight for her wedding, thus making Rob Kardashian the only member of his family who appears to have any self respect.

While America has answered this self-hyping couple with the sound of crickets, I think we need to go one step further and lock up the US while the Kardashian clan is still in Europe, chains, padlocks, whatever it takes.  Rob Kardashian can stay since he appears to only be an asymptomatic carrier of Kardashian Famewhoreitis although he will need to be quarantined if he’s responsible for any Typhoid Mary-type Twitter Selfie Outbreaks.

Kim Kardashian’s Givenchy wedding dress was a “sexy” version of the Kate Middleton wedding dress, proving that even boring can be turned trashy in the skilled hands of a former sex tape star.  Rebecca Potzner posted a pic of the wedding dress on Instagram, I took a screen grab of it to show Kim Kardashian’s Kate Middleton-inspired wedding dress and veil.  Still not a fan of the cocoon effect the veil has, especially since we know what’s going to hatch from it.

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In case you missed the starpulse.com article about Kate Middleton and Prince William, it’s a must-read account of the growing animosity both inside and outside palace gates towards the Duke and Duchess of Doolittle’s disregard for duty.  The article a well-articulated overview of mounting tension within the family that also highlights how Kate lies to get out of events, claiming the Queen told her not to worry about duties and just enjoy her family.  Lazy Kate has been spinning a yarn to get out of work even before she was duchess, the paparazzi, deceased mother-in-law, Prince William, pregnancy and Prince George have all been her offered excuses.  Now Kate’s pinning her lazy ways on someone who no one would dare question, the Queen.  No wonder Kate never wears pants, the liar liar would perpetually find them on fire.

Kate’s love of full skirts in windy conditions has sparked a new privacy debate about a photo being auctioned of Kate’s bare bum which was exposed at the Blue Mountains event.  Kim Kardashian isn’t the only one with a famous ass, the backside of Kate, Duchess of Kambridge can get some attention, too.  Here’s a look behind the bum scandal scenes, Wills does not look happy: http://lookagiraffe.tumblr.com.

This isn’t the first time Kate has flashed her bare bum, and I’m not talking about the bottomless bikini balcony pics from France or her exposed backside at Calgary or all of the so-called wardrobe malfunctions.  Kate was a serial mooner in her younger days, earning her the nickname Kate Middlebum in Marlborough College for her frequently dropping trou to expose her bare behind to boys to improve her popularity.

Kate already had one wardrobe malfunction on the New Zealand/Australia Royal Vacation Tour, she’s aware of both underwear and the extra-windy conditions related to air travel, she might be dim-witted but she’s certainly not headless.  Given that in her younger days, she exposed herself to make boys like her, it seems not much has really changed, except she’s not a teenager anymore, she’s a duchess, wife and mother with a history of using exhibitionism to help fuel her feelings of self-worth.

What’s interesting about this reported photo auction is that there is one at all.  Usually the public hears about Kate’s “Marilyn Moments” and thinks the duchess flashed a bit of thigh when in reality, she showed much more at these events.  As much as the paparazzi is reviled, there is an ethical code most adhere to when it comes to embarrassing wardrobe malfunction photos of First Ladies, Royals and other respected female public figures.  Photographers might show a copy to a family member or friend but the embarrassing images of respected public figures are never sold, e-mailed or posted on the internet, they remain in the possession of the photographers who took them.  Despite Queen Elizabeth’s use of hem weights and careful clothing selections, there have been a couple of slight wardrobe malfunction photos taken during her sixty-two year reign that will never ever see the light of day out of respect to the monarch.  Kate never earned that same kind of respect because of her pre-Duchess days as Waity Katie and The Mattress.

For those who don’t know the history of The Mattress moniker, Prince William’s security detail is credited for coming up with it because of how poorly Prince William treated Kate while they were dating.  No matter how cruelly or coldly Prince William was to her, she would always run to answer his late-night booty calls so she could have the perceived honor of sexually pleasuring the Petulant Prince she called Big Willie.  Kate was his sex doormat.

It’s hard to respect someone who doesn’t respect herself and few really believed Prince William would actually marry The Limpet, as Prince Harry referred to Kate.  When Prince William did say I do, Kate benefited from a reserve cache of respect she got through marriage, the press kept the more embarrassing wardrobe malfunction photos out of the mainstream media and photographers would e-mail them to friends or anonymously post them online.

This Blue Mountains photo auction would suggest Kate’s used up the last of the press protection she received through marriage.  If Buckingham Palace does manage some legal maneuver to get the sale squashed or attempts to procure it using other means, I suspect some of the more embarrassing Kate photos from the past will surface as a gentle reminder to the Palace that they have been benefiting from photographer restraint.  In addition to Kate’s potential pre-Duchess indiscretions and official engagement wardrobe malfunctions, it’s been strongly hinted that far more intimate photos from the French balcony series exist, one set is rumored to show Kate kneeling before her prince en plein air.

The Lazy Duo’s reputation as a couple isn’t helped by Prince William deciding he wants to take another transitional year as an air ambulance helicopter pilot.  With only a few months to go on his transitional year between RAF pilot and full-time royal, Prince William wants to further stall the inevitable full-time duties of his birthright.  He’s thirty-one, a father, a husband and… what’s that other thing… ah, yes a Prince, it’s a little late in the game to be scrambling to think of other things he’d rather be.  If his birthright is so loathsome, he should remove himself and his son from succession instead of engaging in never-ending attempts to have the perks of royalty without any of the responsibilities.

Of course, the real appeal of the new pilot job might be the regular hours he will be spending away from Kate.  The new gig means Kate will receive her favorite gift of all, more possible excuses not to work, like taking care of Prince George all by her lonesome, with only a nanny, a housekeeper who serves as back-up nanny, a personal assistant and a whole support team of staff to help out when Prince William is away.

Prince George is revealing that he’s kind of a badass as far as babies go.  He rocks a bit of a punk mohawk, dives right into baby mosh pits, swiped a little girl’s doll and made her cry, his teething style is pure Ozzy Osbourne, and he drools and craps in his pants just like Hugh Hefner.

Prince George racked up a ton of cool stuff while on the New Zealand/Australia Royal Vacation Tour like a surfboard and skateboard, but he didn’t have to budge an inch to score the latest gift, an aviator jacket that was given to Prince Charles on his Canada tour.  So now Prince George is like Top Gun cool.

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The latest on Prince George’s antics reveals that when met his second cousin, Mia, who is the daughter of Zara Phillips and Mike Tindall, he started a food fight, described by Mia’s Dad as “carnage”.

Prince George can’t even talk yet and the tiny terror already has far more personality than both of his parents combined.

redheart

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