Tag Archives: Kate Middleton

Day 5 Poland/Germany Royal Bore Tour

On Friday, the Cambridges’ tour of Germany and Poland passed away peacefully in its sleep.  It was five days old.  The tour is survived by Kate Middleton’s Poland/Germany wardrobe which cost a grand total of £26,000 ($33,787.00 in USD) according to an article in the Daily Mail.

To my surprise Friday’s Twitter hashtag #DAMNTour had nothing to do at all with Cambridges.

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Friday was an even lighter day than the rest of this ridiculous farce of a so-called “Brexit charm offensive” with Prince William and Kate Middleton checking out the Maritime Museum, stopping by the Elbphilarmonie Concert Hall where Kate was invited pick up a baton and play conductor and visiting Airbus where Prince George got to tour an EC 145, just like the one Prince William sometimes shows up to co-pilot for East Anglia Air Ambulance when he needs the PR.

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Doesn’t the UK have Take Your Son to Pretend Work Day?

The excitement was too much for Prince George who spontaneously morphed into a Hummel figurine in a nod to the host country.

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Kate wore a custom Emilia Wickstead dress in lavender, which is a terrible color on her.  No amount of clown blush could keep Kate from looking washed out.  Kate matched her dress to Prince George’s shirt and her raspberry Anya Hindmarch clutch to Princess Charlotte’s dress.  We get it, you’re together.

Some say Charlotte threw herself on the tarmac as part of a temper tantrum, but I’m sure somewhere a conspiracy theorist is convinced she was pushed.

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In honor of Prince George’s birthday today, Kensington Palace released a portrait of George taken by Chris Jackson, the photographer husband of Kate’s assistant/stylist Natalie Archer.

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I’m still not sure what the point was of this whole Germany/Poland tour, but I think Kensington Palace should have a contest and the person who comes up with the most credible-sounding answer should get to keep Kate’s tour wardrobe.  Most of the clothing was hideous but some of the jewelry wasn’t totally terrible.  Maybe it could be returned for store credit.

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Day 4 of the Poland/Germany Royal Snore

Wow, Prince William and Kate Middleton’s royal tour may be a more powerful sleep aid than Ambien.  I’m not sure if I’m even typing this or if it’s all just a dream but the goat in a scuba suit doing a Christopher Walken impression is really starting to freak me out.

Here’s a cut and paste of Day 4’s itinerary from the Daily Mail just in case there’s someone still out there who cares about this tour:

German Cancer Research Institute

William and Kate will meet Nobel Prize winner prof. Dr. Harald zur Hausen, and visit the stem cell research lab.

Traditional German market, Heidlberg

The pair will be given a tour of the traditional market by the Mayor of Heidlberg

Rowing race

Each will cox a boat each in a competitive race between the twinned town of Cambridge and Heidelberg.

Reception at Clärchens Ballhaus

A reception will be held at the last original dancehall in Berlin for some of the most exciting new names in the world of art, culture, style, fashion and technology.

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Kate’s first dress was Jenny Packham, a rotten egg brocade that looks like the upholstery from a couch my parents got rid of before I was born.  Some were commenting that Kate’s wedges didn’t go with the dress but other than some old fondue stains, not much would.

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Kate changed out of her house frau frock and into her standard sporty look of a striped top and jeggings for the rowing competition.  But, hang onto your hats, royal watchers, the blue of this Hugo Boss top was a lighter blue than she normally wears.  I know.  Dogs and cats living together!  Mass hysteria!

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Kate’s jeggings were so tight, I’d be surprised if she was still able to have more children after wearing them.  Yikes.  Do they even make Monistat with morphine?

Prince William somehow won the rowing race.  I don’t know much about rowing but I do question his contribution given that he’s just sitting there in this photo like Whistler’s Mother.

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Did they not have any needlepoint William could do?  Maybe some socks he could darn or buttons to sew back on?

Kate’s final wardrobe change was into a dress by German designer Markus Lupfer.  It was either some kind of botanical print or decapitated zebra heads and paper bag ghosts.

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We haven’t seen any major shiny this trip but it does look like Prince William gave Kate one of his mother’s bracelets.

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Royal watchers were swooning over this admittedly cute picture in which Kate looks at Prince William with crazy stalker eyes.

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Call me a romantic, but I think it’s sweet she’s looking at him like, ‘I want to weave a hammock out of your chest hair and drink your bath water’ and he’s looking at her like, ‘I’d love for you to meet my friends in security.  Security!’

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Day 3 of Poland/Germany Royal Snore

Sorry Cats and Kittens, I fell asleep last night while prepping to write Day 3’s post.  This thing is a walking coma.

Prince George and Princess Charlotte are even more bored with it than we are and attempted to drag their parents aboard the private jet that was waiting to take them to Germany yesterday.  Fuckity bye!

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Sorry, Poland.  The littlest Cambridges are so over you people.

Don’t get too cocky, Germany, George was already tired of you upon arrival.

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This tour has all the excitement of a couple of Benadryl.  I can barely feel my legs.  I don’t understand how the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge can travel to all these wonderful countries and make them look as flat as painted scenery from a grammar school play.  That’s all these tours seem to mean to them, new scenery for their family photos.

This is a cut and paste of Wednesday’s Royal Tour Itinerary directly from the Daily Mail tour coverage because I don’t feel like putting more effort in Prince William and Kate’s tour than they are.

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WEDNESDAY 19TH JULY 

Arrival in Berlin and official welcome

Visit to the Brandenburg Gate

Holocaust Memorial

The couple will meet survivors and tour the museum before walking through the Memorial itself.

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The charity supports young people from disadvantaged backgrounds

Bellevue Palace Gardens

William and Kate will meet with the Federal President

Queen’s Birthday Garden Party, Ambassador’s Residence

William will give a speech at the event held in honour of his grandmother

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I don’t get the sense William and Kate have any appreciation for the historical significance of some of these places or really for anything at all.  They certainly haven’t provided much in the way of sound bites to suggest they are active participants in this tour.  Had Charlotte not been given her first official flower bouquet, there wouldn’t be much to report other than Angela Merkel asked Kate if she spoke German and Kate responded sorry, no.

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Kate didn’t even bother to learn a few key German phrases?  Don’t most people learn to say at least a few things when traveling to a country with a native language different from their own?  Kate couldn’t squeeze in a few hours of Rosetta Stone in between all that nothing?  According to @WriteRoyalty on Twitter, Kate worked a total of five hours in June.

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Kate’s Wednesday attire for the day events was a cornflower blue Catherine Walker coat and another fucking lace dress.  It reminds me of something she once wore to a wedding but I don’t care enough to look for it.  Basically, Wednesday’s look was a slightly cornflowerier version of things we’ve seen a million times.

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And the whole hairnet thing, enough Amanda Cook Tucker.  It’s not retro cute, it’s a lazy shortcut for a lazy client.  Kate already dresses like she’s a hundred, no need to give Grandma Catherine nursing home hair.

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Kate got rave reviews for the red Alexander McQueen dress she wore to the garden party celebrating Her Majesty’s birthday.  It’s cute, but the dress isn’t all that, I think people are so tired of lace and cosplay frocks, they’d applaud her for wearing anything in the normal human range.

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Day 2 of Poland/Germany Royal Tour

For the second day of the Royal Tour of Poland and Germany, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge toured the Stutthof Concentration Camp and met with five former prisoners, traveled to Gdansk to take part in a street party, visited the Gdansk Shakespeare Theatre and toured the European Solidarity Movement Museum, leaving flowers at the Solidarity Monument.

Unfortunately, the events of Day 2 were overshadowed by debate on social media over whether or not Kate’s outfit was inappropriate for a visit to a concentration camp where nearly 65,000 people died. Reaction ran from some thinking it was fine to others being extremely offended.  No matter where royal watchers landed on the opinion spectrum, far too much of the conversation was about whether or not Kate, a guest of Poland as an official representative of the United Kingdom, was appropriately dressed.

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Kate wore a floral Erdem top and skirt and a pair of Stuart Weitzman Nearly Nude Ankle Strap Sandals.  I couldn’t find attire guidelines listed on the Stuttof website but the Dachau Concentration Camp Memorial Site asks that no children under 12 visit the grounds and to “Please respect the dignity of the site by wearing appropriate attire.”

“Appropriate” is a subjective term.  Kate’s Erdem was a floral print but with somewhat subdued tones on a white background in a modest cut.  On Twitter, Richard Palmer noted that he asked if “black or dark colours were expected and they said not”.

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I didn’t happen to notice anyone else in a pattern, most were in dark blue or black.

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In addition to a questionable clothing choice, Kate also wore sandals.  Kate’s worn sandals on tour before but to events like the zoo and the beach.  There are a lot of companies that prohibit employees from wearing sandals on the basis they look unprofessional while some only allow sandals on Casual Fridays.  Given how devoted Kate is to her court shoes, her decision to wear sandals to tour a concentration camp is a curious choice.

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And then there was the red polish on Kate’s toes with which some took issue.  I would just like to point out Kate usually has a visible problem with toe nail fungus so maybe the red nail lacquer was serving a beneficial purpose.  Just sayin’.

For every Royal Tour, a team goes out ahead of time on a reconnaissance mission at taxpayer expense, gathering information about the venues, taking photographs, making notations about things like temperature and weather conditions all to make sure clothing will be event appropriate and will photograph well in the surroundings.  So what happened?  Now that Rebecca Deacon’s leaving, perhaps Kate should give some serious consideration to a proper lady-in-waiting.  Kate’s known to be stubborn and not take suggestions under advisement, but she’s more than six years into a job she waited almost a decade to get, there shouldn’t even be a debate about how sartorially insensitive a future Queen Consort was being at a concentration camp.

Another disappointing aspect of the visit to Stutthof was the revelation via Royal Correspondent photos that the sentiment in the visitor’s book was obviously written ahead of time by someone else because the handwriting wasn’t Prince William’s or Kate’s.  All the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge did was sign their names.

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With only two short days, it feels as if the Poland part of the tour was over before it began with so much of the host country under-represented.  Even at the street party, Kate and Prince William ate pierogi and drank Goldwasser which I can do pretty much any time I want here in New York.  Polish cuisine has the best comfort food ever, it deserves so much more than a casual mention.  I must admit I’m not a huge fan of Goldwasser, though, it’s basically like drinking candied fire.  It’s so potent, in seconds you go from your tummy feeling warm to asking if the bell no one else heard meant an angel got its wings.

Richard Palmer wrote a lovely piece about the Stutthof Concentration Camp which I recommend reading because it’s a focused overview of the first engagement without the distracting noise.

Interestingly, the media chose to not question Kate’s attire or even mention the heated debate amongst royal watchers.  Considering how flat the Cambridge’s recent tours have been, perhaps they need this tour to go well because once the public loses all interest in the Cambridges, they will need to find a new job.  Or maybe they’re just waiting for a lull when they need a story of interest.  Like this one mentioning the fight Kate and William got into prior to leaving for the garden party celebrating the Queen’s birthday.

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I’m not sure what’s going on with Kate lately, but in these photos, she looks like Wonder Woman’s pissed off grandmother.

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Day 1 of Poland/Germany Royal Tour

On Monday July 17th, Prince William, Kate Middleton, Prince George and Princess Charlotte arrived in Poland for Day 1 of a five day royal tour of Poland and Germany.

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Given that it is such a short tour, many were surprised Prince William and Kate were bringing the children at all.  After all, they had no problem leaving Prince George at home when he was a baby to holiday in the Maldives.  Some felt the trip would be too disruptive to the children just to have them spend the days with nannies and see the parents primarily at night like they do when they are hitting the slopes. Unlike other royals, the Cambridges tend to approach their tours more like taxpayer-funded holidays than duty, though, so perhaps it’s not surprising they decided to model this tour once again on one of their ski get-aways.

There was some suggestion the children were brought along as Brexit diplomacy photo props.

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That’s pretty cynical, though.   Kate’s behavior with her children at these airport arrivals, the way she fusses with their clothing instead of looking up or turns her focus to them instead of the officials waiting to greet her, suggests she is using them more as surrogate emotional support animals than diplomatic props although it’s possible she’s after the doting-Mum photos but is instead inadvertently creating awkward-adult-focusing-on-the-family-dog-at-a-party pics.

To be fair, these royal tour airport arrivals do seem a bit scary.  I’m always worried that Kate is going to drop whichever child she is carrying because for some reason, it’s usually raining whenever the Cambridges land, making the steps all the more perilous in heels.  Fortunately, the steps were much more manageable this time despite the rain and there appeared to be less media waiting for them.  Prince George, however, wanted nothing to do with any of it.

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I feel like I get George, like we’re both old souls with a bit of a mischievous streak.  So pictures like this one break my heart.

This isn't Disneyworld. Oh what fresh hell is this?

This isn’t Disneyworld. Oh what fresh hell is this?

George is just shy of four. I was at least six before I had that glazed dead-inside look.

It must be strange for Prince William and Kate to raise Prince George as a Maybe Future King.  Surely they must possess enough self-awareness to realize the monarchy’s days are numbered and William will likely be the last king if even he makes it to the throne.  I mean, they’re not headless, they would have to have some kind of inkling, right?  Between David Beckham’s pictures of his daughter’s royal birthday tea party hosted by Sarah Ferguson at Buckingham Palace and the Very Middleton Wimbledon with Carole and Pippa getting kicked out of the royal box for tardiness and Carole hitting up Roger Federer’s wife for extra tickets, the royal “magic” Prince Harry recently eluded to in his Newsweek interview is gone.  The humane thing would be to pull the plug.

The Cambridges arrived in Poland on a private jet.  According to the Annual Royal Household Annual Accounts that came out in the end of June, the private jet the Cambridges took to Paris for that so-called diplomatic mission cost UK taxpayers £20,000 so this trip will be a bit more.  Don’t worry, Poland, you’re getting screwed over, too, the security detail is unreal.

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Because Poland’s flag is white and red, the Cambridge’s arrival clothing broke somewhat from the traditional Team Cambridge Blue.  Kate wore a new white suit by Alexander McQueen which was beautiful on her, just like the several similar pieces she already owns. To represent the red in Poland’s flag, Kate went with a red Jenny Packham box clutch and a ruby and diamond necklace and earrings which got lost in her hair.  I haven’t been able to find anything on the new rubies, mostly because I barely looked, but they appear to be G. Collins and Sons to me.

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After the airport arrival, Kate and Prince William met with President Duda and the First Lady at the Presidential Palace in Warsaw and then went to the Warsaw Rising Museum where they met with vets.

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Not everyone was impressed by Kate, however.

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Then there was the Young Entrepreneur’s Reception and the Garden Party at The Orangery in honor of the Queen’s birthday. Again.  She’s still just 91, right?  It’s hard to keep track with all these celebrations.

Kate’s final wardrobe change was pretty tragic. The dress by Polish designer Gosia Baczynska looked like something George and Charlotte made on the plane with black marker, safety scissors and those white paper table coverings they have at kid-friendly restaurants.

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Kate’s evening updo was a little too Margaret Thatcher. The necklace was kinda cool, though.  I mean, I wouldn’t wear it, but I thought it was a nice way to visually call attention to the Madonna cone boobs.   Music’s where you find it.

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After more than six years of marriage, Kate still doesn’t know how to hold a wine glass.

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If you ever want to know how to do anything properly, just watch the Queen.

Of course, Kate drinking wine (which I assume she did instead of just holding it) blows away my theory she is already pregnant.  Not that a few sips of wine would hurt a fetus, but I suspect she’d be sticking to water.  Interestingly, the subject of more babies did come up when she was given a gift for a newborn (I guess I’m not the only one who thought she might be pregnant).

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Perhaps one day Prince George and Princess Charlotte will have another sibling taxpayers will only see at Trooping the Colour and tours abroad.

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Still No Order in Kate’s Court

On Wednesday, the British Royal Family hosted a state banquet in honor of Spain’s visiting royals, King Felipe and Queen Letizia.

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Queen Letizia, in a red evening gown and Fleur de Lys tiara, full of elegance, poise and confidence, walked into the ballroom like she owned the place.

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Kate Middleton in a pale dusty pink Marchesa and the Cambridge Lover’s Knot tiara, walked into the ballroom like she got separated from her Jane Austen Cosplay group and desperately needed to use the loo.

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Victoria Murphy’s article for the Mirror has lots of great photos.

Kate remains orderless more than six years into the whole duchessing thing.  The Royal Family Order of Queen Elizabeth II is an honor given to female working members of the family at Her Majesty’s discretion and Kate is the only working female royal without one.  Katharine, Duchess of Kent received hers during her first year of marriage.  Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall and Birgitte, Duchess of Gloucester received theirs during their second year of marriage.  And Sophie, Countess of Wessex received hers in her fifth year of marriage.  Considering how few engagements Kate does, perhaps the Queen isn’t aware that Kate is considered a working royal.

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For her sixth tiara outing, Kate went with the Cambridge Lover’s Knot tiara which infamously gave Princess Diana headaches, pairing it with Princess Diana’s Collingwood Pearl and Diamond Earrings.  Kate also wore a statement necklace on loan from the Queen which hasn’t been seen in quite some time, the King George VI and Queen Elizabeth Bandeau Necklace.

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Unlike many of Marchesa’s celebrity fashion victims, Kate chose to wear the brand on purpose.  The lace dress was a little bit bridal and a little bit OMG-what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-Kate.  I’m a little bit biased though because I don’t like Marchesa on anyone ever plus we’ve already seen so much lace on Kate, it’s clearly a cry for help, someone please get The Little Duchess Who Couldn’t  into fashion rehab.

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Kate’s matronly updo appears to be the work of Amanda Cook Tucker and Kate’s makeup looks like it was done by Skeletor.

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All artists paint themselves.

Kate was seated at the end, once again partially obscured by centerpieces.  And once again during the speeches, Kate appeared to be unfamiliar with the listening process, looking around to see what others were doing while the grown-ups talked.

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The state banquet was a first for Prince Harry who escorted the Marchioness of Cholmondeley into the ballroom and sat next to her for the evening.

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While there was no order in Kate’s court for the Spain state banquet, the courts of Wimbledon have been infested with Middletons.  With Kate now Wimbledon’s royal patron, Carole, Pippa and James have appeared a little extra smug with their royal boxiness.  While royal box seats are by invitation of the Chairman of the All England Club, clearly the Middletons are benefiting from their in-laws status. The Queen has done nothing, however, suggesting she is perfectly fine with the Middletons being the face of the modern monarchy.  Do you remember Princess Diana’s sisters?  Me neither.  But then again, they didn’t hire Posh Spice’s PR rep to keep them in the news.

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The Cambridges Goth Protest Too Much, Methinks

Well, the Cambridges posed for a family photo for Prince William’s GQ article and the family portrait that was released is… well, it’s just bloody awful.

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It’s like The Addam’s Family on acid.  I’m not sure why George is crawling into the photo, he’s going the wrong way.  Run George, run!  And take your sister, who is presumably looking at her nanny out of frame, with you.

Remember how creepy and lifeless the family photo taken for Kate Middleton’s first Mother’s Day was?

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It’s like the photographer for this GQ piece, Norman Jean Roy, looked at that one and said, “Hold my beer.”

I’ve got an inner goth girl and would describe my personal aesthetic as Haunted Bordello, but even I wouldn’t have this copy of GQ in my home for fear the maniacally grinning Kate would crawl from the pages and attempt to devour my soul.  More hair has been PhotoShopped on Prince William, but his head still looks like a menacing floating orb, his grimacing smile that of a demonic Bugs Bunny.

How are they finding these photographers, do they say “Beetlejuice” three times and ask him for a recommendation?

In the Daily Mail article, there is a quote from Prince William reflecting on his mother’s death: “I still find it difficult now because at the time it was so raw. And also it is not like most people’s grief, because everyone else knows about it, everyone knows the story, everyone knows her.”

To be fair, one of the first things grief counselors are taught is that no two people grieve the same but quite a few people took issue with Prince  William’s choice of words in comment sections and on social media with one cherished member of this community summarizing it on Twitter as “elitist”.  I have tremendous sympathy for Prince William and can’t imagine what it was like for him at such a young age, but the phrasing makes it seem like he’s saying his grief is special because his mother was famous.

Prince William was also quoted as saying, “I want George to grow up in a real, living environment, I don’t want him growing up behind palace walls, he has to be out there. I will fight for them to have a normal life.”

Does Prince William mean the normal life George has at the Anmer Hall Fortress of Solitude and occasionally Kensington Palace from which he only ever seems to escape when accompanied by Nanny Maria or sometimes Carole Middleton?  And that normal life, that’s amongst the taxpayers who are threatened with lawsuits should they dare take a photo of George despite it being perfectly legal, right? Or will actors be cast and sets made to create charming little plays about real life as Marie Antoinette enjoyed doing?  Normalcy is such a lark.  For a really good time, Prince William should try giving it a go without all the taxpayer-funded perks.  The rest of us are having a blast.

If Prince William truly wants George to grow up in “a real, living environment”, the first step would probably be putting an end to the spooky family portraits that make the Cambridges look like menacing specters.  Even poor Lupo looks like some black shadow figure hunting for ghost prey.

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Pippa Middleton’s Wedding

On Saturday, one of the most famous bridesmaids of the last decade got to be the bride.  Pippa Middleton, also known as the other Wisteria Sister, married hedge-fund manager James Matthews in lavish royal-adjacent fashion.

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Pippa looked beautiful and blissfully happy, reminding us why we all love weddings, even ones we think we don’t particular care about until the media gently reminds us that apathy is not an option.

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I wasn’t particularly a fan of Pippa’s custom guipure lace gown by Giles Deacon and the Maidenhair Fern tiara.  With the lace, high collar, and molded feel of the bodice, it was a little too Victorian Wonder Woman as interpreted by Zack Snyder for my taste.

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But of course, after seeing how jacked Pippa’s arms are now, I wouldn’t say that to her face.

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The Daily Mail has a multitude of articles with a vast amount of photos of the wedding, including one in which you can sort of see Meghan Markle being driven to the reception by Prince Harry.  Her absence from the church ceremony almost overshadowed the bride on social media as royal watchers wondered if there would be a royal wedding in the not-so-distant future.

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Kate served as an unofficial bridesmaid to her sister, doing some flower girl and page boy wrangling. There’s a great photo of Kate shushing the kids that made the cover of the Sunday Express.

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Kate also helped with straightening her sister’s veil and dress.

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In quite a few photos, Kate appears to be looming behind Pippa like acid reflux.

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After the ceremony, Prince George had a little mini meltdown.  Reportedly, it was in response to Kate scolding him for stepping on Pippa’s train, but who knows.  He could have been cranky because he’s three and at a wedding.  Princess Charlotte had a couple of moments of being two at a wedding but she was two like a pro and quickly recovered.

The Duchess of Cambridge’s style is always soooo mother-of-the-bride and this dusty peach Alexander McQueen dress which she paired with a Jane Taylor hat and Kiki McDonough earrings was no exception.

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It’s totally WKRP in Cincinnati and not in a good way.

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I mean, come on, the actual mother-of-the-bride, Carole Middleton, looked more youthful.

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Although Carole and Kate both went so heavy on the blush, I couldn’t get Judy Collins’ version of “Send in the Clowns” out of my head.

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Send in the clowns
Don’t bother, they’re here

Seriously, the ladies of the Moulin Rouge didn’t wear that much rouge.

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Hey sistas, soul sistas, betta get that dough sistas

I noticed Kate’s rings were doing an awful lot of slipping.  She was wearing her eternity band so they shouldn’t have slipped that far up towards her knuckle.  Hopefully she’s okay.

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While the wedding wasn’t a royal union, the taxpayers still have to pick up the tab for security because of the attendance of the second, third, fourth and fifth in line to the throne.  St. Mark’s church was closed on Friday evening for security sweeps, as were various roads, including the one taken by James and Pippa to the reception in a Jaguar, doing a royal-adjacent wave to those who had gathered to wish the newlyweds well.

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Congratulations to the happy couple!

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Kate Visits Luxembourg

On Thursday, Kate Middleton embarked on a Kate-sized solo tour of Luxembourg in celebration of the 1867 Treaty of London which consisted of five events in four and a half hours.  It was jam-packed with all of the hair touching, veneer flashing, and crotch clutching one would expect of an official visit from the UK’s so-called diplomatic secret weapon for strengthening international relations in the wake of Brexit.

I think even the media is having a hard time keeping a straight face with that claim.  I noticed the sentence referencing the “diplomatic importance of the visit” in Richard Palmer’s piece had a typo.  Poor chap was probably laughing so hard, it made it difficult to type.

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This screenshot from the first photo in his article pretty much sums up why it’s hard to take Kate seriously as an official representative of the British Royal Family and the UK.

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Kate doesn’t come across as capable of managing her own hair, let alone something as complex as the UK’s withdrawal from the European Union.

Kate wore bespoke Emilia Wickstead, an ice blue version of the St. Patrick’s Day coatdress she debuted in 2012 as well as new blue topaz and diamond Kiki McDonough earrings retailing for £3,500 (around $4,510 USD).  Kate ditched a lot of the outsourced hair she usually wears and her skin looked positively aglow with fresh injections.

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At one of the events, three-year-old Teo Schleck presented Kate with a bouquet of flowers, then burst into tears and buried his face in his mother’s shoulder.  Reportedly Kate reassured his mother that it is “totally normal” at that age.  I’m way older than three, but if I saw that much clown blush and veneers coming at me, I’d probably want my Mommy, too.

When the twin sons of Luxembourg cyclist Kim Kirchen presented Kate with a jersey, Kate reportedly said that she has no excuse now not to get on a bike.  Maybe the Queen should hook Kate up with a duchess jersey, that way she will have no excuse not to duchess.

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Btw, I’m not going to have a lot of time over the next few days to moderate but expect to start posting more regularly again within a week.

Kate Middleton’s Masks

“Virtue has a veil, vice a mask.”
-Victor Hugo

Kate Middleton is a woman with multiple pairs of nearly identical court shoes and even more virtually indistinguishable masks she wears to her official engagements, casting them off and forgetting about them until she needs to show up in public again to convince the masses she is keen on doing whatever her Communications Secretary proclaims is close to her heart.

Tom Sykes wrote a piece recently in which he discussed growing disenchantment with the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.  Sykes noted, “If William and Kate do slip up, the press, who have showed Olympian levels of restraint in their coverage of the royals in recent years, will eat them alive, so heavily built up is the resentment from a series of sleights, non-co-operation and attempts to cut them out of the picture.”

At Kate’s last two engagements on Wednesday for Action for Children, a patronage passed to her by the Queen, there was a curious lack of royal correspondents discussing the events on Twitter.  I wasn’t the only one who noticed.

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Rebecca English from the Daily Mail was supposed to be there but had to cover an event at Clarence House instead because of a “childcare crisis” but overall the general Twitter hum generated by a Kate engagement was more of a ho-hum.

Kate wore a burgundy suit by Paule Ka which she first debuted in 2012.

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Not only is the skirt surprisingly short for official engagements requiring a lot of crouching down, it looks surprisingly like my Christmas tree skirt that disappeared several years ago.  Now, I’m not accusing the designer of breaking into my home and raiding my holiday decorations, but it’s good to know there are replacements out there for it.  Quite frankly, it might be best covering the base of a tree because I noticed a number of photos with this happening on Kate.

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Once dubbed a modern fairytale princess, Kate no longer draws crowds like she once did.

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Comments on the Daily Mail article about Wednesday’s engagements made observations that Kate “seems like an empty soul” and “looks so insincere”.

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Despite the usual photo props of cute children and lovely bouquets, all was not grins and roses.  BBC Wales News posted a video with the kind of kid hug footage that’s usually instant PR gold.

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Unfortunately, they missed the frames in which Kate was switching masks, like when Kate turned away from the cute cuddlers and made an annoyed face with her eyes shooting daggers.

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And of course there was the face she made when she realized she would have to turn back to the adorable tykes to say goodbye and thank you.

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I’m not sure why becoming a Disney princess ranks highly for so many, but I guess I’m cool with it as long as becoming a Disney villain ranks lower.

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If Kate can’t handle these mini bursts of engagements without being able to convincingly feign an appearance of not being resentful towards her duties, there’s little hope for the monarchy marathon.  Kate got her prince but it seems it never occurred to her that after her wedding she wouldn’t be able to disappear into the words “and they lived happily ever after”.

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