Tag Archives: Kiki McDonough

Pippa Middleton’s Wedding

On Saturday, one of the most famous bridesmaids of the last decade got to be the bride.  Pippa Middleton, also known as the other Wisteria Sister, married hedge-fund manager James Matthews in lavish royal-adjacent fashion.

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Pippa looked beautiful and blissfully happy, reminding us why we all love weddings, even ones we think we don’t particular care about until the media gently reminds us that apathy is not an option.

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I wasn’t particularly a fan of Pippa’s custom guipure lace gown by Giles Deacon and the Maidenhair Fern tiara.  With the lace, high collar, and molded feel of the bodice, it was a little too Victorian Wonder Woman as interpreted by Zack Snyder for my taste.

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But of course, after seeing how jacked Pippa’s arms are now, I wouldn’t say that to her face.

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The Daily Mail has a multitude of articles with a vast amount of photos of the wedding, including one in which you can sort of see Meghan Markle being driven to the reception by Prince Harry.  Her absence from the church ceremony almost overshadowed the bride on social media as royal watchers wondered if there would be a royal wedding in the not-so-distant future.

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Kate served as an unofficial bridesmaid to her sister, doing some flower girl and page boy wrangling. There’s a great photo of Kate shushing the kids that made the cover of the Sunday Express.

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Kate also helped with straightening her sister’s veil and dress.

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In quite a few photos, Kate appears to be looming behind Pippa like acid reflux.

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After the ceremony, Prince George had a little mini meltdown.  Reportedly, it was in response to Kate scolding him for stepping on Pippa’s train, but who knows.  He could have been cranky because he’s three and at a wedding.  Princess Charlotte had a couple of moments of being two at a wedding but she was two like a pro and quickly recovered.

The Duchess of Cambridge’s style is always soooo mother-of-the-bride and this dusty peach Alexander McQueen dress which she paired with a Jane Taylor hat and Kiki McDonough earrings was no exception.

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It’s totally WKRP in Cincinnati and not in a good way.

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I mean, come on, the actual mother-of-the-bride, Carole Middleton, looked more youthful.

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Although Carole and Kate both went so heavy on the blush, I couldn’t get Judy Collins’ version of “Send in the Clowns” out of my head.

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Send in the clowns
Don’t bother, they’re here

Seriously, the ladies of the Moulin Rouge didn’t wear that much rouge.

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Hey sistas, soul sistas, betta get that dough sistas

I noticed Kate’s rings were doing an awful lot of slipping.  She was wearing her eternity band so they shouldn’t have slipped that far up towards her knuckle.  Hopefully she’s okay.

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While the wedding wasn’t a royal union, the taxpayers still have to pick up the tab for security because of the attendance of the second, third, fourth and fifth in line to the throne.  St. Mark’s church was closed on Friday evening for security sweeps, as were various roads, including the one taken by James and Pippa to the reception in a Jaguar, doing a royal-adjacent wave to those who had gathered to wish the newlyweds well.

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Congratulations to the happy couple!

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Kate Visits Luxembourg

On Thursday, Kate Middleton embarked on a Kate-sized solo tour of Luxembourg in celebration of the 1867 Treaty of London which consisted of five events in four and a half hours.  It was jam-packed with all of the hair touching, veneer flashing, and crotch clutching one would expect of an official visit from the UK’s so-called diplomatic secret weapon for strengthening international relations in the wake of Brexit.

I think even the media is having a hard time keeping a straight face with that claim.  I noticed the sentence referencing the “diplomatic importance of the visit” in Richard Palmer’s piece had a typo.  Poor chap was probably laughing so hard, it made it difficult to type.

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This screenshot from the first photo in his article pretty much sums up why it’s hard to take Kate seriously as an official representative of the British Royal Family and the UK.

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Kate doesn’t come across as capable of managing her own hair, let alone something as complex as the UK’s withdrawal from the European Union.

Kate wore bespoke Emilia Wickstead, an ice blue version of the St. Patrick’s Day coatdress she debuted in 2012 as well as new blue topaz and diamond Kiki McDonough earrings retailing for £3,500 (around $4,510 USD).  Kate ditched a lot of the outsourced hair she usually wears and her skin looked positively aglow with fresh injections.

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At one of the events, three-year-old Teo Schleck presented Kate with a bouquet of flowers, then burst into tears and buried his face in his mother’s shoulder.  Reportedly Kate reassured his mother that it is “totally normal” at that age.  I’m way older than three, but if I saw that much clown blush and veneers coming at me, I’d probably want my Mommy, too.

When the twin sons of Luxembourg cyclist Kim Kirchen presented Kate with a jersey, Kate reportedly said that she has no excuse now not to get on a bike.  Maybe the Queen should hook Kate up with a duchess jersey, that way she will have no excuse not to duchess.

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Btw, I’m not going to have a lot of time over the next few days to moderate but expect to start posting more regularly again within a week.

Day 3 – India and Bhutan Tour

Stop the press, what is that?

On Day 3 of the royal tour, Kate Middleton continued to be an agent of chaos by wearing flats.

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Screen grab from Daily Mail

After remaining faithful to her character this tour in high-heeled court shoes and towering wedges, Kate Middleton busted out out a pair of Xpresso flats.  The flashing I anticipated but sensible shoes?

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Of course, they didn’t work with the maxi dress by Glamorous but chaos rarely coordinates well.

I actually like this dress maybe because it reminds me of some of Laura Ingalls’ dresses who I still totally want to be when I grow up, except obviously with electricity and WiFi and restaurants that deliver and yoga pants and cable… I wouldn’t have made it five minutes on the prairie.

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While Kate was meeting with street children, they wanted her to draw her house so she did.

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Since the structure is obviously neither Kensington Palace or the ten bedroom country estate, Anmer Hall, I think it’s safe to assume Kate lives locked in a shed either at her parents’ house in Berkshire or on the Anmer Hall estate.  Still, it’s probably bigger than my apartment in Manhattan.

One of the kids helped Kate color it, not realizing Kate lives in a world of white and beige.

Prince William and Kate then had lunch with the Prime Minister.  Kate wore this Alice Temperley dress:

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Honestly, I couldn’t stop looking at her boobs in this dress.  I can’t tell if this is the result of the absence of a bra or if this is the result of one of Kim Kardashian’s boob tape tutorials gone terribly wrong.

Kate paired it with the debut of custom Kiki McDonough earrings.

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Supposedly they commemorate Charlotte’s birth, but her birthstone is emerald, not green amethyst or green tourmaline.  Kate already has emerald earrings as well as Kiki McDonough green amethyst earrings so it’s a curious choice.

While royal photographers and correspondents took a bus for three hours to Kazrianga, the Cambridges, their luggage and entourage hopped a private plane.

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Between tour tedium, the long hot bumpy transportation, and sleep deprivation, I wouldn’t be surprised if the royal correspondents and photographers start spilling some less flattering Cambridge details or their social media updates tomorrow afternoon are just all F-bombs and random quotes from 12 Monkeys because there are some things even liquor can’t hug away.

Once in Kaziranga, they were welcomed by Assamese dancers and a three year old child stomped on a pair of Kate’s wedges which made many go awwww to cover up secret jealously that the kid got to live the dream.

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Kate’s Anna Sui maxi dress reminded me of Brady Bunch curtains.

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Kate’s Hair is a Sight2See at Place2Be Headteacher Conference

For the second time since becoming Patron of Place2Be, Kate got jacked by the wind upon arrival at one of its events.

Don’t worry, it wasn’t as bad as when this happened:

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This time the wind just staged a hair assault.  But it did set a tone of levity in the press for an event at which Kate Middleton delivered one of those rare speeches with words and sentences and everything.

Even though some speech experts recommend opening with a joke, I doubt many would suggest the kind of semen hair joke The Huffington Post UK went with in its Comedy Section Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton’s ‘There’s Something About Mary’ Moment piece featuring this side-by-side:

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The Daily Mail also made a movie reference with its Gone with the Wind!  Duchess of Cambridge struggles to contain her bouncy locks as she visits London Conference to make a rare public speech about her ‘wonderful and secure’ childhood headline that was practically as long as the cinematic classic itself.  One of their photos captured the same kind of Scarlett O’Hara “I won’t let it go while there’s breath left in my body” resolve Kate seems to possess when it comes to leaving her hair down.

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OK! proclaimed Kate Middleton embraces windswept hair as she attends the Headteacher Conference in London with a pic of the duchess featuring the kind of pompadour height The King would have envied:

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To be fair, Kate doesn’t control the wind.  Even Oprah doesn’t control the wind.  But Kate does have access to weather forecasts calling for an updo or a window that enables her to reach for a ponytail elastic when she sees the house from the Wizard of Oz fly by because it’s so freaking windy in London that day.  Weather happens.

This is how Sophie, Countess of Wessex, prepared for her November 11th Veterans Day visit to The Queen Elizabeth II September 11th Garden in NYC which had some rain, some fog, some overcast skies and some sun with a high of 57 F and low of 50 F with winds topping out at 5.583 mph.

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Sophie often wears her hair back at events.  People tend not to take you seriously if they can’t see you.  That’s why you don’t see a lot of ghosts being interviewed on Charlie Rose.

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Perhaps the wind was trying to do Kate a solid and show off her recently debuted $3,300 Kiki McDonough diamond earrings which otherwise would have been lost in her locks.

KikiMcDonoughEarringsAnd at least the wind headlines cut down on the number of those proclaiming that Kate recycled her 2012 Matthew Williamson peplum dress.  I’m as guilty as anyone for using the word “recycle” when it comes to Kate wearing an article of clothing more than once, but it’s a strange way to refer to what is a completely normal occurrence every single day all around the world.  It both implies there’s something noble about Kate not immediately discarding clothing after use and it makes her sound like a labeled bin in which people should be putting their bottles and cans.

Kate’s speech came in at 3:20 and can be viewed on Daily Mail as can a transcript of the speech.  In terms of delivery, Kate showed some improvement over previous speeches which lends credibility to claims she’s been working on her public speaking, possibly with a coach.  Kate looked up more from the sheets of paper than in the past, however sheets of paper or note cards should only be used for reference so eye contact can be made with the audience.  Every time Kate lifted her head, her fringe flew up like flares, it was distracting.  Kate’s breathing was more measured in the beginning, but she began to lose confidence, seemingly strained by the Received Pronunciation affectation issue that’s plagued past speeches.  At one point her face went ashen, appearing to be daunted by the realization that there were still more words to go.  Her intonation was a slightly better but still needs developing.  Further practice will help with nerves and if she watches the speeches she has given to help her identify areas she needs to work on, she can continue to improve.

What I found most disappointing about the speech was its content in which she equated mental health with luck, referencing her own upbringing and indicating, “My parents and teachers provided me with a wonderful and secure childhood where I always knew I was loved, valued and listened to.”  That correlation suggests those with mental illness are just plain unlucky that they weren’t born to families that could afford better schools.  Her speech ignores genetic and biological causes of mental illnesses which according  to the Place2Be website effects three children in every classroom.  Kate stressed “not all children have the anchor of a strong family” which is a disservice to the cause she is supposed to be championing, mental health issues can effect anyone from any background.

One of the reasons mental health is such an important issue is because of the stigma surrounding mental illness, people are afraid to admit to any form of mental issues out of fear it will change how they are perceived.  It’s estimated that in the US 80% of those suffering from clinical depression do not seek any form of treatment for it.

Place2Be provides support to schools in the form of individual and group counseling for children, support for parents and care-givers as well as training and guidance for school staff.  Providing these resources in schools is very important, but they won’t be effective if they aren’t utilized by those who need them.

I went to a school which had a staff psychologist whose door was always open.  Literally.  None of the students took advantage of the resources provided by the school because of that door.  In the few instances it was ever closed, students knew it was because someone had made an appointment and a watch began to see who would come out of it, which member of the student body was secretly “crazy”.  In the girl’s bathroom one day, I remember one student advising another not to seek help for her emotional struggles through the school because it would be social suicide.

No matter how many resources Place2Be provides, the stigma surrounding mental health issues needs to change because children will resist programs that they feel distinguishes them as different in a way they perceive as negative.  Parents will also be less receptive to a program whose Patron suggested their children’s mental illness is linked to their poor parenting.

The steps Kate is taking to be heard are important, but even a flawlessly delivered speech cannot compensate for a flawed message that can be detrimental to the cause she is trying to help.  There were suggestions that Kate wrote this speech herself, which hopefully she did because if a professional speechwriter wrote her Place2Be speech, Kate might be better served trying that individual out as a stylist, tailor or hair wrangler.

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