Tag Archives: Kinky Kate

Kate Middleton, Serial Tour Flasher

Prince William and Kate Middleton will be departing on Saturday night for their royal tour of India and Bhutan and will arrive on Sunday Morning, a little before 11am.

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There was a handy little guide on Twitter with the time differences broken down:

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This will be Kate’s fourth official royal tour since joining the Firm five years ago.  Kate’s first foreign solo tour to Malta was canceled in September 2014 because of Kate’s special brand of Hyperemesis Gravidarum and the brief December 2014 trip to New York City wasn’t considered an official tour.  To date, Kate has yet to officially represent the UK on tour without having a major wardrobe malfunction.

This post will be dedicated to Kate’s biggest international flashing incidents.  For all who do not want to see Kate exposed, please abandon blog.  Even if you think you can get through this without hearing the lambs scream, you might want to get a set of pearls to clutch just in case.

Kate’s long history of premarital flashing has been well-established.  At Marlborough, Kate was known as Kate Middlebum for pulling down her pants to moon boys in a bid to become more popular.  During the Waitying Years, she continued to hone her exhibitionist streak to the point it was common knowledge that she did not wax or shave her bikini area.

KatePreMaritalFlashes

Since marriage, Kate has been protected as a member of the royal family by the UK press.  Some of Kate’s lesser so-called Marilyn Moments have been published with the far more revealing snaps never seeing the light of day in accordance with the gentleman’s agreement the press has with the British Royal Family.  Abroad, there is no such deal which is why when Kate leaves the UK, the public gets to see a side of Kinky Kate that gets buried by the antiquated practices of her own country.

Canada & US Tour- June-July 2011

Newly duchessed, Kate arrived on July 7th at the Calgary airport with her hubby of two and a half months, Prince William.   Kate’s lightweight primrose yellow Jenny Packham dress was no match for the strong gusts typically found around aircraft.  With her hem lifting, Kate reached instinctively to save her extensions and not her modesty.

KateCalgaryHair

Kate met with a child, Diamond Marshall,  who had cancer and wanted to meet a “a real princess”.  To be fair to Diamond, her first choice was actually Aurora at Disneyland but Kate was going to be in the neighborhood so proximity played a factor there.  But Diamond did get to give Kate presents.

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Kate didn’t seem to mind who she flashed at the Calgary airport.

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Just as long as they were there to see it and they were men.  Oh, and that kid with cancer.

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South East Asia & South Pacific Tour – September 2012

The tour had some eyebrow raising fashion moments, like the golden embroidered Alexander McQueen dress  that showed a bit too much décolletage at the Malaysia State Dinner.

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Then there was the culturally insensitive knee-length Beulah London dress Kate wore to the Assyakirin Mosque which should have covered her legs in their entirety.

KateMosqueDress

To be fair, Kate seemed to be copying Princess Diana who wore a longer dress than Kate but also didn’t get it right.

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Minor points,though, since earlier that morning at breakfast William and Kate were informed that Kate had been photographed sunbathing topless during their pre-tour secret getaway to France for which they ditched the closing ceremonies of the Paralympics.

katetoplesscensored

Laurence Pieau’s defense of publishing the photos can be seen in a video contained in this Daily Mail article.  The editor notes, “I won’t hide the fact that there are far more intimate pictures that exist that we haven’t published and we won’t publish.”

On the way home from the nine day South East Asia & South Pacific Tour on September 19th, the Cambridges passed through Brisbane where Kate struggled with the lightweight floaty Project D Penelope dress.  The wind introduced itself to Kate as soon as she got off the plane to politely let her know it was there.

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The ensuing dress mayhem wasn’t a sudden windjacking, Kate was aware of the gusts, this wasn’t her first airport in a flimsy dress,  and yet not until the wind had already lifted her skirt to the sound of the approving shutter clicks from the photographers behind her that she attempted to make any real effort to keep her dress down.

At this point,  the back of the dress is up and yet her arms are still forward.

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Then Kate finally grabs the back of skirt to try to keep it down.

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That bit of white beneath the hem of the highest lifted part of her dress is the white thong Kate was wearing.  Strangely, after surviving one wave of the mothereffing Wind Apocalypse trying to tear her flimsy dress off her body while photographers snapped away, she started smiling and playing with the tie of her dress while the wind continued whip her dress around her legs like she was eight-years-old.

KateDressTieBrisbane

Afterwards, Kate changed into jeans and a white top to continue the trip home.

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The damage, however, was done.  Several media outlets went with the headline “Royal Tour Ends on a Bum Note”.

Nine days later even more revealing topless and bottomless photos from France came out.  Rumors suggest that most intimate of photos were not published.  Nothing erases memories of a tour like seeing someone naked, even if it’s a bit blurry. and the tantalizing prospect of some true royal naughtiness emerging some day.

New Zealand & Australia Tour – April 2014

With articles proclaiming Kate’s wardrobe would be more duchessy, with longer hemlines and weighted skirts, mere seconds into the tour, Kate managed to flash the press while winds lifted up her red Catherine Walker coat and revealed a small pair of bunched up white knickers.  Royal watchers noted she still didn’t wax or shave.

KateNewZealandAirportFlash

While at the Blue Mountains engagement, another flimsy floaty dress around a helicopter gave Kate a bum flash almost identical to the one she had at the Calgary Airport.   Local and amateur photographer, Diane Morel, took the photo which wound up in Bild and other outlets around the world.  But not in the UK because of the antiquated gentleman’s agreement that prohibits them from publishing embarrassing photos of their own royal family.

KateBareBumFlash

Kate wasn’t done yet.  A few days later she hit the trifecta at Adelaide and gave the disadvantaged youth of Adelaide an eyeful of duchess boob.

Kate wore a low-cut Alexander McQueen peplum top with a light nude plunging padded push-up bra, the bottom of which can be seen in this photo.

KateCleavageFlash

Kate did a lot of leaning over that day to talk to children and as part of the events.

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And apparently, Kate’s plunging padded push-up bra shifted around on her a bit.

But the crowd seemed enthusiastic.  Everyone thought it was going well.

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Well, a lot of the excitement was over the boys getting an eyeful of duchess boob.  At one point when she was seated, the boys were peaking down Kate’s plunging top, one kid there got a particularly sneaky shot of Kate’s bits with his camera phone and posted it on Facebook.  His Mom made him take it down and a local new station that wrote about it also quickly took their story down as well.  I guess they wanted to spare her the embarrassment not realizing Kate is a repeat offender.

Despite the time, money and great care that goes into planning these tours, each to date has been marred by at least one Kate wardrobe scandal, undoing in one snap all of the laborious logistical planning executed by the Cambridge’s extensive staff.  The last tour the public was promised a more regal modest duchess but even the best laid plans are no match for the flashing tendencies of Kate Middlebum.  She seems to be growing more prolific in her exhibitionist ways, so there’s no telling what the upcoming tour of India and Bhutan will hold.

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Commando Kate

Today Kate is supposed to have her first engagement in over a month, accompanying her husband to Strathearn, Perth and Kinross.  She hasn’t been seen since boarding a plane leaving Australia on April 25th, merely her presence has been felt in the form of a bare bum photo scandal.

Will Kate try to hold her head high despite the inquisitive stares from a crowd that has seen too much yet again?  Or will she forego the usual handshakes for fear someone will try to engage her in conversation about bum flashing?  People are naturally curious and there are just so many questions the public is wondering.

Because the flash happened in Australia, someone might be tempted to ask Kate, “Did a dingo eat your panties?”  Of course, that would be highly insensitive of them.  The quote from the film is, “A dingo’s got my baby.”  Most likely Kate did not have to trade her undergarments to ensure the safety of Prince Grumpy Cat, dingoes usually want nothing at all to do with humans, probably because they’re sick of hearing that movie line.

Some are wondering if Kinky Kate and her Big Willie like to keep the fire going in their thirteen year relationship by acting like “mental rabbits” as one Daily Mail commenter dubbed them.  On that fateful April day, did Kate shout to Prince William above the noise of a helicopter, “I’m not wearing any panties!”?  And if so, did the pilot throw that helicopter out after giving Commando Kate a lift?  I would.  Or maybe I would try to sell it on Craig’s List as a “Helicopter slightly sexually violated by bad duchess”.

I always want to assume that if someone is sitting down on my upholstery, there’s a fabric shield between their business and my belongings.  If we don’t accept this as a societal courtesy, then we’ll be forced to start covering our furniture in plastic as was the rage once upon a time.  Could you imagine if the Queen had to have all the palaces plastic wrapped?  I knew girl whose family covered their couches, chairs and lampshades in plastic, her entire house sounded like it was apologetically crumpling.  No one ever hung out there because on hot summer days, sometimes the plastic didn’t give you back all seven layers of skin when you stood up.  Besides, the whole house smelled like brand new Barbies.  Is that really what Kate wants?

Of course, the most likely explanation is that Kate is an exhibitionist.  And not even an imaginative one at that.  ***Bare Bum Warning***  She pulled the exact same stunt at a Calgary airport in 2011.

Kate'sExposedBum

The hand of the gentleman in that shot belongs to her Royal Advisor who is just doing a phenomenal job in keeping her out of unflattering press and from repeating her mistakes.  Three years has got to be the longest learning curve in history.

So how is Lazy going to handle her reintroduction back into duchessing after almost five weeks out of the public eye?  If it were me, I would try to have a sense of humor about it.  I would show up wearing long bike shorts or a wetsuit clearly visible below my hem.

But the duchess isn’t really known for layering or self-depricating comedy.  In fact, there’s no guarantee she’ll even show up at the schedule events, forcing her husband yet again to apologize for her absence and the media to speculate she’s some combination of sick, pregnant and redecorating.

And if Commando Kate does show up, it’s possible she’ll still manage to flash onlookers.

On Royal Dish esther angeline wrote, “I may mail her some appropriate knickers to Kensington Palace,” which prompted me to respond, “OMG, how hysterical would it be if Kate started getting tons of undergarments in the mail?  LOVE IT!”

I still think it would be super funny if people started sending Kate some knickers in the mail.  Obviously they should be new, her poor staff is probably traumatized enough.  Gifts sent to members of the Royal Family get entered into a log book upon receipt, I imagine the staff at Clarence House would probably have a chuckle unwrapping package after package of panties and itemizing every pair.  If anyone is so inclined, Kate’s mailing address is:

The Duchess of Cambridge
Clarence House
London SW1A 1BA

Maybe that would be the gentle nudge Kate needs to finally put on knickers.

The drawbacks to going commando are actually fairly disgusting.  Apparently those not wearing underwear risk lice and parasites jumping aboard their genitalia, are more vulnerable to infections, and they really shouldn’t try to get a second wearing out of jeans for reasons far too gross to elaborate on.  Really Kate should be wearing panties and either weight her hems or wear a slip, but if she needs to stop being an exhibitionist in baby steps, kickers are a fantastic place to start.

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