Tag Archives: Lela Rose

Cornwall Tour Light

On Thursday, Prince William and Kate Middleton began a two day mini tour of Cornwall and the Isles of Scilly, staying at the historic 16th century Restormel Manor in Lostwithiel on Thursday night.  This Tour Light is the Cambridge’s first official visit to Cornwall which will one day give them millions of reasons to stick with the royaling.  The Duchy of Cornwall presently provides Prince Charles with approximately £20million in annual income and will pass to William when Charles gets kinged.

For Day 1, Kate wore a Lela Rose dress (initially sold for $1,295) which has the same cut as most of her dresses in the same shade of PMS pink as the McQueen pieces she debuted in Adelaide.  This isn’t Kate’s first Lela Rose dress, the US designer also made the white doily dress Kate wore to the reception hosted by Australia’s Governor General.  Kate’s accessories with this pink dress underwhelmed with her Kiki McDonough earrings getting lost in her hair and the beige Monsoon wedges receiving the brunt of the criticism.  Wedge dismay appeared in the top ten highest rated comments of the Daily Mail piece on the first day of the tour.

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Throughout the day’s events, Kate’s fingers frequently retreated into her hair sparking critical comments on social media while Kate’s rapid fire facial expression rotation left me with second-hand TMJ.  Kate appeared to be on stage  in a summer improv class with an instructor commanding her, “You’re sad.   You’re a sad tree.  You’re Howdy Doody.  You’re Howdy Doody telekinetically making soup with too much parsley.  Now you’re a spider monkey.  You’re a sexy spider monkey.  You’re a sexy tree that just ate a sad spider monkey.”  No smile was too big to fake, no sympathetic head tilt too steep to make.  Just some of the many Faces of Kate on Thursday:

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If only Kate cared as much about her posture as her exaggerated expressions.  The last person with this much of a hunched back lived in a bell tower:

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It can’t be comfortable to sit like that.  She looks like she has a turtle head poking out of a pink shell.

Arriving by helicopter on Thursday, the Cambridges started off the Cornwall tour-ette with a stop at Truro Cathedral where they signed a slate for their £3.2 new roof campaign.

Afterwards, they went on a royal walkabout.

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Kensington Palace naturally went with a photo on Twitter where the crowd was a little denser.  No wonder they want royal reporting to become an extinct profession, they aren’t drawing the same kind of crowds anymore, although there was much more of a turn-out in Cornwall than at recent events.

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Prince William and Kate hit another drop-in centre, the Zebs Youth Centre  which provides local adults-to-be with creative outlets.  After a tour, both Prince William and Kate admitted it took a long time to figure out what they wanted to be when they grow up.

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Strange remarks considering Prince William has had that future king gig on hold for him and Kate seems pretty fixed on a life of doing as much nothing as humanly possible.

Prince William and Kate headed to Healeys Cyder Farm which is celebrating its 30th Anniversary.

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Kate passed on the cider but did take a small sip of whiskey suggesting she is probably not presently pregnant despite her small B Cups looking like they got a visible boost.  I guess sometimes good bras happen to lazy duchesses.

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Kate also got hands-on with a horse, putting to rest horse allergy rumors.  The rumor traces back to Kate herself at a polo match during the Waitying Years.  When Australian writer Kathy Lette asked Kate why she didn’t play, Kate retorted that she was allergic.  Unaware that Kate was on a royal girlfriend high horse, Kathy took Kate’s cold brush-off at face value and repeated her remarks.  Horses got back at Kate during the royal wedding, though.  Reportedly several of the horses were unusually difficult to handle that day with one horse throwing its rider near the carriage and making a break for it, spooking Kate in the process.  But on Thursday when the Duchess of Cambridge met Duchess the horse, there appeared to be no hard feelings.

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They checked out development projects in Nansledan and Tregunnel Hill before wrapping the day up on Newquay’s Towan Beach.

I’m sure it was a total coincidence the royal press pack was left to wait for William and Kate’s arrival at the water’s edge with the tide rising.

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The Cambridges met with the group Young People Cornwall Wave Project which uses surfing to promote mental well-being.

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At the photo-op, the Cambridges went with I’m-not-a-regular-Mom-I’m-a-cool-Mom gnarly hand gestures.  Somewhere Prince George and Princess Charlotte instinctively shuddered and died a little inside.

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What makes it an even more cringe-worthy photo is the placement of Kate’s other hand.  She looks like she’s diddling Miss Daisy, tickling her ivories, dancing with herself…

Despite there being much to criticize, there were also moments where the Cambridges seemed to have genuine moments with people sincerely excited about seeing them.

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That’s what I find so frustrating about Prince William and Kate.  They are both capable of performing their duties and giving people wonderful memories they will carry with them throughout their lives.   How can anyone capable of providing flickers of happy or at least a little brightness in the lives of others merely by showing up resist engagements and hole up in the Fortress of Solitude?  Hopefully whatever they decided they want to be when they grow up will involve performing their duties and serving those who support the monarchy.

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Royal Vacation Tour is Finally Over

It’s safe to come out of our Emotional Fallout Shelters, the Royal Vacation Tour ended on Friday.  Following their attendance of ANZAC Day events honoring Australian and New Zealand military who have died in battle, the Royal Trio boarded a military jet that flew them to Sydney where they caught the commercial flight back to London.

Kate’s biggest regret for the tour?  Was it the embarrassing crotch flash that started the tour at the New Zealand airport?  Giggling at the ceremonial attire of a Maori warrior?  Causing backlash by parenting groups by insisting Prince George’s car seat be forward-facing?  Asking a 77 year-old man why he didn’t just build another house since he had built the one that had been consumed by the Blue Mountains brush fire?  Mispronouncing “palliative” twice in her awkwardly delivered speech at Bear Cottage?  Stumbling while wearing her 4 1/2” Stuart Weitzman Corkswoon wedges during a wine tasting?  Looking decidedly unregal as she jogged down Manly Beach in that pair of ghastly nude 4” Stuart Weitzman espadrille cork wedges because it slipped her mind she was supposed to fire the starting pistol?  Complaining to admirers her husband hated two of her outfits?  Wearing an inappropriately low-cut top to events focusing on underprivileged children?  Sticking taxpayers with the bill for an itinerary that was more like a vacation than a tour?  No, of course not. Kate’s biggest tour regret was that she didn’t have time to shop.  According to journalist Angela Bishop, “Kate said she really wanted to go out shopping and had been driving through cities looking out the window peering in to show windows.”

Oh, if only Kate cared about her charities as much as she does shopping, she might be able to deliver a speech without tripping over the affectation of her posh accent and be able to correctly pronounce “palliative care” which is the cause we’re assured is closest to her heart.

Despite spending $92,405.50 on her tour wardrobe according to a Daily Express article, Kate stuck to primarily British designers.  Kate wore three frocks by New Zealand designers, the Emilia Wickstead aquamarine dress to Dunedin, the recycled Rebecca Taylor “Sparkle Tweed” suit to the Royal New Zealand Police College and the Emilia Wickstead coat dress on the last day of her tour.  The only item of clothing by an Australian designer was the white eyelet dress by Zimmerman which she wore to Bear Cottage and Manly Beach.  With 24 official wardrobe changes, only 1/6th of the clothes she wore was a nod to her host countries.

Some Australians felt slighted by the underrepresentation of Australian designers in Kate’s tour wardrobe but thought surely Kate would make up for it at the black-tie reception hosted by Australia’s Governor General.  Nope.  That dress was by Texas designer Lela Rose.  This dress is exactly why you don’t mess with Texas, they’ll do weird ass shit with doilies and charge $1,460 for it and that’s if they like you.

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Huffington Post noted that Prince William couldn’t keep his eyes off of Kate in that dress.  I’m sure he couldn’t.  He probably was thinking, “WTF?  The spiders who spun those circles must have had a serious case of OCD.”

Leading up to this tour, we had been inundated with story after story promising Kate’s attire during the tour would be more regal with jewels on loan from the Queen.  Because we had only seen the fern brooch, many were betting Kate was finally going to bust out the historical bling at the Governor General’s reception.  At the very least, we’d get to see the Wattle Brooch.  Nope.  The only piece borrowed from the Queen was the fern brooch after all.  I’ve been hypothesizing during the tour that maybe the Queen didn’t trust her with the good stuff.  The only two plausible explanations are that Her Majesty really has such little regard for her grandson’s wife she didn’t want to loan her anything other than the one brooch, it must take forever to get the stench of lazy commoner out of royal jewels, or Kate is the dumbest woman on the planet and said, “I’m cool with just the fern pin.”

During the four months leading up to the New Zealand/Australia Tour, Kate only logged four official engagements so it’s not like she didn’t have plenty of time to prepare.  I wasn’t alone in finding her $92,405.50 Tour Wardrobe underwhelming, the NY Post ran an article entitled, “Hey Kate Middleton… try a tiara and quit boring us”.

For someone who spends as much time and money shopping, Kate should be better at it than she is.  Several of the outfits she wore were color variations or near duplicates of clothing she already owns.  She spent nearly $100,000 and managed to have wardrobe malfunctions, look like a flight attendant on several occasions, a teenager, her own mother, the sound of doves crying, a giant banana, the Great Gazoo, a walking doily and a depressed bunny in her second pillbox disaster hat.

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The only thing Kate didn’t look like was a Duchess.

Because of this Royal Vacation Tour, I got to chat with some wonderful people on Royal Dish which is a haven filled with witty commentary, marvel at KateMiddletonReview who somehow managed to cover all of the Royal Tour madness extensively without cracking and commiserate with others on Kate Middleton: Duchess or Diva.  Together we survived this Royal Vacation Tour.  I’ve been looking forward to typing these words for three weeks now: IT’S FINALLY OVER!!!

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