Tag Archives: Lupo

Prince George’s Lupogate

Friday was Prince George’s third birthday, one of those rare occasions that usually unites all royal watchers because regardless  of personal feelings about the monarchy, tiny humans are cute.  To my surprise, the first royal story I would see of the day was this one:

AnimalCrueltyAccusationConsequently, one of the first phrases I uttered aloud on Friday was, “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”  A photo of a little boy and the family dog became another @KensingtonRoyal-released PR blunder, the July follow-up to Kate’s controversial fur-lined mitten photos released back in March.  The Daily Mail article headline proclaimed:

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A three year old possible future king was branded a “monster” for offering a lick of his white chocolate-covered vanilla Magnum to the Cambridge canine, Lupo, like he was the Second Coming  of Jack the Ripper.  Once again, the Cambridges provided the outrage ammo themselves.

To be fair, the photo is only suggestive.  We don’t know if Lupo even took a lick or if the photographer used twenty empty boxes of White Chocolate Magnum bars consumed by Lupo as a tripod.  However, there’s a legitimate reason many animal lovers bristled at the photo.

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals released the statement: “It is lovely that Prince George is trying to help keep his family dog, Lupo, cool in these high temperatures.  We would advise people to be cautious when giving their dogs food meant for human consumption as some items, like chocolate, can be highly toxic to dogs and dairy items can be difficult for them to digest.”

The reason dairy is an issue is because many dogs are lactose intolerant.  There are some that don’t seem to have a problem digesting dairy, but in many dairy can cause a range of digestive issues from mild discomfort to vomiting and diarrhea.

Chocolate, however, can be toxic to dogs and the Magnum bar in question is covered in white chocolate.  The potential fatal factor of chocolate usually comes down to the dog’s weight, age, overall health, how much chocolate is consumed and the type of chocolate.  White chocolate is the safest because it has the least amount of theobromine  which is what is poisonous to dogs.  However, the danger in feeding any chocolate at all to a dog is that the pooch can develop a taste for it and take chocolate treat-seeking measures into his or her own paws.  petMD has a helpful chocolate toxicity meter.

It’s pretty hard to screw up the good-will vibes a picture of a little boy and his dog normally produces but once again, Prince William and Kate Middleton have managed to provoke another backlash with well-intended PR photos they hired a professional to shoot.

After Kate’s Mittengate, it was reported that Prince William and Kate Middleton had selected the ski-holiday photos themselves.  In the past I’ve hypothesized that either the Cambridge’s Communications Secretary, Jason Knauf, has gone missing or is the most evil adversary the British Royal Family has ever faced.   The reality appears to be even more unfathomable.  According to a Daily Beast article written in the aftermath of the disappointing Royal Tour of India and Bhutan, Jason Knauf makes around a mere £60,000 while other Press Office staffers are being paid around £30,000.  That kind of money doesn’t buy a lot of fucks for employees to give and no one in my opinion with the kind of experience required to manage the public image of a future Head of State and his wife would take a salary that low.

Curiously, a recent Daily Mail article revealed that the the chief executive of the Royal Foundation of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry makes around £150,000.  Last year, there was outrage in the UK when it was revealed several charity chief executives were making more than six figures.  The article indicated, “While cutting the amount it handed out to charities, the foundation increased its spending on staff. Costs for its 14 employees rose by almost £60,000 in 2015 to more than £914,000.”   So staffing costs were about half the £1.76 million actually given to charities.

With many questioning the role of the monarchy in modern times, it is curious the Cambridges are underpaying their spin doctors while overpaying those working in a field in which high salaries are often a red flag to potential donors.  A proper PR rep would make sure the Cambridges didn’t release controversial photos on platforms in which outrage can be spread with a couple of clicks.

If the British Monarchy wants to use terms like The Kate Effect and The George Effect to justify its cost to taxpayers, then it must also acknowledge the impact its actions have on the public.  According to a Daily Mail article, the shirt Prince George was wearing in his third birthday photos sold out in an hour.  The potential damage caused by those who might mimic the actions of the young prince will never be known nor can it be adequately measured in pounds because for most of us, our dogs are members of our family.

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Prince Grumpy Cat and The Whirly Bird Mystery (Updated)

A few days ago on Royal Dish, I spotted a pic of a Star Magazine story of George saying goodbye to his uncle Harry on his way to work which Noodlesza posted.  Hi, Temi!

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Except conveniently, Prince Harry is not pictured in any of the photos.  Since at the moment it’s raining the kind of giant heavy drops that make you feel like you’re being slapped in the head in NYC, I decided to apply my sleuthing skills to the Star magazine story.

The helicopter in the paparazzi photos is an AgustaWestland A109S.  The registration number visible on the craft G-XXEC is the same one as the helicopter the Queen leased last year for official engagements for William and Kate and other members of the British Royal Family if needed.  Official engagements, the kind that show up the Court Circular as evidence the British Royal Family is providing “value for money”.  This is the story the Daily Mail ran on the helicopter acquisition:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2664338/Heir-Force-One-Queen-leases-luxury-8million-helicopter-fly-Wills-Kate-official-engagements.html

The Star photos of George, Nanny Maria and Lupo supposedly on their way to see an invisible Prince Harry were taken on June 12, 2015 when Harry was still in the army, he had no official engagements that day.  If Harry was being picked up for some reason for just another day of looking sexy in uniform and other military duties, it wouldn’t be in the AgustaWestland A109S G-XXEC for official engagements, it would be in a military craft.  Military work doesn’t count as official royal work in the eyes of the official royal number keepers.

So who was George going to see in the photo?  When Prince Charles flies, he uses the Queen’s Sikorsky S-76C++ registration number G-XXEB, so it wasn’t grandpa.

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Jinkies!  It looks like we’ve got a real mystery on our hands, Gang.   Who is in the AgustaWestland whirly bird the adorable Prince Grumpy Cat is headed for in the Star magazine photos?  The real Captain Cutler covered with phosphorescent seaweed pretending to be the g-g-g-g-g-ghost of Captain Cutler?  Was it the creepy caretaker all along?

For possible suspects, I looked to the Court Circular.  Her Majesty was quite active on June 12, 2015 at Buckingham Palace, as was Prince Charles.  The Earl of Wessex, The Princess Royal and the Duke of Gloucester and the Duke of Kent all had local engagements as well.

Zoinks!  No one needed an official whirly bird for an official engagement and there were no other engagements that day.

So, unless there was some misappropriation of Duchy money, then it had to be Prince William returning home from his June 11, 2015 speech at a special fundraising dinner for Jewish Care.  Another very expensive heli ride for William the Reluctant a couple of days before his $25,000 Magna Carta whirly bird whirl when the ceilings at Buckingham Palace are falling down?

And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.

Ruh-roh.

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Update 6/28/14.  Photos emerged with Harry which isn’t fantastic for the British Royal Family, especially considering the Royal Household Annual Accounts just came out.  The helicopter is for official engagements, Harry had none on June 12th (the date the photos were taken could be in question, Star magazine indicated they were taken the 12th, but if they were really taken on the 11th, then Prince Harry had the Afghanistan Memorial).  As delicious as Prince Harry looks in uniform, there still needs to be accountability.  Of course, Prince Harry could have been just there, the helicopter could have been used by William for his Jewish Care event, but this really needs to be investigated further.  If Harry did borrow the helicopter for a personal visit to see his nephew, then he needs to be formally reprimanded.  By me.  In leather.  And he would have to wear that uniform.  That is just how committed I am to the UK taxpayers.

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Kate’s SportsAid Got Boomf-ed

On Wednesday, Kate Middleton attended an event for SportsAid, an organization that helps give financial support to young British athletes.  Kate met with some of the athletes hoping to participate in the 2020 Olympics being held in Tokyo and took part in one of the workshop’s performance tests.  While the cognitive test Kate tried out was one for reflexes, Kate wore for the first time appropriate footwear for joining in reindeer games.  She was in flats.  Well, boots with a 1.5” (4cm for the rest of the world) block heel.  But still.

They are the Half N Half Stretch Riders designed by Stuart Weitzman for Russell & Bromley retailing for $623.48 (£395.00).

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The dress was the Vreeland Dress by Goat in a dark dusty plum retailing for $710.30 (£450.00).

GoatVreelandDressKate’s SportsAid solo event was eclipsed in the media today by an interview granted Good Morning America by her brother James Middleton peddling his pricy customizable marshmallows, Boomf, and offering a few personal bits of info like Lupo being his wedding gift to the royal couple in exchange for the Boomf promotional airtime.  They don’t just let you sell your $25 box of 9 marshmallows, you’ve got to dish a little about the Royal Family.  After Pippa’s trip last week to NY to meet with NBC’s Today Show about her potential new gig, I think infectious disease screening in New York airports needs to now include screening for Middletons.  Carriers of Middleton Disease are easy to spot, they are positively aglow with fame-whoriness.

I can’t imagine Kate’s siblings didn’t clear this pursued media exposure with her prior to hopping across the pond, so are these unseemly Middleton media appearances passive-aggressive acts against the British Royal Family who tend to frown on this sort of thing?  And what could Kate be royally miffed about?  Sure, her marriage seems to be strained at the moment, but really, who could Prince William have done that would warrant inflicting her siblings on innocent Americans?   That’s just mean.  And embarrassing to her in-laws.  She should be a little more careful with rebelling against the Windsors, nude L.K. Bennett Sledge pumps have a way of disappearing from closets.  Maybe that’s why she was in flats for today’s SportsAid event, when she woke up, there was a pile of just the heels from her footwear on the pillow next to her with a note that said, “Next time the clutches get it.”

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Seven Kitchens Kate

Okay, I’m a bit confused.  Which admittedly happens quite a bit, but usually not with basic math.  When Kate Middleton and Prince William moved into Kensington Palace, Apartment 1A had three kitchens, two of which were staff kitchens, with a family kitchen on the ground floor.  Kate added a second private kitchen for Cambridge-use-only, which means they’ve now got four kitchens.  Three plus one equals four.  So why is the press taking jabs at Kate by referring to her as Two Kitchens Kate?

Maybe the press doesn’t count the two staff kitchens, used by their staff of over twenty?  The twenty-plus staff who were moved into newly refurbished offices at Kensington Palace, the cost of which remains undisclosed but still paid for by the taxpayer.  The twenty-plus staff that the press conveniently glosses over because Kate is just so much like us.  I keep my staff of twenty plus in the castle I had been using for sweater storage because my flying monkeys kept getting tangled up in their hair.

So really Kensington Palace has four kitchens unless of course Kate sealed off the two staff kitchens, perhaps thinking that commoners are like cats, once you feed them, they keep coming back.  Let them eat cake, just elsewhere please.

There are also two staff kitchens at Anmer Hall, one for the guards and another in the nanny’s quarters in addition to the existing $65,000 family kitchen there they are ripping up.  The new kitchen will have an air purifying refrigerator with NASA-designed technology which runs $25,000 a pop, an oven that costs a cool $13,600, a $6,800 sink and tons of pricy gadgets like the Tubie which is a hands-free machine that dries and irons clothing in minutes and will undoubtedly freak out Lupo.

Snow White had seven dwarfs, Waity has seven kitchens.  This modern fairytale sucks, I don’t think even Disney could make it endearing, there are just far too many characters walking around with poisoned produce.

Despite Kate having a kitchen for every day of the week, the press is sticking with the moniker Two Kitchens Kate.  And as Waity Katie knows, once the media latches on to a nickname it sticks.  With all the public grumblings and turning tides, Kate should be working her ass off.  There was a flicker of hope there for a second a couple of weeks ago but Kate probably spied an LK Bennett sale happening on the path of least resistance, decided the whole effort thing blows and had her assistant call for one of the Bentleys.

Instead of proving herself to be more than a pampered pet, Kate’s July calendar has remained clear following her July 1st engagement, save for the awkward unofficial Wimbledon appearances where her clapping looked like a PSA for helmet safety and the exhausting Tour de France ribbon cutting on July 5th shown in this screen grab:   

KateTourDeFrance

Ribbon cutting isn’t neurosurgery so I’m not sure why she required a two-prince-assist.  It is kind of cool though that there are photos for the history books of the precise moment the British Royal Family jumped the shark.

Kate will be attending the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow on July 28th and 29th, so until then Kate will be doing whatever it is Kate does while the nanny and various taxpayer-funded household staff take care of Kate’s so-called hands-on duties as mother and homemaker.  My theory has been that Prince William has a laser pointer and Kate runs around trying to catch the red dot but I’m sure she watches television too and probably plays with balls of yarn.

In order to restore Kate’s image following the recent unflattering press, there appears to be an attempt to refocus attention on Kate as a mother complete with golden halo and harp music.  There are quite a few stories about how Prince George cried through his breastfeeding stage, not sleeping through the night until the beginning of this year when solid food was introduced into his diet.  If the story was intended to garner sympathy, I admit I do feel bad that seventy-one year old Nanny Webb had to go through all that.  I’m not so sure the story did much to bolster Kate’s reputation.  The problem with obvious PR moves is people aren’t a fan of the obvious.  Deception is far more palpable if it has at least some entertainment value.  I will forgive a lie much more easily if it involves a dance number, train hoppin’ hobos and a monkey.

Babies are a PR goldmine, normally the public will forgive even the most egregious behavior with just a hint of a new bundle of joy.  In previous posts, I predicted Kate would try to line up getting pregnant with the spare to coincide with the Royal Household Annual Accounts reports released at the end of June.  Well, it’s being reported that Jessica Hay, a former school friend of Kate’s, has confirmed Kate is pregnant.  Pregnancy rumors are nothing new for the Duchess of Doolittle except this is the same former friend who accurately reported Kate was pregnant the first time around so it has some credibility.  While it could just be a planted rumor Kate tried to make seem more believable by giving her stomach what appeared to be a pregnancy pat at the Tour de France event, Kate’s face does seem like it’s either retaining fluids or dermal fillers.

Regardless, the spare is inevitable.  A second will give Kate a nice nine month break before a year of maternity leave, plus however many years she can pull off saying that her family is her first priority and the reason she can’t do more engagements.  I have the highest respect for mothers but when Kate married Prince William, she took a duchess title that came with duties.  She said, “I do”, not only to a man, but to a commonwealth as well.  Kate is provided with an extensive staff to be able to perform the duties expected of her, funded by taxpayers.  If Kate wishes to live the lifestyle of a private citizen, she should do so without the allocated resources of a fulltime working royal.

The more Kate and Prince William try to live as private public figures, the more they alienate those who fund their lifestyles.  Why should taxpayers pay an undisclosed sum somewhere in the millions of dollars for their annual security protection when the UK’s Laziest Royals put in so few official engagements, then complain about their lack of privacy as they wait to live in the secluded luxury of Anmer Hall, away from photographers and cell phone cameras?  In a curious move some speculated was part of Prince William’s broader campaign to control the media, the United for Wildlife charity cricket match on Monday was declared a private event, shutting out freelance photographers and attaching copyright terms to the released photos.  The couple is also reported to be asking for the airspace above Anmer Hall to be declared a no-fly zone, filing a claim that photos taken at the end of May were below the legally required 500 feet.  The CAA is still trying to determine if there’s enough evidence to even launch an investigation into their claim but have indicated that the rules were the same for royal residences as they were non-royal ones.  With all their privacy complaints and scheduled move to seclusion, it kind of sounds like they are on their way towards writing a 35,000 word manifesto about technology and freedom.  Hopefully the next Kate Effect doesn’t involve hoodies and aviator sunglasses.

Normally babies are a jackpot in terms of public perception but I doubt Kate’s second pregnancy will have a tremendous restorative impact on her image.  July could have marked a turning point on how Kate would be historically remembered, but she has instead chosen inaction as her course.  I really don’t think it matters what Kate Middleton does past this point or how many cute Prince Grumpy Cats she gives birth to, if she is called Waity Katie, Lazy Katie or Two Kitchens Kate, historically she is likely to be referred to as the woman who sank the British Monarchy.  I always hope for the best from people but I fear Kate truly may be hopeless.

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The Empire Strikes Back

Prince Charles’ Press Office has been tasked with the unenviable job of making the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge appear a little less let-them-eat-cake in the public eye.  From a strategic standpoint, I must say, well done.

On March 18th, the Duke and Duchess made a £5,000 donation to Rhyl Town Mayor’s Flood Appeal.  Good deed, but it was an anticipated move.  On one of Kate’s fan sites, HRH Duchess Kate, a commenter going under the handle Maryland Moxie stated, “A surprise donation to help the needy after a lovely vacation in the Maldives! What thoughtful generosity and how kind of the PR team to publicize it. Here’s hoping all the fans will follow their lead and help out too. The Maldives economy and the people struggling in Britain. In which ever order you prefer.”  On Kate Middleton: Duchess or Diva, commenters did the math and the general consensus was, “That’s it?”

In chess terms, their donation would be known as the English Opening.

It wasn’t until Wednesday March 26th that the game got interesting.  US Magazine revealed that according to a “source”, while the Duke and Duchess were in the Maldives, they missed George’s first crawl.  Information about Prince George is more carefully guarded than the Crown Jewels in the Tower of London, the only permissible source is one of the two parents, and the article would have indicated which parent was quoted.  This “leak” is as brilliant as the Second Star of Africa on the Imperial State Crown.  In addition to outrage over the second luxury vacation for the UK’s Laziest Royals, the security costs taxpayers were footing the bill for, many objected to them leaving Prince George behind.  By revealing that Prince William and Kate missed the first crawl, those who objected to leaving Prince George behind were able to feel smugly justified in their objections because the Duke and Duchess missed a milestone and now ‘they’ll know better’.  Those who were just generally disenchanted overall got to feel like the karmic checks and balances system was somewhat intact.  Faith in universe somewhat restored.

Well played, Buckingham Palace Press Office.

That leak also gave them some PR wiggle room.  Should someone point out it’s hypocritical to insist on bringing Prince George with them on the Australia/New Zealand tour when they left him home for Maldives, and dare to suggest that maybe Prince William and Kate are after the same kind of 1983 royal family blanket photo op that made Princess Diana so endearing, they have the excuse that they missed his crawling and don’t want to miss any other milestones.

Well played, Buckingham Palace Press Office.

Then they turned the focus on Kate as a mother, letting the press know that Kate is “very excited” about Mothering Day.  Her very first.  Mothering Day in the UK falls on Sunday March 30th, but the news had to be broadcast four days in advance just so everyone would have time to absorb the excitement of Kate being excited about her first Mother’s Day as a Mum.  Then stories reminisced about how exciting it was when George was born back in July and how excited Kate was and how excited William was and how excited the excited were because it was just oh so exciting.  Is everyone else secretly doodling hearts in their journals, too, just thinking about it?

Well played, Buckingham Palace Press Office.

On Thursday, the Duchess of Cambridge was spotted at Zara, casually dressed, picking up some of their affordably priced clothing presumably for the upcoming Australia/New Zealand tour.  Just rummaging through the racks like anyone who happens to walk around with four Scotland Yard bodyguards.

In 2012, Kate spent approximately $94,000 between Duchess-duty clothes and her beauty regime which is more than double the average yearly salary in her country, before taxes of course, which go to supplement the Royal’s lavish lifestyle.

But the Zara appearance on Thursday makes her look like she’s trying to be all thrifty.  Those budget-blowing renovations at Kensington Palace just had to be unavoidable, after all, Kate shops at Zara, she would never blow an extra $1.7 million on top of the $1.8 million unless it was truly necessary.

Well played, Buckingham Palace Press Office.

Saturday was a double-header of attempted Lazy Duo humanization by the Buckingham Palace Press Office.

Prince William and Kate showed up at the wedding of friends Lucy Meade and Charlie Budgett with Harry in tow.  Harry received his own PR Bitch-Slap this week for taking a ski trip associated with an oligarch who is besties with Kazakhstan’s lead-oppressor who gave Prince Harry use of a government helicopter.  Prince Harry appears to be using Kate as a human shield in some of the pics which can be seen at:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2592424/Awkward-moment-woman-pictured-wearing-coat-Duchess-Cambridge-friends-wedding.html?offset=0&max=100#comment-51229839

Something tragic did occur at the wedding, Kate and another guest showed up wearing the same coat.  The unlucky guest is shivering in the picture, maybe because she’s wearing strappy heels in March or maybe it’s because she knows her picture will run alongside of Kate’s with a caption, “Who Wore It Best”.  I think it’s considered an act of treason not to pick Kate.

Kate is perfectly polished as always, but seeing the two girls side by side makes Kate look even skinnier.  I think Kate might be getting too thin, I have an overwhelming urge to FedEx her a sandwich and maybe some cookies, too.

Two of Prince William’s ex-girlfriends were in attendance.  We notice Kate isn’t smiling that full grin some of us have been assuming is caused by some kind of neurological damage or imminent plans to become Batman’s next villain.  One of the exes is Jecca Craig, the perhaps-not-so-ex-after-all, who accompanied Prince William on his hunting trip to Spain.  I actually feel a little bad for Kate.

Well played, Buckingham Palace Press Office.

The second half of Saturday’s double-header was the release of the first family photo made public since the christening.  They stuck with the same photographer, Jason Bell, perhaps for his talents with PhotoShopping hair on Prince William.  While tabloids are cooing with delight, it’s not really the most joyful of photos.

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The photographer used a window as a framing device, taking the shot from below which emphasizes the prominence of the family.  The dark background gives the photo the somber feel of a 16th century Venetian portrait.  The positioning of Prince William and Kate is stiff, the only interaction within the photograph occurs between Prince George who turns towards the family’s cocker spaniel, Lupo, with curiousity and Lupo who in turn regards him apprehensively.  In this photo, the Duke and Duchess are relegated to the position of easels.  Kate is seated the furthest back, with Lupo occupying a spot closer to the foreground.  Kate’s role is simply to prop up the son who visually breaks the interior plane of the window frame like his father, both royal by blood.

While undoubtedly released for the UK’s Mothering Day, this portrait is not a celebration of family or even a modern monarchy.  Despite the heavy PhotoShopping, the pronounced bags under Kate’s eyes could not be erased without obliterating half her face, her expression seems more forcibly molded than ever, her glazed eyes unseeing, her left eyebrow appears to have been darkened and thickened slightly to give a sense of movement and life to her frozen face.  Prince William has his shirt sleeve rolled up, an affectation of practiced relaxed cool, his smile that of a prep school student humoring the yearbook photographer with the slightest of sneers conveying that he feels like he’s being a good sport about the inconvenience.  Any hint of a Maldives tan has been swapped out in favor of a porcelain mask finish to better represent the winter pastiness of their people.

Just like everything in the Royal Family, this photo has been over-manipulated by heavy hands to the extent that not much of the original material remains.  Whether for clothing or propping up her son, Kate is used for display purposes only.  The only visible object in the room darkened behind them is a gilded frame, reinforcing the artifice of the image and the Royal Family as a whole.

Better luck next time, Buckingham Palace Press Office.  Nicely played, though.

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Royal Gynecologist Kneels Before Prince William

Kate Middleton’s gynecologist, Marcus Setchell, has been knighted.  So I guess he would be Sir Doctor Marcus Setchell now?  The more pressing question is obviously, does everyone on the planet who has seen Kate Middleton’s vagina get knighted or just the ones who have possibly pulled a royal baby out of it?  The reason I ask is because if you Google “Kate Middleton”, the second related search is listed as “Kate Middleton Bottomless Photos”.  If the criteria is just seeing Kate’s Beaverhausen, Prince William is going to need a lot of Red Bull to knight all those people.

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Is that a giant sword in your pocket or are you just happy to Knight me?

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Normally the Queen handles the Knighting Duties but for some reason Prince William wielded the sword on this one.  Maybe the Queen found the whole thing a little strange herself, Sir Doctor was her gynecologist as well and it might be a little awkward to grant a ceremonial honor to someone who has seen you in stirrups.

There’s been a rumor circulating before any hint of a baby bump was detectable that a surrogate was being used for the pregnancy and it was speculated months ago Dr. Setchell would be granted knighthood for covering it up.  Even though I do enjoy a good conspiracy theory, it seemed a little far-fetched.  After it was reported Kate told her friends her natural labor was “perfect”, however, I started thinking maybe it wasn’t so ridiculous after all.  My friends have described their natural labors pretty much as, “There was a lot of screaming, by my husband when I broke two of his ribs after the doctor told me it was too late for an epidural.  The nurses put me in restraints, but I bit through those things in like four seconds.  It was the most unbelievably horrifying twenty-seven hours of unfathomable agony.”  I just can’t imagine Lazy Katie describing labor as “perfect”.  I mean, labor, ick, the word itself just reeks of effort.

Some have stipulated that a surrogate had to be used because Prince William is the Antichrist and can’t reproduce.  Let me put that rumor to rest right now. Throughout his childhood, Prince William would notoriously stomp his feet and petulantly declare, “I don’t want to be King.”  Can you imagine the temper tantrum he would have thrown if he had to be the Antichrist?  Being the physical embodiment of evil takes way more effort than just being a figurehead, there’s all that seducing that has to be done, the false miracles, there’s waging war against the holy, it sounds like a lot of work.  One of those phone messages Clive Goodman hacked would have revealed a call to his private secretary that said something like, “I need more Rogaine, don’t forget about my dry-cleaning, and oh yes, please bring about the end of days for me.”

There was one creepy picture I saw from the christening that makes me think maybe we should just keep an eye on George just to be on the safe side.  I don’t want to start any rumors but in one photo especially, he looked like he was plotting something.  Or maybe he had gas, I don’t know, I don’t spend a lot of time around babies.

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The kid seems a little too smart already, he’s got one luxury vacation under his belt and is not attending charity events like a seasoned pro.  Maybe he’s just after world domination, if that’s the case, Lupo will start needing to drink martinis.  And I’m sorry, but this current Lupo doesn’t look like the original one, his tail and snout seem shorter.  How does this family not know to go out and pick up a time machine for canine emergencies?

Brian_GriffinMaybe if they had gotten Dr. Who to be Kate’s gynecologist, they’d already have a time machine at their disposal.  And they wouldn’t have had to bother with the knighting ceremony, Dr. Who is a Time Lord and a Lord beats a Knight.

Sir Mix-A-Lot could not reached be comment.  Truth be told, I didn’t even try that 1-900-MIXALOT, who knows what the rate on that number would be.

I also would like to take a moment to say thank you to pinkorchid on Royal Gossip Forum for posting a thread to the “Waity Katie’s Fictional Fairytale Romance” as well as one to “My Fair Waity: The Real Real Girl”.  I am very honored.

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