Tag Archives: Meghan Markle

The RMS Windsor

The ocean liner The Titanic was thought to be unsinkable, until of course it sank, the iceberg it hit compromising five of its sixteen watertight compartments, one more than the ship could withstand.

The British Monarchy may no longer be viewed as unsinkable, but it survived the annus horribilis, Diana’s death and Hurricane Fergie, albeit with damage to the hull, so what exactly did it hit for it to be taking on so much water recently?  Or did someone release the Kraken?  I hope not, I love a good Kraken release party.

Currently Compromised Compartments:

The Queen – Her Majesty is rarely publicly criticized, most respect her dedication to duty. The woman is 91 and still keeps an impressive schedule.  But the revelation of the Paradise Papers that the Duchy of Lancaster was tied to the offshore tax haven scandal hasn’t cast the Queen in the best of lights.

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The Queen voluntarily pays an undisclosed sum in taxes but the scandal reminded people how cheesed off they are about their taxes going to pay for the massive Buckingham Palace repair and renovation money pit project and not truly knowing how much the Royal Family costs them because of a lack of transparency.

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And of course this week the chairman of the Duchy of Lancaster was knighted by the Queen.  But no photos of that knighting were allowed so it’s almost like it didn’t happen, except it did.

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But at least we sort of know what it would look like… if the chairman were Julie Walters.

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Prince Philip – There’s not much anyone would begrudge the recently retired royal, but really, the first thing he does with his freedom from duty is have a new kitchen put in?  What is it with this family and new kitchens?  Couldn’t he just borrow one from Seven Kitchens Kate?  After all, she’s been helping herself to some of Buckingham Palace’s kitchen staff, allegedly causing some to quit due to being over-worked.  The Palace claimed there’s nothing unusual at all about the amount of employees jumping ship, just regular turn-over, nothing to see here.

Prince Charles – Whoopsie, those pesky Paradise Papers again, this time a bit shadier.

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I doubt there was any intentional impropriety, but Charles gets so focused on achieving his objective, he develops tunnel vision.  Because of this revelation, there is a call for greater transparency with the finances of the Royal Family which they try to keep shrouded in mystery.

Prince William – The avid hunter and supporter of trophy hunts gave a speech for Tusk warning of the dangers of over-population while his wife is pregnant with their third child.  I hope his speech writer, presumably still Jason,  just hates him and he really isn’t that oblivious.

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Kate Middleton – Okay, I don’t think I have a clear grasp of how this life-threatening Hyperemesis Gravidarum works because for Kate’s first solo event back after the September 4th announcement of her pregnancy, Kate showed up in workout gear and participated in a tennis workshop on Halloween.  Did Kate have the 24 hour kind of Hyperemesis Gravidarum?  Either call it what it is, regular morning sickness which is still terrible or do a better job committing to the con, that’s all we ask.

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Kate has done two engagements recently, a gala at Kensington Palace for The Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families on Tuesday night and a Place2Be forum on Wednesday where she gave a speech.

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Tuesday’s black lace dress we’ve seen before, Wednesday’s was new.  And ugly.

Kate’s Place2Be speech included this line, “As a mother just getting used to leaving my own child at the school gates, it is clear to me that it takes a whole community to help raise a child.”  For fuck’s sake, the entire staff she has helping to raise her children didn’t clue her in?  The brief speech ended with “And I’m looking forward to learning even more today.”  Um, as patron should she really be highlighting her eternal pupil approach to charity work where it’s all just a learning experience for her or is she finally acknowledging that she does nothing behind the scenes to prepare for her engagements?  But she did give a speech which happens just about as often as Bigfoot is spotted riding The Loch Ness Monster.

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But back to the Duchess Who Cried Keen.  Royal correspondent Richard Palmer ran some numbers on Tuesday and out of Kate’s 33 engagements in the UK, only 3 were outside of London (in a separate Tweet, Palmer estimated Kate’s done 40 events on tours, not counting take-offs and landings).

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Considering Kate’s only got about five weeks until her winter holidays, it looks like she might have some difficulty breaking double digits again for her annual event totals, despite the padding for official engagements she’s already received.  That would make it five years out of seven Kate failed to do even 100 annual events.  The Palace better figure out a way to boost her numbers by year’s end, after all, Kate and William were both supposed to be stepping up to reduce the burden on the 91-year-old monarch and her retired 96-year-old consort.

Kate finally received her first honour since joining the Royal Family, the Tuvalu Order of Merit which was created to commemorate the Cambridge’s visit to the sinking island in 2012 and for helping to raise awareness for climate change which was approved by the Queen.  Does Kate even know what climate change is?  Does she think the climate is now wearing nude court shoes and jeggings because of her?  Or did Kate and William promise to try to squeeze everyone into one private jet on their next ski holiday?  The medal, created by Major David Rankin-Hunt and made by the British company Gladman & Norman is kind of the Fisher Price of medals, as can be seen in this Daily Mail article, the design is very simple and looks like it’s made of stainless steel.  Perhaps the Queen wants to make sure Kate doesn’t swallow any of the pieces before even considering giving her The Royal Family Order of Queen Elizabeth II, which every other working female member of the Royal Family has except Kate.

Prince Harry/Meghan Markle – There is still a lot of public opposition to this potential union.  I suspect the imminent engagement idea is being pushed by the media because Kate’s about as exciting as watching someone watch paint dry and just isn’t selling magazines and generating clicks anymore.  While Prince Harry and Meghan have been dating for a year, they’ve been calling different continents home, they’ll probably want to live together for a year or so before making any decisions about marriage.  Unfortunately for Meghan, public perception was always going to be an uphill battle because of statements made by her half-sister Samantha at the beginning of their relationship which she recently denied making on Good Morning Britain and others in Meghan’s life.  I saved this since the summer, I think CanadianGoose may be a reader.

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All families are dysfunctional, however those of royal girlfriends are expected to stay out of the news, just like the Middletons didn’t manage to do.

Being an actress is a tough road to travel, it requires qualities some dislike about Meghan.  Those same qualities would translate well into the role she would be expected to play, however.  As an actress, Meghan isn’t exactly Meryl Streep so to have made it as far as she has takes tenacity which means she actually might survive joining that family.  As much as I criticize Kate, I also feel badly for her, it’s as if all the life has been sucked out of her (someone who knew her prior to marriage described her personality to me as a “negative void”, but even so, at least she looked like she had a pulse).  Meghan might actually have a shot at self-preservation.

The problem with Meghan is the same question that was raised when Kate married Prince William: if anyone can be royal, what makes the Royal Family special enough to justify being funded by taxpayers?  The days of marrying cousins to preserve the blood line are over.  The Confession Sessions of Princes William and Harry have left some taxpayers yearning for the days of the stiff upper lip and the second in line to the throne and his possible future queen consort Kate have marketed themselves as “just like everyone else”.

Prince Harry seems to have received all the royal magic which is the problem with hereditary monarchies.  Here he is from Thursday’s Field of Remembrance event.

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Ultimately does it matter with whom Harry jumps into the water as The RMS Windsor sinks?  It’s going down anyway, but at least with Prince William and Kate Middleton suddenly honoured champions of climate change, the water won’t be so bad.

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Pippa Middleton’s Wedding

On Saturday, one of the most famous bridesmaids of the last decade got to be the bride.  Pippa Middleton, also known as the other Wisteria Sister, married hedge-fund manager James Matthews in lavish royal-adjacent fashion.

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Pippa looked beautiful and blissfully happy, reminding us why we all love weddings, even ones we think we don’t particular care about until the media gently reminds us that apathy is not an option.

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I wasn’t particularly a fan of Pippa’s custom guipure lace gown by Giles Deacon and the Maidenhair Fern tiara.  With the lace, high collar, and molded feel of the bodice, it was a little too Victorian Wonder Woman as interpreted by Zack Snyder for my taste.

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But of course, after seeing how jacked Pippa’s arms are now, I wouldn’t say that to her face.

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The Daily Mail has a multitude of articles with a vast amount of photos of the wedding, including one in which you can sort of see Meghan Markle being driven to the reception by Prince Harry.  Her absence from the church ceremony almost overshadowed the bride on social media as royal watchers wondered if there would be a royal wedding in the not-so-distant future.

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Kate served as an unofficial bridesmaid to her sister, doing some flower girl and page boy wrangling. There’s a great photo of Kate shushing the kids that made the cover of the Sunday Express.

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Kate also helped with straightening her sister’s veil and dress.

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In quite a few photos, Kate appears to be looming behind Pippa like acid reflux.

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After the ceremony, Prince George had a little mini meltdown.  Reportedly, it was in response to Kate scolding him for stepping on Pippa’s train, but who knows.  He could have been cranky because he’s three and at a wedding.  Princess Charlotte had a couple of moments of being two at a wedding but she was two like a pro and quickly recovered.

The Duchess of Cambridge’s style is always soooo mother-of-the-bride and this dusty peach Alexander McQueen dress which she paired with a Jane Taylor hat and Kiki McDonough earrings was no exception.

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It’s totally WKRP in Cincinnati and not in a good way.

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I mean, come on, the actual mother-of-the-bride, Carole Middleton, looked more youthful.

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Although Carole and Kate both went so heavy on the blush, I couldn’t get Judy Collins’ version of “Send in the Clowns” out of my head.

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Send in the clowns
Don’t bother, they’re here

Seriously, the ladies of the Moulin Rouge didn’t wear that much rouge.

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Hey sistas, soul sistas, betta get that dough sistas

I noticed Kate’s rings were doing an awful lot of slipping.  She was wearing her eternity band so they shouldn’t have slipped that far up towards her knuckle.  Hopefully she’s okay.

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While the wedding wasn’t a royal union, the taxpayers still have to pick up the tab for security because of the attendance of the second, third, fourth and fifth in line to the throne.  St. Mark’s church was closed on Friday evening for security sweeps, as were various roads, including the one taken by James and Pippa to the reception in a Jaguar, doing a royal-adjacent wave to those who had gathered to wish the newlyweds well.

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Congratulations to the happy couple!

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Royal Romance Still On

There have been lots of rumors floating around that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle broke up before Christmas and he went to Norway  without her.

Emily Andrews of The Sun was kind enough to answer my inquiry about the swirling gossip and confirmed Meghan and Harry are still very much together.

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Emily Andrews got the exclusive that Meghan and Kate Middleton have finally met.  For real.  On January 10th.

I can’t imagine what Kate and Meghan chatted about.  Kate’s not exactly the gal pal type and I feel badly for whatever woman winds up with her as a sister-in-law.  While supposedly the meeting went well, I just keep picturing the 1988 film Heathers with Kate dragging Meghan out of ear-shot and telling her, “You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school.  If I wasn’t the head of it, I’d want the same thing.”  Then in an attempt to bond with Kate over charity work, Meghan was probably told:

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Reportedly, Meghan gave Kate a journal as a birthday gift.  I can’t imagine what kind of deep thoughts Kate will fill it with, but maybe Meghan started it off for her.  Hopefully it wasn’t in Kate’s handwriting: “People think that just because you’re beautiful and popular, life is easy and fun.  No one understood, I had feelings too…”

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The Night Before Christmas


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‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro’ Sandringham House,

Not a Middleton was stirring, not one single louse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

But none for Meghan Markle who wouldn’t be there;

The royals were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of taxpayer funding danc’d in their heads,

And the Queen in her crown, and Philip in his cap,

Probably muttered, “I’m too old for this crap”-

When all through the tabloids there arose such a clatter,

Prince Harry’s romance hardly a private matter.

Away to the press Meghan’s relatives flew like a flash,

Selling old photos and videos for quick easy cash.

The American actress on a scarcely watched show,

Was attacked on social media as a fame-hungry hoe;

When what on Blind Gossip should appear,

But a hinted campaign to portray Meghan as saint of the year,

With pr reps at the ready to lay it on thick,

That whole demure duchess candidate shtick.

Little had been known about Prince Harry’s new flame,

And rapidly she became 2016’s most Googled actress name,

A porn site had a 1430% increase in searches for the vixen,

Who has been called by some a modern Wallis Simpson:

“Divorced, American, sex scenes, not suitable at all!”

Critics proclaimed her social media posts took gall.

Instagram bracelets and the initials necklace really don’t fly,

For romantically involved adults in the public eye.

But at least Harry will be at Sandringham, unlike William and Kate, too,

Who will be spending Christmas at Bucklebury, breaking tradition anew.

But even as the Cambridges disappear out of sight,

It still won’t be as bad as when William made the staff watch Twilight.

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Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

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Prince Harry’s Rumored New Squeeze

On Sunday, an actress few had ever heard of was served up by tabloids around the world as being romantically paired with the British Royal Family’s ginger dish.  Meghan Markle went from being an actress on a show no one watches but still somehow has approximately 2 million weekly viewers to Prince Harry’s rumored love interest with global outlets scrambling to provide more courses for the rumor-hungry masses.

Response to the royal gossip is why Disney fairytales should come with a warning that anyone who dares capture the heart of a prince will be publicly tried as a witch.  If she sinks, she’s obviously a gold digger and if she floats her boobs aren’t real.  Either way, no one smiles that much without having a couple of German kids baking in a gingerbread house so just dig up pictures of her in her underwear until a source can be found to supply a quote about milk going sour or someone suddenly feeling cold in her presence.

To me Meghan Markle seems like a good match for Prince Harry so I wasn’t prepared for all the negative comments hurled at her in comment sections of articles.  Most surprising was the blatant racism, a lot of flagging has gone down on social media and news site comment sections this week with Meghan’s fans patrolling her Instagram for vicious vitriol.  Commenters have found Meghan too old, too American, too divorced, too Catholic, too “unsuitable”, too “mixed breed”, too Koo Stark, too Fergie, too Angelina Jolie, too “fame hungry”.  For some she is too too.

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Granted, American divorcees don’t have the best history in the British Royal Family but beyond the risk of the occasional bleeding wall at Buckingham Palace and the Queen Mum’s ghost slamming back some ghost gin before noon, can the living really make a fuss when Prince Charles, Princess Anne and Prince Andrew have all had their I dos undone?

Unlike Europe’s most recent princess bride, Sofia Hellqvist, Meghan’s humanitarian efforts date back at least two years before meeting her prince so they aren’t part of some PR campaign to clean up her image.   Meghan can also deliver a solid speech and hold the attention of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, making her better at duchess duties than Kate Middleton and Meghan is merely a rumored girlfriend with a day job.

I’m sure the Royal Family would rather do without Meghan’s sexy underwear scenes in Suits but after five years of Commando Kate flashing her bum around the globe, maybe they find her character’s full-coverage knickers refreshing.

An interview with Meghan’s half-sister,  Samantha Grant, presented a version of Meghan that casts her in an unflattering light.  Samantha described Meghan as a “social climber” and princess-in-waiting who has fancied the ginger prince since childhood which makes her sound a little too Kate 2.0 for comfort.  According to an article in The Sun, when Meghan became famous, she didn’t provide the family with the emotional and financial support Samantha feels she should have.  According to Meghan’s half-sister, “The royal family would be appalled by what she’s done to her own family.  The truth would kill her relationship with Prince Harry.”

There was some confusion as to whether or not Samantha actually provided the quotes with some royal watchers claiming she never granted an interview.  Just going by Samantha Grant’s Twitter page, it seems she was saying she didn’t give interviews to individual papers that quoted her, not realizing initially they were recycling her original quotes.

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Of course, all families have their dysfunction and Samantha’s Twitter post suggests at least some of her remarks were edited in a manner to better fit the story.  Meghan’s mother laughed off requests for information about Meghan’s relationship with Prince Harry, saying she couldn’t talk about that and Meghan’s father has been unreachable in Mexico.  But in a bid to leave no stone unturned, the press is digging as far as it can into Meghan’s past with the Daily Mail excavating her 2014 Ice Bucket Challenge done with her rumored then-boyfriend, Rory McIlroy, a friendly tabloid reminder that Meghan has had relationships in the past with men who weren’t Prince Harry.  Trollop.

The expectations for a prince’s potential mate are evolving and it’s unlikely the Queen would say no should Harry ask for permission to marry Meghan at some point but will the relationship survive the court of public opinion?  No one has led a pristine life, but the press seems to be digging hard trying to hit dirt with Meghan Markle.  Is it because Prince Harry managed to keep this rumored romance under wraps for several months and they’re playing catch-up with a vengeance or is it because Meghan doesn’t fit any of the existing Disney princess templates?  Everyone deserves to be lucky in love but with such a rigorous screening process for the job of Princess Harry, what kind of applicants will even apply?  While all of this is unconfirmed speculation, the only thing I really care about is that whomever Prince Harry winds up with makes him happy.  It will probably be easier for him to find her if we don’t crowd around him asking him are we there yet.

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