Before Kate Middleton was Kate Middleton, she was Kate Middleton, a young woman described by CG editor Dylan Jones in March 2007 as “probably the most intriguing woman in Britain right now, principally because we know so little about her.”
Really all the world knew about Kate at that time was that she was Prince William’s girlfriend. She had graduated from St. Andrews in 2005 with a degree in Art History, lived in London in a flat purchased for her by her parents, spent most of her time with her mother, shopping, was often spotted out with William, she didn’t work and her career aspiration was to become Mrs. Prince William. The press quoted a friend source as saying, “Kate seems at a loss over her future and just seems to be waiting for Wills to pop the question. She has not settled on a career path.”
After waiting for eight years for William to propose and finally getting the Precious, no one even knew which name she preferred to go, and a Kate versus Catherine debate ensued. In March 2011, a woman outside of Belfast City Hall finally asked Kate which she preferred to put the matter to rest. Kate replied, “I’m still very much Kate.”
I guess she forgot to tell William because he started referring to his new wife as Catherine. Maybe William decided he preferred Catherine to Kate. I’m sure that happens all the time with newlyweds. If I ever get married, I think I’m going to rename my future husband Matthew Gray Gubler. Or Wolverine.
There were no scandalous stories about the royal bride, Kate, suggesting she was the perfect candidate as a future Queen Consort. A generation earlier, Lady Diana Spencer had been deemed a perfect royal bride because she was a woman with “a history, but not a past”. The nineteen year old Diana came from a well-known noble family, had spent time with the royal family growing up, shared an apartment with friends, had held a few jobs including working as a kindergarten teacher, despite having a pedigree and trust fund, she also did odd jobs cleaning friends’ apartments, working as a baby-sitter and mother’s helper, loved children dearly and was known to be hard-working, kind and a bit shy. At 19, Diana had a pristine but promising story for the press to tell and had already worked more than the 29-year-old woman who would marry her son. Oddly Kate had scarcely left any kind of indication at all she had existed for nearly three decades.
There just weren’t many stories to tell or friends to extoll her virtues to the press. After university, Kate’s work history consisted of one part-time job infrequently attended and quickly abandoned. To many classmates, she was entirely forgettable. But, at a reader’s request, I have gathered up the impressions of Kate from those who remembered her before her story was rewritten in order to sell a woman who had been referred to in the press as Waity Katie, The Mattress, Her Royal Thighness and The Royal Doormat, as a perfect fairytale princess.
In September 1995, thirteen year old Kate enrolled in the all-girls boarding school Downe House. After only two semesters Kate transferred out because she wasn’t well liked. The press later ran stories suggesting Kate left because of bullying, the claims were all disproven because they were fabricated with the assumption she had been a boarder, which she never was. The school’s headmistresses, Miss Cameron, confirmed that Kate was never bullied, describing her as awkward, unhappy, unable to adapt and fit in.
One of the classmates who remembered Kate noted, “You never saw her smile. I didn’t envy her short brown bob, her boyish figure, nor her eczema, but when it came to height and sportiness she was lucky. I still find it hard to understand that in her year-group of more than 100 girls she did not find a single kindred spirit, not even on the lacrosse pitch, where she was at home.”
Another classmate who was able to recall Kate scoffed at the idea that Kate had even been teased or given a dirty look, indicated Kate was “regarded as a nonentity” and the other girls “thought she was not worth bothering with.”
Other than an echoed recollection of Kate being a girl with bad skin and sullen look, Kate left no other impression on her classmates.
Kate transferred to Marlborough which was co-ed, thought to be a better match for her because as Miss Cameron explained, “Kate was happier around boys.” Unfortunately Kate wasn’t at first, her gloom persisted even with boys around because she wasn’t popular. According to Gemma Williamson, “One day they decided to rate each of the girls out of 10. Kate scored badly. She turned to her mother and on returning from the summer holiday had undergone a transformation.”
After Carole’s summer project of making Kate more appealing to boys by helping her acquire what Williamson described as “a perfect body”, a more “confident” Kate discovered she could become more popular with boys by pulling down her pants and show them her bare bum. “Sometimes jokingly we called her Middlebum, ” Williamson explained. “At 14 she joined other girls mooning boys from their dorm window,” another classmate indicated. Jessica Hayes recalled that Kate became addicted to mooning and estimated she did it about 80 times before the school intervened. I’m not really sure how one becomes addicted to mooning, but as someone who was starting to develop a pretty serious Twizzler addiction, perhaps I’m not one to judge.
Marlborough’s staff has been directed not to speak with anyone about anything Kate did while at Marlborough that would reflect poorly on her image and were specifically instructed to say no comment about her serial mooning, but some have dished off the record because let’s face it, all teachers are under-paid and under-appreciated for all that they have to put up with. One of the teachers finally had to pull Kate aside and explain to her that while exposing herself to boys may appear to be an easy way now to become more popular, it wasn’t smart and urged her to consider how constantly exposing herself could come back to haunt her. Another teacher spoke to a reporter on the condition his identity not be revealed because of the school-imposed gag order on staff. He described Kate as, “unexceptional. Anyone who remembers differently is probably talking with the benefit of hindsight.”
Kate was nicknamed “Princess-in-Waiting” at Marlborough because of her fixation with Prince William. Jessica Hayes recalled Kate spending hours pouring over magazine, learning everything she could about the man she vowed to marry.
When Kate’s sister Pippa started Marlborough, Kate became more confident. Despite being the younger sister, classmates referred to Pippa as the “alpha sister” and Kate as the “beta sister”. Pippa was more popular, smarter, better at sports and became the captain of Kate’s hockey team. One classmate noted, “Pippa was slightly tough and, back then, the one with the charisma. No one would ever think of bullying her.” Despite the age difference, the Wisteria Sisters managed to be together almost all of the time. In addition to being socially dependent on her sister, Kate was also known as a “Mummy’s girl”.
But that wasn’t the only impression Kate was making. In the 2000 Leavers’ Yearbook, a classmate wrote, “Catherine’s perfect looks are renowned but her obsession with her tits are not. She is often found squinting down her top and screaming, “They’re growing!”
Kate intended on attending Edinburgh when it was announced Prince William was taking a gap year and would be enrolled at St. Andrews the following year, Kate ripped up her acceptance letter and applied to St. Andrews, taking a gap year so she would be in his class. Part of 19-year-old Kate’s gap year was spent as a deckhand on corporate hospitality boats, mainly serving drinks on yachts for wealthy clients. The girls wore a polo shirt, navy blazer and their own shorts in black or navy. Kate was remembered for wearing the shortest of short shorts. Several male crew members provided pretty much identical quotes as one of the captains: “The thing about her that stood out was her legs and those shorts.” While the male crew enjoyed asking her to scrub the deck, the captain admitted needing to tell her, “Kate, would you mind not standing by that hatch when you are serving because it’s a bit revealing for anyone below deck.” Despite the show she put on, one member described her as “rather prudish”. Several noted it was obvious Kate had her sights set on a higher class of man than would be working as part of a ship’s crew.
Contrary to the fairytale myth, Kate had already met William prior to St. Andrews. Paul Horsford reflected on talking about William with Kate in 2001 during her brief gap year stint doing corporate hospitality. When he commented that maybe Kate would get to meet William at one of the events, she replied, “I’ve already met him once or twice.”
The “once” was during the summer of 1999. Emilia d’Erlanger, a long-time friend of William’s, brought Kate to “Club H”, Prince’s William and Harry’s den in the cellars of Highgrove. The “or twice” was a fleeting encounter at a school event. Kate failed to make an impression, though, on William.
William and Kate started shacking up during their second year at St. Andrews. They tried to keep a low profile by dining out early so they wouldn’t be spotted, although given how notoriously cheap William is, it’s possible he was trying to take advantage of Early Bird Specials. One of their favorite haunts was The Oak Rooms where a quoted observer (it sounds like he was either the manager or owner) noted, “They’re always very affectionate and smoochy. And, just like ordinary college kids, they always go dutch on the check.”
Once Kate finally got William, her focus shifted to keeping him. She dropped the few female friends she had made who have been very gracious in the press about being frozen out of her life. One noted, “I don’t even think she dropped us deliberately. But she has to be so careful about where she goes now and all the arrangements that it became more trouble than it was worth.” A few females did survive the cut: her mother, her sister and a couple of girls who weren’t a perceived threat.
People who encountered Kate at the clubs described her as “rude”, “dour” and “plain”. One girl dubbed her Cerberus after the three-headed dog that guards the gates of Hades in Greek mythology for her body-blocking of any girl who tried to approach William.
While the press has printed stories about William’s friends making “doors to manuals” sneers, suggesting they didn’t approve of Kate because of her middle class roots, individuals I’ve spoken have denied such claims. William’s friends disliked Kate because of her unpleasant personality, flakiness and her off-putting behavior towards them.
During the Waiting Years, Kate had a habit of agreeing to be involved in charity work but then not bothering to respond when contacted and was a no-show at some events she indicated she was keen on attending. William’s circle felt she acted as if she was above extending common courtesy.
According to one of Kate’s friends, “She has quite a bad reputation for being rude when it comes to responding to letters. She often fails to RSVP when she is asked to attend events. She once failed to reply to a wedding invitation from one of William’s friends and it didn’t go down very well.”
The characterization of Kate as a “cold, dull, serious girl” by William’s friends in Penny Juror’s book Prince William: The Man Who Will Be King is one of the most succinct descriptions of Kate’s personality that I’ve heard to date.
Prince William gave the okay for Penny Junor to speak with friends, classmates and teachers for her book, Prince William: The Man Who Will Be King. Other quotes from the book offered further insight into The Woman Who Will Be Queen Consort. One of Kate’s tutors from St. Andrews noted, “She was another girl in a pashmina. When I read about her charismatic personality — well, maybe it’s developed, but it wasn’t that obvious then.”
The experiences of those who have met Kate have differed so drastically from the carefully crafted image that has been packaged for public consumption, some who have not been interviewed for books or articles have come forward on public platforms to share their impressions of Kate.
The comment section of a Jezebel article on Celebrity Encounters contained a contribution from St. Andrews alumni who had been in Kate’s class. I’ve done some editing due to length, but it can be viewed in its entirety at http://jezebel.com/the-be…-a-dick-to-you-1704797468
The contributor was a student at St. Andrews and tells the story of a close friend she refers to as Tina who had a class with Prince William (referred to as P-Dubya) and a weekly tutorial with Kate (referred to as the skinny brunette), which was ten students in the professor’s office once a week.
“…The professor was always late letting students in, and there were no chairs in the hallway, so people would chat and be friendly as they waited.
EXCEPT for this one, very thin, brunette. My friend (let’s call her Tina) recognized her as one of the ‘followers’ of P-Dubya. But my friend was from a country far far away and couldn’t have given a shit (her country had given up the monarchy long ago).
So, Tina has a few tutorials, and she notices that the thin brunette always sits int eh chair next to her. But she never talked to anyone. Tina noticed, however, that the skinny brunette would always look over at her paper, and copy down her answers to the weekly assignments. Tina is super smart and always has all the answers, and is also an arty, anti-establishment person, so she didn’t care. In fact, one week, she went up to the skinny brunette and flat out offered her her assignment, because they had 10 minutes to kill before the professor opened the door, and why not? Skinny brunette looked down her nose at her, said, “I don’t know what you mean” and returned to texting smugly.
Well, no one fucks with Tina. So, the next week, Tina wrote 2 separate assignments. The first one, the actual one, had the answers. The second one was fake. I mean, really fake. She told me she was doing this, and we came up with the most ridiculous bullshit.
Q: When was Pearl Harbor?
I mean, really stupid. Like, NO ONE would believe those answers were real. So class time rolls around, and Tina waits in the hallway with the others. Skinny brunette comes, doesn’t talk to anyone. Door opens, Tina sits. Skinny sits next to her. Tina puts her fake assignment on top, to the corner of her desk. Skinny looks over, obviously copies word by word. Not even blinking.
The assignments were handed in. Tina told me she didn’t know what grade skinny got, and that was one of the last tutorials of the year, so she didn’t have much interaction after that.
TL/DR- Cate is rude, plagiarizes assignments, and dumber than a box of hair.”
Another commenter responded with:
“Can confirm. I chatted with a prof at St. Andrews who had Kate as a student and he told me, “she wrote one good paper. I suspected plagiarism, but could never prove it.a’ He didn’t think much of her.”
Kate being dumber than a box of hair does explain the growing mess of extensions and hair pieces she’s been sporting. Clearly whatever is happening there, she has been out-witted.
A while back, I was anonymously contacted by a woman I believe was a member of Kate’s staff who shared her own impressions of Kate who she described as being not very bright. Basically, she seemed to share the opinion that a box of hair could beat Kate at a game of checkers. What I found most interesting about what she told me is how Kate perceives herself, as a great mind and puppet-master controlling those around her.
Maybe Kate’s impression of herself is closer to reality than those who have been snickering behind her back at her lack of mental acuity. Because if you think about it, this woman has managed to spend four and a half years reaping the full benefits of a job she very rarely shows up for, last year accounting for a mere 2.23% of the British Royal Family’s workload. She has the largest apartment at Kensington Palace, fully renovated at taxpayer expense, a ten bedroom country estate to beige out to her heart’s content, and is supplied with a full staff so she can relax in pampered luxury. She spends tens of thousands of dollars of her father-in-law’s duchy money annually on clothing and accessories for galas and movie premieres that count as work. And the most stressful thing she has to deal with is how to fit a lightweight tour in between her luxury holidays. This might be the most impressive con job in history. And it’s being pulled off by Kate Middleton. Or her hair.