Tag Archives: Prince William

BAFTAs Barf-ta

After spending most of his seven year tenure as President of the British Academy of Film and Television Academy missing in action, Prince William showed up to Sunday’s award show at the Royal Opera House with Kate Middleton.

This was the third BAFTA Award Show for Prince William and Kate’s first.  For Kate’s BAFTA Awards debut, she arrived in custom Alexander McQueen looking like Laura Ingalls dressed up as Harriet Oleson for Halloween.

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The original Long Tier Violet Jacquard dress from Alexander McQueen’s 2016 resort collection that Kate had modified cost $7,765 (£6,218).

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Kate’s McQueen box clutch retailed for $2,242 (£1,795).

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Kate’s Prada Wavy-Cut Suede Pumps which were visible when Kate lifted her hem to climb the red-carpeted steps cost $750.

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So that’s over $10,500 to look like a shrunken hunched-backed Harriet, not including the earrings which Kate first debuted in 2011.

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Not much is known about the drop earrings, although Rebecca English confirmed on Twitter they are not a loaner pair from the Queen.

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There was an amusing rumor floating before the BAFTAs that some actresses were concerned Kate would “out-shine” them at the award show.

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If there really was any concern at all, it was probably that Kate would go full-on fan-girl.

Kate has a history of becoming star-struck at events with celebrities and was so giddy meeting Jackie Chan at a Creative Collaboration: UK & China event that a Hong  Kong journalist covering it wrote, “Most unexpectedly, Princess Kate, who should be used to meeting and greeting dignitaries and upper echelons of society, suddenly lightened up with great delight and was very girlish when meeting Jackie Chan.”

It was actually nice to see Kate looking happy upon arrival at an event.  Too often she appears groggy and trepidatious, like she’s just coming to after being hit with a tranquilizer dart.

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I like happy Kate.  I just wish she brought even a fraction of this enthusiasm to other events.

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Unfortunately, the Duchess of Cambridge only appears genuinely engaged and interested in the presence of celebrities and Ben Ainslie.  When it comes to her charities, Kate sometimes looks like she can barely keep her eyes open.

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The Return of Mental Health Midge

On Sunday and Monday, Kate Middleton managed to carry out three mental health-related events, bringing her yearly engagement tally up to seven.

While it’s important for mental health issues to be destigmatized in society, it’s hard for me to believe that this is a cause Kate and Prince William genuinely care about.  Kate looks stiff and posed at these engagements while Prince William’s default compassionate expression looks like he’s trying to suppress a belch.  In stark contrast, Prince Harry’s interest in mental health is unquestionably sincere, his mother’s compassionate light burns within him, at these events he communicates with ease and appears in touch with his own humanity.

At the January 17th Heads Together event at which Kate, Prince William, and Prince Harry gave one of their three-fer speeches, royal correspondent Richard Palmer noted after Prince William brusquely ignored the media two feet away on the way in and bolted for the waiting car on the way out:

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While I rarely comment directly on Kensington’s Palace’s Twitter posts, I felt it necessary to point out that Kate’s oratorical contribution at that event was difficult to understand.

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With the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge at these engagements, I am reminded of jesters and minstrels of yore who performed for royalty, but in this case, it’s struggling individuals reaching into their souls to pull out the most painful, raw and darkest parts of their being for examination by the royal family’s two laziest royals so there’s an illusion that they care, despite their consistently low yearly engagement totals suggesting otherwise.

On Sunday February 5th, Kate Middleton, Prince William and Prince Harry attended a Heads Together event, joining a London marathon training session at the Olympic park.

Kate, William and Harry participated in a relay race with Prince Harry winning the royal leg.

To be fair, Kate was wearing her tightest jeans to date.  Every stride must have felt like getting a Pap smear on a bouncy castle and her starting position suggested she’s still struggling with keeping within the lines in her colouring books.

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Prince William’s trousers weren’t exactly the most event-friendly either.  If anyone was wondering, the second-in-line to the throne went left with his penis on Sunday.

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Prince Harry looked like he inched his starting position slightly ahead to gain an advantage over his brother but he needn’t have bothered.  The man who beat Usain Bolt with some creativity easily bested his brother who looked like he either really wanted to win or was passing a kidney stone.

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On Monday, Kate Middleton and Prince William got an unusually early start and attended a Place2Be engagement at the Mitchell Brook Primary School.  The Kindness Assembly marked the beginning of Children’s Mental Health Week.

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Kate wore a repeat red Luisa Spagnoli suit and once again sported her Muppet Madness bared-teeth grin which I imagine haunts the nightmares of children and the monsters living underneath their beds.

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Kate presented a Kindness Award to a student.  Videos from the event looked like a commercial for Mattel’s Mental Health Midge doll which comes with a bathing suit under her official engagement attire for a quick holiday get-away.

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In the photo @KensingtonRoyal posted, Kate looked posed and awkward but she didn’t give them a lot with which to work.  She totally has Mattel arm in this photo.

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Kate also delivered a speech which sucked less than usual but still was difficult to follow at times and uninspired.  Rebecca English’s Daily Mail article included its contents if anyone is interested.

On Monday night, Prince William and Kate attended a Guild of Health Writers conference at which William delivered a speech.

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Kate wore an Oscar de la Renta suit out of which she styled the life with her same-old black suede court shoes, black clutch and black tights.  Seriously, why aren’t the Fashion Police a legitimate branch of law enforcement?  Kate should be arrested for suffocating this gorgeous Oscar de la Renta suit to death with bland accessories and forced to attend a workshop on styling and maybe do some community service since she is a repeat offender.

Monday also marked Queen Elizabeth II’s Sapphire Jubilee, making the Queen the first British Monarch to reach a 65 year reign.  Long live the Queen!

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George Michael & Princess Diana

2016 was a rough year for celebrity deaths, we lost so many greats.  The one that hit me the hardest was George Michael whom I have loved since I was a little girl.  I credit his sexiness for not only for kicking off an early puberty but for endowing me with a large rack.  All those lustful pre-teen hormones had to go somewhere and for me they settled in my chest (regretfully some of it also made its way to my ass).

I was a devoted fan throughout his career, from Wham!, through his aviator sunglasses days and beyond.  As I noted in Crushes, the “Faith” video still does it for me in a major way.  Despite all of George Michael’s struggles throughout his life, or perhaps because of them, he always felt like a kindred spirit: blessed but broken.

He described what propelled him in various interviews as: “It’s not the something extra that makes a star. It’s the something missing.”  Art in its various forms isn’t a choice, it’s a compulsion, a need to create something that will provide a fleeting sense of wholeness.

George Michael was so underrated as a vocalist.  His live 1992 cover of Queen’s “Somebody to Love” was a worthy tribute to Freddie Mercury who had a four octave range and exceptional control in his head and chest voice, very few singers can do his songs justice.  My favorite non-vocal part of this cover occurs between 3:50-4:00, the Wembley Stadium audience thunderously belts out “love”, Queen’s lead guitarist Brian May chuckles and George does a victorious twirl.

The year after the Freddie Mercury tribute concert, Princess Diana finally met George Michael at a World Aids Day concert.  Diana was a big fan of George Michael’s and after George declined a few opportunities to meet her, when they finally were introduced, they became fast friends.  Diana’s former chef, Darren McGrady, revealed some details about their relationship in a Daily Mail piece.

George spent a lot of time with Diana and helped her through her separation with Prince Charles, she would also ring him up and they would chat.  A tape of one such conversation exists in the safety deposit box of Andros Georgiou, one of George’s friends.  The back story and some other interesting anecdotes about Princess Diana and George Michael can be read in this piece.

George regretted not speaking with Diana in the two years before her death, life just got in the way and he always assumed she must have so many callers, he didn’t want to be an intrusion.  After Princess Diana’s death, George didn’t have much contact with her sons but told Piers Morgan in a 2011 interview that once at a Christmas party Princess Diana threw at Kenington Palace, he declined to honor an impromptu request from Prince William to sing, admitting he felt terrible about saying no to “probably the future king of England” but was too embarrassed to sing in front of small crowds, joking “there was a day I would have been taken to the Tower”.  Because of George’s close bond with Princess Diana, for Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding, George wanted to give them a special gift and recorded a cover of Stevie Wonder’s “You and I” for their wedding.  He confirmed through a mutual friend that they both liked the song before making the track for them, hoping that they would be able to use it to raise donations for The Royal Wedding Charity Fund.

For me, it is the best thing to have come out of the Royal Wedding.

While George Michael’s scandals have been published exhaustively throughout the tabloids, much less ink has been dedicated to his charitable nature.  He was a kind gentle generous soul who quietly donated a lot of money to AIDS and cancer organizations, children’s charities, animal rescues and private individuals he heard about who needed help.  He not only gave of his money, but his time as well, volunteering at homeless shelters and various charities, asking fellow volunteers that his presence remain anonymous.

George Michael’s Older album has been said to have helped Prince William get through his mother’s death.  I imagine George Michael’s death had to have brought up old pain for Prince William, but hopefully it also reminded him of the positive impact his mother and her pop star friend had on the lives of so many and will inspire him to create his own legacy.

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Kate Kicks Off 2017 on a Blue Note

Kate began her work year today with two engagements, the first at the Anna Freud Centre and the second a dual engagement with Prince William at The Child Bereavement UK Centre.

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Her $2,000 Eponine coat dress is in that shade of Smurfy cobalt blue Kate seems to favor.

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This is the fourth year in a row Kate has started off a new year of royal engagements in blue.

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In addition to the brand new $2,000 coat which looks like the same old same old, Kate did go for a surprising new accessory.  For some reason she wore tiny orchid spike clips in her hair.

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Despite being so small, the clips in Kate’s hair inspired quite a few comments like this one from a Daily Mail article.

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Once again, there weren’t a whole lot of people around hoping to catch a glimpse of Kate’s arrival.

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I took a screen grab from the video posted on Twitter by Simon Perry of People Magazine and circled the barricade which looks more like one of those screens that people use to keep small breed dogs from going into the dining room.

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Supposedly the Anna Freud Centre event lasted an hour and forty-five minutes which is quite long for Kate, her official engagements usually tend to fall between twenty minutes and an hour.  The press was even able to get a quote:

“Parenting is tough.  And with the history and all the things and the experiences you’ve all witnessed, to do that on top of your own anxieties, and the lack of support you also received as mothers…I find it extraordinary how you’ve managed actually. So really well done.”

Of course, with a nanny, household staff, assistants and access to duchy millions, Kate’s observation that parenting is tough carries less weight than someone without Cambridge  comforts.

At the second event at the Child Bereavement UK Centre, Kate once again took a back seat to her husband.  Prince William’s quotes printed in the Daily Mail piece are pretty touching.  But once again, it is one of those frustrating flickers that reminds you that Prince William does have the capacity to do good work, but ultimately lacks focus and follow-through and any sense of noblesse oblige.

The Cambridges may have their moments, but they are few and far between.  Two days ago on Twitter, Jennifer@Chic_Happens_ pointed out that I paragraph I wrote about Kate two years ago is as applicable now as when I originally wrote it.

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The paragraph in question is:

“A new year always brings new hope as the calendar resets.  Let’s hope for Kate 2015 holds an invigorated approach to her role because Kate’s nearly four years of duchessing have been repeat performances of very little substance, leaving little to comment on other than her appearance.  With the same hair and same make-up, Kate is like a paper doll, with clothing that might change from time to time but still remaining a two dimensional figure that holds little interest.”

After almost six years, there’s little to suggest Kate will ever take her duties seriously or Prince William will overcome his own Prince Williamness and be the future king the UK deserves.

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Cambridge to Nowhere

Once again, Prince William and Kate Middleton begin a new year being criticized for their lackluster performance and putting in far less work than other members of the Royal Family, including the Queen and Prince Philip who are in their 90s.  Prince William only managed 188 engagements in 2016 while Kate only showed up for 140.  The Cambridge’s numbers for 2016 are impressively low considering they undertook two tours which are big numbers-boosters because all of those airport greetings and “private” touristy experiences from which the press was banned counted as official engagements.

Since joining the British Royal Family in April of 2011, Kate has only undertaken a grand total of 484 engagements to date.  In 2016 alone, Prince Charles handled 530 engagements while Princess Anne had 509 so Kate still hasn’t cumulatively pulled off in almost six years what other members of the family manage in one.

The Daily Mail ran an article detailing how Prince William and Kate only do half the work Prince Charles and Princess Diana did at a comparable stage in their married lives when they were raising young children.

Not surprisingly, the public was reminded on Friday Prince William has another job he pretends to do sometimes with a series of photos taken by the same photographer who managed to track down the future king on the job last year when the press and public were grumbling loudly about Work-shy William.

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Prince William’s contract with East Anglian Air Ambulance  ends in March, the fact that he’s still in the co-pilot seat shows he puts in as much effort there as he does with his royal role.  It’s not that big of a deal, though.  Most air ambulances just have the one pilot, the government had to purchase a special helicopter for EAAA so Prince William could play co-pilot because he was unqualified for the job.  Once William decides he wants to be a cowboy or open a fake psychic detective agency, the EAAA just has to make a minor software adjustment to switch their air ambulance freebie back to a one pilot helicopter.  Or Prince William may decide to extend his contract, after all he’s able to dictate his EAAA schedule claiming royal duty while using the job as an excuse as to why he can’t do more royal engagements.

Something seems off about these photos in the Daily Mail piece.  Maybe it’s just Prince William’s stiff posture as he tries to emulate someone who does stuff or his getting the EAAA photo op out of the way so early in January that’s throwing me off, but there are two side by side pictures where the foliage doesn’t seem consistent at the same portion of the tail boom.

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Of course it could just be the angle.  Just like the strange violet hue at the top of William’s head could be explained by lighting conditions.

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But it got me thinking.  It’s hard to juggle both holidays and PR photo ops.  I mean, those poor Cambridges have to fit in both sandy beaches and snowy slopes not long after their time off at Christmas.  Instead of going through all the trouble of having to go work and try to remember what it is he supposedly does so it can be captured by a photographer like Geoff Robinson, why don’t they just shoot Prince William in various poses against a green screen?  That way he can easily be dropped into heroic scenes while he’s working on his tan or hitting the slopes or playing video games in the Fortress of Solitude.  Then whenever there’s word of a taxpayer torch and pitchfork mob forming, the Palace Press Office can release photos of Prince William in various heart-warming scenes like rescuing a box of kittens…

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Saving the Earth from an asteroid…

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Defeating the Kraken…

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Or even diverting attention away from any of his wife’s future flashing with a Marilyn moment of his own.

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Since Kate rarely speaks and when she does, she’s difficult to understand, they can try to beef up her numbers by having her assistant carry around a life-size cardboard cutout of her to her various patronages and see if anyone even notices.

Of course, the Cambridges might just opt to send everyone in the UK a photo from their next holiday with the message “We’re just not that into you.” especially since Prince William (the future Head of the Church of England) and Kate skipped sending out a Christmas card this year. (Instead they mailed out a photo from the Canada tour thanking those who sent them warm holiday wishes.  Other royals adhered to tradition with Prince Harry’s holiday card featuring children of an Invictus Games veteran while Prince Charles’ and Camilla’s holiday card included a photo from their Croatia tour).

Prince William and Kate deciding to spend Christmas at Bucklebury for the second time, a year after they skipped the Queen’s Christmas lunch in order to host the Middletons at Anmer Hall, suggests they don’t really feel strongly bound to the Royal Family or its traditions.  While there have been no repercussions, even the Royal Family must be wondering about the future of the monarchy under William the Reluctant.

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The Night Before Christmas


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‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro’ Sandringham House,

Not a Middleton was stirring, not one single louse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

But none for Meghan Markle who wouldn’t be there;

The royals were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of taxpayer funding danc’d in their heads,

And the Queen in her crown, and Philip in his cap,

Probably muttered, “I’m too old for this crap”-

When all through the tabloids there arose such a clatter,

Prince Harry’s romance hardly a private matter.

Away to the press Meghan’s relatives flew like a flash,

Selling old photos and videos for quick easy cash.

The American actress on a scarcely watched show,

Was attacked on social media as a fame-hungry hoe;

When what on Blind Gossip should appear,

But a hinted campaign to portray Meghan as saint of the year,

With pr reps at the ready to lay it on thick,

That whole demure duchess candidate shtick.

Little had been known about Prince Harry’s new flame,

And rapidly she became 2016’s most Googled actress name,

A porn site had a 1430% increase in searches for the vixen,

Who has been called by some a modern Wallis Simpson:

“Divorced, American, sex scenes, not suitable at all!”

Critics proclaimed her social media posts took gall.

Instagram bracelets and the initials necklace really don’t fly,

For romantically involved adults in the public eye.

But at least Harry will be at Sandringham, unlike William and Kate, too,

Who will be spending Christmas at Bucklebury, breaking tradition anew.

But even as the Cambridges disappear out of sight,

It still won’t be as bad as when William made the staff watch Twilight.

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Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

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2016 Diplomatic Reception

Tonight was the Diplomatic Reception held at Buckingham Palace and while normally royal watchers just get the backseat Bentley shots, this year a formal portrait was taken of the three generations of the British Monarchy.

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The Queen is wearing the Royal Family Orders of King George VI and King George V, Prince Philip, Prince Charles and Prince William are in the Order of the Garter, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall is wearing the Royal Family Order of Queen Elizabeth II and Kate looks like a little kid who wandered into the shot, still with no royal order and her crotch clutching preserved for posterity.  Poor Kate, always in some state of disorder.

The Royal Family Order of Queen Elizabeth II is an honor bestowed on female members of the British Royal Family at the Queen’s discretion.

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Royal Family Order of Queen Elizabeth II

Being born royal or marrying into the family doesn’t guarantee the Royal Family Order of Queen Elizabeth II, it is an honor that is earned.  Princess Diana and Katharine, Duchess of Kent received theirs during their first year of marriage.  Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall and Birgitte, Duchess of Gloucester received theirs during their second year of marriage.  Sophie, Countess of Wessex received hers in her fifth year of marriage.  And after 5 1/2 years of marriage, giving birth to an heir and a spare, Kate, a future Queen Consort, is still playing the Waitying Game.  I guess Kate’s Christmas chutney wasn’t impressive enough to nab that Royal Family Order from the Queen, but maybe McQueen can bedazzle her an Order of Bad Bespoke so she can have something shiny to wear at the Anmer Hall Fortress of Solitude while filling in all that duty-ducking time with her Secret Garden coloring book.

Of course, Kate has had very few occasions to even wear a royal order.  This is only Kate’s fifth time in a tiara.  She wore the Cartier Halo tiara on her wedding day, the Papyrus Lotus Flower tiara at the 2013  Diplomatic Reception and 2015 State Banquet honoring Chinese President Xi Jinping, and the Cambridge Lover’s Knot tiara to the 2015 Diplomatic Reception which was repeated again tonight.

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The Jenny Packham gown Kate wore tonight was also a repeat from the State Banquet honoring Chinese President Xi Jinping last year.

So while the Palace gave the public an unprecedented Diplomatic Reception portrait, once again we get nothing from Kate that we haven’t seen before.

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The Duchess of Cambridge’s Deadly Poppy Field

Remember the scene from The Wizard of Oz when the Wicked Witch of the West nearly succeeds in offing Dorothy with the Deadly Field of Poppies?

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Well, McQueen has managed to capture that feeling of nearly dying in your sleep in a custom dress for Kate Middleton.  She wore it at a Buckingham Palace reception honoring Olympic and Paralympic athletes.

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The print is from the 2017 Pre-Spring/Summer Collection.  Its original dress form is this:

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It also comes in a blouse.

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Sarah Burton likely realized the overdose potential of this poppy print and Kate should have just said no to it in this much fabric.  It’s so grandmotherly, it is possible the cut died of natural causes, but the toxicology report suggests foul play.  The Daily Mail article has lots of photos of the fashion crime scene.

An opium overdose at least seems like it would be a more peaceful way to go than the death-by-boredom the Cambridges are inflicting on royal-watchers.  I couldn’t even make it all the way through the Canada tour which was as exciting as looking at a neighbor’s vacation pics.  In Tom Sykes’ article What’s Wrong With William and Kate’s Tour of Canada? he discusses the global disinterest in a tour that fizzled before it even started.  Once again the Cambridge’s insisted on having their private events, shutting out a shrunken press pack for a wine tasting, a sail, and whatever else happened while I had nodded off.

As interest in the future king and queen consort wanes, the question remains, could Prince William and Kate possibly be this dull, or are they attempting to have the private lives with public figure perks they crave by boring the masses into a deep slumber?  Kate’s dress and hair so amped up with add-ons she looked like her own bobblehead doll suggest she wanted to stand out in a crowd of dark hues and normal-headed people, but maybe the Paper Doll Duchess just wants to be noticed on her own terms, when she’s packing poppies.

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Fortunately for the Olympic and Paralympic Athletes at the Buckingham  Palace, Prince Harry followed behind Kate’s poppy field, so if anyone felt themselves glazing over from Kate’s small talk about George liking swimming, fencing and hockey and Charlotte already being an accomplished equestrian at 17 months, he could Glinda them right out of permanent sleep.  Not sure why gingers seem to get stuck with revival duties for the poppy-pickled, but long live Good King Harry because this whole Synchronized Head Tilt wouldn’t even qualify the Cambridges for the Feigned Interest competition at the Royal Olympics.

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The Green Goblin & Tight Trousers Strike Canada – Day 4

On Day 4, when Kate Middleton emerged for royal duties in Dolce & Gabbana, royal watchers anxiously waited to see if her dress had the design’s enormous hideous giant pocket watch patch.

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Thankfully, Kate avoided the Atlantic City-style Alice in Wonderland embellishment, leaving William’s short and overtly snug trousers as the day’s most visually surreal clothing element.

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Seriously, I am so tired of seeing Prince William’s khaki penis whiskers.  Don’t look too closely if you feel like you’re going to throw up a little in your mouth, but one of his balls is being squeezed like a pimple and that can’t be comfortable.

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The color of Kate’s dress was a very royal tour shade of green, known to everyone who has almost choked  to death  from car freshener fumes in the back of a taxi cab as Royal Pine.

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I put a red vertical line over this screen grab to illustrate what a disservice Kate does to herself with her quest to over-tailor everything to the point of constriction because she doesn’t think that we get yet that she’s skinny.  The askew buttons ruined the front of her £2,000 designer frock.

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The poorly fitted 1940s-style dress made me wonder if Kate also shares my dream of a full-out 1990s Kinderwhore revival, but Kate’s choice of sedate nude LK Bennett court shoes and clutch made me realize with great sadness that the only figure from 1993 Kate will ever channel is Married… with Children bank manager Marcy D’Arcy, not Courtney Love.

Not that we were ever going to see plastic poodle barrettes and heroin needles poking out out of Kate’s extensions anyway, but ffs, sex this thing up a little.  Between Kate’s so-called wardrobe malfunctions, Prince William’s ball floss trousers and two children, we know they’re anatomically correct and likely use their genitals, Kate could go a little naughty with the shoes or bag.  Maybe even a berry-stained lip.  Just something to hint her next patronage won’t be at the Celibacy Library where every book is filled with only pure thoughts.

The first half of the day’s events were spent in Kelowna, British Columbia where they watched a volleyball game at the University of British Columbia.  Grand Chief Stewart Phillip was set to attend but pulled out last-minute again, renewing his protest and was replaced by Chief Jonathan Kruger at the event.  The Cambridges gathered up more gifts and worked the crowd according to this Emily Nash Tweet.

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Huh, so they do “work”.  Then the Green Goblin and Tight Trousers headed to a food tasting festival at Mission Hill Winery where they ate some penis clam.  Raw.

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Yeah, when I first saw these things at a market in Seattle, I just assumed they were for some kind of black magic rituals to hex ex-boyfriends.  They’re actually even more traumatizingly flesh-colored once washed off and are supposed to be delicious, just unfortunate looking, but no.  Just no.

I do like to call attention to the positive and Prince William genuinely did seem at times to want to create memorable moments yesterday with those who had gathered which is the closest thing I can find for a point for these types of  events so well done, Tight Trousers.

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While the Cambridges cut some pinot noir grapes, there was no mention in the press about a proper wine tasting, just that Kate drank cassis and passed on the whiskey.  (UPDATE: According to reader and area resident, Arlene, they did do a private wine-tasting, no press was allowed though.)  Then they flew up to Whitehorse in the  Yukon where it was unreasonably cold for September.  When I Googled temps at 2:45pm EST, it was 34°F (1°C).

Kate slipped on a Hobbs coat and carried a maple leaf tartan scarf.  At the airport, they were greeted by Canadian Rangers and Junior Rangers.  The Lone Ranger was a no-show.

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Then they headed to the Kwanlin Dun Cultural Centre to watch some performances.

Day 5 is already underway so with only three more days to go, this tour might wind up being historically noteworthy as the first official royal tour Kate has pulled off without having a significant wardrobe malfunction.  34-year-old duchesses grow up so fast.

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La Vie En Bleu

On Saturday just shy of 4pm, the Cambridge’s plane landed in Victoria, kicking off their eight day Canadian tour, the cost of which is born by the host company.  Prince William and Kate’s 2011 Canada Tour came in around $1.2 million for taxpayers.

Even before the Cambridges touched down, Twitter revealed that no matter where the new royal tours go, the same old frustrations still exist.

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Really, that’s how the Palace want to kick off the tour?  Ticking off the skilled professionals who use their talents to paint the Cambridges in a more interesting hue in the global media?  This group who climbed into shuttles to meet the Cambridge Quartet at the airport?

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The littlest royals were spotted peaking out of the craft ahead of the official arrival.  I imagine Prince George turned to the staff and said, “Nope.  Shut it down.”

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Weather at the time of the landing was overcast and in the upper 50s.

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The Cambridges wore blue because no other colors exist for them anymore, they have adopted the hue as their official  team color.  Kate was in Jenny Packham, a Lock & Co hat and wore the Maple Leaf Brooch, on loan from the Queen.

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It was Kate’s best arrival look to date and was fitted which avoided flashing.  Kate’s Jenny Packham shade was slightly more sophisticated than the Smurf Blue she’s been favoring during her Blue Period.  She managed to make it down the stairs in nude heels, carrying Charlotte and holding George’s hand when the steps proved a bit steep for his little legs.

Kate tried to create cute kid moments but looked like the socially awkward adult at parties who targets the family cat and winds up clutching poor Fluffy like Lennie from Of Mice and Men. Kate’s attentions were focused on trying to get Charlotte to wave and squatting down in front of George in a rather unregal manner instead of interacting with the adults who waited around on a tarmac to greet them such as the Prime Minister and the Governor General.

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It appears the Windsor is already coming out in Charlotte who looks to me like she will resemble Princess Eugenie.

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George managed to get off a royal wave but was more interested in a Sea King that was landing nearby so no paternity test is needed.

The royal convoy then made a quick trip to the Government House.

According to the royal correspondents on Twitter, approximately 10,000 people gathered to welcome the Cambridges to Victoria.  Unfortunately for those who were waiting, Prince William and Kate were running late so staff gathered up the bouquets instead.

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Prince William and Kate laid a wreath in honor of Canada’s fallen soldiers and shook hands with select military personnel.

As part of the welcome ceremony, Prime Minister Trudeau and Prince William gave speeches. The reception Prime Minister Trudeau received suggests he was a large part of the event’s draw, he received louder cheers than the Cambridges.

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William attempted a line in French, sheepishly admitting his French was “rusty”.  As someone who hasn’t had a chance to speak French often over the last few years, I would describe mine as rusty, Prince William’s French was a linguistic massacre.  I died a little inside.  In lieu of flowers or donations, please send Chanel.

At the end of the welcome ceremony, Kate accepted flowers and the couple headed to the Government House for a photo op with the Trudeaus.  While Sophie Trudeau is touted as a fashion icon, I can’t be supportive of the Duchess of York style shoulder bows on her Edition de Robe dress, discordant eggplant Saucy milliner hat (which  I love on its own) and plastic and suede court shoes.

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But at least it wasn’t blue.  Picasso’s infamous Blue Period marked a time of severe depression and despair in his life between the years of 1901 and 1904.  Kate’s been hitting the blue hard lately.  Hopefully she is okay and the observation that if she loses those pesky last 20 grams of spinal cord, she’ll finally obtain her goal of being just a floating head isn’t in poor taste.  Normally it would be irregardless, but given her pre-wedding comment about her concerning weight loss being “all part of the plan”, I suspect Kate would find it the nicest compliment I’ve ever paid her.

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