On Thursday, Prince William and Kate Middleton began a two day mini tour of Cornwall and the Isles of Scilly, staying at the historic 16th century Restormel Manor in Lostwithiel on Thursday night. This Tour Light is the Cambridge’s first official visit to Cornwall which will one day give them millions of reasons to stick with the royaling. The Duchy of Cornwall presently provides Prince Charles with approximately £20million in annual income and will pass to William when Charles gets kinged.
For Day 1, Kate wore a Lela Rose dress (initially sold for $1,295) which has the same cut as most of her dresses in the same shade of PMS pink as the McQueen pieces she debuted in Adelaide. This isn’t Kate’s first Lela Rose dress, the US designer also made the white doily dress Kate wore to the reception hosted by Australia’s Governor General. Kate’s accessories with this pink dress underwhelmed with her Kiki McDonough earrings getting lost in her hair and the beige Monsoon wedges receiving the brunt of the criticism. Wedge dismay appeared in the top ten highest rated comments of the Daily Mail piece on the first day of the tour.
Throughout the day’s events, Kate’s fingers frequently retreated into her hair sparking critical comments on social media while Kate’s rapid fire facial expression rotation left me with second-hand TMJ. Kate appeared to be on stage in a summer improv class with an instructor commanding her, “You’re sad. You’re a sad tree. You’re Howdy Doody. You’re Howdy Doody telekinetically making soup with too much parsley. Now you’re a spider monkey. You’re a sexy spider monkey. You’re a sexy tree that just ate a sad spider monkey.” No smile was too big to fake, no sympathetic head tilt too steep to make. Just some of the many Faces of Kate on Thursday:
If only Kate cared as much about her posture as her exaggerated expressions. The last person with this much of a hunched back lived in a bell tower:
It can’t be comfortable to sit like that. She looks like she has a turtle head poking out of a pink shell.
Arriving by helicopter on Thursday, the Cambridges started off the Cornwall tour-ette with a stop at Truro Cathedral where they signed a slate for their £3.2 new roof campaign.
Afterwards, they went on a royal walkabout.
Kensington Palace naturally went with a photo on Twitter where the crowd was a little denser. No wonder they want royal reporting to become an extinct profession, they aren’t drawing the same kind of crowds anymore, although there was much more of a turn-out in Cornwall than at recent events.
Prince William and Kate hit another drop-in centre, the Zebs Youth Centre which provides local adults-to-be with creative outlets. After a tour, both Prince William and Kate admitted it took a long time to figure out what they wanted to be when they grow up.
Strange remarks considering Prince William has had that future king gig on hold for him and Kate seems pretty fixed on a life of doing as much nothing as humanly possible.
Prince William and Kate headed to Healeys Cyder Farm which is celebrating its 30th Anniversary.
Kate passed on the cider but did take a small sip of whiskey suggesting she is probably not presently pregnant despite her small B Cups looking like they got a visible boost. I guess sometimes good bras happen to lazy duchesses.
Kate also got hands-on with a horse, putting to rest horse allergy rumors. The rumor traces back to Kate herself at a polo match during the Waitying Years. When Australian writer Kathy Lette asked Kate why she didn’t play, Kate retorted that she was allergic. Unaware that Kate was on a royal girlfriend high horse, Kathy took Kate’s cold brush-off at face value and repeated her remarks. Horses got back at Kate during the royal wedding, though. Reportedly several of the horses were unusually difficult to handle that day with one horse throwing its rider near the carriage and making a break for it, spooking Kate in the process. But on Thursday when the Duchess of Cambridge met Duchess the horse, there appeared to be no hard feelings.
They checked out development projects in Nansledan and Tregunnel Hill before wrapping the day up on Newquay’s Towan Beach.
I’m sure it was a total coincidence the royal press pack was left to wait for William and Kate’s arrival at the water’s edge with the tide rising.
The Cambridges met with the group Young People Cornwall Wave Project which uses surfing to promote mental well-being.
At the photo-op, the Cambridges went with I’m-not-a-regular-Mom-I’m-a-cool-Mom gnarly hand gestures. Somewhere Prince George and Princess Charlotte instinctively shuddered and died a little inside.
What makes it an even more cringe-worthy photo is the placement of Kate’s other hand. She looks like she’s diddling Miss Daisy, tickling her ivories, dancing with herself…
Despite there being much to criticize, there were also moments where the Cambridges seemed to have genuine moments with people sincerely excited about seeing them.
That’s what I find so frustrating about Prince William and Kate. They are both capable of performing their duties and giving people wonderful memories they will carry with them throughout their lives. How can anyone capable of providing flickers of happy or at least a little brightness in the lives of others merely by showing up resist engagements and hole up in the Fortress of Solitude? Hopefully whatever they decided they want to be when they grow up will involve performing their duties and serving those who support the monarchy.