Tag Archives: Princess Charlotte

Day 5 Poland/Germany Royal Bore Tour

On Friday, the Cambridges’ tour of Germany and Poland passed away peacefully in its sleep.  It was five days old.  The tour is survived by Kate Middleton’s Poland/Germany wardrobe which cost a grand total of £26,000 ($33,787.00 in USD) according to an article in the Daily Mail.

To my surprise Friday’s Twitter hashtag #DAMNTour had nothing to do at all with Cambridges.

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Friday was an even lighter day than the rest of this ridiculous farce of a so-called “Brexit charm offensive” with Prince William and Kate Middleton checking out the Maritime Museum, stopping by the Elbphilarmonie Concert Hall where Kate was invited pick up a baton and play conductor and visiting Airbus where Prince George got to tour an EC 145, just like the one Prince William sometimes shows up to co-pilot for East Anglia Air Ambulance when he needs the PR.

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Doesn’t the UK have Take Your Son to Pretend Work Day?

The excitement was too much for Prince George who spontaneously morphed into a Hummel figurine in a nod to the host country.

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Kate wore a custom Emilia Wickstead dress in lavender, which is a terrible color on her.  No amount of clown blush could keep Kate from looking washed out.  Kate matched her dress to Prince George’s shirt and her raspberry Anya Hindmarch clutch to Princess Charlotte’s dress.  We get it, you’re together.

Some say Charlotte threw herself on the tarmac as part of a temper tantrum, but I’m sure somewhere a conspiracy theorist is convinced she was pushed.

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In honor of Prince George’s birthday today, Kensington Palace released a portrait of George taken by Chris Jackson, the photographer husband of Kate’s assistant/stylist Natalie Archer.

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I’m still not sure what the point was of this whole Germany/Poland tour, but I think Kensington Palace should have a contest and the person who comes up with the most credible-sounding answer should get to keep Kate’s tour wardrobe.  Most of the clothing was hideous but some of the jewelry wasn’t totally terrible.  Maybe it could be returned for store credit.

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Day 3 of Poland/Germany Royal Snore

Sorry Cats and Kittens, I fell asleep last night while prepping to write Day 3’s post.  This thing is a walking coma.

Prince George and Princess Charlotte are even more bored with it than we are and attempted to drag their parents aboard the private jet that was waiting to take them to Germany yesterday.  Fuckity bye!

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Sorry, Poland.  The littlest Cambridges are so over you people.

Don’t get too cocky, Germany, George was already tired of you upon arrival.

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This tour has all the excitement of a couple of Benadryl.  I can barely feel my legs.  I don’t understand how the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge can travel to all these wonderful countries and make them look as flat as painted scenery from a grammar school play.  That’s all these tours seem to mean to them, new scenery for their family photos.

This is a cut and paste of Wednesday’s Royal Tour Itinerary directly from the Daily Mail tour coverage because I don’t feel like putting more effort in Prince William and Kate’s tour than they are.

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WEDNESDAY 19TH JULY 

Arrival in Berlin and official welcome

Visit to the Brandenburg Gate

Holocaust Memorial

The couple will meet survivors and tour the museum before walking through the Memorial itself.

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The charity supports young people from disadvantaged backgrounds

Bellevue Palace Gardens

William and Kate will meet with the Federal President

Queen’s Birthday Garden Party, Ambassador’s Residence

William will give a speech at the event held in honour of his grandmother

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I don’t get the sense William and Kate have any appreciation for the historical significance of some of these places or really for anything at all.  They certainly haven’t provided much in the way of sound bites to suggest they are active participants in this tour.  Had Charlotte not been given her first official flower bouquet, there wouldn’t be much to report other than Angela Merkel asked Kate if she spoke German and Kate responded sorry, no.

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Kate didn’t even bother to learn a few key German phrases?  Don’t most people learn to say at least a few things when traveling to a country with a native language different from their own?  Kate couldn’t squeeze in a few hours of Rosetta Stone in between all that nothing?  According to @WriteRoyalty on Twitter, Kate worked a total of five hours in June.

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Kate’s Wednesday attire for the day events was a cornflower blue Catherine Walker coat and another fucking lace dress.  It reminds me of something she once wore to a wedding but I don’t care enough to look for it.  Basically, Wednesday’s look was a slightly cornflowerier version of things we’ve seen a million times.

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And the whole hairnet thing, enough Amanda Cook Tucker.  It’s not retro cute, it’s a lazy shortcut for a lazy client.  Kate already dresses like she’s a hundred, no need to give Grandma Catherine nursing home hair.

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Kate got rave reviews for the red Alexander McQueen dress she wore to the garden party celebrating Her Majesty’s birthday.  It’s cute, but the dress isn’t all that, I think people are so tired of lace and cosplay frocks, they’d applaud her for wearing anything in the normal human range.

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Day 1 of Poland/Germany Royal Tour

On Monday July 17th, Prince William, Kate Middleton, Prince George and Princess Charlotte arrived in Poland for Day 1 of a five day royal tour of Poland and Germany.

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Given that it is such a short tour, many were surprised Prince William and Kate were bringing the children at all.  After all, they had no problem leaving Prince George at home when he was a baby to holiday in the Maldives.  Some felt the trip would be too disruptive to the children just to have them spend the days with nannies and see the parents primarily at night like they do when they are hitting the slopes. Unlike other royals, the Cambridges tend to approach their tours more like taxpayer-funded holidays than duty, though, so perhaps it’s not surprising they decided to model this tour once again on one of their ski get-aways.

There was some suggestion the children were brought along as Brexit diplomacy photo props.

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That’s pretty cynical, though.   Kate’s behavior with her children at these airport arrivals, the way she fusses with their clothing instead of looking up or turns her focus to them instead of the officials waiting to greet her, suggests she is using them more as surrogate emotional support animals than diplomatic props although it’s possible she’s after the doting-Mum photos but is instead inadvertently creating awkward-adult-focusing-on-the-family-dog-at-a-party pics.

To be fair, these royal tour airport arrivals do seem a bit scary.  I’m always worried that Kate is going to drop whichever child she is carrying because for some reason, it’s usually raining whenever the Cambridges land, making the steps all the more perilous in heels.  Fortunately, the steps were much more manageable this time despite the rain and there appeared to be less media waiting for them.  Prince George, however, wanted nothing to do with any of it.

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I feel like I get George, like we’re both old souls with a bit of a mischievous streak.  So pictures like this one break my heart.

This isn't Disneyworld. Oh what fresh hell is this?

This isn’t Disneyworld. Oh what fresh hell is this?

George is just shy of four. I was at least six before I had that glazed dead-inside look.

It must be strange for Prince William and Kate to raise Prince George as a Maybe Future King.  Surely they must possess enough self-awareness to realize the monarchy’s days are numbered and William will likely be the last king if even he makes it to the throne.  I mean, they’re not headless, they would have to have some kind of inkling, right?  Between David Beckham’s pictures of his daughter’s royal birthday tea party hosted by Sarah Ferguson at Buckingham Palace and the Very Middleton Wimbledon with Carole and Pippa getting kicked out of the royal box for tardiness and Carole hitting up Roger Federer’s wife for extra tickets, the royal “magic” Prince Harry recently eluded to in his Newsweek interview is gone.  The humane thing would be to pull the plug.

The Cambridges arrived in Poland on a private jet.  According to the Annual Royal Household Annual Accounts that came out in the end of June, the private jet the Cambridges took to Paris for that so-called diplomatic mission cost UK taxpayers £20,000 so this trip will be a bit more.  Don’t worry, Poland, you’re getting screwed over, too, the security detail is unreal.

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Because Poland’s flag is white and red, the Cambridge’s arrival clothing broke somewhat from the traditional Team Cambridge Blue.  Kate wore a new white suit by Alexander McQueen which was beautiful on her, just like the several similar pieces she already owns. To represent the red in Poland’s flag, Kate went with a red Jenny Packham box clutch and a ruby and diamond necklace and earrings which got lost in her hair.  I haven’t been able to find anything on the new rubies, mostly because I barely looked, but they appear to be G. Collins and Sons to me.

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After the airport arrival, Kate and Prince William met with President Duda and the First Lady at the Presidential Palace in Warsaw and then went to the Warsaw Rising Museum where they met with vets.

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Not everyone was impressed by Kate, however.

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Then there was the Young Entrepreneur’s Reception and the Garden Party at The Orangery in honor of the Queen’s birthday. Again.  She’s still just 91, right?  It’s hard to keep track with all these celebrations.

Kate’s final wardrobe change was pretty tragic. The dress by Polish designer Gosia Baczynska looked like something George and Charlotte made on the plane with black marker, safety scissors and those white paper table coverings they have at kid-friendly restaurants.

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Kate’s evening updo was a little too Margaret Thatcher. The necklace was kinda cool, though.  I mean, I wouldn’t wear it, but I thought it was a nice way to visually call attention to the Madonna cone boobs.   Music’s where you find it.

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After more than six years of marriage, Kate still doesn’t know how to hold a wine glass.

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If you ever want to know how to do anything properly, just watch the Queen.

Of course, Kate drinking wine (which I assume she did instead of just holding it) blows away my theory she is already pregnant.  Not that a few sips of wine would hurt a fetus, but I suspect she’d be sticking to water.  Interestingly, the subject of more babies did come up when she was given a gift for a newborn (I guess I’m not the only one who thought she might be pregnant).

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Perhaps one day Prince George and Princess Charlotte will have another sibling taxpayers will only see at Trooping the Colour and tours abroad.

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The Cambridges Goth Protest Too Much, Methinks

Well, the Cambridges posed for a family photo for Prince William’s GQ article and the family portrait that was released is… well, it’s just bloody awful.

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It’s like The Addam’s Family on acid.  I’m not sure why George is crawling into the photo, he’s going the wrong way.  Run George, run!  And take your sister, who is presumably looking at her nanny out of frame, with you.

Remember how creepy and lifeless the family photo taken for Kate Middleton’s first Mother’s Day was?

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It’s like the photographer for this GQ piece, Norman Jean Roy, looked at that one and said, “Hold my beer.”

I’ve got an inner goth girl and would describe my personal aesthetic as Haunted Bordello, but even I wouldn’t have this copy of GQ in my home for fear the maniacally grinning Kate would crawl from the pages and attempt to devour my soul.  More hair has been PhotoShopped on Prince William, but his head still looks like a menacing floating orb, his grimacing smile that of a demonic Bugs Bunny.

How are they finding these photographers, do they say “Beetlejuice” three times and ask him for a recommendation?

In the Daily Mail article, there is a quote from Prince William reflecting on his mother’s death: “I still find it difficult now because at the time it was so raw. And also it is not like most people’s grief, because everyone else knows about it, everyone knows the story, everyone knows her.”

To be fair, one of the first things grief counselors are taught is that no two people grieve the same but quite a few people took issue with Prince  William’s choice of words in comment sections and on social media with one cherished member of this community summarizing it on Twitter as “elitist”.  I have tremendous sympathy for Prince William and can’t imagine what it was like for him at such a young age, but the phrasing makes it seem like he’s saying his grief is special because his mother was famous.

Prince William was also quoted as saying, “I want George to grow up in a real, living environment, I don’t want him growing up behind palace walls, he has to be out there. I will fight for them to have a normal life.”

Does Prince William mean the normal life George has at the Anmer Hall Fortress of Solitude and occasionally Kensington Palace from which he only ever seems to escape when accompanied by Nanny Maria or sometimes Carole Middleton?  And that normal life, that’s amongst the taxpayers who are threatened with lawsuits should they dare take a photo of George despite it being perfectly legal, right? Or will actors be cast and sets made to create charming little plays about real life as Marie Antoinette enjoyed doing?  Normalcy is such a lark.  For a really good time, Prince William should try giving it a go without all the taxpayer-funded perks.  The rest of us are having a blast.

If Prince William truly wants George to grow up in “a real, living environment”, the first step would probably be putting an end to the spooky family portraits that make the Cambridges look like menacing specters.  Even poor Lupo looks like some black shadow figure hunting for ghost prey.

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Pippa Middleton’s Wedding

On Saturday, one of the most famous bridesmaids of the last decade got to be the bride.  Pippa Middleton, also known as the other Wisteria Sister, married hedge-fund manager James Matthews in lavish royal-adjacent fashion.

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Pippa looked beautiful and blissfully happy, reminding us why we all love weddings, even ones we think we don’t particular care about until the media gently reminds us that apathy is not an option.

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I wasn’t particularly a fan of Pippa’s custom guipure lace gown by Giles Deacon and the Maidenhair Fern tiara.  With the lace, high collar, and molded feel of the bodice, it was a little too Victorian Wonder Woman as interpreted by Zack Snyder for my taste.

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But of course, after seeing how jacked Pippa’s arms are now, I wouldn’t say that to her face.

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The Daily Mail has a multitude of articles with a vast amount of photos of the wedding, including one in which you can sort of see Meghan Markle being driven to the reception by Prince Harry.  Her absence from the church ceremony almost overshadowed the bride on social media as royal watchers wondered if there would be a royal wedding in the not-so-distant future.

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Kate served as an unofficial bridesmaid to her sister, doing some flower girl and page boy wrangling. There’s a great photo of Kate shushing the kids that made the cover of the Sunday Express.

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Kate also helped with straightening her sister’s veil and dress.

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In quite a few photos, Kate appears to be looming behind Pippa like acid reflux.

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After the ceremony, Prince George had a little mini meltdown.  Reportedly, it was in response to Kate scolding him for stepping on Pippa’s train, but who knows.  He could have been cranky because he’s three and at a wedding.  Princess Charlotte had a couple of moments of being two at a wedding but she was two like a pro and quickly recovered.

The Duchess of Cambridge’s style is always soooo mother-of-the-bride and this dusty peach Alexander McQueen dress which she paired with a Jane Taylor hat and Kiki McDonough earrings was no exception.

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It’s totally WKRP in Cincinnati and not in a good way.

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I mean, come on, the actual mother-of-the-bride, Carole Middleton, looked more youthful.

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Although Carole and Kate both went so heavy on the blush, I couldn’t get Judy Collins’ version of “Send in the Clowns” out of my head.

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Send in the clowns
Don’t bother, they’re here

Seriously, the ladies of the Moulin Rouge didn’t wear that much rouge.

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Hey sistas, soul sistas, betta get that dough sistas

I noticed Kate’s rings were doing an awful lot of slipping.  She was wearing her eternity band so they shouldn’t have slipped that far up towards her knuckle.  Hopefully she’s okay.

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While the wedding wasn’t a royal union, the taxpayers still have to pick up the tab for security because of the attendance of the second, third, fourth and fifth in line to the throne.  St. Mark’s church was closed on Friday evening for security sweeps, as were various roads, including the one taken by James and Pippa to the reception in a Jaguar, doing a royal-adjacent wave to those who had gathered to wish the newlyweds well.

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Congratulations to the happy couple!

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The Duchess of Cambridge’s Deadly Poppy Field

Remember the scene from The Wizard of Oz when the Wicked Witch of the West nearly succeeds in offing Dorothy with the Deadly Field of Poppies?

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Well, McQueen has managed to capture that feeling of nearly dying in your sleep in a custom dress for Kate Middleton.  She wore it at a Buckingham Palace reception honoring Olympic and Paralympic athletes.

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The print is from the 2017 Pre-Spring/Summer Collection.  Its original dress form is this:

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It also comes in a blouse.

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Sarah Burton likely realized the overdose potential of this poppy print and Kate should have just said no to it in this much fabric.  It’s so grandmotherly, it is possible the cut died of natural causes, but the toxicology report suggests foul play.  The Daily Mail article has lots of photos of the fashion crime scene.

An opium overdose at least seems like it would be a more peaceful way to go than the death-by-boredom the Cambridges are inflicting on royal-watchers.  I couldn’t even make it all the way through the Canada tour which was as exciting as looking at a neighbor’s vacation pics.  In Tom Sykes’ article What’s Wrong With William and Kate’s Tour of Canada? he discusses the global disinterest in a tour that fizzled before it even started.  Once again the Cambridge’s insisted on having their private events, shutting out a shrunken press pack for a wine tasting, a sail, and whatever else happened while I had nodded off.

As interest in the future king and queen consort wanes, the question remains, could Prince William and Kate possibly be this dull, or are they attempting to have the private lives with public figure perks they crave by boring the masses into a deep slumber?  Kate’s dress and hair so amped up with add-ons she looked like her own bobblehead doll suggest she wanted to stand out in a crowd of dark hues and normal-headed people, but maybe the Paper Doll Duchess just wants to be noticed on her own terms, when she’s packing poppies.

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Fortunately for the Olympic and Paralympic Athletes at the Buckingham  Palace, Prince Harry followed behind Kate’s poppy field, so if anyone felt themselves glazing over from Kate’s small talk about George liking swimming, fencing and hockey and Charlotte already being an accomplished equestrian at 17 months, he could Glinda them right out of permanent sleep.  Not sure why gingers seem to get stuck with revival duties for the poppy-pickled, but long live Good King Harry because this whole Synchronized Head Tilt wouldn’t even qualify the Cambridges for the Feigned Interest competition at the Royal Olympics.

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La Vie En Bleu

On Saturday just shy of 4pm, the Cambridge’s plane landed in Victoria, kicking off their eight day Canadian tour, the cost of which is born by the host company.  Prince William and Kate’s 2011 Canada Tour came in around $1.2 million for taxpayers.

Even before the Cambridges touched down, Twitter revealed that no matter where the new royal tours go, the same old frustrations still exist.

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Really, that’s how the Palace want to kick off the tour?  Ticking off the skilled professionals who use their talents to paint the Cambridges in a more interesting hue in the global media?  This group who climbed into shuttles to meet the Cambridge Quartet at the airport?

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The littlest royals were spotted peaking out of the craft ahead of the official arrival.  I imagine Prince George turned to the staff and said, “Nope.  Shut it down.”

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Weather at the time of the landing was overcast and in the upper 50s.

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The Cambridges wore blue because no other colors exist for them anymore, they have adopted the hue as their official  team color.  Kate was in Jenny Packham, a Lock & Co hat and wore the Maple Leaf Brooch, on loan from the Queen.

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It was Kate’s best arrival look to date and was fitted which avoided flashing.  Kate’s Jenny Packham shade was slightly more sophisticated than the Smurf Blue she’s been favoring during her Blue Period.  She managed to make it down the stairs in nude heels, carrying Charlotte and holding George’s hand when the steps proved a bit steep for his little legs.

Kate tried to create cute kid moments but looked like the socially awkward adult at parties who targets the family cat and winds up clutching poor Fluffy like Lennie from Of Mice and Men. Kate’s attentions were focused on trying to get Charlotte to wave and squatting down in front of George in a rather unregal manner instead of interacting with the adults who waited around on a tarmac to greet them such as the Prime Minister and the Governor General.

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It appears the Windsor is already coming out in Charlotte who looks to me like she will resemble Princess Eugenie.

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George managed to get off a royal wave but was more interested in a Sea King that was landing nearby so no paternity test is needed.

The royal convoy then made a quick trip to the Government House.

According to the royal correspondents on Twitter, approximately 10,000 people gathered to welcome the Cambridges to Victoria.  Unfortunately for those who were waiting, Prince William and Kate were running late so staff gathered up the bouquets instead.

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Prince William and Kate laid a wreath in honor of Canada’s fallen soldiers and shook hands with select military personnel.

As part of the welcome ceremony, Prime Minister Trudeau and Prince William gave speeches. The reception Prime Minister Trudeau received suggests he was a large part of the event’s draw, he received louder cheers than the Cambridges.

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William attempted a line in French, sheepishly admitting his French was “rusty”.  As someone who hasn’t had a chance to speak French often over the last few years, I would describe mine as rusty, Prince William’s French was a linguistic massacre.  I died a little inside.  In lieu of flowers or donations, please send Chanel.

At the end of the welcome ceremony, Kate accepted flowers and the couple headed to the Government House for a photo op with the Trudeaus.  While Sophie Trudeau is touted as a fashion icon, I can’t be supportive of the Duchess of York style shoulder bows on her Edition de Robe dress, discordant eggplant Saucy milliner hat (which  I love on its own) and plastic and suede court shoes.

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But at least it wasn’t blue.  Picasso’s infamous Blue Period marked a time of severe depression and despair in his life between the years of 1901 and 1904.  Kate’s been hitting the blue hard lately.  Hopefully she is okay and the observation that if she loses those pesky last 20 grams of spinal cord, she’ll finally obtain her goal of being just a floating head isn’t in poor taste.  Normally it would be irregardless, but given her pre-wedding comment about her concerning weight loss being “all part of the plan”, I suspect Kate would find it the nicest compliment I’ve ever paid her.

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Oh No, Canada!

The Palace must really not want anyone paying attention to the Cambridge not-so-secret French getaway because shortly after it hit the headlines, Kensington Palace announced that William and Kate will be touring Canada in the fall, giving the press something else to write about and the public something else to focus on.

The invitation for the Cambridges to return to Canada had been publicly announced by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau who bypassed proper palace protocol.  This is Justin  Trudeau so he gets a pass on his lapse in judgment of putting Canada through another Cambridge tour, at least in my book (Canadian readers might feel differently):

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It was a given the Cambridges were going to go, otherwise it would be seen as a slight to Canada with which the British monarchy wants to maintain a good relationship.  And  as Richard Palmer Tweeted on Wednesday:

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No tinfoil hat is needed to see a correlation between the timing of the French getaway hitting media outlets and the Canada tour being officially announced by Kensington Palace.  There are several possible reasons to employ some good old-fashioned misdirection to divert attention, some of which may require Reynold’s Wrap headgear or at least wishful thinking, like maybe there’s a planned Jeggings Intervention they don’t want getting out.  A more likely reason, though, is the Palace doesn’t want the masses doing the math on this latest getaway.

Even privately funded royal holidays cost  taxpayers who foot the bill for security without ever seeing the amount.  Prince William and Harry’s trip to the US to attend Guy Pelly’s wedding cost UK taxpayers an estimated $84,000 according to an industry source cited in a Daily Mail article.

However, UK taxpayers aren’t the only ones covering security costs for private royal holidays, whenever the British royals travel, they arrange security logistics with local law enforcement.   As one comment from the aforementioned article noted:

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This screen grab from the same DM piece shows just one example of the police protection US taxpayers provided for the “privately” funded trip:

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Turns out taxation with representation isn’t all that great either.  We  don’t get to say of course we want Harry but please keep the petulant one at home.

Sadly, the Cambridges are high risk targets.  In light of the terror attacks against France and ongoing threats, local law enforcement is busy enough without the extra burden of allocating its resources to a private royal getaway.  Additionally the UK government warns on its foreign travel advisory page for France:

There is considered to be a heightened threat of terrorist attack globally against UK interests and British nationals, from groups or individuals motivated by the conflict in Iraq and Syria. You should be vigilant at this time.

Who booked this trip, Triple Whammy Travel?   Worst Case Scenario Tours?   I love France, it’s felt like a second home to me since the age of 16, I’ve spent more time there than any other country outside of the US.  But other countries are pretty cool, too.  Maybe the Cambridges could check one of those out.  According to Prince William, Kate came up with a travel wish list when they were first married, surely there are a few on there they can’t get taxpayers to fund under the guise of a royal tour.

There’s speculation about who actually went on this French getaway and either scenario reflects poorly on the Cambridges.  If Kate went alone, it undermines the argument that she can’t work more because of her children, but if the entire family went, two high risk terror target  future kings are diverting security resources away from a country under the highest terror threat level and in mourning because of  recent attacks.

Just to give a glance into the huge logistical nightmare Cambridge security is, I will once again quote a recent Herazeus comment:

Think about this…..when Kate goes home to Middleton Towers with George, all security resources in the surrounding villages are re-routed for their safety. All police have to be on high alert for the duration of her stay, ground (vehicles + mounted horse) and air patrol the area. All local hospitals and medical staff are also on high alert in case of emergency trouble.

Now imagine the level of security required in a France on high alert for William and George!!

Or to quantify it, the last time London was on high alert, Kate required 9 RPOs just to attend a wedding at the Dorchester Hotel in London which is a skip and a hop from BP/CH and their security arrangements.

In France, the British and the French will have to provide extra security so these numpties can holiday in safety, but why should they let a terror alert get in the way of their holiday plans?

I think Kate probably traveled to France without her husband and children so likely (and hopefully), the French only have one numpty to deal with.  The French paper’s “several sources” only saw Kate, but if Prince William, Princess Charlotte, Prince George and Nanny Maria were really on the private plane which seats 8 as has been suggested by the British press, that doesn’t leave a lot of room for their Royal  Protection Officers.   Additionally, only two SUVs met the plane according to reports which suggests one royal.  I guess it’s possible everyone scootched, maybe Nanny Maria and the kids went in one while Prince William and Kate were in the other, they just tied the RPOs to the roof like Christmas trees because the luggage for a family of four, a nanny, and their RPOs would take up the remaining interior space but there’s an upcoming Canada tour so we don’t have to think about how they worked out the SUV logistics.  Just know that magic exists, Muggles.

It would have to be one doozy of a spell, though.  This is the convoy when Princes William and Harry were in the US for Guy Pelly’s wedding.

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Thank goodness the Canada tour was announced, otherwise we might feel obligated to count the SVUs and local law enforcement vehicles in the royal convoy.

The announced Canada tour will also help with annual engagement totals for Prince William and Kate.  On Thursday, Express ran a piece by Richard Palmer about the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry being ahead of last year’s numbers thus far but still behind Prince Philip.  Tours like the recent India/Bhutan one are an easy way for Prince William and Kate to get their numbers up without the terribly taxing pretending to care about stuff because travel to and from the tour host country and each destination within counts, as do the greetings.  There’s very little substance and yet each tour racks up dozens of official engagements.  So even with the benefit of one royal tour this year, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are still  trailing behind  Prince  Philip?  Seriously?

On Wednesday, Kensington Palace Tweeted that that the Cambridges have special memories from their first Canadian Tour.

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I think it’s safe to say that tour holds special memories for royal watchers as well.  It was at the Calgary Airport that Kate had her first full bum flash as a duchess.  Call me sentimental, but I get a little misty-eyed just thinking about it.  Of course, that might just be burning from the image permanently  seared in my retinas.   But remember how we all thought it was a rookie mistake that wouldn’t be repeated?   We were so innocent and naive back then.  I miss that.

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Kate’s Not-So-Secret French Getaway

According to a French newspaper, on Tuesday at 1:30pm, Kate Middleton was spotted landing at the Pau-Pyrénées airport in a private  jet.  My thanks to the lovely Rebecca @TheUpAndUpGirl on Twitter for sending me the link yesterday.

I was curious if the British press would run the story but Rebecca  English’s Daily Mail article indicates the press isn’t sitting on this getaway.

EnglishDMArticle

The initial article from the local French paper suggests that Kate was flying solo visiting relatives, although the Daily Mail article notes, “There was no mention of air ambulance pilot Prince William – although he is due to take time off this summer – or the couple’s children, although Prince George and Princess Charlotte are believed to have accompanied their mother.”

The response from DM readers is thus far pretty brutal.

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PoorLamb

And of course, there’s already some speculation as to the whereabouts of Ben Ainslie.

BenAinslieWhereabouts

Last night, I stumbled across something fairly amusing when doing a Google search.  This is what comes up when you type in “Ben Ainslie K”:

GoogleSearchBen Ainslie

So it appears we’re not the only ones who have noticed.

To be fair, Sunday was Kate’s eighth official Ben Ainslie 1851 Trust engagement since becoming Patron in June of 2014 so they naturally have built a rapport since their first meeting on Day 10 of the 2012 Olympics.

KateMeetingBenAinslie

Ben’s even spent time with her sister Pippa.  In December 2013, she wrote an article about him for The Telegraph.

PippaBenAinslie

So it’s totally not weird at all that one of Kate’s hands disappears in this photo:

Kate&BenAward

Or that when Kate gives Ben a medal, it looks like this:

KateGivesBenMedal

But when William gives Ben a medal, it looks like this:

WilliamGivesBenMedal

Ben obviously doesn’t feel as close to Prince William as he does to Kate which is normal, they don’t spend as much time around each other as Ben and Kate do.  And even when Prince William does accompany Kate to an 1851 Trust event, he doesn’t get as much one-on-one time with Ben.

Ben,Kate&William

So, no, I don’t think Kate wanted some alone time to Google search pictures of Ben Ainslie with his shirt off:

BenAinslieOlympicBodies

Or one where he looks devastatingly handsome in a turtleneck that shows off his pecs:

BenAinslieTurtleneck

Therefore it’s highly unlikely Kate needed some time away to figure out if there’s some kind of royal loophole that would allow her to keep Ben Ainslie as a house pet.

In fact, Rebecca English just Tweeted an update that Prince William, Prince George and Charlotte have accompanied Kate on this secret French getaway.  It’s just not reflected in the article yet, although it probably will be soon.

RebeccaEnglishUpdate

See, they’re very normal.  Either the French newspaper’s “numerous sources” simply didn’t see Prince William, Prince George and Princess Charlotte or Prince William had to take a separate private jet because he’s not supposed to fly with the heir-to-the-heir-to-the-heir unless he receives special permission from the Queen and the kids are small so maybe they were somehow missed or took their own private jet with their nanny.

It is a private holiday so the only thing the taxpayers have to cover the cost of is the team of royal protection officers and any of their travel expenses and overtime.  And Kate usually disappears for most of the summer, the press just doesn’t usually report on the getaways.

Which begs the question why now?  Herazeus made a very astute comment on the Prince George’s Lupogate post:

“The two numpties have so alienated the press that only their status protects them ie they can’t be pushed too far down whilst HM is still alive otherwise the entire edifice crumbles and no one wants that. Yet.

The press is therefore sniping. Death by 1000cuts.”

redheart

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Cambridge Catch-Up

Greetings, All.  My apologies for my absence.  I have a new post on Kate Middleton ready to go but wanted to play a little Cambridge Catch-Up before hitting publish on Thursday’s SportsAid event.

Prince William has had two royal firsts since my last post.  After 33 years of princing, Prince William finally went to the The Royal  Horticultural Society’s Chelsea Flower Show on May 23rd.

RebeccaEnglishFlowerShow

The flower show was a first for Kate, too.  When Kensington Palace’s Press Office suggested on social media that Prince Harry was a Chelsea Flower Show tag-along newbie, royal watchers quickly corrected them and reminded them of Prince Harry’s previous appearances.

FlowerShowCorrection

Even though Prince Harry may come in third in the Palace Press Office hierarchy, royal watchers are getting frustrated with how much Jason Knauf’s PR team keeps dropping the ball when it comes to Harry’s work.  I think Prince Harry’s supporters need a nickname like Beyoncé’s BeyHive.  We could be… the Ginger Rooters?  We’ll work on the name.

At the flower show, Prince William looked just as miserable as one would expect a Reluctant Prince who allegedly thinks flower shows and ribbon cuttings are ridiculous royal duties.

CambridgesFlowerShow

The above Daily Mail screen grab is now one of my very favorite royal photos, mainly because Prince William has never looked more like Bert from Sesame Street than at that moment.

BertSesameStreet

The Daily Mail provided a bevy of snaps for Keeping up With the Kambridges screen grabbing.  Kate was almost all of the Seven Dwarfs in them.

Sneezy:

Sneezy

Sleepy:

Sleepy

Dopey:

Dopey

And Happy:

Happy

One  Daily Mail commenter thought Kate looked more like a garden gnome than a Disney dwarf, though.

GardenGnomeComment

The Chelsea Flower Show also had an incredible installation in honor of The Royal  Horticultural Society’s Patron’s 90th Birthday.

QueenRHSPatron

Among the flowers on display were two that had been named after the Cambridge’s children.

Charlotte&GeorgeFlowers

Before the show, there was a Kate sighting by a Twitter user.

KateSighting

On the 24th, Kate was papped with Prince George and Princess Charlotte.  Prince George was sitting on a Met Police motorbike with the assistance of four police officers, holding on to the handlebars as he pretended to drive it.  The Cambridge privacy line became even blurrier when media outlets in the UK were permitted to print the photos.

PrinceGeorgeMotorbike

The photos of Prince George were reminiscent of ones taken of Prince William and Prince Harry when they were young.

PrinceWilliamPrinceHarryMotorbike

Perhaps the Cambridge’s objections to having their photos taken “off-duty” has more to do with the story the pictures  tell.  The photos of Prince George on a police motorbike with his mother and  sister nearby are image-friendly, photos of him with his nanny are not.

While the Cambridges seem to be on a campaign to ultimately control  their image using social media, social media itself is uncontrollable.  The motorbike photos which many initially assumed would only appear in overseas publications were Retweeted with Kate’s dress identified in less time than it takes to find Waldo.

KateCezanneDress

Later that day, Kate slipped into the same cream Alexander McQueen coat dress and Jane Taylor fascinator she wore to Prince George’s christening to go with Prince William to his very first Buckingham Palace Garden Party.

WilliamFirstGardenParty

Even Kate has gone to those and yet somehow her 33-year-old  blood royal future king husband remained a Buckingham Palace Garden Party virgin until May 24th of this year.

Jennifer @Chic_Happens_ Tweeted a photo of Princess Diana wearing an outfit very similar to Kate’s Buckingham Palace Garden Party attire.  I inserted a photo of Kate next to it for the sake  of easy comparison.  Soooooo, yeah, that happened.

PrincessDianaComparison

Kate also had her glam squad with her at the Garden Party: PA/stylist  Natasha Archer and her hair stylist Amanda Cook Tucker.   Natasha’s boyfriend, royal photographer Chris Jackson, also managed to score an invite.  According to royal.uk, invites to the royal garden parties are a “way of recognising and rewarding public service”.

KateGlamSquad&Photog

Did Amanda Cook Tucker have to swallow a balloon full of wiglets to smuggle them into India or something for this most recent tour?  Nothing about Kate’s garden party hair suggested a need  for an  emergency stylist to be standing by.

Then on May 28th,  the Daily Mail ran a piece on Prince William and Kate taking a private chartered helicopter back to Anmer Hall after Tuesday’s Buckingham Palace Garden Party at a  cost of approximately £5,000.  And the response of DM readers was pretty much what you’d expect.

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What I find interesting is that this helicopter had been chartered at all, considering The Queen has a Sikorsky S-76++ registration number G-XXEB which is primarily used by Prince Charles and in July 2014, the Queen leased an AgustaWestland A109S to be used by William, Kate and other members of the Royal Family.  So why the need to charter a third helicopter?  Who was using the other two?  Hopefully Prince  Andrew didn’t swap them in some kind of shady business deal for magic beans.

But then photos of a Cambridge family outing at the Houghton Hall International Horse Trials with blue bows and matching stripes were published by various outlets such as The Mirror bringing a little peace to the land and a bit more haziness to the Cambridge’s privacy expectations.

redheart

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