Tag Archives: Queen

George Michael & Princess Diana

2016 was a rough year for celebrity deaths, we lost so many greats.  The one that hit me the hardest was George Michael whom I have loved since I was a little girl.  I credit his sexiness for not only for kicking off an early puberty but for endowing me with a large rack.  All those lustful pre-teen hormones had to go somewhere and for me they settled in my chest (regretfully some of it also made its way to my ass).

I was a devoted fan throughout his career, from Wham!, through his aviator sunglasses days and beyond.  As I noted in Crushes, the “Faith” video still does it for me in a major way.  Despite all of George Michael’s struggles throughout his life, or perhaps because of them, he always felt like a kindred spirit: blessed but broken.

He described what propelled him in various interviews as: “It’s not the something extra that makes a star. It’s the something missing.”  Art in its various forms isn’t a choice, it’s a compulsion, a need to create something that will provide a fleeting sense of wholeness.

George Michael was so underrated as a vocalist.  His live 1992 cover of Queen’s “Somebody to Love” was a worthy tribute to Freddie Mercury who had a four octave range and exceptional control in his head and chest voice, very few singers can do his songs justice.  My favorite non-vocal part of this cover occurs between 3:50-4:00, the Wembley Stadium audience thunderously belts out “love”, Queen’s lead guitarist Brian May chuckles and George does a victorious twirl.

The year after the Freddie Mercury tribute concert, Princess Diana finally met George Michael at a World Aids Day concert.  Diana was a big fan of George Michael’s and after George declined a few opportunities to meet her, when they finally were introduced, they became fast friends.  Diana’s former chef, Darren McGrady, revealed some details about their relationship in a Daily Mail piece.

George spent a lot of time with Diana and helped her through her separation with Prince Charles, she would also ring him up and they would chat.  A tape of one such conversation exists in the safety deposit box of Andros Georgiou, one of George’s friends.  The back story and some other interesting anecdotes about Princess Diana and George Michael can be read in this piece.

George regretted not speaking with Diana in the two years before her death, life just got in the way and he always assumed she must have so many callers, he didn’t want to be an intrusion.  After Princess Diana’s death, George didn’t have much contact with her sons but told Piers Morgan in a 2011 interview that once at a Christmas party Princess Diana threw at Kenington Palace, he declined to honor an impromptu request from Prince William to sing, admitting he felt terrible about saying no to “probably the future king of England” but was too embarrassed to sing in front of small crowds, joking “there was a day I would have been taken to the Tower”.  Because of George’s close bond with Princess Diana, for Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding, George wanted to give them a special gift and recorded a cover of Stevie Wonder’s “You and I” for their wedding.  He confirmed through a mutual friend that they both liked the song before making the track for them, hoping that they would be able to use it to raise donations for The Royal Wedding Charity Fund.

For me, it is the best thing to have come out of the Royal Wedding.

While George Michael’s scandals have been published exhaustively throughout the tabloids, much less ink has been dedicated to his charitable nature.  He was a kind gentle generous soul who quietly donated a lot of money to AIDS and cancer organizations, children’s charities, animal rescues and private individuals he heard about who needed help.  He not only gave of his money, but his time as well, volunteering at homeless shelters and various charities, asking fellow volunteers that his presence remain anonymous.

George Michael’s Older album has been said to have helped Prince William get through his mother’s death.  I imagine George Michael’s death had to have brought up old pain for Prince William, but hopefully it also reminded him of the positive impact his mother and her pop star friend had on the lives of so many and will inspire him to create his own legacy.

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Royal Hemline Decree

Kate Middleton just wrapped up her vacation in Mustique where she rested up from those exhausting zero official engagements to date this year and the mere thirty-five in 2013 that cemented her status as The UK’s Laziest Royal.  The Duchess of Doolittle returned from the Caribbean and discovered she had landed in a bit of a fashion bummer.  According to Time’s Newsfeed, the Queen thinks Kate dresses like a “harlot” and has appointed her own personal dresser, Angela Kelly, to make sure Kate wears more Duchess-appropriate attire for her upcoming tour of Australia.

Perhaps the Queen is seeking to avoid another wardrobe malfunction like the one Kate already had in Australia at the Brisbane Airport.

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These “Marilyn Moments” as they are labeled by the press show more than the Queen feels is appropriate.

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Perhaps the Queen objects because she actually met Marilyn Monroe in 1956 while she was in England filming The Prince and the Showgirl and everyone’s skirt stayed where it was supposed to.

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I think the real issue here is less about the hem length and more about Kate needing dress weights like the ones the Queen has sewn into her garments.  And Kate should rethink going commando in dresses, a wardrobe malfunction is way less slutty if you’re wearing underwear.

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In addition to panties, I would also recommend Kate always wear a bra.  Most women’s breasts are slightly uneven, however when Kate goes without a bra, the height of her right nipple makes the set look even more mismatched.

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Kate does show more leg than one would expect of a possible future Queen consort but she keeps it tight, she’s got great gams, a fantastic bum and really, we’ve all seen the whole show already.  It’s common knowledge that Kate doesn’t wax or shave her bikini area, there are photos all over the internet like the white bikini pics that show the circumference of her areolae, she nabbed her prince by stalking him, I think we’ve already sailed way past her being able to pull off demure.

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If a more royal look is being imposed on Kate, her publicly playing with her hair really needs to stop.  Of course, there was the Hair Twirl Heard Round the World on Remembrance Day.

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Whether straight or curled, up or down, Kate’s hair has a five-fingered entourage.

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The constant hair touching conveys boredom as she gets lost in her own locks, with all of the etiquette training she’s had, she should know that it’s inappropriate.

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In many cultures a woman playing with her hair is considered to be flirtatious.  I can’t think of a single country in which a woman playing with her hair doesn’t have some culturally-specific meaning.  As a representative of the UK and the wife of a future king, she needs to be mindful of the message she is conveying.

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In Thailand, there is a spiritual association with hair because the head is considered so sacred.  Kate’s constant fussing with her tresses could be interpreted as the actions of someone who is spiritually deficient.  To a Jordanian, however, Kate pulling her hair back revealing her neck could be interpreted as a sexual advance because in Jordan, the neck is considered especially erotic, she appears to be offering it by sweeping her hair away from it.

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Even with the backlash against her Remembrance Day hair twirl still fresh, she couldn’t keep her hands out of her hair when her husband was commenting on the sad passing of the great Nelson Mandela.  Playing with her ponytail, she forgot she was supposed to look somber and her expression switched over to her default setting of looking like she’s daydreaming of doodling “I Love Unicorns” in her notebook.

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The Queen’s announcement about hemlines comes less than two weeks after Prince Charles revealed that he will be taking control of the press office of Prince William and Kate and absorbing them into his own at Buckingham Palace.  The elimination of the Kensington Palace press office is believed to be Prince Charles’ attempt to remold The Royal Family’s public image and refocus attention away from Kate’s hair and clothing onto more serious topics.

As frustrating as Lazy Katie’s lack of effort when it comes to charitable work can be, frumping her up isn’t the answer.  The fate of tigers is in no way tied into Kate’s hemline and the Firm isn’t going to turn her into Margaret Thatcher by making her wear boxy suits.  And if they did somehow manage to get their hands on magical fabric that enabled such a transformation, they probably shouldn’t, the Queen looked positively beaming at the funeral of the former Prime Minister.

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I think the way to handle the whole Kate Middleton’s wardrobe issue is just make sure she’s wearing knickers and sew in some dress weights.  People aren’t going to stop focusing on her appearance simply if her wardrobe is toned done, instead the media will start digging through the archives and the conversation will be about how much they preferred Above-the-Knee Kate.

The Firm seems reticent about letting Kate speak publicly in recent months following a string of vapid responses which caused eye rolls, smirks and out-right mockery in the global media.  Kate doesn’t have the passion for charity work and natural charm Princess Diana had, she doesn’t appear to have any terribly interesting hobbies of her own like Sarah Ferguson’s extramarital toe-sucking, she doesn’t have the stoic strength of Queen Elizabeth II because let’s face it, no one in the world has that, but she is good at putting cute little outfits together.  Personally, I think the Royal Family needs to be careful about shaking up Kate, when the candy falls out, the party is pretty much over.

The one bonus of having your hemlines royally decreed is the Queen lets you borrow jewels from her private collection, not to be confused with the Crown Jewels which are kept in the Tower of London.  No one actually knows how much the Queen’s Jewels are worth because no gemologist has ever been permitted to examine the collection.  For her upcoming scheduled trip to Australia, Kate will be allowed to borrow some of the Queen’s pieces most of which have been handed down to her by past monarchs. This isn’t like rooting around in your Grandma’s jewelry box, this is some serious badass bling.  My first round draft pick would be the Collet Necklace which is also referred to it as the Coronation Necklace.

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Despite its 160 carats, Queen Alexandra and Queen Mary piled even more diamonds on top of it.  Queen Elizabeth II wears it as I would, on its own, it is the ultimate statement necklace and that statement is “Suck it, Commoners.”  That kind of ice would definitely take the sting out of being told by the Queen that you dress like a tramp.

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Love,

Lola