Tag Archives: Trooping the Colour

Back to the Future Heir & Hair

Lately I’ve  been a little  quiet on the topic of Prince William and Kate, there are only so many ways you can describe beige paint drying.  The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge seem far less into the whole being royal thing than the ninety-year-old  monarch who endlessly shows up in my Twitter feed at various engagements.   But here’s a  little catch-up.

Queen Elizabeth II has said, “I have to be seen to be believed.”  According to an April 20th Telegraph article, the only color “she avoids is beige, which does not allow her to stand out in a crowd”.   In contrast, Kate appears to go to great lengths not to even stand out on her own beige couch.  Except of course when it counts.

On Saturday June 11 at Trooping the Colour, Kate managed to make her way  to the front of all the royals waiting to join the Queen and Prince Philip on the balcony.

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When  Kate stepped out on the balcony, she wound up causing a pile-up as she vied for a  prime spot.  Prince Charles had to take Camilla by the hand and gently ease her to the side.

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Because what’s the point of going to Trooping the Colour if you can’t be seen  on the balcony?

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Kate’s efforts not to be obscured because of royal protocol paid off for her.

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For the Trooping  the Colour celebrating her 90th birthday, Her Majesty wore  a nuclear  green coat and dress by Stewart Parvin and matching Rachel Trevor Morgan hat.

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It was the hue equivalent of the toon-killing Dip in Who Framed Roger Rabbit and the vat of chemicals  that turned Red Hood/Jack Napier into Batman’s nemesis The Joker.

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That’s kinda badass.  And the Queen did go a little Her Royal Honey Badger on William on the Trooping the Colour balcony, reminding William that taxpayers do expect to see members of the Royal Family.

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At the Order of the Garter on June 13th, royal-watcher Jennifer @Chic_Happens_ noted that after five years, Kate was finally taking standard royal precautions  against  the elements.

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Given how long it’s taken, did perhaps the Queen have a stern word  with the Serial Flasher?

Her Majesty is known to take a laissez-faire approach to running her family.  With the revelation this week that scandal-prone Andrew took a £5,000  helicopter ride to play a round of golf with the World Bank president (added to the Court  Circular the day after the press inquired about it), the Queen really needs to go full-on honey badger with certain members of her family.

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One of the Queen’s black patent leather loafers should be aimed at the heir to the heir. At a June 22nd EACH charity gala, Prince William could barely hide his boredom.

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EACH-2While Kate still can’t hold a wine glass properly, at least she didn’t look like she deeply resented children with life-threatening illnesses for making gala attendance necessary.

The event was part of the efforts to raise £10million for a new hospice in Norfolk launched in November 2014.  To date, only a quarter of the goal has been reached.  In contrast, a May 27th CNN article indicated Ben Ainslie had already reached £50 million of the £80 million target for his bid to win the America’s Cup.

Both William and Kate looked like a lifetime has passed since Kate  last wore the blush pink Jenny Packham gown she had on at the EACH gala back in 2011.

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How hard  is it being royal?  It’s not like the Cambridges do a whole lot of royaling  anyway.   At the Battle of Somme tribute, they looked like a couple that sits on porch rockers with blankets tucked  around them as they forecast the weather by the aches  in their joints.

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They are 34  years  old, the same age as Anne Hathaway and Eddie Redmayne, William’s Eton classmate.

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In this screen grab side-by-side, the picture of Anne was taken one month  after she gave birth.

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Kate is a fashion pendulum swinging in between sexy and elderly.  At the Battle of Somme tribute, Kate sported a hair net which have only been worn by cafeteria workers and fast food employees in the last 80 years.

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On Wednesday Kate glammed it up at the National History Museum, presenting the Art Fund of the Year award.  She wore a  stretch jersey dress with mesh insets by Barbara Casasola.

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I love this dress and thought it looked gorgeous on Kate.  Not sure what the two buttons are, maybe Kate had panic buttons installed on her bum.

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This level of cling on me would provide the kind of visual horror that would forever haunt anyone who happened  to see me in it.  This dress is not cellulite-friendly but on Kate it looks great.

The off-the-shoulder dress had a  front zip which added both an element of  sexiness and sportiness to it.

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According to Rebecca English’s Daily Mail piece, Kate accessorized with a pair of pink heels that were so high, she wobbled in them.

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And  these were some of the expressions Kate wore in the pics from the same article.

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I would take this entire blog down in exchange for whatever pharmacological grab bag Kate’s got her hands on.  I mean drugs are bad, kids, stay in school.

Kate was back to what she does best on Thursday, sitting in the Royal Box at Wimbledon and meeting celebs.  The Sun has a photo from her Venus Williams Snapchat video, pics of some of the celebs with whom she rubbed shoulders as well as an amusing comparison between Kate and Sansa, listing Kate’s occupation as “Mum of Two”.   It’s always refreshing when the media doesn’t try to pretend she does much in the way of duchessing.

Hope all of you are having the loveliest of summers! Thanks to all who have inquired about me.

redheart

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Prince George’s Wardrobe Dysfunction

Since Prince George was born, there have been grumblings that the cutest of all Prince Grumpy Cats is rarely publicly seen.  Over the weekend, the public was treated to a rare Toddler Prince Double Feature: George’s first official engagement on his home turf, his Trooping the Colour balcony debut, and his appearance on the sidelines with his mother, Kate Middleton, at a charity polo event on Sunday.

On Saturday, Prince George was dressed to emulate what his father wore to his first balcony appearance in some misguided attempt to remind the public of the good old days.  You know, that golden era of the monarchy when Princess Diana was in such a deep depression she tried harming herself, Prince Charles was incapable of dealing with human emotions, there were accusations of infidelity and the entire relationship of the Prince and Princess of Wales was in a downward spiral that would feed tabloid magazines for years.  Those were good times, who wouldn’t want a repeat of that?  Maybe later we can do a reenactment of the Space Shuttle Challenger Disaster.

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Trooping the Colour balcony debuts of Prince George and Prince William, screen grabs from The Daily Mail

Prince George’s polo ensemble on Sunday also created a bit of a buzz, scandalously Prince George was spotted in the most unroyal of all footwear, Crocs.  Already the tiny plastic shoes have sold out, proving Kate hates the world.  Maybe Kate just wanted to show the world that not all of George’s clothing is from the Creepy Doll Museum or maybe she wanted everyone’s focus to be on George’s feet to distract from what could be the monarchy’s greatest scandal to date, the identity of Prince George’s real baby daddy.

Personally, I never bought into the conspiracy theories that surrounded George’s birth until now.  I mean, I enjoy a good conspiracy theory, there are some truly entertaining ones out there that appeal to me as a fan of the sci-fi genre, but at the end of the day I never doubted George was conceived in the traditional manner, not in the center of an Illuminati goat circle to a jackal surrogate.

But Sunday’s photos gave me pause.  Was it possible that Kate could have had some extra-marital dalliances, squeezed in an affair in between all the shopping and doing nothing?  Could Prince George really not be a legitimate heir of the throne?  Is it possible that Prince George’s real father is none other than American comic Louie Anderson?

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I’m obviously kidding, but maybe next time Kate is out shopping, she could pick up George some clothes that don’t make him look like a sixty-something year old stand-up comedian, a cursed antique doll or a ghostly apparition from the doomed days of another royal marriage.  What child has ever grabbed an old man cardigan before going out to play?  His life is going to have enough challenges, let him have some carefree childhood moments in clothing that isn’t labeled Dry Clean Only.

redheart

 

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Kate’s Maternity Leave is Officially Officially Over

The Buckingham Palace Press Office has one less option on Kate’s Excuse Spinner to offer for her lack of public engagements.  The one year of “maternity leave” retroactively offered to explain the reclusive duchess’ disappearing act after her post-pregnancy return to duty was officially over on June 14th.

There’s still the classic, “allergies”, employed to get out of undesirable activities like learning to ride or explain a glum expression on the usually overly enthusiastic and potentially neurologically damaged duchess.  Allergies were why Kate looked so haggard at Saturday’s Trooping the Colour which is the official birthday celebration of the British monarch.

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Perhaps allergies were why Kate opted for a mother-of-the-bride look at a winter wedding in an Alexander McQueen suit of silver brocade and a Jane Taylor hat with icy holiday centerpiece foliage.  No summery colors or artificial fascinator blooms to trigger hay fever, just overall winter frostiness as Kate rode in a carriage with a tartan blanket on her lap.

Kate is infamously allergic-not-allergic to horses but fared better while watching Prince William play polo at a charity on Sunday.  Neither pollen nor horses nor being so close to an event benefiting a charity triggered an allergic reaction in My Fair Waity.  Pictures taken of Le Petit Prince did not prompt any angry tirades over privacy violations from Prince William despite the match being a private event.  This informal picture of the family was captured which might one of my favorites because, as Kate can attest to, it’s incredibly difficult to get a horse to cooperate with a photo op.

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During the game, Kate evoked her mother by blowing kisses to her prince, a needed change from Single White Femaling her deceased mother-in-law.

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Perhaps Kate is trying to get Wills in the mood for making a spare because sometimes hair comes before the heir.

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A pregnancy would be perfect timing now that her maternity leave is officially officially over.  The rare hyperconvenient hyperemesis gravidarum that Kate gets that only affects duchess duties and not shopping or vacations would give her a nice nine month break before another year of maternity leave.  She could continue ignoring those seven charities she wanted to “focus on” in the manner to which she has become accustomed until April of 2016.  Out of those seven charities, Action on Addiction, East Anglia’s Children’s Hospices, The Art Room, The National Portrait Gallery, Place2Be, SportsAid and The Natural History Museum, she’s only attended two photo-op events to date this year, once for The Art Room and once for The National Portrait Gallery.  By comparison, Princess Diana tried to visit each of her numerous charities at least three times every year.  Another pregnancy would be ideal for Lazy Katie, the needy are just so needy.

On Monday, Kate showed up for another official royal event, The Order of the Garter parade.  I’m assuming she was coaxed out of the coziness of the palace because she thought a totally different kind of garter would be featured.

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Since Kate’s got to be careful about showing her privates in public now, maybe she thought she could subliminally turn her Big Willy’s attention to her vertical smile with this Georgia O’Keeffe approach to millinery.

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From beneath Kate’s recycled Christopher Kane coat, the outline of what appears to be a bustier could be seen.

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For a girl who’s proven on multiple occasions that she’s just not that into underwear, sexy lingerie is rather unexpected.  Perhaps Kate got confused about The Order of the Garter and expected to see lingerie models instead of hats with large white feathers.  Or maybe she’s leaving a breadcrumb trail for Prince William now that her year of maternity leave is up.  There are luxury vacations to take and credit cards don’t charge themselves, you can only blame just so many things on allergies.

redheart

 

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