While many of us spent Valentine’s Day mainlining sugary treats and snuggling up with loved ones or casting curses on exes, Kate Middleton waged war on fashion and decorum at an engagement with air cadets at RAF Wittering. There was also the classic battle of Kate’s hair versus the wind which resulted in a ponytail of defeat, captured by photographer Mark Stewart. (Correction by KateMiddletonReview: Kate actually started the day off with a ponytail then released the mane prior to the cadet exercises which adds a whole new level of mystery to Kate’s hair-making decisions.) It’s as if an advisor instructed Kate to look “engaged” at the event but she mistakenly heard “deranged”.
At the RAF Wittering event, Kate participated in a team building exercise with the cadets and tried out a flight simulator. Kate wore a festive red Philosophy di Lorenzo Serafini jacket which is a beautiful color on her. However, because it is a pea coat which does have a tendency to visually add a teeny bit of width, Kate had to prove she’s still the skinniest in the land by pairing it with a pair of jeggings that were so tight, likely they came out of a spray can.
The physics of these pants baffle me. How can something be so tight that every muscle movement is visible beneath them and yet require constant tugging up? Is this some sort of denim equivalent of cheap drugstore hosiery that keeps trying to snap back to the original 6″ length it was when you pulled it out of the package to the point you consider stapling the band to your underwear but despite your hellish struggle you still manage not to grab your own ass in public?
Even more distracting than the pants were Kate’s exaggerated random facial expressions that had some on social media wondering what meds Kate’s on.
But seriously, there’s no medication or pharmaceutical combination of which I’m aware that turns a thirty-five year-old mother of two and a future queen consort into a less dignified version of a howler monkey. If Kate’s on anything at all, it was probably developed in a secret military research facility.
My mother would have been mortified if I behaved this way in public when I was six-years-old, Kate is almost six years into being a duchess and not only is there no evidence of those purported “princess lessons”, there’s little to suggest she has much experience interacting with other human beings.
At some point, I’m probably going to have to switch this blog into a Jennifer @ fan page. She’s far more engaging and represents the UK better than Kate.