Tag Archives: William the Reluctant

Cambridge to Nowhere

Once again, Prince William and Kate Middleton begin a new year being criticized for their lackluster performance and putting in far less work than other members of the Royal Family, including the Queen and Prince Philip who are in their 90s.  Prince William only managed 188 engagements in 2016 while Kate only showed up for 140.  The Cambridge’s numbers for 2016 are impressively low considering they undertook two tours which are big numbers-boosters because all of those airport greetings and “private” touristy experiences from which the press was banned counted as official engagements.

Since joining the British Royal Family in April of 2011, Kate has only undertaken a grand total of 484 engagements to date.  In 2016 alone, Prince Charles handled 530 engagements while Princess Anne had 509 so Kate still hasn’t cumulatively pulled off in almost six years what other members of the family manage in one.

The Daily Mail ran an article detailing how Prince William and Kate only do half the work Prince Charles and Princess Diana did at a comparable stage in their married lives when they were raising young children.

Not surprisingly, the public was reminded on Friday Prince William has another job he pretends to do sometimes with a series of photos taken by the same photographer who managed to track down the future king on the job last year when the press and public were grumbling loudly about Work-shy William.

jennifer-pwphotog

Prince William’s contract with East Anglian Air Ambulance  ends in March, the fact that he’s still in the co-pilot seat shows he puts in as much effort there as he does with his royal role.  It’s not that big of a deal, though.  Most air ambulances just have the one pilot, the government had to purchase a special helicopter for EAAA so Prince William could play co-pilot because he was unqualified for the job.  Once William decides he wants to be a cowboy or open a fake psychic detective agency, the EAAA just has to make a minor software adjustment to switch their air ambulance freebie back to a one pilot helicopter.  Or Prince William may decide to extend his contract, after all he’s able to dictate his EAAA schedule claiming royal duty while using the job as an excuse as to why he can’t do more royal engagements.

Something seems off about these photos in the Daily Mail piece.  Maybe it’s just Prince William’s stiff posture as he tries to emulate someone who does stuff or his getting the EAAA photo op out of the way so early in January that’s throwing me off, but there are two side by side pictures where the foliage doesn’t seem consistent at the same portion of the tail boom.

section1 section2

Of course it could just be the angle.  Just like the strange violet hue at the top of William’s head could be explained by lighting conditions.

princewilliameaaahead

But it got me thinking.  It’s hard to juggle both holidays and PR photo ops.  I mean, those poor Cambridges have to fit in both sandy beaches and snowy slopes not long after their time off at Christmas.  Instead of going through all the trouble of having to go work and try to remember what it is he supposedly does so it can be captured by a photographer like Geoff Robinson, why don’t they just shoot Prince William in various poses against a green screen?  That way he can easily be dropped into heroic scenes while he’s working on his tan or hitting the slopes or playing video games in the Fortress of Solitude.  Then whenever there’s word of a taxpayer torch and pitchfork mob forming, the Palace Press Office can release photos of Prince William in various heart-warming scenes like rescuing a box of kittens…

pwhellboy

Saving the Earth from an asteroid…

pwarmageddon

Defeating the Kraken…

pwclashofthetitans

Or even diverting attention away from any of his wife’s future flashing with a Marilyn moment of his own.

pwsevenyearitchh

Since Kate rarely speaks and when she does, she’s difficult to understand, they can try to beef up her numbers by having her assistant carry around a life-size cardboard cutout of her to her various patronages and see if anyone even notices.

Of course, the Cambridges might just opt to send everyone in the UK a photo from their next holiday with the message “We’re just not that into you.” especially since Prince William (the future Head of the Church of England) and Kate skipped sending out a Christmas card this year. (Instead they mailed out a photo from the Canada tour thanking those who sent them warm holiday wishes.  Other royals adhered to tradition with Prince Harry’s holiday card featuring children of an Invictus Games veteran while Prince Charles’ and Camilla’s holiday card included a photo from their Croatia tour).

Prince William and Kate deciding to spend Christmas at Bucklebury for the second time, a year after they skipped the Queen’s Christmas lunch in order to host the Middletons at Anmer Hall, suggests they don’t really feel strongly bound to the Royal Family or its traditions.  While there have been no repercussions, even the Royal Family must be wondering about the future of the monarchy under William the Reluctant.

redheart

signature-copy

The Parable of the Perturbed Press

“To whomever much is given, of him will much be required; and to whom much was entrusted, of him more will be asked.” – Luke 12:48

After years of reaping royal benefits, this week the media reminded the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge of their enormous growing bar tab of expectation.

On February 17th, Kate Middleton did her guest stint with the Huffington Post UK. The photos Tweeted by @KensingtonRoyal of the “newsroom” confirmed to me that they were using stuffed animals instead of real dogs and ponies for the Kate is Keen Show.

HuffingtonPostEvent

While the event was geared towards bringing awareness to children’s mental health issues, the inherent flaw in selecting one outlet is representative of the greater issue that the Cambridges mistakenly believe they don’t need the media.  Kate’s second event of the year lacked the traditional media fanfare even though she wore a brand new outfit and everything.  Above all else, the press is a business so they naturally wouldn’t want to waste a lot of column space plugging their competition.

Many wondered if there would be a complete media black-out.

JW-DMCompetition

Daily Mail article on Kate being papped shopping in pricy designer clothing referenced the Huffington Post event as Kate guest-editing “a website”.   While celebrity guest editing isn’t new which Jezebel’s “Kate Middleton Joins the Long, Goofy, Controversial Line of Celebrity Guest Editors” explores, the very fact that Kate is being classified as a celebrity reveals just how royally Kate is missing the mark.  Taxpayers don’t fund celebrities’ lives and more is expected of royals than being famous for being famous.  As representatives of the UK, royals are supposed to remain politically neutral and avoid the appearance of impropriety by refusing freebies  by companies seeking royal product placement…a  future Queen Consort aligning herself with one media outlet is tantamount to brand endorsement.

Prince William’s first scheduled engagement of the year on the 16th at the Foreign Office’s Diplomatic Academy seemed to even more blatantly break with the royal neutrality policy when a speech he delivered was widely interpreted as thinly veiled support of remaining within the European Union.  As the Daily Mail noted, “he all but named the EU as he referenced international organisations such as the United Nations, Nato and ‘elsewhere’ as institutions that help Britain affirm its ‘commitment to working in partnership with others’. ”  The Palace denied any political agenda and pointed out that never once in the speech did Prince William specifically mention the European Union.  Sure, and when I refer to the Petulant Prince, I really am talking about any spoiled arrogant balding 33-year-old British heir to the throne with a pathologically lazy wife, two kids and a Cocker Spaniel named Lupo.

On February 17th, The Sun fired a shot at William the Reluctant heard round the world’s media with “Throne Idle: Prince on 1st job of the year… and it’s a disaster”.  While many of the points it makes have been discussed here and on other sites like Kate Middleton Review, Kate Middleton: Duchess or Diva, Celebitchy, and Sarah Whalen’s posts on Bayou Buzz, it’s refreshing to see the UK mainstream media dispense with the royal candy coating for a change and exercise some journalistic candor.

The Sun’s journalistic bitch-slap was such a departure from the white glove treatment Prince William normally receives, The Guardian dedicated an article to the article in “The Sun gives both barrels to Prince William”.

On February 18th, Richard Palmer Tweeted that for the RAF Disbandment Parade attended by Prince William and Kate, media access was limited under the guise of space restrictions.

RP1 RP2 RP3

Perhaps the Cambridges were trying to keep out members of the media who might question the “value for the money” of Prince William and Kate who do so few official engagements to begin with taking a helicopter ride from London to Anglesey, Wales to attend the disbandment parade of the now-privatized branch of the Royal Air Force William left in 2013 without meeting his training commitment.

The Daily Mail continued the media pummeling with two new articles questioning the Petulant Prince’s dedication to his royal role with “William the Unwilling: A no-show at the Baftas, only two engagements all year and now even Royal eyebrows are being raised at a Prince who’s gone missing in action” as well as “Patell’s People: Work-shy William has to make a royal choice”.

The quote “to whom much is given, much is expected” comes from The Parable of the Faithful Servant, an eschatological warning in the Gospel of Luke to be prepared for the day of reckoning.  How long the monarchy will last remains to be seen, but with the press’ trumpeted judgment of William the Reluctant and the Duchess of Doolittle reaping the royal perks without commensurate return, the British Royal Family might want to figure out the whole Cambridge situation before the last three trumpets ring out.  The polo  ponies of petulant princes are no match against the apocalyptic horses of a republic.

redheart

signature copy

Prince Grumpy Cat and The Whirly Bird Mystery (Updated)

A few days ago on Royal Dish, I spotted a pic of a Star Magazine story of George saying goodbye to his uncle Harry on his way to work which Noodlesza posted.  Hi, Temi!

starmagazinewhirlybird

Except conveniently, Prince Harry is not pictured in any of the photos.  Since at the moment it’s raining the kind of giant heavy drops that make you feel like you’re being slapped in the head in NYC, I decided to apply my sleuthing skills to the Star magazine story.

The helicopter in the paparazzi photos is an AgustaWestland A109S.  The registration number visible on the craft G-XXEC is the same one as the helicopter the Queen leased last year for official engagements for William and Kate and other members of the British Royal Family if needed.  Official engagements, the kind that show up the Court Circular as evidence the British Royal Family is providing “value for money”.  This is the story the Daily Mail ran on the helicopter acquisition:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2664338/Heir-Force-One-Queen-leases-luxury-8million-helicopter-fly-Wills-Kate-official-engagements.html

The Star photos of George, Nanny Maria and Lupo supposedly on their way to see an invisible Prince Harry were taken on June 12, 2015 when Harry was still in the army, he had no official engagements that day.  If Harry was being picked up for some reason for just another day of looking sexy in uniform and other military duties, it wouldn’t be in the AgustaWestland A109S G-XXEC for official engagements, it would be in a military craft.  Military work doesn’t count as official royal work in the eyes of the official royal number keepers.

So who was George going to see in the photo?  When Prince Charles flies, he uses the Queen’s Sikorsky S-76C++ registration number G-XXEB, so it wasn’t grandpa.

PrinceCharlesheli

Jinkies!  It looks like we’ve got a real mystery on our hands, Gang.   Who is in the AgustaWestland whirly bird the adorable Prince Grumpy Cat is headed for in the Star magazine photos?  The real Captain Cutler covered with phosphorescent seaweed pretending to be the g-g-g-g-g-ghost of Captain Cutler?  Was it the creepy caretaker all along?

For possible suspects, I looked to the Court Circular.  Her Majesty was quite active on June 12, 2015 at Buckingham Palace, as was Prince Charles.  The Earl of Wessex, The Princess Royal and the Duke of Gloucester and the Duke of Kent all had local engagements as well.

Zoinks!  No one needed an official whirly bird for an official engagement and there were no other engagements that day.

So, unless there was some misappropriation of Duchy money, then it had to be Prince William returning home from his June 11, 2015 speech at a special fundraising dinner for Jewish Care.  Another very expensive heli ride for William the Reluctant a couple of days before his $25,000 Magna Carta whirly bird whirl when the ceilings at Buckingham Palace are falling down?

And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.

Ruh-roh.

******

Update 6/28/14.  Photos emerged with Harry which isn’t fantastic for the British Royal Family, especially considering the Royal Household Annual Accounts just came out.  The helicopter is for official engagements, Harry had none on June 12th (the date the photos were taken could be in question, Star magazine indicated they were taken the 12th, but if they were really taken on the 11th, then Prince Harry had the Afghanistan Memorial).  As delicious as Prince Harry looks in uniform, there still needs to be accountability.  Of course, Prince Harry could have been just there, the helicopter could have been used by William for his Jewish Care event, but this really needs to be investigated further.  If Harry did borrow the helicopter for a personal visit to see his nephew, then he needs to be formally reprimanded.  By me.  In leather.  And he would have to wear that uniform.  That is just how committed I am to the UK taxpayers.

HarryHeli1 HarryHeli2

 

 

redheart

signature copy

 

Prince William To Play Pilot

Well, it’s official.  Prince William will be flying rescue helicopters for the East Anglian Air Ambulance beginning in the spring of 2015.

The announcement comes during the month-long holiday William the Reluctant is taking from his year off.  Instead of assuming full-time royal duties in the fall as originally intended when the “transition year” was announced, Prince William will instead begin training for his new position as an air ambulance pilot.  It’s estimated a minimum of five months of training will be required before he can get his pilot’s license.

This new civilian job means the burden of royal engagements for the next couple of years will fall on older members of the royal family who battle health issues.  According to a Telegraph article, in 2013, the Royal Family carried out 1,061 fewer official engagements than in 2012.  In 2013, the Queen, 88, had to cancel engagements while hospitalized for gastroenteritis, her husband, Prince Philip, 93, logged 141 fewer appearances because of abdominal surgery and Princess Alexandra, 77, had to cut her appearances back by 82 because of polymyalgia rheumatic.  As the article noted, “The illnesses of older members of the Royal family will inevitable increase the pressure on the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry to help shoulder more of the workload.”  Well, at least there’s still Prince Harry.  Assuming he doesn’t do something crazy on his thirtieth birthday and wind up in a body cast because he was dropped while crowd-surfing naked hookers.

It’s been reported that Kate Middleton and Prince William will average approximately 40-50 engagements each annually for however many years Prince William wants to play pilot.  The press has been indicating that Prince William’s decision to delay royal duty has the full support of both the Queen and Prince Charles.  You know a decision is bad when a statement has to be made through a source that the Royal Family doesn’t think it’s the worst idea ever.  Methinks the source doth protest too much.

In addition to portraying the petulant prince as being unwilling to accept his birthright, security-wise, this position will be a nightmare for Scotland Yard.  Prince William will be working four days on, four days off, most likely taking the day shift that starts at 7am and gets off at 4:30pm.  Given that the East Anglian presently only has two EC135 T2 aircrafts, it won’t be too difficult to figure out the probability of when the prince will be answering emergency 999 calls.  For various whack-job individuals and groups plotting to do the second-in-line harm, summoning their target would take roughly the same amount of response time as the average Chinese take-out delivery order.

EastAngiianAirAmbulance

The EC135 T2 is a light utility helicopter with a glass cockpit and a maximum takeoff weight of 6,415lbs.  Empty, the craft weighs 3,208 pounds which leaves 3,207 pounds for the pilot, medical crew, patient, and medical equipment.  Unfortunately, the cockpit glass of the EC135 is not bullet proof or bullet resistant, such glass would be prohibitively heavy, leaving the security team with few additional protective measures to ensure the Prince’s safety.

The EC135’s at East Anglian Air Ambulance can accommodate one pilot, 2 HEMS crew and one patient.  So where will Prince William’s security detail sit?  One theory is that his bodyguards are being trained as paramedics so the lifesaving crew that arrives on scene will be Prince William’s protection detail.  The problem with that is his protection detail needs to be focused on the prince and not on the patient, plus I’m assuming people in bad enough shape to require the dispatching of a helicopter will want medical professionals whose certification wasn’t expedited for the pilot’s sake.  I guess they could always strap the patient to one of the rotor blades to leave space inside the craft for Prince William’s security team.

Or perhaps Prince William’s security needs are why East Anglian Air Ambulance will be acquiring a new EC145 T2 helicopter which is very similar to the EC135, just slightly larger.  The new EC145 will accommodate two pilots, three HEMS crew and a patient.  That way Prince William can be trained as a co-pilot first given his insufficient credentials for the job and it’s possible one member of the medical team could be assigned to his personal safety.  Because all normal people have their fantasy jobs magically open up for them in highly skilled professions that require an abundance of training at companies that just happen to be getting multi-million dollar aircrafts that will better accommodate their needs so they can be near their newly renovated country homes they want to escape to because they feel too “watched” in their lavish apartments renovated for millions of taxpayer dollars.

I mean, aren’t we all that lucky?  I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before I’m offered my dream jobs of Secret Agent, the Sorceress of Castle Grayskull, a Muse and Queen of the Universe (hopefully that will happen soon, this whole world domination plot is taking forever).

Of course, Prince William is graciously donating his £40,000 yearly salary to a yet-to-be-named charity.  Maybe he should give it to the taxpayers to whom he still owes £400,000 in RAF training costs by not completing the required six years of service for pilots accepted into the program.  The RAF decided not to bill Prince William for the payback with a source at the Ministry of Defense quoted in the Mirror last year as saying, “If it is somebody using the RAF training to go into a commercial flying career that is very different to somebody transferring to other public duties.”

Wait, so does that mean Prince William will have to repay the £400,000 he owes for bailing early on his RAF duties?

He wants to be normal, after all, so he should be required to pay back the £400,000 to experience one of the joys of being just like everyone else.

redheart

signature copy

 

 

William the Reluctant

Prince William turned 32 on Saturday.  The father, husband and second in line to the throne of England is still no closer to figuring out what he wants to be when he grows up despite the birthright he still views as a birthwrong.  Today he wants to be a helicopter pilot, perhaps tomorrow he’ll want to be a cowboy.  Prince William is a man of many interests, none of which appear to be his role as a future king.

As a child, Prince William would notoriously stomp his feet and scream, “I don’t want to be king.”  As a teenager his outbursts against his inherited role were chalked up to teenage rebellion.  He resented both the media and his protection detail, shouting at both, “Why won’t you just let me be a normal person?”  When Wills aged past the age of hormonally-explained dissent, Prince Charles attempted to instill in him a sense of duty, resorting to getting third parties like protection officers to convince the petulant prince to embrace his destiny as king.  Now thirty-two, Prince William’s defiance involves less kicking, but he still appears just as reluctant to accept his destiny, a destiny for which his own mother believed that his brother Harry was better suited.

It’s anticipated that Prince William will soon announce that he’s accepted a position as a pilot for East Anglian Air Ambulance and that he, Kate and Prince George will ditch their digs in Kensington Palace which just cost taxpayers $6.8 million to renovate in order to take up residence at Anmer Hall, a hundred and twenty miles north of London.  So much for Kensington Palace being their primary residence.  So much for assuming more royal responsibilities.  So much for a lot of things.

The helicopter pilot gig has been maybe happening since April.  The timing of the announcement coinciding with the release of the Kensington Palace renovation report makes me even more suspicious that William the Reluctant is becoming William the Destroyer, blasting as many holes in the monarchy as he can before he attempts to sink it.  Perhaps the Republican Movement simply isn’t moving fast enough for his taste so Prince William is trying to annihilate the monarchy from the inside.

Throughout his life, Prince William has approached his role as future king with contempt that’s worn many veils, but the underlying issue has always remained the same, Prince William despises being watched.  Realistically, there will always be some level of interest in Prince William either for who he will be or who he could have been.  Whether historically remembered as William the Reluctant or William the Destroyer, the only privilege Wills wasn’t born with was the option to be irrelevant.

This past year was labeled a transitional year by the Palace to explain why Prince William, now in his thirties, is still balking over becoming a full-time royal.  Perhaps like his wife, Kate, Prince William is allergic to things he doesn’t want to do.  Prince William couldn’t even make it through a ten-week agriculture course at Cambridge without taking two vacations.  The royal tour of Australia and New Zealand was laughably light on scheduled events, his calendar of official engagements has been as sparse as the hair on top of the heir’s head and now he’s taking another giant step away from the throne with this decision to play pilot.  He can’t have the perks without the responsibilities, he’s either in or he’s out.  So why is he still being considered for the job of king when he so clearly doesn’t want the only part of it that’s beneficial to the people of the UK?

There are those who believe that if Prince William removes himself from the line of succession, the British Monarchy wouldn’t survive, an opinion rumored to be shared by the Queen.  It’s also been suggested that William only presently endures his loathsome role out of deference to his grandmother.  Wait, so Wills has actually been on his best behavior?  I shudder to think what his worst behavior looks like but I imagine it involves plushy orgies, paintball tournaments in Buckingham Palace and Wills riding around on an armored tiger with his robe open and a butter knife raised above his head proclaiming, “I have the power.”

Whether he leaves or stays, it appears more and more likely that the end of the British monarchy will come at the hands of Mr. Kate Middleton.  Prince William’s decision to postpone his destiny by at least another year undermines the future of the British monarchy as taxpayers struggle to see the value in a prince who is more interested in leading a private life than becoming king.  Money from the Sovereign’s Grant that should be spent on upkeep of the palaces is instead being allocated to appease the petulant prince and his lazy wife to the outrage of many taxpayers.  The new helicopter that will be used to shuttle the Duke and Duchess of Doolittle to official engagements from Anmer Hall comes out of the Sovereign’s Grant despite Windsor Castle and Buckingham Palace being in urgent need of repairs.  Priceless art and artifacts are in danger of being destroyed by leaky roofs while the whims of Prince William and Kate are being catered to.  If the Firm is unable to adequately manage itself, how effectively can it serve the people of the United Kingdom?  Should the future of the monarchy really be in the hands of someone who is so disinterested in it?  Perhaps it’s better to take their chances with a King Harry who genuinely has a sense of duty rather than a man who is woefully unprepared to be first in line to the throne and take over the Duchy of Cornwall.

I just want to say a quick thanks to gingerboy24 of Royal Gossip for posting the link to my blog.  I’ve tried to join Royal Gossip in the past to thank individuals for their support, but the forum wisely wouldn’t have me as a member.  And of course, thank you to temi for always being wonderful amazing you!

redheart

 

signature copy